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A BORED MAN STRIKES BACK

STORE MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on layby.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And, last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"








THE NEWS

Speedy hearse: "A stolen hearse hit speeds of up to 120km/h during a police chase before the teenage driver lost control and rolled it. The speeding 1994 Ford Falcon hearse was stolen from a funeral parlour in Tennant Creek and later rolled on the Stuart Highway when the driver lost control. The Tennant Creek Funerals hearse was reported stolen at 1.30am on Saturday and was spotted by a police patrol soon after. Police chased the vehicle along Paterson St but the pursuit was called off after speeds hit about 120km/h. A short time later a bus driver informed police the vehicle had rolled on the Stuart Highway about 2km north of Tennant Creek. The bus driver told police he saw a young male run from the crash site into bushland. Police later arrested a 15-year-old boy at his home in Tennant Creek and charged him with dangerous driving and unlicensed driving"


Unsafe movies: "Watching many modern movies may be a health hazard, particularly for impressionable teenagers, an Australian researcher suggests. Scientists analysed 87 of the most popular films of the past 20 years, counting 53 sex scenes in about a third of the movies, yet found only one suggestion of using a condom. They found 8 per cent of the blockbusters included scenes involving cannabis, 7 per cent contained episodes of non-injecting illicit drug use, 32 per cent depicted alcohol intoxication and 68 per cent had actors smoking tobacco. They said the movies tended to portray drug use in a positive light and nothing of the consequences."


DVD sniffing? "Two black Labrador dogs have become the first in the world to be trained to sniff out counterfeit DVDs. The dogs - named Luck and Flo - have already passed their first big test. They were put to work at courier company FedEx's UK hub at Stansted in the UK where they successfully discovered DVDs in parcels and packages. Although none of the discs they discovered was a pirated copy, the organisations behind the trial expressed satisfaction with the results. "This is the first time dogs have been used anywhere in the world to search for counterfeit DVDs and the results were amazing," said Mr Ian Leinster, director general of the UK-based Federation Against Copyright Theft (FACT). FACT teamed up with the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) to train the dogs, a process that took eight months.


Hero welder behind mine rescue: "A welder friend of the miracle miners has been hailed as the unsung hero of "The Great Escape". Details have emerged of how Vinnie Tunks took it on himself to reinforce the cage that saved Brant Webb and Todd Russell in the rockfall that claimed the life of colleague Larry Knight.... But this weekend friends told how without the "shy" welder's insistence at going past specifications for his mates, Mr Webb and Mr Russell might not be alive. They believe his reinforcements were critical in enabling the cage to withstand the pressure of the rocks above.... A miner told how when Mr Tunks saw the cage he told mates he wouldn't want to work underground in it. "He's looked at the cage and decided, off his own bat, to weld reinforcement into it," the miner said. "Thank God he did. He's saved Brant and Todd." Another friend said: "Vinnie Tunks is an unsung hero of Beaconsfield. "He has possibly saved their lives. That is what real friends are about."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:40 PM