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Letters Of Recommendation

Have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired employee? - Here are a few suggested phrases:

For the chronically absent: "A man like him is hard to find." "It seemed her career was just taking off."

For the office drunk: "I feel his real talent is wasted here." "We generally found him loaded with work to do." "Every hour with him was a happy hour."

For an employee with no ambition: "He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in." "You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."

For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled: "I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."

For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate: "I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment." "All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."

For a stupid employee: "There is nothing you can teach a man like him." "I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."

For a dishonest employee: "Her true ability was deceiving." "He's an unbelievable worker."






THE NEWS



How much is that lady in the window? "AUGUSTA, Maine - In this town, window shopping is attracting a lot more guys than usual. A lingerie store called Spellbound is grabbing attention with live models in the window. Some people have complained, but police say there is nothing illegal about the lingerie models. "It's tainting the wholesome businesses down here," said Carrie Rossignol, co-owner of Video Game Exchange. "I think it's selfish, and I think it's morally reprehensible." Another downtown merchant likes the idea, saying the models are attracting more potential customers to the area. It's like a New York thing. It's urban. It's edgy," said Stacy Gervais, owner of Stacy's Hallmark Store and a founder of a downtown merchants group. "We need a shtick - something that we do that attracts people and gets us remembered." Spellbound owner Felicia Stockford said she has had no trouble finding staffers. She said the young women enjoy strutting their stuff in the shop window".


A real marriage of convenience: "Four Saudi women teaching in a remote village school have married their driver so they can live closer to work, Al-Watan newspaper said on Monday. The newspaper said the women from Al-Baha province in south-west Saudi Arabia were impressed with the man' "good morals" and decided to marry him and live together in the village where they teach -- avoiding a tiring daily commute. They were married in a short ceremony, and have agreed to pay the driver a share of their monthly salaries, Al-Watan said. Women are not allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia, while men can marry up to four women according to Islamic law".


Old hookers flourish in the country: "Prostitutes as old as 70 continue to work in rural Australia, pushed out of the cities due to strong competition from younger and more attractive sex workers, the author of a study said on Tuesday. Brothels are legal across most of Australia, but states have strict laws against soliciting and running brothels in residential areas, and near churches or schools. The research, by John Scott of the University of New England, examined prostitution in rural areas of New South Wales state. He found the sex industry has flourished in rural towns, with many prostitutes making regular visits. "I’ve likened some of them to travelling musicians, in that some of them might be based in metropolitan centres and they go out and travel -- they tour the bush," Scott told Reuters. He said a sex worker might pass through a country town every couple of months, but would advertise in advance and book up appointments. He said sex workers in rural areas tended to be older, and provide more companionship than city sex workers."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:48 AM

 


SOME CYNICAL THOUGHTS

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.




"My Philosophy on Success" Quotes

I don't meet competition. I crush it. - Charles Revson

I'm not the type to get ulcers. I give them. - Ed Koch

I don't want people to know what I'm actually like. It's not good for an actor - Jack Nicholson, 1993

I always figured the American public wanted a solemn ass for president, so I went along with them. -Calvin Coolidge

I don't read books, I write them. - Henry Kissinger

If people screw me, I screw back in spades. - Donald Trump

You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact. And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth. -John Lennon







THE NEWS

Incriminatory parrot: "Petra Ficker has filed for divorce after learning from the family's pet parrot that her husband was having an affair. The parrot, Hugo, had long since mastered mimicking Frank Ficker, so when Mrs Ficker heard the bird calling out the name Uta, she became suspicious. She searched her husband's belongings and found two air tickets for a weekend break in Paris for her husband and the mysterious Uta. Said Mrs Ficker: "Hugo always liked to mimic Frank ... and then one day I heard him doing Frank's voice, but saying Uta, Uta." She has since initiated divorce proceedings"




No naughty postcards in Rio: Visitors to Rio can gape at the girls from Ipanema wearing thong bikinis on the beach - or even less at carnival celebrations. But if they want a picture, they had better bring a camera. A new law is restricting the sale of postcards showing scantily clad women, a campaign aimed at reducing exploitation and sex tourism that has drawn mixed reactions in Brazil's tourist capital. The law, signed last week by Rio state Gov. Rosinha Garotinho, says postcards cannot show bikini-clad women in photo montages or outside natural beach settings. Many vendors already have pulled postcards off the racks, but few think the law will have much impact on Rio's image. Or on sales. Luiz Alberto, who runs a newsstand near Copacabana beach, said postcards of Sugar Loaf mountain and Christ the Redeemer are much bigger sellers. "These cards were mostly for gringos," he said. "This ban is just silly." Supporters of the ban say the images encourage sex tourism, a growing problem in Brazil".




True love is for 12 months only: "They say true love lasts a lifetime. But according to scientists, that intoxicating head-spinning feeling that comes when you first clap eyes on the love of your life does not last quite that long. In fact, they say the chemical in the brain which is responsible for the first flush of romance wears off after just 12 months. The researchers found the effect was the same even among couples who were still passionately in love. They studied a group of men and women aged 18 to 31, some of whom had just fallen in love, some of whom were in long-term relationships and others who were single. Among those in the first throes of passion, levels of a protein called Nerve Growth Factor - which causes those telltale palpitations, sweaty palms and butterflies - rocketed. But in couples who had been together for a year or more, the levels had fallen back to that found in singletons"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:33 AM

 


PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?







THE NEWS

For sale: mountain with own bears: "A Romanian who was given a mountain that the communist government had seized from his shepherd grandfather has put it up for sale on the internet after failing to find a buyer in the small ads of his local paper. Alexandru Anganu-Bancila, 53, received an unexpected phone call from government officials telling him he was now owned Mount Gaura, near Bran, in the Carpathian Mountains. The 2285-metre peak comes complete with several waterfalls, a dozen brown bears that have made it their home, and several hunting lodges."


"Zombie" excuse did not work: "A self-styled British witch doctor has been fined pound stg. 250 ($583) after refusing to give a blood test when suspected to be driving under the influence of alcohol. Nyararia Mukandiwa, 33, was stopped after driving erratically in the West Yorkshire town of Huddersfield last year, but refused to give officers a blood sample on the grounds that as a witch doctor it was likely to send him into a zombie-like state. He was initially cleared of drink-driving but the High Court has found him guilty of refusing to give a sample and fined and banned him from driving for 18 months".




Driven to distraction: "Almost a quarter of British motorists admit they have been so distracted by roadside billboards of semi-naked models that they have dangerously veered out of their lanes. In research published yesterday, one in five male drivers said their eyes were diverted from the road by posters of scantily clad women - such as the saucy cleavage shots of the model Eva Herzigova in her ads for Wonderbra, Reuters reports. Only one in 10 women said they were put off by the sight of a semi-dressed male model".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:51 PM

 


SOME ACTUAL MEDICAL NOTES ABOUT PATIENTS

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities








THE NEWS

Cranberies are good for you: "Cranberries, which already are known to help thwart urinary tract infections, may also prevent tooth decay and cavities, dental researchers reported in the January issue of the journal Caries Research. The same sticky compounds in the small, hard red fruit -- which is boiled into a jelly that is a staple at American winter holiday meals -- that help keep bacteria at bay in the bladder also appear to help prevent bacteria from clinging to teeth, according to the researchers. They also found it seemed to help ward off plaque, a gooey substance formed from bits of food, saliva, and acid that can harbor bacteria and eventually irritate the gums. "There's potential to find compounds there that prevent dental cavities," said Hyun Koo, an oral biologist at the University of Rochester Medical Center in New York"





Buddha scam: "Thousands of pilgrims are pouring into the dense jungle of southern Nepal to worship a 15-year-old boy who has been hailed as a new Buddha. Devotees say that Ram Bomjon, who is meditating silently beneath a tree, has not eaten or had anything to drink since he sat down at his chosen spot six months ago. Witnesses say they have seen light emanating from the teenager's forehead. 'It looks a bit like when you shine a [flashlight] through your hand,' said Tek Bahadur Lama, a member of the committee responsible for dealing with the growing number of visitors from India and elsewhere in Nepal. Photographs of Ram, available for about 10 cents from his makeshift shrine, have become ubiquitous across the region. 'Far and wide, it's the only topic of conversation,' said Upendra Lamichami, a local journalist. He said no claim had emerged of Ram breaking his fast or moving, even to relieve himself."



Hash puppies: "Pet dogs are getting "high" on discarded dope or after having marijuana smoke blown in their faces. Vets are treating a growing number of "stoned" dogs and blame irresponsible owners for exposing their pets to drugs. They say the tell-tale signs a pet has consumed drugs are dulled responses and slow movements, just like humans. "The animals are much less responsive to external stimuli and quite wobbly and difficult to rouse," Australian Veterinary Association Queensland spokesman Alan Cornick said. "Almost invariably it is dogs and we see signs either from ingestion or from people exhaling the smoke into the faces of their pets." Dr Cornick said that in most cases the pets needed medical attention and emotional support. "Most of the time they need supportive therapy, with fluid support, treatment for any shock that might develop, keeping their temperature up and keeping them going until the effects wear off," he said. "As far as I know we haven't had an animal die from taking recreational drugs yet but they can overdose in the same way as humans.""



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:37 PM

 


OH CANADA!

The police arrested Ward Branham, a 22-year-old white male resident of Lethbridge, Alberta, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Ward will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Calgary courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that, as he was passing a pumpkin patch , he decided to stop as there was no one around for miles. At least he thought there wasn't. Ward explained in an interview that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need."

"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Ward apparently failed to notice a police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Ward) and he's......just working away at this pumpkin" Taylor went on to describe what happened when SHE approached Ward. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, it appears you are screwing a pumpkin?" He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"






THE NEWS



Odd produces an odd get-together for an odd award: "Salma Hayek will host this year's Nobel Peace Prize Concert in honour of laureate Mohamed ElBaradei. ElBaradei and the International Atomic Energy Agency he leads shared the 2005 Nobel Peace Prize for their drive to curb the spread of atomic weapons by using diplomacy to resolve standoffs with Iran and North Korea over their nuclear programs. The Dec. 11 concert, held a day after the award ceremony in Oslo, will include Gladys Knight, Duran Duran and Sugababes, organizers said Tuesday. "It is fun to have such a big celebrity and wonderful actress as host," concert producer Odd Arvid Stroemstad said of Hayek, an Oscar nominee for her role in 2002's Frida".


Officer denies ban on 'sexy' bananas: "A naval commander at the centre of sexual harassment claims was yesterday forced to deny banning his female staff from eating carrots and bananas in his office because he found it "too much of a turn-on". Commander Jonathan Sadlier also denied labelling all female officers as "f..king useless" but admitted describing a senior female colleague that way.


Switzerland: Safety test burns club to ground: "A strip club owner burned his club to the ground while trying to prove it was fire-proof to health and safety inspectors. Benedict Frank, owner of the Cabaret Club in Kienberg, Switzerland, started the blaze to show how fire-proof it was when he was visited by safety inspectors. They had questioned whether his decorations were in accordance with fire safety rules, and he used his lighter to set fire to the paper ornaments in a bid to prove there was nothing to worry about. But the fire quickly took off and spread throughout the club and the neighbouring restaurant -- burning both establishments to the ground."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:28 PM

 


DEEPER THOUGHTS

From Mark Helprin on Herd Animals -- Why the Left loves the tall grass:

But animals like bears, tigers, and lions, that wander individually or in small groups, know that their survival depends upon how they fight, and their willingness to fight is so well understood that they are seldom attacked, whereas to a predator a herd in flight is a living contradiction of the maxim that there is no such thing as a free lunch.

