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BRAVE MAN

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry.! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the Anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist ask him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and Show him."






OVERLOADED?









THE NEWS

Sea spiders?: "More than 10 new species of spiders from the sea have been identified, including some with legs spanning half a metre. The creatures were collected by the Australian Antarctic Division from the icy waters around Heard Island, near Antarctica, three years ago. They have been kept on ice until recently, when Melbourne researcher David Staples began cataloguing them. He has identified 29 species, and 10 of them are new to science. "They seem to be constantly evolving and why that is is one of the mysteries," he said. Mr Staples is about to return to Melbourne to begin formally describing the new sea spider species."


Radioactive scorpion venom deemed safe cancer treatment!: "Scientists say they have helped establish the safety of a bizarre new treatment for an aggressive, essentially incurable cancer called high-grade brain glioma. More than 17,000 cases are diagnosed in the United States every year. The treatment is based on findings that the venom in the yellow Israeli scorpion contains a molecule that attaches itself selectively to the tumor cells. Health physicists in a study used a compound called TM-601, a synthetic version of the molecule. The molecule, a protein, was bound to a radioactive substance called I-131 believed to kill glioma cells. When injected into the blood, if things work as hoped, the radioactive venom protein travels to the brain and attaches to the glioma cells, and the I-131 releases radiation that kills them."


Keen French gambler: "A Frenchman made a 686-km round-trip from Paris to London and then back again purely to place a 10,000 euro ($17,240) bet on Brazil to win the World Cup. The mystery punter is said to have been ``hopping up and down'' outside the chain's branch at Waterloo station, where Eurostar trains linking London and Paris start and terminate, waiting for staff to open up. He then handed over a stash of euros before rushing off to catch the train back to France, leaving the manager to chase him with the betting slip. The man staked 10,000 euros at odds of 11 to four and will collect 37,500 ($64,650) if Brazil lift the trophy"


Earth's 'near miss': An asteroid that may be up to 800m across is set to hurtle past Earth next week. The space rock, called 2004 XP14, will pass "exceptionally close" to the planet in what is seen as a near miss in astronomical terms – 432,216km away at its closest moment early on Monday. That is just 1.1 times the Moon's average distance from Earth. Astronomers will try to get a more accurate assessment of the asteroid's size by "pinging" it with radar, website Space.com reported. It was discovered in December 2004 by the Lincoln Laboratory Near Earth Asteroid Research (Linear). Initially there were concerns that it could hit Earth later in the century, but further studies have since ruled out such a collision."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:59 PM

 


SAD TRUTH








RESTAURANT SIGNS WITH A DIFFERENCE



More signs here







THE NEWS

Sex worker slips into cell: "A prostitute slipped into a New Zealand prison, apparently for $NZ150 ($A124) to service an inmate who booked her with a mobile phone smuggled into his cell, a newspaper reported today. The woman was found after checks revealed that a car visiting the Rimutaka prison near Wellington had turned around almost immediately without its female passenger, the Dominion Post reported. "Maybe he was a client of hers before he was sent to prison," Calum Bennachie, spokesman for the Prostitutes' Collective, told the paper. The Corrections Department said it would be "inappropriate" to confirm that the woman was a prostitute. It was investigating the incident".




Jail or the rake for Boy George: "Singer Boy George was threatened with prison yesterday for failing to complete a community service sentence because he wanted to do something less humiliating than raking leaves. Criminal Court judge Anthony Ferrara gave George until August 28 to complete the five days of community service, imposed in March when he admitted to falsely reporting a burglary, avoiding more serious charges of drug possession. Defence lawyer Louis Freeman had argued in court earlier this month that the singer, whose real name is George O'Dowd, hoped to avoid the humiliation of dragging a rake around a city park and wanted to work with an AIDS charity. Mr Freeman said that if the singer were forced to sweep streets or a park, "it would turn into a media circus". Judge Ferrara appeared angry and insisted that George, who did not speak during the court appearance, would be treated the same as any other offender."





Good if you believe it (1): "Deakin University nutrition experts have devised the ultimate tasty, healthy snack food. The Parmesan cheese cracker with organic mashed potato has special healthy additives to boost the brain, heart and immunity, and reduce inflammation in the body. It contains a natural appetite suppressant and a natural compound to increase liking for it. Russell Keast, senior lecturer in the school of exercise and nutrition sciences, devised the palm-sized snack for a food industry workshop on healthy snacks of the future at Deakin University today.... The potato contains soluble fibre, anti-inflammatory oleocanthal, appetite-suppressing lupin fibre, omega 3 fatty acids for the brain and heart, and zinc. "This snack has natural additives . . . to improve brain and heart function, boost male virility and improve immunity," Dr Keast said. He said it was the first time the recently discovered anti-inflammatory agent oleocanthal had been included in a manufactured food. The natural appetite suppressant makes the consumer feel fuller for longer and will prevent overeating of the snack. Dr Keast said the snack also confornmed to three lasting consumer trends -- healthy food that is convenient and organic."




Good if you believe it (2): "What's a health-conscious burger lover to do? The real thing tends to have too many calories and too much fat, but meatless burgers seem to lack the flavor and consistency of real beef. St. Louis-based Solae LLC has come up with a solution, a patent-pending invention called SoleCina that involves both the process and the ingredients to produce either a "hybrid" meat - part soy, part real meat - or a completely meatless food that tastes like chicken, beef, pork or turkey. The company said both versions taste - and feel to the mouth - much like real meat, but are much healthier. For example, a hybrid burger dubbed the "Better Burger" by Solae has two-third the calories and half the fat and saturated fat as a burger of comparable size. SoleCina has been in the works for a decade. Details were introduced this week at a gathering of food scientists and technologists in Orlando, Fla."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:15 PM

 


UNUSUAL DANGER

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

Q. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer:

Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk!






Don't look around!



I hope it's just photoshopping







THE NEWS

Another plug for vegies: "Eating plenty of leafy greens, broccoli and Brussels sprouts may help ward off the blood cancer non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, research findings suggest. In a study of more than 800 US adults with and without non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (NHL), researchers found that those who ate the most vegetables had a 42 per cent lower risk of the cancer than those with the lowest intakes. In particular, leafy greens like spinach and kale, and cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, Brussels sprouts and cauliflower, seemed to be protective. Similarly, the study found, two nutrients found in green vegetables - lutein and zeaxanthin - were related to a lower NHL risk. The same was true of zinc, a mineral obtained through meat, nuts and beans."


Chameleon snake: "As if snakes were not scary enough already, a new poisonous species has been discovered that can change colour in order to camouflage itself. The chameleon-like ability to change colour is well known among reptiles but has rarely been observed in snakes before now. Scientists who discovered the snake, a member of the Enhydris genus composed of 22 species, named it the Kapuas mud snake after the wetland and swamp forest area around the Kapuas River where is was found in the Betung Kerihun National Park, an area in Kalimantan, the Indonesian part of the island of Borneo. Mark Auliya, a reptile specialist hunting for specimens, said: "I put the reddish-brown snake in a dark bucket. When I retrieved it a few minutes later, it was almost entirely white."


California man clever but not clever enough: "Authorities arrested a man they say tried to claim a $530,858 lottery prize with a stolen ticket. Sam Grair, 42, was charged with felony counts of grand theft, burglary and filing a false claim following his arrest on Friday, the district attorney's office said Monday. Authorities say the episode began in February when a man named Robert Sehested scanned several Mega Millions lottery tickets at Camarillo's Crossroads Market and Liquor to see if he had won anything. They allege that Grair, who worked as a clerk at the store, told Sehested his winning ticket was worth only a few dollars and suggested he use the proceeds to buy more tickets. Grair is accused of keeping the winning ticket for himself and then trying to claim the prize by presenting it to the California Lottery Commission office in Van Nuys. Investigators from the lottery's Security and Law Enforcement Division concluded Grair had not bought the ticket after they interviewed him and reviewed surveillance videos from the store, which is standard procedure when large winnings are claimed. Grair was being held on $500,000 bail at County Jail. He faces 19 years in prison if convicted of all counts."




