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MALE-FEMALE DIFFERENCES

1. NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


3. MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.



4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


5. ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.


6. CATS

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.



7. FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


8. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


9. DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


10. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


11. OFFSPRING

Ah, children... A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


12. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.







THE NEWS

Germany: Dead dog gets army callup: "The German Army has called up a dead dog for national service. Helga Koehlke, 53, from Rostock, Northern Germany, received an official army letter demanding that her pet Pekingese Tommy Jakob, who passed away in 2002, report for a military medical examination with his ID card and a pair of swimming shorts. She said: 'I thought it was a joke but then I saw the official stamp. But I'm sure it must have been a mistake as little Tommy Jakob would have been no good in the army because he was almost completely blind.'"


Nutty Canadian church thinks homosexuality sells: "The United Church of Canada hopes an ad featuring a can of whipped cream and the question "How much fun can sex be before it's a sin?" will fill its pews as Christmas nears. The country's biggest Protestant denomination launched an advertising campaign this week meant to provoke debate on the "deep and persistent attitudes and images of organised religion". "In order to get past those stereotypes, we thought we needed an ad campaign that was different, had a head-snap to it, that people would have a second look," Keith Howard, executive director of the campaign, said. The $12 million campaign targets 30- to 45-year-olds and rotates six images though December issues of Canadian magazines and newspapers as well as websites. One asks "Does anyone object?" to an image of two plastic toy grooms on a wedding cake."


Dead woman wins election: "Marie Steichen died two months ago but she still beat a Republican in a battle to become a county commissioner for a small South Dakota town in the US elections. Jerauld county auditor Cindy Peterson said that the election list closed on August 1, and while Ms Steichen died from cancer in September her name was kept on the list for yesterday's election. Ms Steichen beat a Republican rival by 100 votes to 64 and Ms Peterson said she believed that voters knew the woman was dead but wanted to make their political point."




Record setting frenzy grips world: "Parisians bid for the world's biggest kiss-a-thon, Italians cooked the longest line of pizzas and Canadians were to re-enact Michael Jackson's Thriller video en masse. These were just some of the entries on Guinness World Records day, a chance for the weird and wacky to win a place in the compendium of craziness. New Zealander Alastair Galpin sought eternal eccentric fame for wearing the most socks on one foot, but not satisfied with that feat, he was also bidding to eat the most garlic consumed in one minute. South Africa hoped to spark a fitness frenzy with the largest ever aqua aerobics class, organisers said. Japanese tea lovers were staging the world's largest tea party and Kuwait was offering the world's largest cheque. "Hundreds of records could be beaten today," said Guinness World Records editor Craig Glenday... American Jackie Bibby held ten live rattlesnakes in his mouth at the same time. "That is probably the most dangerous stunt of the day. He almost lost his thumb doing it last time," Mr Glenday said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:18 PM