Mankind is not a genetic set piece, divided into lone wolves and lemmings, but rather the division is a reflection of habituation to the collective—indeed, worship of it—as opposed to a habitual resistance to it. Capitulation and appeasement may sometimes be merely subcategories of a controlling impulse that produces both. When the Left bends to America's enemies it may not be a result of cowardice or betrayal, but of loyalty to the omelette so single-minded that it precludes consideration of the eggs.

posted by bussorah at 3:09 PM

 


Being Irish means...

* you will never play professional basketball

* you swear very well

* at least one of your cousins holds political office

* you think you sing very well

* you have no idea how to make a long story short

* you are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf

* there isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone

* much of your food was boiled

* you have never hit your head on the ceiling

* you spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling

* you're strangely poetic after a few beers

* you're poetic a lot

* you will be punched for no good reason...a lot

* some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations

* your sister will punch you because your brother punched her

* many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary...and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth

* someone in your family is incredibly cheap

* it is more than likely you

* you don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing

* you can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking

* "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge"

* you're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency

* there wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last kegger party

* you are, or know someone, named "Murph"

* if you don't know Murph, then you know "Mac"

* if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know "Sully"

* you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy

* you are genetically incapable of keeping a secret

* your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room

And last but not least... Being Irish means...

* your attention span is so short that---oh, forget it.

(Interesting that one can still makes jokes about the Irish but not about blacks)






THE NEWS

Germany: Professor stopped on motorway in wheelchair: "An 'absent-minded' professor was stopped by police as he tried to drive 110 miles down a German motorway in his wheelchair. Police stopped Wolfgang Hain, 67, on the A43 motorway near Herne in North Rhine Westphalia driving six mph in his electric wheelchair -- in traffic travelling at speeds above 100 mph. Hain told them he was going home to Vechta, more than 110 miles away, after visiting family nearby, and said he had already put five miles behind him. The retired astronomy professor said that when he passed his driving test almost 50 years ago any vehicle had been allowed to drive on the motorway and he had not realised this had changed. Officer Peter Feldkirch said: 'He seemed a bit absent-minded but was fully aware of who he was and where he was going. But I'm not sure if he realised that it would take him 20 hours to get home.' Hain was given a fine and escorted to the nearest B road where he was allowed to continue his journey."


No kidding: Americans acquiring taste for goat: "For many Californians, goat has become the other red meat. Curried goat and birria stew have become fixtures on the menus of local restaurants. Markets catering to Muslims and Latinos do brisk business selling fresh goat meat. Even the meat section of the upscale Whole Foods Market in Glendale now peddles the commodity. Goat meat imports to the U.S. jumped about 140% over a seven-year period ending in 2003. Now some California farmers see gold in goat. They are expanding their herds, hoping to cash in on consumers' broadening tastes. 'As goat producers, we are standing in one of the most enviable positions of any agriculture industry in the United States,' said Marvin Shurley, president of the American Meat Goat Assn. in Sonora, Texas. 'High demand for our products and livestock prices are unmatched within the history of our industry.'"




Boffins crack beer goggles: "Scientists have figured out why alcohol makes ugly people seem more attractive - otherwise known as the "beer goggles" effect. Far from being a simple matter of how much you have to drink, the researchers have devised a complex formula which takes into account the level of light in the pub or club, the drinkers' own eyesight, the smokiness of the room and the distance between two people. A phenomenon which has caught out millions of people over the years, the beer goggles effect refers to how having too much to drink can make someone you find repulsive suddenly exude all the charms and allure of a supermodel. While getting intimate with the person may seem like a good idea at the time, it's only the morning after when you realise that the Angelina Jolie superbabe you hooked up with the night before actually resembles Margaret Thatcher in the cold harsh light of day... "The beer goggles effect isn't solely dependent on how much alcohol a person consumes, there are other influencing factors at play too," said Professor Nathan Efron, Professor of Clinical Optometry at the University of Manchester. Amazingly, scientists now believe you don't even need to have had an alcoholic drink to suffer from the beer goggles effect. "The formula shows for example, that a person with poor vision who's talking to someone in a very smoky bar will be experiencing a beer goggles effect close to someone who has consumed eight pints in a smoke-free and well-lit room.":



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:11 PM

 


A CYCLOPEDIA OF FRENCH JOKES

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." - General George S. Patton.

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." - Norman Schwartzkopf.

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." - Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" - Jacques Chirac, President of France

"Well as far as France is concerned, you're right." - Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants others to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." - Regis Philbin.

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know." - P.J O'Rourke

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." - John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.

"You know why the French didn't want to get Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is so French." - Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either" - Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." - David Letterman

The only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada. - Ted Nugent.

War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II. - Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" - Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." - Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." - Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.' - Roy Blunt

"The French will only agree to go support the war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." - Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." - Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." - John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military capability.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney: The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.






THE NEWS

Farting fish: "In polite society, flatulence is often a social faux pas-especially when issued deliberately. But in the world of fish, group "raspberry-blowing" sessions appear to perform an important social role. This intriguing idea comes from scientists who discovered that herring create a mysterious underwater noise by farting. Researchers suspect herring hear the bubbles as they're expelled, helping the fish form protective shoals at night. It's the first ever study to suggest fish communicate by breaking wind. The study's findings, now published online in the U.K. science journal Biology Letters, reveal that Atlantic and Pacific herring create high-frequency sounds by releasing air from their anuses. "We know [herring] have excellent hearing but little about what they actually use it for," said research team leader Ben Wilson, a marine biologist at the Bamfield Marine Science Centre, British Columbia, Canada. "It turns out that herring make unusual farting sounds at night.""




Naughty Indian lady: "Bollywood star Khushboo has been pelted with sandals, tomatoes and rotten eggs and hauled before court for telling Indian men not to expect their brides to be virgins anymore. Khushboo, a 35-year-old star of Tamil language movies, told a magazine in September there was nothing wrong with premarital sex - as long as it was protected sex. She is now out on $100 bail, and banned from making any more public comments or giving interviews. The married mother of two is due back in court in a little more than two weeks, although it remains unclear whether or not she has broken any law. The row has also engulfed 19-year-old tennis player Sania Mirza, already under a separate Islamic fatwa for wearing skirts on court, after she stormed out of a news conference on Sunday when pressed on her reported support for what Khushboo said".





The luck of the Irish: "Fishermen from both sides of the Irish border netted an unexpected early Christmas present, hauling in bottles of cream liqueur near the English coast, a drinks company has said. The bottles of Carolans Irish Cream liqueur were part of a consignment of 8000 bottles lost last month when a container was swept overboard in a storm in the Bay of Biscay. The fishermen's nets brought up the bottles in special presentation packs that had been destined for the Christmas market in Spain - so they scored not only a tipple but also the glasses from which to drink it. The unexpected haul recalls the classic 1949 comedy film Whisky Galore!, which follows a group of Scottish islanders who raided a shipwreck for its cargo of whisky and their attempts to hide the stash from eager customs men. "The whole thing is stranger than fiction," John Chamney, export director for Ireland's C and C International drinks company, said. Carolans, the world's second-largest cream liqueur brand, is made from Irish whiskey, double cream and honey, and is named after a famous blind 17th-century Irish bard and harpist, Turlough O'Carolan".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:50 PM

 


The American and the Frenchman:

An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??" American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??" American: "Of Course." Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them intojam and sell the jam to the states."

After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France?" Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk. American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course." American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum and sell them to France."





THE NEWS

British breast hangups: "A British mother has recounted her shock at being told by police to breastfeed in a pub or restaurant after being ticked off for doing it on a public bench, newspapers reported today. Margaret Boyle-White, 34, had just finished breastfeeding her 28-day-old daughter Niamh in the main street in Watton, eastern England, when a policeman approached her saying he had received a complaint from a passer-by, The Sun and The Daily Telegraph reported. "He just said to me: 'If you want to breast feed in public, could you use a pub or a restaurant or some other place to do it,' " the first-time mum said. "I was made to feel like a criminal. I was very upset and angry about it. It was humiliating. "I just felt so embarrassed. I have never been stopped by the police before and this came as a complete shock." Boyle-White said she told the officer: "If I want to breastfeed my daughter on a public bench I think I should be entitled to do so." She is now demanding an apology over the June incident."


Relief in sight for ladies who hate the wait: "The misery women face when queueing for public lavatories could be eased under new principles proposed by the World Toilet Organisation. Guidelines issued at the weekend by the National Environment Agency in Singapore, where the organisation is based, would mean women have equal facilities to men. The code requires medium-sized restaurants, bars and nightclubs to have as many female cubicles as they have male cubicles and urinals. Larger venues, and those such as cinemas where usage is confined to peak periods, would favour women's facilities by a ratio of 14:10. "The human female tendency to go to the lavatory in pairs is a natural instinct that has evolved over millennia, and is merely reinforced by social practise", said Elisabeth-Maria Huba, a German social scientist with the organisation. "Men have it quick and easy. For a lot of women the toilet is a place they are afraid of. When there are . disgusting toilets, women go together to protect each other.""


Teens design 'anti-rape belt': "A group of Swedish teenage girls has designed a belt that requires two hands to remove and which they hope will deter would-be rapists, one of the creators told said. "It's like a reverse chastity belt," said one of the creators, 19-year-old Nadja Bjoerk, meaning that the wearer is in control, instead of being controled. The military-style buckle has a latch that the wearer has to move through a labyrinth into the correct position in order to unlock the belt. "You need two hands to open it, so the rapist can't hold you down and open it at the same time. It takes a while to figure it out if you don't know what you're doing," she said. The product was designed as part of a high school project in entrepreneurialism and the girls have already sold 300 of the belts in Sweden, priced at 150 kronor ($26)".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:21 PM

 


AIRLINE SECURITY



(Picture backed up here)





MORE CELEBRITY WISDOM

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. - Marshall McLuhan

I never know how much of what I say is true. - Bette Midler

I have nothing intelligent to say. - Meg Tilly, when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.

I am not denying anything I did not say. -Brian Mulrooney

I really didn't say everything I said. - Yogi Berra

I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people. - Keanu Reeves

My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave. -Burt Reynolds

I'm no actor, and I have sixty-four pictures to prove it. - Victor Mature

Of all the things I've ever lost I miss my mind the most. - Steven Tyler




THE NEWS

I say! Dashed Froggies, what? "Just as the French public were in danger of becoming tired of listening to their top chefs talking incessantly about food, M Bocuse has added a new spice. At 79, he says he has maintained lasting relationships with three women - his wife and two mistresses - and had many other liaisons. Asked by L'Express magazine how he had time to fit in his official culinary duties, M Bocuse, whose restaurant in Collonges-au-Mont-d'Or near Lyons in central France boasts three Michelin stars, replied: "You need to be bloody well organised.""