Dingo urine a roo repellant: "Australian researchers say they have discovered a new repellent that can help with everything from rehabilitating old mine sites to reducing the amount of roadkill. It's dingo urine. Researchers at Curtin University have been startled by the effectiveness of urine from Australia's wild dogs in scaring off kangaroos which chew through areas of new-growth vegetation. The university's Michael Parsons said the discovery could have important applications in helping to re-establish plant life on old mine sites by repelling kangaroos. Researchers looked at the effectiveness of chemicals found in the urine of dingoes and non-native predators like coyotes. "When we presented tame kangaroos with coyote urine, they became interested in the new smell, but when presented with the dingo urine they were startled and fled," Dr Parsons said. He said the effect of urine on wild kangaroos was even more dramatic."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:15 PM

 


CATS AND MOTHERS

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up.

The brother hesitated, then said, ''I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."

The man was very upset and yelled, ''You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.''

The brother thought about it and apologized.

"So how's Mom?" asked the man.

"She's on the roof and won't come down."






A GOOD MARTIAL ARTS STORY

A young boy travelled across Japan to the school of a famous martial artist. When he arrived at the dojo he was given an audience by the Sensei. "What do you wish from me?" the master asked.

"I wish to be your student and become the finest kareteka in the land," the boy replied. "How long must I study?"

"Ten years at least," the master answered.

"Ten years is a long time," said the boy. "What if I studied twice as hard as all your other students?"

"Twenty years," replied the master.

"Twenty years! What if I practice day and night with all my effort?"

"Thirty years," was the master's reply.

"How is it that each time I say I will work harder, you tell me that it will take longer?" the boy asked.

"The answer is clear. When one eye is fixed upon your destination, there is only one eye left with which to find the Way."






THE NEWS



Bikers in Russia too: "This weekend, Irina and another 15,000 bikers descended on the quiet town of Maloyaroslavets, two hours from Moscow, for Russia's biggest biker festival. The festival brought together biker gangs from all over the country, such as the Motor Psychos from Penza, and the Apostles of the Night from Yekaterinburg, for two days of drag racing, punk music, tattoo parlours and beer.... Ivan says that Russians are hungry for biker culture. "We need a breath of fresh air after so many decades of communism." ... Western-style biker gangs started to become popular in Russia in the mid-1990s. The biggest of the early gangs was the Night Wolves, which was an explicitly nationalistic organisation, incorporating Russian Orthodox icons into their symbolism and riding only Russian-made bikes. However, new gangs such as the Russian Outlaws are more internationally-focused. US Confederate flags heavily outnumbered Russian flags at the Maloyaroslavets festival, and Outlaw members from England, Germany, Italy and the US were treated as visiting dignitaries. Foreign-made bikes also far outnumbered Ural models. Vasili, a biker from Novgorod, says that more and more Russians are getting into biking, despite the extreme cold of the winters, which means it is only possible to ride for five months of the year. He says: "The Western biker mentality is close to the Russian spirit. There has always been an anarchist streak in Russia. We love the freedom of biker culture."


Intoxicated pelicans rounded up: "Four pelicans suspected of being drunk on sea algae were being tested at a Southern California wildlife centre after one of them crashed headlong into a car. Three of the California brown pelicans were found wandering dazed in the streets of Laguna Beach after another pelican struck a vehicle's windshield on a nearby coast road. It suffered internal injuries and a long gash in its pouch and was undergoing toxicology tests. Officials at the Wildlife Care Centre said the seabirds may have been under the influence of algae in the ocean that can produce domoic acid poisoning when eaten."


Vietnam's new Prime Minister sounds a stinker: "Mr Dung was set to take over as premier from veteran leader Phan Van Khai, 72, who also retired on Saturday after nine years on the job during which Mr Dung served as his deputy in charge of economic and security affairs. Mr Dung is seen as an all-rounder, with police and army experience and stints as state bank chief and deputy public security minister under his belt. At 56, he would be the youngest prime minister in post-war Vietnam."


Actors to abuse bus drivers: "It's the job everyone is qualified for. State Transit is going to pay people to give government bus drivers a verbal pummelling. Actors and frequent bus travellers are being hired to pose as irate customers in the taxpayer-funded project. In a twist on patrons paying for being late or left on the side of the road, successful applicants will get $23.16 an hour to vent their spleen and prepare drivers for the public relations warfare they face on the streets. But trainers really need not go further than their local bus stop. John Braver of Hillsdale said bus drivers are "uncourteous". "I've seen them take off with elderly passengers stumbling over their grocery bags in the aisle," he said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:11 PM

 


THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES AGAIN

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.






THE NEWS

Swimming with crocs!: "Six swimmers from Sydney have braved crocodile infested waters to complete a marathon 60 kilometre crossing of Lake Argyle in Western Australia's Kimberley region. The swimmers, all members of the Balmoral Beach Club, have raised more than $80,000 for the Royal Flying Doctor Service after becoming the first people ever to swim across the massive man-made freshwater lake. The only female swimmer in the team, Sydney University's Dr Geraldine Hunt, said the crossing was magic with the team at times swimming through glassy water and at others battling heavy swells and strong winds. She said the team had seen plenty of freshwater crocodiles but none of the feared salt water man-eaters thought to inhabit parts of the lake. "We haven't had any crocs come up and say 'hello' and we are pleased about that. We didn't see any salt water crocodiles so we can't answer the question about whether there are any salt water crocodiles in Lake Argyle."


Mum's birth age may be key to long life: "People are more likely to see their 100th birthday if they were born to young mothers, research hints. The age at which a mother gives birth has a major impact on how long her child will live, two researchers from the University of Chicago's Centre on Aging told the Chicago Actuarial Association meeting this spring. The chances of living to the ripe old age of 100 - and beyond - nearly double for a child born to a woman before her 25th birthday, Drs. Leonid Gavrilov and Natalia Gavrilova reported. The father's age is less important to longevity, according to their research. In a previous study, the husband and wife research team of Gavrilov and Gavrilova identified birth order as a possible predictor of an exceptionally long life. They observed that first-born children, especially daughters, are much more likely to live to age 100. But their latest research suggests that it is the young age of the mother, rather than birth order, which is significant to longevity."




A win for Anna Nicole? "The man who spent more than a decade battling former Playboy playmate Anna Nicole Smith over his father's oil fortune has died unexpectedly. E Pierce Marshall, 67, died of an "extremely aggressive infection", family spokesman David Margulies wrote in a statement, the Houston Chronicle reported today. Marshall's death comes before his long-running battle with Smith reached a conclusion. The fight went all the way to the US Supreme Court, which last month sided with the ex-stripper, saying the matter was not the exclusive jurisdiction of a Texas court that had ruled in favour of the younger Marshall. Smith met J Howard Marshall II at the club where she worked as a topless dancer when she was 26 and he was 89. He died 14 months after they wed. Smith claimed Marshall verbally promised her half of his estate, worth millions, but E Pierce Marshall claimed to be the only beneficiary."