Biscuits aimed at the older eater: Faced with the grim reality of a declining number of sweet-toothed youngsters, one of Japan's biggest confectioners is re-tooling itself for the swelling ranks of weak-jawed oldies. As the greying of Japan's population begins in earnest because of the plunging birthrate, biscuits [cookies] and other products are being redesigned with a simple remit in mind: they should look like the original, taste like the original and the first bite should crunch like the original. But after that they must dissolve instantly so as not to strain ageing jaws. The company, Ezaki Glico, is a global leader in the cutting-edge science of "biteability". Deep among the bubbling flasks and test tubes of Glico's central research laboratory in Osaka lies the world's most sophisticated electronic gauge of a biscuit's crunchiness..."




Sexy Romans: "A bare-bottomed model advertising a cellulite treatment is a "road hazard" distracting male drivers in Rome and should be banned, according to an Italian consumer group. Plastered over the backs and sides of Rome buses, the cheeky new advertisement for beauty treatment centre DCC features a naked bottom with the slogan "Free of orange-peel (cellulite) in 40 days - 16 sessions for E640". The consumer group Codacons has warned of traffic pile-ups on the streets of Rome as men gawk at the "lovely female backside". "An image like this one poses a serious risk of distracting motorists of the male sex who, to observe that backside, inevitably remove their attention from the road," Codacons said"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:19 PM

 


THE COMPUTER OF THE FUTURE

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at the supermarket. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $20.00 ...a lot quicker than a doctor. "

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the supermarket. He deposits $20.00 , and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."Thank you for shopping here".

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to the supermarket, eager to check the results. He deposits $20.00, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer (1st floor).

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping here.





WHO SAID THAT YOU CANNOT TRAIN CATS?

There's proof here that you can.






THE NEWS

Scots still pagans: "Villagers who protested that a new housing estate would "harm the fairies" living in their midst have forced a property company to scrap its building plans and start again. Marcus Salter, head of Genesis Properties, estimates that the small colony of fairies believed to live beneath a rock in St Fillans, Perthshire, has cost him œ15,000. His first notice of the residential sensibilities of the netherworld came as his diggers moved on to a site on the outskirts of the village, which crowns the easterly shore of Loch Earn. He said: "A neighbour came over shouting, `Don't move that rock. You'll kill the fairies'." The rock protruded from the centre of a gently shelving field, edged by the steep slopes of Dundurn mountain, where in the sixth century the Celtic missionary St Fillan set up camp and attempted to convert the Picts from the pagan darkness of superstition".


Smelly internet: "Moving beyond the monopoly of sight and touch in the computer world, a Japanese company is offering a service to download aromatic scents at a click of a button. A customer who wants to be surrounded by a new fragrance has a choice of six scent oils ready to mix in a blender, which is hooked up to the computer like a mouse. Workers who look to burn the midnight oil can pay to smell the fragrance called "Scent for working another 12 hours" and those with time ahead of them on the screen can choose "Scent to be an IT winner." "There are already services you can read and hear such as e-mail, blogs, the Internet, music and ring tones, along with virtual services such as downloading pictures," said Shunichi Hamada, deputy manager of NTT Communications' sales promotion department. "But we decided to go beyond those services. This is one that brings out emotions," he said".


Sentenced to night in the wild: "An animal rescuer who abandoned 35 kittens in two parks has been sentenced to a night in the woods without food or shelter. Painesville Municipal Court Judge Michael Cicconetti sentenced Michelle Murray to spend the cold night alone as part of her 15-day sentence in Ohio next week. "How would you like to be dumped off at a metropark late at night, spend the night listening to the coyotes coming upon you, listening to the raccoons around you in the dark night, and sit out there in the cold not knowing where you're going to get your next meal, not knowing when you are going to be rescued?" the Judge asked. "That's what you're going to do." Murray, 25, pleaded guilty last month to abandoning domestic animals. The kittens were recovered, many with upper respiratory infections, but nine later died".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:14 PM

 



EVEN THE HELMETS LOOK THE SAME



(Picture backed up here)




Southern Drawl Words Translated

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang, or y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage "Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow. "Usage "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) -- a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage "Just set that bare rat cheer."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage "He's did, Jim."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."

SEED - (verb) -- past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."






THE NEWS


Man saves dog: "A drama involving a raging river, an unconscious dog and an owner who performed the kiss of life has astounded vets and the RSPCA. The near-dead dog was saved by devoted owner Robin Hughes, who locked lips with his pet to give it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. But Mr Hughes, who put his own life at risk by jumping into a surging river to pull Dollar from the water, says he is no hero. "I'm sure lots of other people would do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to save the dog they love," said the 35-year-old from Adelaide. "When I saw Dollar fall into the river I just thought, 'I can't let him die like this in front of the children'. It wasn't 'til afterwards I realised things could have gone badly wrong and we could have both drowned.""


What will they ban next? "Fans of organic raw milk are going to extremes to get their fix. Months after the state's only raw organic dairy was shut down, black-market buyer groups have emerged, drophouses are cropping up, and FedEx is making special deliveries to the Valley from California. ... State dairy regulators, also concerned about the health risks, enforce strict rules on raw-milk producers and sellers and are cracking down on illegal practices. Still, consumer demand is brisk. Nationally and in Arizona, people are breaking the law to get their hands on raw organic milk, claiming it is superior in health and taste to the pasteurized, homogenized milk found on the supermarket shelf. They swear it tastes like melted vanilla ice cream. 'It's like heroin right now,' said Tony Spaltro, a night manager at Gentle Strength Co-Op in Tempe, one of the few places Arizona consumers can purchase raw milk."


Stanford study: Playing music good for your brain: "Stanford University research has found for the first time that musical training improves how the brain processes the spoken word, a finding that researchers say could lead to improving the reading ability of children who have dyslexia and other reading problems. The study, made public Wednesday, is the first to show that musical experience can help the brain improve its ability to distinguish between rapidly changing sounds that are key to understanding and using language. The research also eventually could provide the 'why' behind other studies that have found that playing a musical instrument has cognitive benefits. 'What this study shows, that's novel, is that there's a specific aspect of language ... that's changed in the minds and brains of people with musical training,' said researcher John Gabrieli, a former Stanford psychology professor now at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge."





(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:12 PM

 


Kiddy wisdom on Love

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." - Glenn, age 7

"Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -John, age 9

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." - Manuel, age 8

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." - Mae, age 9

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." - Greg, age 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." - Tom, age 5

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." - Mike, age 10

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." - Jill, age 6

"One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." - Andrew, age 6

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find a man who is kinda tall and kinda handsome." - Carolyn, age 8

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."- Kenny, age 7

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." - Ava, age 8

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced'." - Anita, age 9

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." - Regina, age 10

"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." - Angie, age 10

"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness together." - Marion, age 10

"Being single is better... for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." - Kirsten, age 10

"Love is foolish... but I still might try it sometime." - Floyd, age 9

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." - Dave, age 8







THE NEWS

New aphrodisiac: "A new inhaler-delivered love drug for women and men is threatening to better Viagra, putting anyone with sexual dysfunction in the mood, US media reported today. Sex experts said the drug, known as PT-141 and which is in final trials before US Food and Drug Administration review, will be the boon to women with desire woes that Viagra has been for millions of impotent men... PT-141 is a copy of the hormone that stimulates the melanocyte-receptors in the brain that play a role in sexual arousal. Unlike Viagra, which gets the blood flowing in men, PT-141 goes straight to work on the mind, in both sexes. "It affects the central nervous system," said Ms Berman. "It affects desire." In lab trials, female rats exposed to PT-141 immediately began seeking out male rats for sex. New York magazine reported that women who took part in trials within minutes felt a "tingling and a throbbing" along with "a strong desire to have sex". Men told the magazine a snort made them feel "younger and more energetic" as well as eager for sex. "You get this humming feeling," one man told the magazine. "You're ready to take your pants off and go."


Germany: Wal-Mart fails to ban office romance: "Wal-Mart has lost a court appeal to try to legally ban its employees in Germany from having office romances. The regional industrial tribunal in Dusseldorf upheld an earlier verdict by the local Wuppertal industrial tribunal that the company's 'ethics rules' were in breach of German law. Wal-mart tried to introduce a 28-page ethical code that forbids 'lustful glances and ambiguous jokes' as well as 'sexually meaningful communication of any type.' And it said: 'You may not go out with or have a relationship with someone who could influence your employment situation or whose employment situation you could influence.' Wal-Mart also required its 10,500 German employees to report violations of the code, including alcohol and drug use, to a telephone hotline -- a move also banned by the courts."


New Zealand: Peeking in on the urinals: "A five-star hotel in Queenstown, New Zealand, has strategically placed life-sized photos of beautiful local models over its urinals, according to WorldNetDaily. The mural at the Hotel Sofitel shows the models wrinkling their noses, frowning in disgust or even gaping with glee as they scope out the men standing beneath them. Some of the cute voyeurs sport cameras, binoculars or tape measures -- and one is definitely shown laughing at the unfortunate man at her urinal. 'I think they're kind of taking a risk by putting that up,' one men's room user said to New Zealand's One News. 'Certainly it wasn't our intention to offend anybody,' hotel manager Mark Wilkinson told WorldNetDaily."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:41 PM

 


SOME PROPOSED NEW RULES

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.





THE NEWS

Switzerland: Driver demonstrates proper camera procedures : "A Swiss driver flashed by a speed camera attacked it with a pick axe, ran it over with his car and threw it off a cliff. The motorist used the pick axe to smash the camera free from its mountings, then drove what was left up a mountain to throw it off a cliff. He was doing nearly 50mph in a 30mph zone through the Swiss village of La Punt Chamues-ch in the Alps when he was flashed by the camera. The film and camera were destroyed, but he was spotted by police as he threw the device off the cliff and arrested. He faces a fine of up to £13,000 for destruction of public property."


A new pink ghetto: "A Tampa Bay-area senator wants Floridians to think pink before they have a drink. Sen. Mike Fasano, R-New Port Richey, has filed a bill that would require "bright pink" license plates on vehicles driven by people with restricted driving privileges resulting from a conviction for driving under the influence. "Maybe it will embarrass people and keep them from drinking and driving," Fasano said. "Maybe they'll think twice." Filed Nov. 1, Senate Bill 538 calls for the first three characters on the pink license plate to read "DUI." The bill also says police "may stop any vehicle that bears a DUI plate without probable cause to check the driver."


A tax on views? "New Hampshire property owners are outraged at government efforts to tax them for their views of neighboring land. Tom Thompson, a New Hampshire tree farmer, represents the opinions of many protestors. "I object on principal,” he told the News Telegraph, a British Web site, "to paying a property tax for a view of something I don’t own and can’t control.” The dreaded "view tax” is not unheard of elsewhere, but is having drastic effects on New Hampshire landowners because the state has no sales or income tax. The resulting emphasis on property taxes makes increased property valuation particularly onerous for landowners."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:50 PM

 


Psychological Test

Read this question, come up with an answer, and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right - including me:

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing, She believed him to be her dream and she fell in love with him right there but did not ask for his number and no matter how hard she tried she could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? Give this some thought before you answer.




(Scroll Down)




Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly - good for you.