A slimming ice-cream!: "A fish that lives in the North Atlantic is being used to create ice-cream that can be eaten without fear of putting on weight. Using GM technology, the blood of the ocean pout, an eel-like fish, has been used to create a protein that will cut the fat and calories in some leading brands of ice-cream. Unilever, which owns Wall's, Magnum, Carte D'Or and Ben & Jerry's, has applied to the Food Standards Agency for permission to use the protein in a range of ice-creams and frozen fruit-ices. It may be 2008, however, before lovers of ice-cream can devour the food without piling on the pounds. The protein is not the GM "Frankenstein food" that has been heavily criticised by environmental and health campaigners. This technology leaves no edible traces of GM material in the finished process - rather like the use of vegetarian rennet in cheese. The gene used in the yeast protein has been developed through GM technology but there is no yeast in the final product."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:10 PM

 


HAPPINESS

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

54. Never to forget:

* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food






FIREMAN'S REVENGE








THE NEWS

Older but Mellower: Aging brain shifts gears to emotional advantage: "Given all the bad news that science has delivered about brain cells withering and memory waning as the years mount, older people have a right to be cranky. But, instead, the over-50 crowd handles life's rotten realities and finds life's bright side more effectively than whippersnappers do. In no small part, that's because the aging brain makes critical emotional adjustments, a new study indicates. As people age, from 12 to 79 years old, they respond to fear with greater and greater boosts in medial prefrontal activity (left) and to happiness with smaller and smaller boosts (right). Advancing age heralds a growth in emotional stability accompanied by a neural transition to increased control over negative emotions and greater accessibility of positive emotions, according to a team led by neuroscientist Leanne M. Williams of Westmead (Australia) Hospital. A brain area needed for conscious thought, the medial prefrontal cortex, primarily influences these emotional reactions in older adults, Williams and her colleagues say. In contrast, people under age 50 experience negative emotions more easily than they do positive ones".


No naughtiness at Wimbledon: "Wimbledon has served an early warning to the world's tennis stars: step across the line on the tournament's strict dress code and you will be sent packing. For more than a century Wimbledon has fiercely guarded the genteel reputation that today sets it apart from other tournaments. Officials there want spectators to keep their eye on the ball, not on the increasingly revealing outfits that have caused controversy elsewhere. The guide for competitors this year has been updated to warn them that they risk being defaulted - the tennis equivalent of a red card - if they break the tournament's code of almost entirely white and most certainly decent clothing".


Raj all the rage in India's new property boom: Himalayan hill stations built by British colonial officers to shelter them from the fierce Indian summer and remind them of home are to be restored to their former glory by a new generation of middle-class Indians eager to savour a similar lifestyle. Government officials in Himachal Pradesh, home to some of the most evocative Raj summer towns, including Simla, Dalhousie and McLeod Ganj, have lifted a ban on outsiders owning homes. Property developers and members of Delhi's increasingly affluent middle classes are queuing up to restore the faded grandeur of Himachal Pradesh's many Victorian summer houses, and to build new bungalows based on original designs. The rehabilitation of one of the most enduring symbols of colonial domination reflects the increasing confidence of India's middle classes and a previously suppressed admiration for the style in which the British lived."


British army demotes butting Billy: "The regimental goat of the 1st Battalion the Royal Welsh has been demoted for disobeying a direct order and disrupting a parade held to mark the Queen's birthday. William Windsor, a five-year veteran, disgraced himself before dignitaries including the ambassadors of Spain, Sweden, Holland and United Nations officials. Instead of leading his infantry battalion, William, or Billy as he is known, tried to butt a group of military drummers with his curved horns, which are more than a foot long. His "lack of decorum" on the sports field of the Episkopi garrison in Cyprus resulted in demotion from lance-corporal to fusilier. Other fusiliers will no longer have to stand to attention when he passes."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:21 PM

 


America's Best & Brightest?

An anonymous Washington DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country might be in trouble:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts," Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa ." Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida vacation package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!"

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map."

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time."

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8 :33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?"

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."

10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepte d my American Express!"

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map! "So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" The reply? "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal".






FAIR WARNING









THE NEWS

Fish cures depression!: "People with a diet low in fish oil have an increased risk of mood disorders, heart conditions and other general health problems, research shows. Researchers at Sydney's Black Dog Institute found high rates of depression and bipolar disorder could be linked to an omega-3 fatty acids deficiency. Such acids are found in seafood and plants including flaxseed, walnuts and canola oil. Institute executive director Professor Gordon Parker said there was growing interest in the possible role of diet in the increasing rates of depression in Western societies. He said changes in diet over the past 150 years, which have seen omega-3 fatty acids replaced by saturated fats and omega-6 acids from vegetable oils, could be linked to the rise in cardiovascular disease, depression and other neurological disorders."


World Cup thief's own goal: "A thief who stole a World Cup ticket from a woman's handbag was caught after sitting down to watch the game next to his victim's husband. The 34-year-old mugged Eva Standmann, 42, as she made her way to the Munich stadium for the Brazil-Australia game at the weekend and discovered the ticket in her bag. But as he took the woman's place in the stadium he was met by her husband Berndt, 43, who immediately called security."


Village undermines activist actress: "Romanian villagers took out a full-page advertisement in Britain's Guardian newspaper yesterday criticising actor Vanessa Redgrave's protest against a proposed open-cut goldmine there. Redgrave, an advocate of human rights and liberal causes, spoke out against Canadian firm Gabriel Resources' plans for the Rosia Montana region when she received an award at a Romanian film festival earlier this month. The actress dedicated her award to a group opposing the scheme, backing their view that the mine would damage the environment and destroy thousands of homes. But 77 members of the local community signed an open letter in The Guardian, asking Redgrave: "How can you argue that you know what's better for us when you don't know the profound reality for our village? "When you condemn the mining profession, without any other viable alternatives for long- and average-term development, you condemn our future." The advert, "happily paid for by Gabriel Resources on behalf of the people of Rosia Montana", argued that a new mine could improve water quality, create jobs and boost access to electricity and healthcare."


175 years young: "Harriet the tortoise, one of the world's oldest living creatures with links to famed naturalist Charles Darwin, has died in Australia at age 175. The giant Galapagos tortoise died of an acute heart attack after suffering from an illness, according to Australian vet John Hangar. "She had a very fairly acute heart attack, and thankfully, passed away quietly overnight," Hangar told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. "She had been sick yesterday with, in effect, heart failure." Harriet was one of the main attractions at the Australia Zoo, where TV's "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin and his zoo staff cared for her since 1987. The Australian Zoo claims that in 1835 when she was about the size of a dinner plate, Harriet was taken from the Galapagos Islands by Charles Darwin."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:19 PM

 


Evolution of a Math Problem

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. )

6. Teaching Math In 2006
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80.







WISDOM








THE NEWS

Mother gives birth in hospital lift after one push: "It is every expectant mother's nightmare, not making it to the delivery room in time. That is what happened to Launceston's Elspeth Moroni on Sunday when she gave birth in a lift at the Launceston General Hospital. Her husband, Ed Moroni, had to catch his new daughter, Melody, and support his wife while trying to stop the lift door from closing. Mrs Moroni says it was all over in minutes. "It was so quick you didn't have time to think," she said. "I'm not saying I wasn't sore afterwards, but during it, it was so quick. "I'm really lucky I only had one push and had a baby ... so I think a lot of other mums would appreciate that."


Contortionist orchid fertilises itself: "Chinese scientists have discovered an orchid that reproduces in an adverse climate by twisting its male sexual organ so that it can fertilise its female organ. It is believed to be the first known case in the plant world. The pink-flowered orchid, Holcoglossum amesianum, defies gravity by turning its anther through 360 degrees in order to insert pollen at its tip into the female cavity, the stigma. H. amesianum grows in tree trunks at altitudes of between 1,200 and 2,000 metres in Yunnan province, where during its flowering season of February to April, the weather is usually bone-dry and windless. In such conditions, pollen cannot be borne on a breeze to fertilise plants. As the orchid's flowers produce no scent or nectar, they do not attract bees and other insects which could carry the pollen around. The plant's clever form of self-pollination "is likely to be an adaptation to the orchid's dry and insect-scarce habitat and may be widespread among species growing in similar environments," suggest the authors, led by Huang Laiqiang of Tsinghua University in southern China."