Select 'Beauty' Quotes:

Beauty is but skin deep, ugly lies the bone; Beauty dies and fades away, but ugly holds its own. - Anonymous

"Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people." - Richard Armour

"There are no ugly women; there are only women who do not know how to look pretty." - Antoine P. Berryer

"Looks are so deceptive that people should be done up like food packages with the ingredients clearly labeled." - Helen Hudson

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?" - Jean Kerr

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr

"The reason the all-American boy prefers beauty over brains is that the all-American boy can see better than he can think." - Farrah Fawcett Majors






THE NEWS

Oral sex is bad for you: (Feels good, though) "Certain cases of mouth cancer appear to be caused by a virus that can be contracted during oral sex, a Swedish study shows. People who contract a high-risk variety of the human papilloma virus, HPV, during oral sex are more likely to develop mouth cancer, according to a study conducted at the Malmoe University Faculty of Odontology in southern Sweden. "You should avoid having oral sex," dentist and researcher Kerstin Rosenquist, who headed the study, told Swedish news agency TT. HPV is a wart virus that causes many cervical cancers".


Keen football fan -- now minus cojones: "A rugby fan who cut out his testicles with wire cutters to mark a Wales victory is at a loss to explain why he did it. Geoffrey Huish, 31, performed the impromptu self-surgery in February when his beloved Wales beat world champions England. After performing the deed, Mr Huish put his severed anatomy in a bag and took them to his local social club to show fellow fans. He collapsed with blood loss and was rushed to hospital but surgeons could not reattach his missing parts. He was put in a psychiatric ward but has no history of mental illness and was at a loss to explain why he did it. "I'd told my pal Gethin Probert before the game that Wales didn't stand a chance," Mr Huish told The Sun. "It wasn't a bet but I said I'd cut my b*lls off if we won".


Polygamy leads to riots?: "Senior French conservative politicians said today polygamy may have been a factor behind the unprecedented wave of riots that swept the country over the past three weeks. Bernard Accoyer, leader of the Union for a Popular Majority (UMP) in the National Assembly Lower House of Parliament, said many rioters were Muslim youths from polygamous families who had problems integrating into mainstream society. ... "There is clearly a problem with the integration of immigrants and, more importantly, their children," Mr Accoyer said. "In order for us to be able to integrate them, there must not be more of them than our capacity to integrate them. "That's the issue. It's like polygamy ... it's certainly one of the causes (of the riots), though not the only one." He said polygamy led to "an inability to provide an education as it is needed in an organised, normative society like in Europe and notably France".... The Government did not immediately provide any figures for the number of polygamous families in France. Unofficial estimates cited by media put the figure at up to 15,000 families some years ago - or probably up to 150,000 people. In some North African Muslim countries the practice is legal, while polygamy is not recognised in law in France. The Financial Times quoted Employment Minister Gerard Larcher as saying polygamous families sometimes led to anti-social behaviour by youths who lacked a father figure and made employers reluctant to hire them."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:57 PM

 


Quotes about Hollywood:

"You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart." - Fred Allen

"Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom." - Candice Bergen

"Hollywood is a place where a man can get stabbed in the back while climbing a ladder." - William Faulkner

"Hollywood, to hear some writers tell it, is the place where they take an author's steak tartare and make cheeseburger out of it.. Upon seeing the film, they say, the author promptly cuts his throat, bleeding to death in a pool of money." - Fletcher Knebel

"Hollywood is a place where the stars twinkle until they wrinkle." - Victor Mature

"A trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat." - Wilson Mizner

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you $50,000 for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul." - Marilyn Monroe





Don't sleep with a pharmacist

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked," Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription".






THE NEWS

Bones fix hearts? "Heart attack victims recover much more quickly if they are injected with stem cells taken from their own bone marrow. A study of more than 200 patients in Europe found those receiving stem cells had almost twice the improvement in their heart's pumping ability as patients given a placebo. Researchers from Goethe University in Germany said the new treatment not only limited damage to the heart but also regenerated heart cells. "The medications and interventional therapies available so far are intended only to limit further damage to the heart," said Andreas Zeiher, a professor at the university and senior author of the study. "In contrast, progenitor cell therapy has the potential not only to limit damage but to regenerate heart function.""


Georgia: Woman arrested after marrying teen: "A Gainesville woman has been charged with child molestation after being accused of having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old boy. Members of the boy's family said 37-year-old Lynnette Clark is pregnant with the boy's child and that they were married Tuesday in Dawson County. Judy Hayles, the boy's grandmother, said she received a notice of the marriage from Dawson County because she is the boy's guardian. Clark was arrested Wednesday and brought to the Hall County Detention Center. Hayles said the relationship had been going on for nearly two years. She said her grandson and Clark's teenage son had been close friends and that he spent many weekends at Clark's home. Now Hayles said she is working to end the marriage. 'This marriage is going to be terminated,' she said. Georgia law provides an exemption to age requirements for marriage when the female applicant is pregnant."


Wimpy train driver calls police over toy "A train driver caused delays on a German rail line after mistaking a giant toy penguin for a dead man in a tuxedo. Passengers were left stranded in Neuwied after Udo Vergens pulled the emergency stop when he saw what he thought was a man lying face down and wearing a black and white tuxedo. Officials who came to investigate found only a man-size soft toy penguin lying on the tracks. A Neuwied police spokesman said: 'We are at a loss to explain the presence of this very large penguin. We would think you would notice if you lost something like this.'"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:51 PM

 
DEEPER THOUGHTS

Why read long-dead white males Plato, Aristotle, Machiavelli, Hobbes, Descartes, Locke, Burke, Rousseau, Kant and Nietzsche? Why read the "great books"?

Preeminent living political philosopher Harvey C. Mansfield, Jr.:

It's to get beyond the newspapers and magazines. Most people read newspapers or watch TV, and if they want to get profound, they read magazines. But the people who write magazines have read these books, so if you really want to get back to the sources of things, you have to read the--the books of philosophy, which is where the ideas that get spread into the world first originate. And where they first originate is where they're most deeply and most sharply, often, stated.

So, it's to get back to the first source of things, and the reason for doing that is so that you don't depend on other people. It's a kind of root to being independent or even free. A free person in the highest sense of free is someone who doesn't live off another person's word or doesn't live by the authority of his society and our society, the authority of public opinion. And--and the way to achieve this independence is by reading, especially, the great books, the classic books.

-- C-SPAN interview, 2000, upon publication of his magnificent Tocqueville translation.

One could argue with Mansfield, however, that a person living free from all authority of his, and of any, society is essentially tantamount to nihilism. Mansfield ultimately thinks philosophy means being able to question everything. That's deeply problematic, to say the least.
posted by bussorah at 12:51 PM

 


Thoughts for the day...

1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

6. A penny saved is a government oversight.

7. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

10. He who hesitates is probably right.

11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.






THE NEWS

Snooty Brits picky about vacations: "Cheaper long-haul flights and decreasing travel times have left traditional exotic destinations such as India, Thailand and Australia regarded as “Chav” [working class] favourites, according to a study. Research published at the World Travel Market trade fair in London suggests that the better off are prepared to pay and spend time reaching countries such as Laos, Argentina and Vietnam to avoid the “chavellers”. “The prospect of going somewhere the chavs favour is too awful to contemplate for the middle classes,” said Julian Rolfe of Vegas, the youth division of market research company Synovate, which undertook the research. “For the middle classes going somewhere like Chile, Libya or Mozambique has real bragging appeal and sets them apart from the crowd.”"


Could France learn from Thailand? "About 20,000 residents will be trained and armed in the three southernmost provinces enabling them to defend their villages and spy on the movements of insurgents in the restive region, commander General Ruangroj Mahasaranond said yesterday. The project, under the supervision of the Supreme Command, will begin in December and is a combination of security training and job creation for residents who will be trained to develop weapons and spying skills, the commander said. The Southern Border Provinces Peace Building Command will recruit qualified males and females for the project and put them on the government’s payroll, he said. Thousands of residents in the deep South have been trained and armed as defence volunteers to protect their property. The government has issued weapons to them but many are not strong enough to provide sufficient security to their communities. Militants have stolen hundreds of these weapons in several attacks in recent months. Ruangroj said general defence volunteers had received inadequate training but the new project would offer better instruction and would include ongoing training after the course. The project is one of the government’s efforts to contain violence, which erupted in the South and has killed more than 1,000 people since the beginning of last year"


Death by dinner plate: "A Victorian man bled to death after accidentally cutting his throat with a broken dinner plate, ambulance paramedics say. The bizarre accident occurred about 6.10pm (AEDT) yesterday, when the 57-year-old Point Lonsdale man finished dinner and was taking the leftovers outside to give to his dog, the Geelong Advertiser reported. The man fell while carrying food on a bowl or plate, said Rural Ambulance spokesperson Jessica Li. "The bowl shattered and somehow cut him across the neck," Ms Li said. "It's horrible. What are the chances the plate is going to break and you are going to fall on it that way?" The man was unconscious when paramedics arrived, and they were unable to revive him, said Ms Li. She said he bled to death".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:48 PM

 


Chinglish: A list of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong:

1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

3. Gun wounds again?

4. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

5. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

6. Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!

7. Take my advice or I'll spank you without pants.

8. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

9. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

10. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.

11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

12. You daring lousy guy.

13. Beat him out of recognizable shape!

15. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!

16. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

17. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

18. How can you use my intestines as a gift?

19. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.

20. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynaecologist for a thorough extermination.

21. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.







THE NEWS

Safe cigarette? "British American Tobacco (BAT) is to launch a controversial “safer cigarette” designed to cut the risk of smoking-related diseases such as cancer and heart failure by up to 90%. The cigarettes use tobacco treated to produce lower levels of cancer-causing chemicals. They also incorporate a new type of filter said to remove more of the remaining toxins. The company wants to launch the cigarettes in 2006 but has kept the move secret, knowing it would infuriate anti-smoking groups. Campaigners will dismiss any attempt to reinvent cigarettes as a less harmful product as a cynical ploy to recruit more smokers when the habit is already killing 114,000 Britons a year and the government is proposing curbs on smoking in public places".

Keeping warm DOES help beat a cold: "Mothers and grandmothers the world over can feel vindicated today after their advice to “wrap up warm or you’ll catch a cold” was backed by scientific research. For years the theory that chilling the surface of the body, through wet clothes, feet and hair, can lead to illness has been dismissed as an old wives’ tale with no scientific basis. Now researchers from the Common Cold Centre at Cardiff University appear to have shown that being chilly really can cause a cold to develop. Ron Eccles and Claire Johnson recruited 180 volunteers to take part in their five-day study during the city’s common cold season. Half of the participants immersed their feet in bowls of ice-cold water for 20 minutes. The others sat with their feet in empty bowls. Over the next few days, almost a third of the chilled volunteers developed cold symptoms, compared with fewer than one in ten in the control group".

The British Foreign Legion: "The Army has stopped actively recruiting Commonwealth and foreign soldiers because the numbers joining up have risen by nearly 3,000 per cent in seven years. Imposing a cap on the number of Commonwealth and foreign soldiers allowed to serve in each infantry regiment has been discussed by army chiefs. “It is after all supposed to be the British Army, not the Commonwealth Army,” one defence source said. However, in recent years, many regiments would not have survived without the influx of recruits from the Commonwealth, particularly from Fiji, Jamaica, South Africa and Ghana, because of drastic manpower shortages. Soldiers from overseas now account for 6 per cent of the Army’s strength, rising to 9 per cent if the 3,000 Gurkhas recruited from Nepal are taken into account."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:46 PM

 


THAT PESKY CHICKEN AGAIN

QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by cooperatively rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.

Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.

Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best Total Quality Management (TQM) chickens along with Andersen consultants with penetrative skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.

The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful and continues to progress the management of its transition across the road.