Lack of sex blamed for low birth rate: "More sex. That's what one expert says is needed to solve Japan's baby shortage. "Japanese people simply aren't having sex," Dr Kunio Kitamura, director of the Japan Family Planning Association, was quoted as saying by the Japan Times, an English language daily. An association survey of 936 people between the ages of 16 and 49 showed 31 per cent had not had sex for more than a month "for no particular reason" - a condition known as "sexless". "As much as subsidies and welfare programs are important, sexlessness is also a critical issue in this problem." Japan's fertility rate - the average number of children a woman bears in her lifetime - fell to an all-time low of 1.25 last year. Demographers say a rate of 2.1 is needed to keep a population from declining. Japan came last among 41 nations in a poll last year by condom manufacturer Durex, with lovers there having sex just 45 times a year compared to a global average of 103 times a year."




You've got (fe)male: "Fourteen staff at Britain's driver and vehicle licensing agency have been sacked and 101 disciplined after they swapped so many pornographic emails that it clogged up the organisation's mainframe computer. The 14 employees of the agency, including an executive, were fired for sending obscene emails to people outside the agency. Those who were disciplined had sent the material to colleagues within the building. The agency, which is in Swansea, has 6000 staff and handles all Britain's driver and vehicle records. The pornography had been downloaded from the internet by staff during working hours, a spokeswoman said . The images were then attached to emails sent around the 20-storey building. Trouble began when computers started slowing down because of the size and number of images being sent."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:47 PM

 



WACKY GERMAN BRIDGE

It's for real. This is a channel-bridge over the River Elbe and joins the former East and West Germany, as part of the unification project. It is located in the city of Magdeburg, near Berlin. The photo was taken on the day of inauguration.





posted by bussorah at 3:10 PM

 


SPELLBINDER














THE NEWS

The wonders of Kimchi: "Kimchi, for the uninitiated, is the national dish of Korea. Its origins go back centuries. At its most basic, it's fermented cabbage. At its hottest, it can be a sinus-cleansing sojourn in purgatory. Kimchi is the key player in "panchan," the multiple side dishes arrayed like steppingstones in Korean cuisine. There are endless varieties of kimchi -- cabbage, turnip, radish, mustard leaf, eggplant, etc. -- and most contain wincing amounts of salt and often eye-popping levels of chili pepper. Its combustible qualities notwithstanding, kimchi, according to a 2005 report in Health magazine, is considered one of the four healthiest foods, along with soy, yogurt and olive oil. Most Koreans eat kimchi with every meal, and many adherents of kimchi believe it has salutary, almost supernatural, properties. There seems to be no ailment kimchi can't cure or alleviate, from a painful hangover to a nagging cold. So revered is kimchi that there's even a kimchi museum in Seoul, where visitors can ogle plastic displays of kimchi. The curator of the museum, Park Chae-lin, has been quoted as saying, "I think kimchi practically defines Korean-ness."


Premenstrual professor says premenstrual syndrome does not exist: "Pre-menstrual tension, post-natal depression and menopausal outbursts do not exist, controversial research has claimed. Instead these are "catch-all" diagnoses being used as an excuse by women to explain the stressful effects of their modern lives. University of Western Sydney's professor of women's health and psychology Jane Ussher yesterday claimed women's unhappiness was being wrongly diagnosed as a product of their reproductive bodies. Drawing on 20 years of research - including in-depth interviews with British and Australian women - Professor Ussher said PMS and PND were products of repressed rage stemming from social pressure. "I would argue that PMS and PND are essentially a form of repressed rage women feel, rather than a medical illness," she said." [She got the rage bit right]


Shootout at 'sex for contraband' jail: "An attempt to arrest federal prison guards in a sex-for-contraband probe erupted in gunfire that killed a US Justice Department agent and one of the guards, the FBI said today. Agents were trying to arrest six guards at the Federal Detention Centre in Tallahassee on charges including giving prisoners alcohol and other contraband in exchange for sex and money, an investigator said. One of the indicted guards opened fire and was shot dead, FBI spokesman Jeff Westcott said. An agent from the Justice Department's Office of the Inspector General was also killed, he said. Another prison worker was shot and taken to a hospital, but his condition was unknown, Mr Westcott said. Prison spokeswoman Carla Wilson said no prisoners were involved and the facility had been secured. The six guards were indicted yesterday on charges of conspiracy, bribery, witness tampering, mail fraud and interstate transportation in aid of racketeering, according to the US Attorney's office in Tallahassee".


Australian parliament defines fish: "Legislation being debated this week will amend quarantine laws to insert a definition of a fish as "an aquatic vertebrate or an aquatic invertebrate but not a mammal or a bird". In other words, prawns and barramundi yes, whales and dolphins no. A spokesman for Fisheries Minister Eric Abetz said the change was needed because fish had previously not been defined in law. The definition is not the sole change being made in the legislation. It also tightens controls on fish export lines and introduces penalties for people who fail to properly prepare fish for export.


Disgusting parents raid children's piggy banks: "More than a quarter of Australian parents pinch or have been tempted to "borrow" money from their children's piggy banks, research shows. The Newspoll study on family attitudes to money surveyed 369 parents or guardians with children aged 17 or under living at home. It found that almost nine in 10 parents believed they set a good example for their children when it came to managing money. But it also revealed that over a quarter of parents surveyed had taken money or thought about "borrowing" it from their kids' savings. "Our research shows that many parents think they're setting a good example for their kids, but their actions are doing the opposite," said BankWest head of retail deposits Paul Vivian. "People may be feeling the pinch of purse strings for everyday necessities, but turning to their kids' savings isn't the answer." More than half of the parents surveyed said the number one reason for pinching from their kids' savings was to purchase everyday essentials such as petrol, milk and bread."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:55 PM

 


Nosy kid

A mother is driving her 7 year-old daughter to her friend's house for a play date when the little girl asks "Mommy," how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," ! the mother replies sweetly. "It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, a bit less sweetly. "Those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That's enough questions, young lady, honestly!" mom says as her daughter is getting out of the car.

The exasperated mother drives away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the! little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it. "

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

Now mom's getting mad. She says, "Oh really? And just why is that, young lady?"

"Because you got an F in sex."








THE NEWS

'Monkey man' causes stir: "Thousands of people are flocking to an impoverished Indian village in eastern West Bengal state to worship a man they believe possesses divine powers because he climbs up trees in seconds, gobbles up bananas and has a "tail". Devotees say 27-year-old villager Chandre Oraon is an incarnation of the Hindu monkey god Hanuman -- worshipped by millions as a symbol of physical strength, perseverance and devotion. "He climbs up trees, behaves like a monkey and is a strict vegetarian, but he is no god and his condition is just a congenital defect," says Bhushan Chakraborty, the local medical officer. Tucked away in a hamlet in Banarhat, over 650 km north of Kolkata, the state capital, devotees wait for hours to see or touch Oraon's 35 cm tail, believing that it has healing powers."




Feisty ginger cat: "A black bear picked the wrong yard for a jaunt, running into a territorial tabby who ran the furry beast up a tree - twice. Jack, a 15-pound orange and white cat, keeps a close vigil on his property, often chasing small animals, but his owners and neighbors say his latest escapade was surprising. "We used to joke, 'Jack's on duty,' never knowing he'd go after a bear," owner Donna Dickey told The Star-Ledger of Newark for Friday's editions. Neighbor Suzanne Giovanetti first spotted Jack's accomplishment after her husband saw a bear climb a tree on the edge of their northern New Jersey property on Sunday. Giovanetti thought Jack was simply looking up at the bear, but soon realized the much larger animal was afraid of the hissing cat. After about 15 minutes, the bear descended and tried to run away, but Jack chased it up another tree. Dickey, who feared for her cat, then called Jack home and the bear scurried back to the woods. "He doesn't want anybody in his yard," Dickey said. Bear sightings are not unusual in West Milford, which experts consider one of the state's most bear-populated areas".




Spot the contented cats: "While chilly Victorians rug up against the winter freeze, it's all cool running for snow leopards Gregor and Shimbu. The endangered cats can survive fierce winds and extreme cold in their native Himalayas, so home at the Melbourne Zoo -- even in winter -- is a tropical paradise. Snow leopards also have the longest tails of any cat, and use them as a blanket for warmth. Shimbu and Gregor are members of the Melbourne Zoo's regional breeding program, which aims to save the rare snow leopard from extinction. The leopard is hunted for its luxurious coat, which can sell for up to $50,000.


Lax mint: "A man who smuggled an estimated half tonne of $2 coins out of the Royal Australian Mint concealed in his boots and lunchbox has been jailed for three years. William Grzeskowiac, 48, of Monash, was described by an ACT Supreme Court judge as a man of previous good character who had succumbed to the temptation to steal from his employer. Justice Terry Connolly imposed a non-parole period of 18 months and ordered that Grzeskowiac repay $4,000. The court heard police recovered a total of $135,852 in coins and notes which Grzeskowiac admitted stealing from the mint over a 10-month period. Justice Connolly criticised Mint security, saying it was extraordinary its systems had failed to detect someone walking out every day with up to 150 coins in each boot."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:19 PM

 


SMART OLDSTER

An old guy is walking down the street when he sees a beautiful young woman with absolutely perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 ?" "Are you nuts?!!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 ?" he then asks.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So, the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.

"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000?"

"She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmm, $10,000 , eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts he has ever seen. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"

"Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"





LOGIC









THE NEWS

Oldies are happier: "The study, performed by VA Ann Arbor Healthcare System and University of Michigan researchers, involved more than 540 adults who were either between the ages of 21 and 40, or over age 60. All were asked to rate or predict their own individual happiness at their current age, at age 30 and at age 70, and also to judge how happy most people are at those ages. The results are published in the June issue of the Journal of Happiness Studies, a major research journal in the field of positive psychology. "Overall, people got it wrong, believing that most people become less happy as they age, when in fact this study and others have shown that people tend to become happier over time," says lead author Heather Lacey, Ph.D., a VA postdoctoral fellow and member of the U-M Medical School's Center for Behavioral and Decision Sciences in Medicine. "Not only do younger people believe that older people are less happy, but older people believe they and others must have been happier 'back then'. Neither belief is accurate."


Dog phones for help: "A Florida dog that chomped for help by mobile phone, saving the life of her owner in a diabetic seizure, will fetch a humanitarian award today. Belle the beagle dialed the emergency number 911 on her owner Kevin Weaver's mobile phone last February when he began to convulse and lapsed into unconsciousness. Mr Weaver, a resident of the central Florida city of Ocoee, originally got Belle for companionship. But after learning about a nonprofit organisation that trains dogs to alert diabetic owners of oncoming seizures and to respond, he decided to have her trained as a medical assistant. With a lick and sniff of Mr Weaver's nose, Belle can detect his blood sugar levels. When they drop below normal, she is trained to warn him by whining and pawing at him. Belle was doing just that on February 7, but Mr Weaver thought she just needed to go outside. Minutes later he had slipped into a diabetic seizure. The well-trained Belle retrieved his mobile phone and, using her teeth, pressed the "9" key, which was programmed to dial 911. Paramedics arrived on the scene just minutes later".


21 million dollar dance lessons: "Mimi Monica Wong, the 61-year-old head of HSBC's private banking in Asia, likes to dance. So she booked $21 million worth of lessons from her Latin dance teachers, for eight years of exclusive tuition - and paid half upfront. But the salsa turned sour when instructor Mirko Saccani, 31, allegedly lost patience with her as they danced in front of a crowd of 50 at the Li Hua restaurant, a centre of the Hong Kong dance scene, and called her a "lazy cow". Another dance instructor, Philip Redmond, said Mr Saccani went on to threaten: "If you do it again, Monica, I'll smash your head against the wall." Ms Wong is suing Mr Saccani and his wife and dancing partner Gaynor Fairweather for the up-front payment, in a case that is attracting huge attention, even in Hong Kong's often colourful courts. The couple is counter-suing Ms Wong for unpaid fees. The prominent banker said her huge investment in dance was driven by her desire to "look for the last bit of glory in life"."




Pandas not about to die out: "Scientists say giant pandas may not be in as much danger of extinction as feared, with a new British-Chinese study finding there could be twice as many living in the wild as previously thought. "This finding indicates that the species may have a significantly better chance of long-term viability than recently anticipated, and that this beautiful animal may have a brighter future," the scientists said in a statement. Until now scientists thought there were about 1,590 giant pandas living in reserves in the mountains of China. Pandas, one of the world's most endangered and elusive animals, are dependent on bamboo found in that area. But scientists from Britain's Cardiff University and the Chinese Academy of Sciences now think there could be as many as 3,000 there after a survey using a new method to profile DNA from panda faeces revealed there was more than double the number of estimated pandas in one reserve."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:44 PM

 


A EULOGY

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm
and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn)and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. - Reports of a six -year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is
survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.





THE IMMIGRANT EXPERIENCE

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!"

The passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!"

The person says, "I no American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!"

Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work!"








THE NEWS

OH: Town bans sheets as window coverings: "Don't try to hang a blanket in a window in this Ohio town. The City Council has banned the use of blankets, garbage bags, newspaper or other unsightly items in place of curtains. Shades, miniblinds and other conventional window coverings in houses and apartments must work and be hung properly, according to the law approved 8-1 Monday. Sheets sewn to look like drapes also will be acceptable. Violators will receive warnings and could face up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. Residents who just moved in will be given some wiggle room and landlords will be responsible for getting renters to comply, said Ron Petkovic, the city's housing manager. The measure was meant to give Euclid a nicer image, and was prompted by complaints, Councilman John Conway said. 'There was no intent to turn our inspectors, through this
ordinance, into the fashion police,' Conway said."




Robot reptile a real friller: "Australia's frilled-neck lizard has inspired what is tipped to be the year's hottest toy. American creator Mark W. Tilden was watching the Discovery Channel when the Aussie critter appeared, giving him the inspiration for the Roboreptile, a seeing and hearing robot. "I saw the way the frilled-neck lizards run with their tails and I thought I could build something like that," said Mr Tilden, who created his first robot when he was three. Roboreptile, to be launched worldwide tomorrow, is the latest in a series of robot pets after its high-selling "ancestors" Roboraptor and Robosapien. The 72cm-long super pet has 12 walking and running functions and is equipped with a powerful whipping tail, fully functional ears and infrared radar. "You can feed it, it can follow things around, it's got this beautiful flexible neck and it has a variety of different moods," Mr Tilden said."


Red tape thwarts brides: "True love waits for no one -- except maybe the Homeland Security Department. Red tape has put wedding bells on hold for about 10,000 U.S. citizens seeking visas for their foreign brides and grooms as the department works on new paperwork for their applications. The form change was required as part of a law, enacted in March, to protect foreign mail-order brides from abusive American spouses. But Homeland Security missed its deadline three months ago, putting the visa applications of thousands of law-abiding lovers in limbo."