PAT ROBERTSON: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it. The "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that them lily-livered liberals whitewash with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes! The chicken crossed the road,

but why it crossed, I've not been told!

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.... What chicken? What is a chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

BOB MARLEY: To lay it on d' line, brother.

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please? I did not, and I repeat, I did NOT have sexual relations with that chicken.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chequebook. And Internet Explorer is an integral part of Chicken Office 2005.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

FREUD : The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals you are subconsciously sexually conflicted. Please make an appointment.

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.

OBI WAN KANOBI : To be as one with The Force.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?









THE NEWS

British oldsters don't want to go to heaven yet: "Elderly buyers have snubbed new luxury retirement flats because they don't want to live at Purley Gate. Bungling developers didn't realise that OAPs would be put off by the "insensitive" name. The flats have been up for sale for eight months but NONE of the 13 has been sold. Now desperate building bosses are thinking about changing the name. Estate agent Natalie Hughes admitted: "We've had plenty of viewings but the name is a bit unfortunate." Local resident Phil Reed said: "I can see the funny side of it and unfortunately most of the residents in Purley are approaching the time to go towards the Pearly Gates of Heaven." The flats, full name West Purley Gate, are on the market for up to £320,000. The complex has been built by a consortium of private partners. They were yesterday unavailable for comment."


Youthful fantasies in aging bodies: "They may be upwards of 55, but baby boomers have the same mindset and lifestyle as people in their 20s, a new survey has found. Plans to travel the world, the desire to do something they've never done before and the belief their age allows them to do what they want and when were found in similar proportions among the two age groups. A Newspoll conducted for insurance company GIO showed one in three 55- to 64-year-olds said they would be travelling the world in five years, and they'd be sharing the tour bus with a quarter of 20- to 29-year-olds. Half the respondents in both age groups said they would be spending their hard-earned savings. Social researcher Neer Korn from Heartbeat Trends said people in their 20s and 50s shared similar freedoms, while those in between faced pressures of mortgages and families. Both were cashed up and looking for new experiences, rather than being bogged down worrying about the future".


Chinese build better bra: (I don't know why. Most Chinese women don't seem to need one). "The Chinese are serious about building a better bra. There's now a degree in bra studies at Hong Kong's Polytechnic University. And China's biggest lingerie manufacturer, Top Form, has a bra lab at its factory. The company makes more than 60 million bras a year for well-known labels like Victoria's Secret, Playtex and Maidenform. The Wall Street Journal reports Top Form has been experimenting with various types of padding to give the bust a boost. They've tried air, but like tires it was prone to flats. Oil-filled pads were too expensive and heavy. Now, the company is trying a filling made from a thin type of fiberfill, the stuffing used ski parkas".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:04 PM

 


Brilliant Lines

1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4) Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

5) I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

6) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

7) What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

8) I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9) I'm already visualizing the masking tape over your mouth.

10)Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

11) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

12) It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

13) Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

14) No, my powers can only be used for good.

15) How about never? Is never good for you?

16) I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

17) You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

18) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

19) I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

20) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

21) Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22) My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

23) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

24) At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

25) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

26) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

27) Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

28)I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

29)Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

30)My reality check bounced.

31)On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.







THE NEWS

Serbs line up for testicle shocks: "Men in Serbia are lining up to have electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new contraceptive treatment. Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility. He said: 'We attach electrodes to either side of the testicles and send low electricity currents flowing through them. This stuns the sperm, effectively putting them to sleep for up to 10 days, which means couples can have sex without fear of getting pregnant.' ... Dr Bojovic added patients were now lining up at his fertility clinic in Novi Banovci for the shock treatment, as it had none of the problems attached to using condoms, the male pill or having a vasectomy. He added: 'We are hoping to have a small battery powered version on sale in the shops in time for Xmas.'"



Sounds like a good idea: "They regard themselves as a new civil rights movement campaigning for a child's right to see both parents and grandparents, launching high-profile stunts to draw attention to their cause. Now the pressure group Fathers4Justice has been accused of mounting a sinister plot to black out British television screens. The allegations, made the by the ITV programme Tonight, suggest that the group was set to abandon its high profile campaign of non-violent direct action. The team of reporters working undercover for the programme secretly filmed members of the organisation discussing ways of disrupting broadcast signals to the UK's major channels. The alleged action follows earlier stunts by the group including throwing purple flour at Tony Blair in the House of Commons and handcuffing a minister to one of their members. They have also climbed on ledges of Buckingham Palace and clambered up York Minster, Tower Bridge and the London Eye to capture headlines while dressed as fictional superheroes."


Strange British rules: "A historic change to the way criminal cases are assessed before they come to court is to be introduced in an attempt to increase the number of successful prosecutions in England and Wales. Ken Macdonald, the director of public prosecutions, said the change, which will be tested in a pilot scheme, would allow prosecutors to interview victims of crimes and other witnesses before trial, scrapping a 200-year-old rule. ... The move is one of a series of measures drawing on prosecution practice in the US and Canada, which the DPP hopes will see more rapists brought to justice. He also wants to put expert evidence about rape victims' behaviour before juries to help dispel myths and stereotypes. Mr Macdonald, who has just come back from a visit to Montreal, said prosecutors there were 'staggered' to learn that their counterparts in England and Wales could not speak to witnesses before a trial."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:22 PM

 


Actual SAT Test Answers collected in Arkansas

The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.







THE NEWS

Burglar kidnaps parrot: "A burglar abducted a parrot -- fearing it would reveal his identity to police. Monty, an African Grey parrot, was the only witness as David Carlile, 32, stole antiques, jewellery and cash from an isolated country house. When he was arrested and asked why he took the bird Carlile said: 'Parrots can talk and I didn't want it grassing me up.' According to The Sun a police spokesman said: 'We were in stitches. This guy really thought we could interview the parrot.'"


Rogue asteroids only need a nudge: "No need to send Bruce Willis into space with a nuclear bomb and a drill: the best way to deal with an asteroid hurtling towards Earth is gently. Two NASA astronauts, obviously unimpressed with the plot of the 1998 film Armageddon, say it would be better to tow the asteroid out of the way using nature's weakest force, gravity.... Blowing them to bits might work but it would be difficult to predict what would happen to the bits. Some might continue on a trajectory towards Earth. So Dr Lu and Dr Love suggest an alternative. A large craft hovering in space above the surface of the asteroid would exert on it a tiny force, because of gravity. All bodies attract one another, but it is an effect usually only significant with bodies of planetary dimensions. In this case, all that is needed is to achieve a tiny deviation of the asteroid's path to make sure it misses Earth. Even the puny gravitational pull of a spacecraft would do the trick, if maintained for long enough".


GM dying: "Shares of General Motors Corp spiraled to a 23-year low overnight as fears about its financial woes and a possible strike at GM's main parts supplier rose to new heights. A day after giant automaker said it would restate some annual results, Banc of America Securities analyst Ron Tadross warned of an increased risk of bankruptcy and cut his target price on GM to $US16 from $US18. Citing "increasing evidence that hidden liabilities exceed hidden assets" at GM, Tadross also told clients that he was raising his view of its risk of bankruptcy over the next two years to 40 per cent from 30 per cent....The stock has fallen more than 45 per cent this year and its decline could ratchet up pressure on Chairman and Chief Executive Rick Wagoner to launch a more aggressive revival plan for the automaker... The Detroit-based Old Economy icon has lost nearly $US4 billion this year as it grapples with high health-care and commodities costs, a steady erosion of US market share and sputtering sales of big sport utility vehicles, its longtime cash cows, due to high gasoline prices."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:18 PM

 


Strip club flub: Law left teens wiggle room

Albuquerque-The district attorney's office in this city was recently faced with a challenging question: Is a typical, testosterone charged 18-year-old capable of making a rational decision when a naked stripper named Orchard starts thrashing around on his lap in an exotic dance club? The legal opinion of the DA's office: No.

So the case against Craig Everett and 18-year-old buddy Malik Wakji - who combined piled up a mind-boggling bill of $2,460 in lap dances at the Fantasy World nightclub in one very long evening and then couldn't pay - has been dismissed by Albuquerque prosecutors. "We did not find any criminal intent on the part of the two young men," said Betty Hanes, a paralegal in the DA's office who was involved in the decision to drop the charges. "But that was a lot of lap dances."

On Aug. 30, Everett drove from his home outside Roswell to Albuquerque, where he met up with Wakji and headed to Fantasy World. The two teens kicked off the night by sitting near the stage as the dancers "danced." Then Everett and Wakji were invited by dancers Orchard and Carmela to adjourn to the VIP Room for private lap dances. By the time the strip club closed at 2 a.m., Everett and Wakji had, according to the club manager, been the recipients of 82 lap dances - 41 each. At about three minutes per dance, this is roughly one hour and 23 minutes of having a naked person sitting on you. A thing like that isn't cheap. Each dance is marked by a song, club manager Jonnie McArthur told police. When the song ends, the $30 dance is over.

When McArthur gave Everett and Wakji the $2,460 bill, their eyes grew even wider than they'd been all evening. Wakji had $50 in his pocket and a credit card with a $500 limit. Everett had, according to police, no cash or credit cards. Just a surprised look on his face.

From the Albuquerque police report: "Craig stated that he did not know that a new dance started with the start of a new song. He stated he thought the dance was just one continuous dance, and he also stated that this was his first time going to an exotic dance club."

Albuquerque Municipal Court spokeswoman Janet Blair, whose office initially handled the complaint, said police indicated both teenagers were "real hayseeds visiting the big city."

(From here)






OTHER NEWS


Utah: Layton outlaws 'dumpster diving': "As a move against identity theft, the City Council has outlawed 'Dumpster diving.' The council unanimously approved the ordinance during its Thursday meeting based on the recommendation of the city's legal counsel. City Attorney Gary Crane said the ordinance, which prohibits people from scavenging through other people's garbage, is similar to an ordinance adopted in Orem. It does not apply to police, trash collectors and or the owners, who may have to go through the garbage if they mistakenly throw something away."


Drug makes dummies smarter than normal: (But only in certain mice) "Scientists report that in mice, they have used a popular cholesterol drug to reverse attention deficits linked to the leading genetic cause of learning disabilities and mental retardation...The researchers bred mice bred to develop the disease, called neurofibromatosis 1 (NF1), which affects an estimated one in 3,000 people. The results proved so hopeful, they said, that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved the use of the drugs in three clinical trials currently under review to test their effect in people with NF1. If scientists understand this learning disability, they may be able to use the information to tackle a wide range of learning and memory problems, the researchers said.... A popular class of drugs called Statins, which lower levels of artery-clogging cholesterol in the blood, work by blocking the effects of certain fats. Because Ras requires fat to function, less fat results in less Ras, allowing normal learning to take place, Silva said.... Silva’s lab tested the effects of statins on mice bred with the NF1 mutation. They displayed the same symptoms as people with NF1: attention deficits, learning problems and poor coordination. The NF1 mice on statins showed a 30 percent improvement in their ability to pay attention, outperforming normal mice, the researchers said. The treated mice also beat normal mice on a maze test."