Meditation will cure you: "Transcendental meditation improves blood pressure and insulin resistance in heart patients, according to a placebo-controlled study carried out at an academic medical center in California. Researchers studied 84 patients with coronary artery disease, randomly dividing them into two groups. The first received a 16-week course of health education; the second was enrolled in a course in transcendental meditation. Both groups continued to receive conventional medical care and advice. Transcendental meditation is a technique that involves mental concentration and physical relaxation through the use of a mantra, a repeated phrase or syllable. By the end of the study, the participants in the meditation group had significantly lower blood pressure compared with participants in the control group. They also had significantly improved in measures of insulin resistance, the ability of the body to properly process insulin and blood sugar. The paper appeared yesterday in Archives of Internal Medicine".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:18 PM

 


REVISED "HITS"

Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers. They include:

1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.

2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.

5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now.

7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

10. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.

11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

12. The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

13. Abba--- Denture Queen.

14. Tony Orlando--- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.

15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.






COMPUTER TROUBLES









THE NEWS



Lawsuit over $1.7m 'lemon': "The US owner of an exotic, 12-cylinder Mercedes has sued its maker for a $1.7 million refund on "the world's most expensive lemon". Mark Johnston bought the Mercedes-Benz AMG CLK-GTR roadster, one of only five produced and the one in North America, for $2.31 million in 2003. The Guinness Book of World Records lists the car as the most expensive production vehicle ever. "The car turned out to be exotic in the worst possible way," said Mr Johnston, a former Ferrari mechanic. "It just doesn't run." The 6.9 litre, 12 cylinder engine can shoot the car from 0 to 200km/h in 9.9 seconds, with a top speed of 320km/h. In theory. But this car could not even make it ten blocks, said Mr Johnston. Johnson, who owns "Grand Prix Motors" in Los Angeles, took it out for a test drive with a potential buyer. During the test Johnston claimed the oil gauge lit up and the transmission failed. The car promptly broke down on a Beverly Hills street and was towed back to the showroom".


Danish police 'distracted' by World Cup match: "Some police officers in Denmark refused to answer an emergency call because they were engrossed in watching a televised World Cup football match, a Danish newspaper has reported. The father of a 14-year-old boy phoned the police station at Gladsaxe, north-west of Copenhagen, on Monday night to report that his son had been threatened with a knife by two men on a motorcycle, who attacked the boy and stole his mobile phone, according to the tabloid, Ekstra Bladet. He asked the police to send a patrol car as the robbers were still in the area and could be arrested. "We can't send a car because we don't have the men" available, the police station told him. The father decided to file a complaint and went to the station, where he was surprised to find six to eight officers watching the Italy-Ghana match. A senior officer at Gladsaxe, Allan Enevoldsen, has opened an inquiry into the incident. "We ought to have the resources for the armed robbery of a 14-year-old boy threatened with a knife," he said. "And nothing in my preliminary inquiry indicates that the officers were so busy they could not send a patrol to the area," he told the paper.


Surf's up for Stalin: "An album of Stalin-era prison songs mixed with Hawaiian-style surf music is proving an unlikely hit in eastern Europe. Creator Mikhail Antipov said Gulag Tunes, which has a cover showing Stalin draped in a Hawaiian-style garland of skulls, has been flying off shelves in Moscow. And he said thousands of copies had been ordered across eastern Europe. He added: 'We call this classic rebellious prison music 'blatniye pesni' and I have added luau-style percussion and keyboards.' ... Songs include a take on the classic Vaninsky Port which refers to a network of Stalin-era prison camps and includes the line: 'You will lose your mind against your will. From there, there is no way back.'"




Paw polish for posh pets: "Just when you thought pet pampering couldn't get any weirder, cosmetic companies have started making nail polish for dogs. Owners wanting to ensure their dogs put their best paw forward are painting their nails in pinks, blues and blacks. The enamel is quick-drying and harder than the human variety, so it stays on longer... Kathleen Miller from Aristopet, which makes the polish, said people spent $40-$70 on pet grooming. Ellen Moloney, from Pet Works at Keperra in Brisbane, said nail polish was just the latest in a range of canine beauty care. To combat dreaded doggy breath there is now pooch toothpaste and to control the rest of the odours is dog cologne, in different scents for male and females. And there's even an aromatherapy line. "We sell a lot of cologne to everyone, from people who want their dog to smell good after they bath it to people who want to cover up bad dog smells," Ms Moloney said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 10:44 AM

 


DILBERT IN REAL LIFE

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-comic-strip-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes from the managers we work for in corporate America, circa 2004:

" As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

" What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

" E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

" This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

" Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

" No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citgo Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

" We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, Sprint Long Lines Division)






ELOQUENT BUSH










THE NEWS

British art gallery displays slate as art: "One of Britain's most prestigious art galleries put a block of slate on display, topped by a small piece of wood, in the mistaken belief it was a work of art. The Royal Academy included the chunk of stone and the small bone-shaped wooden stick in its summer exhibition in London. But the slate was actually a plinth and the stick was designed to prop up a sculpture. The sculpture itself - of a human head - was nowhere to be seen. "I think the things got separated in the selection process and the selectors presented the plinth as a complete sculpture," the work's artist David Hensel told BBC radio. The academy explained the error by saying the plinth and the head were sent to the exhibitors separately. "Given their separate submission, the two parts were judged independently," it said in a statement. "The head was rejected, the base was thought to have merit and accepted. "The head has been safely stored ready to be collected by the artist. "It is accepted that works may not be displayed in the way that the artist might have intended."


NY: Schoolkids use ring tone teachers can't hear: "Students are using a new ring tone to receive messages in class -- and many teachers can't even hear the ring. Some students are downloading a ring tone off the Internet that is too high-pitched to be heard by most adults. With it, high schoolers can receive text message alerts on their cell phones without the teacher knowing. As people age, many develop what's known as aging ear -- a loss of the ability to hear higher-frequency sounds. The ring tone is a spin-off of technology that was originally meant to repel teenagers -- not help them. A Welsh security company developed the tone to help shopkeepers disperse young people loitering in front of their stores while leaving adults unaffected. The company called their product the 'Mosquito.'"


The wrath of grapes: "Almost exactly one year ago, oenophiles received the Supreme Court's decision in Granholm v. Heald with glee and anticipation. Today, however, the harsh reality is that many of our hopes have been dashed. In today's remarkable economy, with just a few minutes online, you can buy almost any product imaginable from almost anywhere in the world and have it delivered to your front door. Except wine."




Wine cheap in Australia: "Save money, bathe in wine. If Jesus was to repeat the miracle today, he would be unlikely to turn water into wine. It would be close to sacrilege to do so in Australia after a decade-long drought. But it would also be economically unviable given wine can be bought for less than water. A world-wide grape glut means Australians can pick up a good bottle of vin for less than the price of two pots of beer. On a cold night on the couch watching the World Cup in the wee hours, that may yet prove to be a modern-day miracle. Drinkers are getting twice the volume of alcohol at double the strength, at not quite close to the same cost. But what appears to be merely bad news for beer buffs, is likely to totally spin out the state's rev heads. In bulk containers, a litre of red wine can be bought for 50 cents -- compared with the $1.40 motorists are paying for a litre of unleaded petrol. It is a disturbing fact that it's cheaper to drink than to drive. Victorians who quaff were paying a low of $2.90 for a bottle of cleanskin red in Melbourne last week."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:12 PM

 


THE AGES OF MAN (NEW VERSION)

On the first day God created the dog God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live fifty or sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.