Kiwis come home: (And die of boredom) "The New Zealand government has launched a campaign to tempt expats living in Britain back home. It comes in response to the country's low unemployment rate and a shortage of skilled workers. Around half a million "Kiwis" live overseas, of whom around 54,000 are thought to be in the UK. The campaign was launched by New Zealand's Immigration Minister David Cunliffe and is initially focused on expats in the UK... Mr Cunliffe said: "New Zealanders have always travelled and we know that three-quarters of our overseas population are either intending to come home at some time or will consider the option of coming home. "They have the skills our employers are crying out for and with unemployment at just 3.7 per cent, this is a great time to begin talking to them about living here.""


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:32 PM

 


A BIG COLLECTION OF USELESS INFORMATION:

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks. Otherwise it would digest itself.

"101 Dalmations" and "Peter Pan" are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents that are present and don't die during the movie.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed on a keyboard with only the left hand.

To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.

Reindeer like to eat bananas.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.

The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."

Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time. It corresponds to 1/100 of a second.

Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. First the frog throws up its stomach so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents. Then the frog swallows its stomach back down again.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula".

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life".

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

Almonds are members of the peach family.

The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.

The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.

Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.

"Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."

There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.

The longest place-name still in use is: Traumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronu kupokaiwenakitn atahu, a New Zealand hill.

Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, 'L.A."

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": The, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8 miles away.

The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.

To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning "containing arsenic."

Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.

The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."

Apples are are more efficient than caffeine at waking you up in the morning.

A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.

People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.

When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ... even your heart!

Only 7% of the population are lefties.

40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.

The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.

The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

The average housefly lives for one month.

40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

About 20% of all adults in the US have had a cockroach that crawled into their inner ear canal. (They enter while you sleep!)

The reason ostriches stick their heads in the sand is to search for water.

The only animals that can see behind them without turning their heads are the rabbit and parrot.

John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie".

Among the music catalogs that Michael Jackson owns the rights to is the "South Carolina State Anthem".

If all the veins in your body were laid end-to-end, you'd be dead.

In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.

The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.

Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. (They are reused in vein transplant surgery)

Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. (They were seventh cousins)

If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.







THE NEWS

A Scottish Iron Lady: "The smack of firm leadership was heard for the first time in weeks in the ranks of the Scottish Tories yesterday when the party’s new leader read the Riot Act to squabbling MSPs and told them: “Unite or face political oblivion”. Annabel Goldie, who delights in her image as a 55-year-old matron, was formally elected unopposed yesterday to the most unenviable job in Scottish politics and at her first press conference as Tory leader north of the border warned her 17-strong group of MSPs that any indiscipline would merit a “handbagging”. “You can take it that matron’s handbag will be hyperactive,” she told journalists asking how she would approach her first parliamentary group meeting as leader last night. “I am not prepared to tolerate the nastiness and nonsense that has gone on..."


Tits are not speech (Yet many men find them very persuasive!) "A federal judge denied on Friday a request from a group of Mendocino women who wanted to protest topless on the grounds of the state Capitol. U.S. District Judge Garland Burrell said the group made no compelling argument that showing their breasts constitutes free speech. "Being topless is not inherently expressive" speech, Burrell said. The group, Breasts Not Bombs, had scheduled a protest for noon Monday. The California Highway Patrol threatened to arrest anyone who went topless. "


Whores more honorable? "I've always been attracted to the hookers' movement, and I admire the advances of activism. But I have noticed that, though we're behind politically, prostitutes in America who are accustomed to working illegally are often more trustworthy people than prostitutes who have worked under a legalized system. The value system is an outlaw value system. I think outlaws are more trustworthy people. They're forced to think about what they think is right and wrong. You are forced to think about the ethics of your behavior in terms of loyalty. It's a very tribal mentality: us against the world. In the respectable world, it's about what you can get away with legally."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:27 PM

 



AH! THIS IS ISLAND LIFE!

A Group of People from The European Econonic Union, set out on a Convention, on a Chartered Luxury Cruiser, through the Pacific. A Wild Storm blew up, the Cruiser started to Sink, & everyone abandoned ship. By a Quirk of Fate, the Only Survivors are Two Men & One Woman from Each of the E.C.U. Countries. They Stagger ashore on a beautiful Deserted Island. Three Months pass, by which time...

* One Italian Man has Killed the Other Italian Man in a fight over the Italian Woman.
* The Two Frenchmen & the French Woman are enjoying a Threesome, but complain Bitterly about the Multitude of Foreigners on Their Island.
* The Two Englishmen are waiting patiently for someone to Introduce them to the English Woman.
* The German Men have a Strict, Weekly, Alternating Sex Schedule. The Woman gets Week-ends Off.
* The Belgian Men have realised that the Belgian Woman IS, In Fact, a 12 year old Boy & are quite Ashamed of the whole thing.
* The Dutch Men are fully prepared , in general, to Share the Woman. However, they are Still Debating how to Ensure that Both will have an Exactly Equal Share, how to reduce Supervision & how to the Woman Equal Rights. They are Writing to The Hague.
* The Luxemburg men are Still recovering from the Shock of Seeing Half the Population of Luxembourg Stranded on the Island.But, They will soon start Collecting Sea - Shells on the Beach.
* The Finnish Men took One Look at the Endless Ocean, One Look at the Finnish Woman, & Started Swimming.
* They were Soon Overtaken by the Portugese Men.
The Danish Trio embarked on a Search for People to join them in an Orgy. They Gladly accepted the participation of the Finnish Woman, & are Still vainly trying to persuade the Portugese Woman.
* The Austrian Men had a Yodelling Contest for the Woman. The Loser immediately started learning Flamenco, as well as Portugese, Finnish & Danish.
* The Greek men are Sleeping with Each Other & the Greek Woman is Cleaning & Cooking for Them.
* The Swedish Woman keeps Bitching on about Female Exploitation, while the Men are Sunbathing & Waiting for Her to Tell Them What to Do.
* The Irish began by Setting up a Distillery, for Which they expect to receive a Substantial E.U. Subsidy. They Don`t recall whether Sex is in the Picture, because It gets Sort of Foggy after the First Few Rounds of Coconut Whiskey. But They`re Happy that, At Least, The English Are`nt Getting Any....






THE NEWS

Cash for honours. An old British tradition: "The millionaires who bankrolled the Labour and Tory election campaigns are to be elevated to the House of Lords, provoking a new favours-for-cash row, The Times has learnt. The forthcoming list of 28 working peers, which has been obtained by The Times, includes Sir David Garrard and Sir Gulam Noon, each of whom made donations of more than £200,000 to Labour. Sir David had previously donated £70,000 to the Tory party when William Hague was the leader, to pay for a call centre at Conservative Central Office. The party was so grateful that it put up a plaque in his honour.... The new Conservative peers, nominated by Mr Howard, include Robert Edmiston, who gave the party £250,000 last year, and the Tory treasurer Jona-than Marland, who gives £50,000 a year and leads its fundraising operation. The Labour nominations follow Mr Blair’s decision last year to give a peerage to Paul Drayson, a businessman who had already given £100,000 to Labour and who subsequently made a donation of £500,000. He has since been made a defence minister".


Coyotes as good guys: "Leave it to nature to mount an insurgency against the tranquillity of the grass-and-pavement grid. Canada geese and white-tail deer are the most brazen intruders, multiplying beyond all reason and refusing to be subdued. The best-equipped predators, people, sidestepped the job, finding it distasteful. Instead they adjust their garden netting, check for ticks and brood about the tendency of their fallen Eden to keep collapsing into chaos. But what if that didn't always happen? What if Mother Nature decided not to run amok but to tidy up? Just such an amazing circumstance appears to be happening on the outskirts of Chicago. Research biologists there announced last month that they had stumbled across a possible answer to the problem of the proliferating suburban goose: the proliferating suburban coyote.... The coyote was not an obvious suspect, being small and skulky and unlikely to stand up to a wrathful Canada goose. Examinations of coyote scat had seldom found damning traces of eggshell. But then infrared cameras exposed the coyote as a nest robber, one that carefully cracks open a goose egg and licks it clean. Evidence like this bolsters the conclusion that coyotes, in their own wily way, have become keystone predators in a land long emptied of wolves and mountain lions.... It is intriguing to consider the possibility that such a shunned, maligned animal may be a misunderstood hero. The suburbs could use well-mannered, responsible predators, and house cats are clearly not up to the job".


The British way: Vicar hurls tea at burglar: A Baptist minister sent a raider packing by pouring a hot cup of tea over him as he ransacked the vestry. Rev Roy Merrin, 66, had spotted a figure through the window of his office and shouted "Who's there?" Newcastle Crown Court heard. Lee Mullholland, 27, rushed past Mr Merrin at Grange Road Baptist Church, Jarrow, South Tynside. Tony Davis, prosecuting, said: "The reverend threw a cup of tea at the intruder in order to hinder his progress." But the burglar left a fingerprint behind, and was arrested by police. Mullholland, of Hebburn, South Tyneside, who is already serving 27 months for two earlier burglaries, admitted burglary at the church and was sentenced to a further three months".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:25 PM

 


A SITE TO VISIT:

Some soldiers in the U.S. Army National Guard who have recently returned from deployment in New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina have created a blog called Camp Katrina which shares stories and pictures from soldiers who served in operation Vigilant Relief, as well as highlighting the other great humanitarian efforts of the US military.


posted by bussorah at 4:25 PM

 


ODD QUESTIONS

Sexual harassment at work -- is it a problem for the self-employed? --Victoria Wood

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? --Steven Wright

What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?

What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil?

Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?

Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?







THE NEWS

Cunning hunters: "On Saturday mornings in the northern autumn, the English gentleman's pleasure has long been to put on a bright red coat and ride out across the countryside on horseback, with a pack of friends at his side and a pack of hounds baying cheerfully ahead, chasing a friendless fox. This weekend, thousands of men and women did it again, joining 200 hunts around the English countryside to mark the first Saturday of a new season. But this time there was a difference. Hunting foxes with hounds was banned by law in February. Yet the new law is so full of loopholes that defiant huntsmen determined to ignore the ban were able to find ways of carrying on with their sport. Under the 2004 Hunting Act, hounds may still chase a scent trail - a sport known as "drag hunting", in which a participant runs ahead of the pack daubing the trail with artificial scent. Huntsmen insist that they cannot possibly know if a real fox crosses the drag-hunt's trail and the hounds go after the fox instead of the artificial scent. Hunts are permitted to chase foxes, as long as participants shoot them humanely at the kill. But what, huntsmen ask, if the hounds get to the fox first?"


A smart future King: "It's official - Prince William is the brains of Britain's royal family. The 23-year-old prince, who is to enrol at the Sandhurst Royal Military Academy in January, scored seven out of 10 in the "raw intelligence" test when he took part in a gruelling assessment at the Regular Commissions Board. Prince Harry is understood to have scored four in the same test in September last year. Senior officers who witnessed Prince William tackle the various physical and mental trials - which assess a candidate's potential to become an army officer - described him as "athletic, well co-ordinated and quite bright". The tests appraise an individual's powers of reasoning, general knowledge and intelligence. Candidates also have to take part in a planning exercise, group discussions and give a short lecture to other members on the course. One senior officer said: "The raw intelligence test is exactly that. It is used to assess the potential of all soldiers from those who join the ranks to those who want to become officers. "It gives the best indication of a candidate's IQ. We have seen people with very good degrees get very poor scores and those who have just scraped a few A-levels get very high scores. A score of 10 out of 10 means you are a genius, while one or zero means you are barely functioning. Seven, which William received, is very, very good".