GENEROSITY









THE NEWS

Study links migraine headaches, sex drive: "Contrary to the clich,, "Not tonight, I have a headache," a study has found that not all headache sufferers avoid sex: in fact, migraine sufferers report higher levels of sexual desire than people with other types of headaches. Migraine is a type of severe, recurring headache. "Sexual desire and migraine headaches may be influenced by the same brain chemical," said Timothy Houle of Wake Forest University School of Medicine in Winston-Salem, N.C., lead author of the study. The research, which involved 68 young adults from Chicago, is to appear in an upcoming issue of the research journal Headache. "Understanding of this link will help us to better understand the nature of migraine and perhaps lead to improved treatment," he added. Evidence suggests a complex relationship between sexual activity and headache, the researchers said. Both have been linked to levels of serotonin, a brain chemical that also plays a role in depression. Excess serotonin may be associated with decreased libido, and migraine sufferers are reported to have low levels of the brain chemical in their systems. Serotonin has also been found to play a role in migraine attacks.




Fiery Indian movie: "The screening of Aamir Khan starrer Fanaa has been stopped from a theatre in Jamnagar, the only cinema hall showing the movie in Gujarat, following a self immolation bid by a man protesting against Yash Raj Films. Also, YRF has requested the theatre owner to stop screening of the movie following the self-immolation bid, the owner of Ambar theatre Vimal Madam said. "Following their direction, we have decided to withdraw the film from theaters," he said. Madam said they are not interested in earning money in such a way when a man is forced to commit suicide. Manager of the Ambar, Mansur Sheikh said representatives of Yash Raj films had called up from Mumbai and had asked them to stop screening the movie with immediate effect. Meanwhile, the condition of Pravin Joshi (30), who tried to immolate himself inside the toilet of a cinema theatre in Jamnagar to protest the screening of 'Fanaa', was critical but stable."


It pays to advertise? "A man driving a car with the licence plate "THC4ME" has been caught with 1kg of cannabis and more than $12,000 cash in a remote Northern Territory community. Michael John Page, 44, pleaded guilty in the NT Supreme Court yesterday to supplying a commercial quantity of cannabis and possessing $12,880, gained through the commission of an offence. Prosecutor Corinna Baohm said the man bought a $4000 car, clip-seal bags and about 1kg of cannabis - for which he paid about $8800 - in Katherine in January. He then drove to Ramingining on the Arnhem Land coast where he stayed with a friend. The friend has also been charged with offences. Ms Baohm told the court Mr Page divided the cannabis into 1g bags and then sold the bags to locals for $50 each. Between January 15 and 17, Mr Page sold 337 bags in 1g lots "and made $12,880 cash", the prosecutor said.... Defence lawyer Glen Dooley said his client wanted to make money quickly so he and his partner could buy a house. He conceded Mr Page had more than 40 previous convictions but at least half were for traffic offences."


Candidate says criminal past not his: "Ronald Wayne Blankenship, a candidate in the runoff for the Democratic nomination for Jefferson County sheriff, says it's coincidence that a man with a criminal past shares his name and birthdate. It's strange but true, he says, that both he and a man who faked his own death in 1990 are married to women named Judy Ruth Green Stonecipher Blankenship.



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:30 PM

 



LATINO BOYCOTT RESULTS

The Counties of Los Angeles and Orange reported the statistics for last month's Rally and Boycott of business by the Latino Communities was a resounding success.

1. Retailers reported sales were down 4.2%
2. Shoplifting was down 67%
3. Traffic collisions involving Uninsured drivers were down 42%
4. Gang related violence was down 71%
5. Street corner 'Orange' sales were down 85%
6. Illegal dumping was down 53%
7. Hospital Emergency Rooms reported 86% fewer non insured patients.
8. County Services reported 65% fewer Welfare Claims.

The County Commissioners are recommending a Boycott be held at least once a week for the foreseeable future.






SILICONE ON PARADE









THE NEWS

Have a Maccas! Fatty food protects the skin: "Fatty foods will clog your arteries and pad your backside, but at least they won't increase your risk of skin cancer. New Australian research appearing in BMC Cancer this week contradicts the long-held belief that a fatty diet increases skin cancer risk. Led by Robert Granger and colleagues at the Menzies Research Institute in Hobart and the Murdoch Childrens Research Institute in Melbourne, the new findings suggest that high fat intake may even protect against non-melanoma skin cancer. They studied 652 Australians who had been diagnosed with either skin melanoma or non-melanoma (the former is more aggressive and more likely to spread to other tissues). They compared these patients with 471 people who did not have skin cancer. Both groups completed a survey about their fat intake and history of sun exposure. There was no evidence that high fat intake increased the risk of developing either type of skin cancer. In fact, patients who had previously been diagnosed with non-melanoma skin cancer had a lower risk of developing another if they reported eating more fat."


Palm tree ahead: danger: "Palm trees along the seafront at Torbay have been emblematic of the English Riviera for decades. Now they have become emblematic of the modern obsession with health and safety. Council officials have written to the chamber of trade saying the trees are a potential hazard because their sharp leaves could cause injuries to eyes or faces. The palms have long appeared in posters promoting the mild climate in Torbay, a 25-mile stretch in Devon that includes the resorts of Torquay, Paignton and Brixham"




Man bought both bikini and boobs: "A jilted lover of a New Zealand woman who ran onto the field in a bikini during an international rugby match last Saturday, is trying to stop her selling the swimsuit on an online auction site. The 32-year-old truck driver, who does not want to be named, said he bought the bikini and paid for the breast enlargement that Lisa Lewis, 25, displayed in her partially clad streak during the New Zealand All Blacks-Ireland match in Hamilton. He told the Waikato Times newspaper she had more than $NZ15,000 ($A12,640) of presents he gave her - "counting the boobs and the bikini" - on her when she streaked across the pitch. As bidding for the bikini on the Trade Me site reached $NZ1,200 ($A1,010), the man said he had hired a lawyer to block the auction which was due to close tomorrow. He said proceeds from the auction were rightly his".


President, PM make a date with the King: "US President George W Bush and Japan's Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi - a huge Elvis Presley fan - will visit Graceland Mansion on June 30 to pay homage to the king of rock and roll. Mr Koizumi, 64, and Presley were both born on January 8. Presley moved into the 13-acre estate in Memphis, Tennessee, in the 1950s and died there in 1977, aged 42. Graceland draws Elvis fans from all over the world and ranks officially as a US historic landmark. Elvis fan websites say the Japanese leader is an enthusiastic member of his country's Elvis Presley fan club and even sang along to an Elvis number played at a banquet during a visit to Australia last year. Mr Koizumi is due to leave office in September and his US visit for talks with Mr Bush at the White House on June 29 is likely to be his last as prime minister."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:15 PM

 


AMAZING PICTURE: ALBINO PEACOCK








DEDICATION










THE NEWS

Moronic British bureaucrats again: "Motorists were driven mad when they got stuck in a two-mile rush-hour jam - caused by council officials doing a traffic survey. Hundreds were late for work thanks to the half- hour tailbacks in Poole, Dorset, as clipboard-wielding officials pulled cars over for a questionnaire. Fuming Stanley Rushall, 29, said: "I thought I'd come across a serious accident or big road works. "I couldn't believe it. It's ridiculous to do that sort of thing in the morning rush hour." Poole Borough Council transport boss Steve Tite said: "We were aiming to understand drivers' problems and reduce traffic congestion. "It was not possible to give advanced warning as drivers might have taken alternative routes."