Vatican embraces Darwin: "The Vatican has issued a stout defence of Charles Darwin, voicing strong criticism of Christian fundamentalists who reject his theory of evolution and interpret the biblical account of creation literally. Cardinal Paul Poupard, head of the Pontifical Council for Culture, said the Genesis description of how God created the universe and Darwin's theory of evolution were "perfectly compatible" if the Bible were read correctly. His statement was a clear attack on creationist campaigners in the US, who see evolution and the Genesis account as mutually exclusive. "The fundamentalists want to give a scientific meaning to words that had no scientific aim," he said at a Vatican press conference. He said the real message in Genesis was that "the universe didn't make itself and had a creator". This idea was part of theology, Cardinal Poupard emphasised, while the precise details of how creation and the development of the species came about belonged to a different realm - science. Cardinal Poupard said that it was important for Catholic believers to know how science saw things so as to "understand things better"."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:36 PM

 


DEEPER THOUGHTS

The demon Wal-Mart:

I have rather some sympathy for the anti-Wal-Mart brigade. I do so, if for no other reason than Wal-Marts are hideous blights on most any town-scape. That is, unless the town's pre-existing condition is unfortunate enough to resemble Walsall, U.K.. In fact, I consider Wal-Marts vaguely akin to hideous, atrocious Marxian edifices that arose amidst of the ashes of Dresden's Neumarkt u. Altmarkt sections (in all their forever vanished pulchritude).

Now, what's especially piquant is the Left's claim to be opposing Wal-Mart out of defense of small business! Let's get this straight: small business is bourgeois society par excellence, a culture which, to put it mildly, the Left has a long history of despising. So their shilling for "mom n' pop" is the purest malarkey. And it further evidences a certain shameless opportunism. They will say nearly anything to gain power.

There is a VERY telling moment in a delightfully apposite book, Michael Moore is a Big, Fat, Stupid White Man, in which an account is given of Michael Moore lambasting small, "Mom and Pop" business. And he lets his preference for big chain stores be known!! His statement is something to the effect: "f*** Mom & Pop. Those are the very same people who long ago tried to get me removed from city council, school boards, etc. F*** them -- BRING IN THE CHAINS!" You see, Michael Moore is actually an eminently "consistent" Leftist!

A further gloss on my above "Dresden" comment: If you think about it, huge, behemoth, impersonal, *de-personalizing*, international businesses are, in fact, entities of which Marx would be EXTREMELY proud. Marxism/communism has as its very "nub," the total and final completion of rendering everything about *nature* as conventional/fungible. And I don't mean, at all, nature in terms of environmental/greenie stuff. I'm talking nature = physis (ancient Greek for nature). Nomos (convention) vs. physis constitutes the contrast providing for the very origin of Western philosophy, Western speculation, as it arose in Athens. Marx -- and Michael Moore, I'm sure! -- sees himself as bringing Western philosophy to a close, banishing all skepticism: the "great leap into freedom"! (We all know what becomes of people who doubt the Marxist doctrine: to the madhouse with thee! Oh, or the Gulag).

And so it's been argued -- with rather some rigor -- that corporate capitalism is *the* esoteric side of Marxism. Yes, you read that right. In fact, one of the "greatest" Marxist thinkers since Marx was the Hegelian-Marxist, Alexandre Kojeve: "Karl Marx is God and Henry Ford is his prophet."

UPDATE: I dug up my copy of Michael Moore is a Big Fat Stupid White Man and what follows is the quote in its sparkling felicity:

In another college appearance, this time at Humboldt State University in California, Moore was asked by a reporter about small businesses being taken over by chain stores.

Moore replied with a bombastic, deeply personal rant against small business, replying that in Flint small businesses "supported all the right-wing groups." Moore, the anticorporate activist, was on a roll. "The small hardware salesman, the small clothing store salesperson, Jesse the Barber who signed his name three different times on three different petitions to recall me from the school board. Fuck all these small businesses---fuck 'em all! Bring in the chains. The small businesspeople are the rednecks that run the town and suppress [sic] the people. Fuck 'em all."

--Michael Moore is a Big Fat Stupid White Man, New York, HarperCollins, 2004. p. 120.

Charming guy, no? Certainly a quote for the records! And may I suggest Jesse the Barber is my hero. He should be given a medal for valor and "right reason." Further vindication of the truth that "simple folk" have 10x's the practical wisdom that effete (corpulent!) Leftist blowhards could ever hope to lay claim to.
posted by bussorah at 3:28 PM

 


ANOTHER LAWYER STORY

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful trial lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm sorry, I had no idea".

And the lawyer says, "If I didn't give money to them, what makes you think I would give to you?







THE NEWS

Clever milk not so bright: "Lord Winston, the broadcaster and fertility doctor, has been accused by leading nutritionists of making unsubstantiated health claims about a new brand of milk as part of a £2m advertising campaign. Winston, who has presented several medical and scientific series for the BBC, appears in advertisements for St Ivel Advance Omega-3 milk. In the presentation, Winston holds up a bottle of the product, which uses the slogan “clever milk”. The adverts claim the milk may make children more intelligent because its additive, omega-3 fatty acid, which is normally found in fish, enhances concentration and learning. However, two British organisations responsible for evaluating claims about the health benefits of food insist there is no firm evidence that adding omega-3 to milk improves a child’s intelligence."


Headache pills can give you a headache! "Popping a daily pill for a splitting headache might be doing more harm than good, researchers say. Overuse of medication is one cause of chronic headache, affecting 1 to 2 per cent of the population. And the only remedy is to go cold turkey. Offending drugs can be as harmless as over-the-counter analgesics with codeine such as Panadeine; triptan drugs such as sumatriptan; and ergots such as ergotamine, Hans-Christoph Diener, professor of neurology at Germany's Essen University, says in a review of literature. Professor Diener's findings on the phenomenon of medication overuse headache will be presented at the World Congress of Neurology in Sydney this week. The popular triptans, widely taken because of their effectiveness, were found to cause daily headaches much faster than the other classes of drugs if they were overused for less than two years".


Gamblers to fly for free: "A budget airline is making plans for passengers to travel free - on condition they gamble during the flight. Ryanair admitted last night it is working on technology to allow onboard gaming within the next 18 months. Passengers would gamble through their mobile phones - with an onboard substation - or a Blackberry handheld organiser that has internet access. Ryanair would act as the casino, taking a cut of the winnings or profiting from the mobile calls. Chief executive Michael O'Leary said it would establish a partnership with one of the booming online gambling operators and begin testing the system from next June. Children would be able to play in-seat video games for a fee. The flag carriers have been ripping us all off for the last 40 years," Mr O'Leary said. "The image of airlines today is high cost, rip-off, poor food," he said. "I don't see how onboard gambling could make that any worse."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:58 PM

 


ALERT LEVELS

"As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability."

This prompted some readers to comment that list membership was perhaps biased against France (and what's wrong with that?), and so, in order to promote a more balanced view, here is the latest from around the world: It's not only the French that are on heightened level of alert:

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".

The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A bit cross". Londoners have not been "A bit cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.







INNER STRENGTH

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment
If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,
If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!







THE NEWS

Germany: IT firm bans complaining: "Whinging [whining] about the weather or the broken photocopier are sackable offences at a German company that has banned moaning. Employees at IT company Nutzwerk Ltd, in Leipzig, have to agree to be in a good mood as part of their employment contract. ... Lawyer Marion von Sahr said: 'In principle, employers and employees can contractually agree on anything if both sides are happy and that includes banning whinging.'"


Cow-tipping myth: "It is the kind of story you hear from a friend of a friend — how, after a long night in a rural hostelry and at a loss for entertainment in the countryside, they head out into a nearby field. There, according to the second-hand accounts, they sneak up on an unsuspecting cow and turn the poor animal hoof over udder. But now, much to the relief of dairy herds, the sport of cow-tipping has been debunked as an urban, or perhaps rural, myth by scientists at a Canadian university. Margo Lillie, a doctor of zoology at the University of British Columbia, and her student Tracy Boechler have conducted a study on the physics of cow-tipping. Ms Boechler, now a trainee forensics analyst for the Royal Canadian Mounted Corps, concluded in her initial report that a cow standing with its legs straight would require five people to exert the required force to bowl it over."


Baldy gets his money back: "A Melbourne man with thinning hair has scored a major victory over hair regrowth company Ashley and Martin. Edward Burke, 29, of Prahran, was awarded a full refund of $1900 yesterday after a tribunal found the hair regrowth giant had deceived him. Mr Burke was induced into signing an eight-month contract with Ashley and Martin in May, after being promised results within three months, the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal found. Mr Burke gave evidence that during his initial meeting consultant David Booth used high-pressure, hard-sell tactics. "He said it was a severe case and I needed to be treated immediately or I would end up bald," he said. "He said if I didn't sign up on the day it would cost me an extra $800." Mr Burke told the tribunal he applied lotions and swallowed pills religiously for three months but saw no difference".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:20 PM

 


YOU MIGHT BE A LEFT-WING EXTREMIST BRAINWASHING VICTIM IF...

(Attributed to Ed Daley)

You believe that the U. S. Constitution prohibits the open recognition of God by our federal (or any state) government, and the exhibition of religious symbols on public grounds.

Or you believe that Al Gore won the 2000 presidential election.

Or you believe that most television and print news outlets in this country are politically neutral.

Or you believe that outlawing private gun ownership will reduce crime.

Or you believe that the U. S. Constitution is a "living, breathing" document, and that Supreme Court Justices have the right to redefine its text in order to make it compatible with what they interpret to be the current moral standards of society.

Or you believe that Charles Darwin's macro-evolution theory is a proven fact.

Or you believe that the U. S. should be a signatory to the Kyoto Treaty.

Or you believe that Michael Moore is patriotic.

Or you believe that requiring children to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in school violates their "civil rights".

Or you believe that the United States of America is an imperialistic nation.

Or you believe that private clubs like the Boy Scouts of America should be forced to accept as members individuals who's lifestyles they disapprove of.

Or you believe that affirmative action programs are morally defensible.

Or you believe that illegal aliens have the same Constitutional rights as American citizens.

Or you believe that big oil companies make more money from the sale of gasoline than the federal and state governments do.

Or you believe that most American soldiers joined the military because they were either tricked into it, or they couldn't make a living in the civilian world.

Or you believe that taxpayer money should be used to fund "the arts".

Or you believe that the guarantor of your rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is the federal government.

Or you believe that unborn human beings are not really human beings simply because they require the impermanent sanctuary of their mothers' wombs, and therefore, abortion is not murder.

Or you believe that George W. Bush is more dangerous to the American way of life than Al-Qaeda.

Or you believe that Rush Limbaugh is an extremist, but that Al Franken isn't.

Or you believe that drilling for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) in Alaska will destroy the environment.

Or you believe that raising taxes on the "rich" will lead to economic prosperity for everyone else.

Or you believe that the invasion of Iraq by U. S.-led coalition forces violated "international law".

Or you believe that things like the education system, the healthcare system, and the social security system are best controlled by federal agencies, as opposed to private citizens.

Or you believe that spanking an unruly child equates to abuse.

Or you believe that Hillary Clinton was genuinely shocked when Bill finally admitted to the American people that he'd had an "inappropriate" relationship with Monica Lewinsky.

And if, by chance, you believe all of the above propositions to be true, then you have DEFINITELY been brainwashed by leftist extremists, and my heart goes out to your family and friends as they mourn the loss of your sanity.







THE NEWS

Sun-starved locals to lop mountaintop: "A village in the foothills of the Italian Alps plans to lop the top off a mountain that stops the Sun's rays reaching its streets for half the year. The 2,500 people of Sedrina, 30 miles northeast of Milan, decided on their solution after shivering every winter. A rock called marl is quarried on the mountainside. They asked the quarrying company to shift its operations uphill until the tiresome ridge disappears".


Superglued genitals: she's stuck on you: "A US man is suing his ex-girlfriend in for more than $40,600 for supergluing his genitals to his abdomen. Kenneth Slaby of Greensburg, Pennsylvania, broke up with Gail O'Toole in 1999, after dating for 10 months. Slaby then began dating someone else but, according to the lawsuit, O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep. When he woke up, Slaby found that O'Toole had glued his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish. O'Toole allegedly told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk almost 2 kilometres to a petrol station to call for help.


And yet more glue: "US hardware chain Home Depot is in a sticky situation, defending a lawsuit from a man who claims its Louisville store ignored his cries for help after he was glued to a toilet seat. Bob Dougherty, 57, said he was stuck to a toilet seat on which somebody smeared glue on October 30, 2003, and felt "tremendous panic" when he realised he could not get up. "They [store staff] just let me rot," he said. A store employee who heard him calling for help informed the head clerk via radio, but the head clerk "believed it to be a hoax", the lawsuit said. Paramedics unbolted the toilet seat and, while wheeling a "frightened and humiliated" Mr Dougherty out of the store, he passed out"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:56 PM

 


QUESTIONS WITH OBVIOUS ANSWERS

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes, Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!







THE NEWS

Stupid student: "An Oxford University student was killed in a bizarre stunt after he was hurled 30 metres through the air by a human catapult, an inquest has heard. Kostydin Yankov, 19, suffered multiple injuries when he missed a safety net after being flung from a medieval-style trebuchet catapult. The biochemistry student, known as Dino, was part of the university's extreme sports club - the Oxford Stunt Factory - which visited the trebuchet site in Somerset's Middlemoor Water Park in November 2002. Mr Yankov, from Bulgaria, had been one of five members from the club to use the trebuchet on November 24. The inquest in Taunton heard how the trebuchet was a medieval siege weapon favoured by the Romans that had also been used to fire plague-ridden corpses and other missiles over castle ramparts. Richard Wicks, 33, and David Aitkenhead, 46,, had made a modern-day trebuchet that would fire human "shots" instead of missiles. Mr Wicks's partner, Stella Young, told the court how she had broken her pelvis after using a prototype of the trebuchet in May 2000. She had gone to work alongside Mr Wicks and Mr Aitkenhead on the contraption and had been responsible for weighing Mr Yankov before the jump and warning him of its dangers."


Lightning bad for cows: "A single lightning strike killed 68 dairy cows on an Australian farm, a farmer said Wednesday. The farmer, Warwick Marks, 57, said the lightning strike Monday killed one-half his herd of 150 Jersey cows at his dairy farm outside Dorrigo in northern New South Wales state. Marks said the herd gathered around a tall tree to shelter during a thunderstorm when lightning struck the tree. "The bolt came through the roots where they were standing; 68 were killed outright and another three looked like they were gone as well but they were just stunned and came good a bit later," said Marks, who arrived on the grisly scene minutes after hearing the thunder clap"


English criminals are a snack for a tough South African cop: "Life on the beat for Diederik Coetzee, a former South African policeman, used to be a hell of gunfire and mayhem as he toured the streets of Johannesburg in a bullet-proof vest. Then he decided to make a career change 5,700 miles away, taking on the gun-toting villains of Nottinghamshire, who are policed by the second-worst performing force in England and Wales. Result for both the officer and his force: paradise. PC Coetzee was acclaimed yesterday after he made more than 300 arrests in less than a year. So far this year, he has made 309 arrests, surpassing the previous British record of 305 for a single year with two months to spare. He crushed the existing 242 mark among his Nottinghamshire colleagues in just over seven months... PC Coetzee, 48, spent 24 years working as an explosives expert and dog handler in Johannesburg before emigrating eight years ago. A "career cop", the married father of two had to spend two years as a resident in Britain before he could join the force here. Once he was in, however, he did not hang around, immediately setting about cleaning up the Ladybrook Estate in the former pit town of Mansfield with little more than a baton and his mountain bike"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:12 PM

 


A Fantasy School Answering Machine

"Hello! You've reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

"To lie about why your child is absent -- Press 1.

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his work -- Press 2.

"To complain about what we do -- Press 3.

"To swear at staff members -- Press 4.

"To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your
newsletter and several flyers mailed to you -- Press 5.

"If you want us to raise your child -- Press 6.

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone -- Press 7.

"To request another teacher for the third time this year -- Press 8.

"To complain about bus transportation -- Press 9.

"To complain about school lunches -- Press 0.

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, and homework and that it's not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort -- Hang up and have a nice day!"






Great Con-Artists!

In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack bought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made $700,000.

Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contacted as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.

When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders... for a circus that didn't exist.

By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.

Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented abandoned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of money before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000.






THE NEWS

Musical mice: "Mice are more musical than their simple squeaks suggest, scientists have discovered. Research by a team of neuroscientists has revealed that male mice construct complex songs and sing them for minutes at a time when they come across sex pheromones produced by potential mates. The songs are not audible to the human ear because they are too high frequency and although scientists knew mice emitted ultrasonic chirps, recordings of the noises had never been fully analysed. Tim Holy and Zhongsheng Guo, of the Washington University School of Medicine in Missouri, discovered the melodies by accident. In experiments to test how male mice responded to sex pheromones - chemicals found in the urine of female mice - they recorded males as they sniffed cotton swabs dunked in urine from females, males and a mixture of the two. Instead of turning up their snouts, within seconds of encountering the scent of female urine, the males broke into ultrasonic song. Dr Holy and his team processed the sound recordings on a computer and made them audible to the human ear, first by slowing them down, and then by keeping the tempo but significantly lowering the pitch. "The first moment I heard them I thought they sounded like songs, and they really do," Dr Holy said".


New Yorkers perplexed by good smell! "An unseen, sweet-smelling cloud drifted through parts of Manhattan last night. Arturo Padilla walked through it and declared that it was awesome. "It's like maple syrup. With Eggos. Or pancakes," he said. "It's pleasant.".... Reports of the syrupy cloud poured in from across Manhattan after 9 p.m. Some feared that it was something sinister. There were so many calls that the city's Office of Emergency Management coordinated efforts with the Police and Fire Departments, the Coast Guard and the City Department of Environmental Protection to look into it. By 11 p. m., the search had turned up nothing harmful, according to tests of the air. Reports continued to come in from as far north as 112th Street shortly before midnight. In Lower Manhattan, where the smell had begun to fade, it was back, stronger than before, by 1 a.m... There were conflicting accounts as to its nature. A police officer who had thrown out her French vanilla coffee earlier compared it to that. Two diplomats from the Netherlands disagreed, politely. Rieneke Buisman said it smelled like roasted peanuts. Her friend Joris Geeven said it reminded him of a Dutch cake called peperkoek, though he could not describe that smell."


"Ethnic" noses being erased: "A nose is a nose is a nose. But all nose-jobs are different and more of them now depend on the ethnic origin of the patient, according to an expert in rhinoplasty. Erasing a nose's ethnic characteristics is the newest trend in plastic surgery, said Dr Thomas Romo, the director of facial plastic surgery at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York. People with Greek or Italian heritage might want the bumps removed; Asians might want their nostrils refined or the bridges built up. "Up until now, most nose jobs were done on Caucasians who want a smaller nose," Dr Romo told a plastic surgery conference in Sydney. "But this is augmentation surgery. You often have to put architecture into the nose. "As a surgeon, it's a technical event. It's like putting up a 20-foot building." Dr Romo insisted ethnic rhinoplasty was not intended to homogenise our diverse population. "They are looking for more definition but they don't want to look Caucasian," he said. "For example, Asian people just want to be able to put their glasses on their nose without them slipping down.""



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:11 PM

 


From David Letterman:

How many folks been to McDonalds lately? They're trying to improve their image. They now have big screen TV's and leather coaches.I'm thinking wouldn't that money have been better spent on actual beef?

Hillary Clinton is 58 years old today. Bill Clinton celebrated her birthday the way he does every year.a dozen roses, candlelight dinner, passionate sex - and then he went home to Hillary.

Donald Trump and Regis have a CD coming out full out of Christmas songs. I don't know how good it is but shoplifters are actually returning it. The Pentagon is actually using it to break the will of detainees.

Regis Philbin and Donald Trump have a holiday CD coming out. Here's how that odd idea came together. They both go together and realized there was money in New York that they yet did not have their hands on and said, "Let's do this!"






'CAKE' Personality Test

Pick your cake then, look to see

If you were buying a cake and you had your choice of the following, which would you choose: Angel food, Brownies, Lemon Meringue, Vanilla with Chocolate Icing, Strawberry Short Cake, Chocolate on Chocolate Ice Cream, Carrot Cake.




NO...you can't change your mind once you scroll down So think carefully, what your choice will be!!!


OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you:




Angel food ... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being child-like and immature at times.

Brownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, &articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing ... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life, very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad, however, you are a friend for life.

Strawberry Short Cake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate ... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

Ice Cream... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. ! People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.







THE NEWS

Olive oil beats bowel cancer: "Olive oil could safeguard against one of the most deadly forms of cancer, researchers have claimed. Scientists at the University of Ulster found a mixture of compounds, called phenols, extracted from virgin olive oil could offer protection against colon cancer, the second highest cause of cancer fatalities in the US. Dr Chris Gill said the research - which used in vitro cell models - supported the long-held belief in the benefits of the Mediterranean diet, which is rich in olive oil. "We found that incubation of one cancer cell line with increasing concentrations of olive oil phenols for 24 hours protected the cells from DNA damage," the scientist said. "The effect of olive oil phenols on another cell line after 48 hours of exposure suggested that they 'may exert an anti-promoter effect in the carcinogenesis pathway'." Olive oil is high in mono-unsaturated fat and a good source of antioxidants".


Unionists say British workers work hard: "Claims that the country has become sicknote Britain because of the number of workers taking days off when they are not really ill have been attacked as an "urban myth" in a report. The TUC [Trades Union Congress] said British workers were less likely to take short-term time off sick than workers in any other European country except Denmark. Most employers accepted that their staff only took time off work when they were genuinely ill, the organisation said. A bigger problem was the high number of people who struggled into work when they were ill, spreading germs among colleagues and threatening long-term absence, the TUC claimed... The TUC said employers who are serious about cutting sickness absences should improve the work-life balance for their staff and make the working week more flexible. The TUC also hit out at commentators who suggested that stress was not a big problem".


Sauerkraut prevents breast cancer! "Many find it to be the perfect companion to hot dogs and sausage, but new studies suggest that sauerkraut may have another beneficial side effect-it may protect women from breast cancer. Results from the U.S. component of the Polish Women's Health Study are showing an association between cabbage and sauerkraut consumption, and a constituent called glucosinolate, and a lower risk of breast cancer. The influence seemed to be highest among women who consumed high amounts beginning in adolescence and throughout adulthood."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:06 PM