Psychiatrist 'found peeping': A psychiatrist caught peeping through the curtains of an hotel room at two women undressing claimed that he was birdwatching, the General Medical Council was told yesterday. Andrew Clayton said that he was following his interest in ornithology after he was seen outside a room of a beach hotel in Gambia late at night. A hotel guest saw him switching off outside lights as he moved from balcony to balcony. Paul Biggs, a teacher, from South London, said the consultant told security guards that he was a keen birdwatcher,an explanation that he found "bizarre". Dr Clayton's lawyer said that his client's passion was not birdwatching, but stargazing. Dr Clayton, medical director of the Derbyshire Mental Health Services NHS Trust, denies inappropriate conduct. The hearing continues."


Beer is good for you: "A main ingredient in beer may help prevent prostate cancer and enlargement, according to a new study. But researchers say don't rush out to stock the refrigerator because the ingredient is present in such small amounts that a person would have to drink more than 17 beers to benefit. Oregon State University researchers say the compound xanthohumol, found in hops, inhibits a specific protein in the cells along the surface of the prostate gland. Xanthohumol was first discovered in hops in 1913, but its health effects were not known until about 10 years ago, when it was first studied by Fred Stevens, assistant professor of medicinal chemistry at OSU's College of Pharmacy. Last fall, Stevens published an update on xanthohumol in the journal Phytochemistry that drew international attention. Stevens says it possible for drug companies to develop pills containing concentrated doses of the flavonoid found in the hops used to brew beer. He also says researchers could work to increase the xanthohumol content of hops. There are already a number of food supplements on the market containing hops, and scientists in Germany have developed a beer that contains 10 times the amount of xanthohumol as traditional brews. The drink is being marketed as a healthy beer, but research is still under way to determine if it has any effect against cancer."


Candies cause Coke geyser: "A handful of Mentos lollies dropped in a Diet Coke bottle produces an explosive soda geyser - and a multitude of internet videos of giddy people trying the experiment in backyards and bathtubs. Hundreds of videos have sprung on the internet of people carefully slipping four or five Mentos into the two-litre diet soft drink bottles and high-fiving each other as they watch the Coke fountain jet about two metres high. The amateur films, which can be seen on popular websites such as youtube.com and Google, have been welcomed by Mentos, while the Coca-Cola Company appeared less enthusiastic about the phenomenon. Two Americans, Fritz Grobe and Stephen Voltz, took the stunt a step further as they aspired to duplicate a huge fountain from a Las Vegas casino with 523 Mentos and 101 coke bottles. Their two-minute feat, posted on http://www.eepybird.com/, grabbed the US media's attention and has pleased Perfetti van Melle, the Italian company that makes Mentos."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:29 PM

 


CHILDREN ON GRANDPARENTS

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:

We always spend our vacation with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big, brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

At their gate there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts.

My grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds.

Some of the people can't get past the man in the dollhouse to go out, so the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.

My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded one day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the dollhouse. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.

(The original version of the above is here -- with explanatory pictures)






IS THIS THE BEST STORE SIGN EVER?










THE NEWS

Trolley robbers: "Northern Territory shoppers are being targeted by itinerant "trolley robbers". Several shopping centres in Darwin and Palmerston have recently introduced user-pay shopping trolleys that cost shoppers $2 to operate, which is refunded when the trolley is returned. Itinerants [blacks] desperate for cash have honed in on vulnerable shoppers with the aim of retrieving the $2 from their trolley. Ludmilla mother Karen Hawkes was shopping with eight-month-old daughter Sophie at Palmerston Shopping Centre when she was accosted by two itinerants wanting her shopping trolley. "I was coming down the escalator and there was an undesirable looking lady waiting at the bottom who sized me up with my baby and wanted to take my trolley," she said. "She said she wanted to buy food and when I told her 'no' she started swearing at me. I started unloading the stuff in to the car and when I closed the boot an itinerant man came up for the same reason."


Fat 'saves man's life' in car accident: "A 200-kilogram German man has discovered that being overweight can be good for your health - if you get run over by a car. German police said the extra body mass prevented the 30-year-old man from suffering potentially fatal injuries when a Volkswagen Polo drove over him. The man had braked suddenly on his bicycle at a crossroads and fell off in front of the car. "It certainly helped him in this case," said Sven-Marco Claus, a spokesman for police in the western town of Gifhorn on Monday. "Someone smaller would probably not have been so lucky." The man dislocated his hip, which local doctors put back in place, but otherwise suffered only scratches and a bloody nose from the underside of the vehicle, police said".


Russian police mistake rugby match for brawl: "Russians playing a game of amateur rugby have been arrested by police who mistook the match for a mass brawl. "We got a call to our control room saying there was a fight involving a lot of people on some waste ground just outside town," RIA news agency quoted a police official in the southern city of Rostov-on-Don as saying. The players and supporters - nearly 100 people in total - were taken to the local police station. They were released without charge when officers realised they had been playing rugby, the news agency reported."


Boy, 10, behind wheel was good driver! "He could barely see over the dashboard but by all accounts he was among the more responsible drivers on the Newell Highway in northwest NSW. The 10-year-old and his brother, 6, yesterday took the family car for a 100km spin to visit their grandfather in Moree about 12.30pm. Setting off from Boggabilla, they drove about 85km down the busy Newell Highway before police caught them. But it wasn't their driving that caught the eye of passing truckies but the tiny figure behind the steering wheel, police said. "They appeared to be driving normally, certainly better than probably some other people on that road," Sgt Matt Clifford said. The boys casually explained they were going to visit their grandfather."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:44 PM

 


Cat Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"





A TRUE STORY ABOUT TAILGATING

A long time ago, I was a student tractor- trailer driver. My instructor and I were in the city, me driving a single axle tractor pulling a 40 foot van. The instructor asks me "How many cars are following you?" and I replied "One". He says "How do you know? I don't see any". I answered "Because I can see the shadow of a car behind the trailer". That means the following car is *right* on my rear bumper. He compliments me on my driving skill as we approach a underpass which is on a curve.

In the shadow of the underpass, in the middle of the lane, is a V8 engine block. About 400 pounds of iron, festooned with various brackets, just sitting there. Now I have two problems: spike the brakes, get hit in the rear and automatically lose my learner's permit, or try to avoid hitting the engine block. Hitting the block is completely out of the question, as the head instructor is a former Marine Drill Instructor and on our first day told us not to even THINK about dinging one of his trucks, using language and gestures as only a former Marine Drill Instructor can.

I tap the brakes lightly, to let the tailgating idiot know I'm slowing down, and center the tractor over the block, telling my instructor " I'm gonna straddle it!" He opens his door and starts trying to look under the truck. He starts yelling " It missed the axle, turn a little left, no, right, left, yeah, Ok, hold it right there!" I'm wincing, waiting for a bracket to reach out and tear out an air line, or rip a tire, or bang into a brake servo. I'm yelling " Did we hit it?, Did we hit it?" when the instructor swings back up in the seat, smiles, and says " No, but the guy behind us sure did!"

I look in the mirror, and sure enough, the guy behind now has a new Caddillac with a vee-shaped front bumper and a major coolant leak. And a new perspective on tailgating. I ask " Do we have to stop?" " Nope- didn't come off our truck, did it? " So off we went- laughing.







THE NEWS

Texting perils: "A girl aged 8 is suffering from repetitive strain injury after sending too many text messages on her mobile phone. Isabelle Taylor injured herself by spending too long every day texting her friends. The girl, from Lytham St Anne's, Lancashire, said that she first noticed pain in her wrists, which then spread to her fingers. She is being treated by David Cosgrave, a chiropractor, who said that the condition, known formally as tendiopathy, was surprisingly common among children who use high-tech gadgets. "I reckon I see two cases a month," he said. "A lot of youngsters who play their PlayStations or use their phones a lot can suffer inflammation that can be painful in the upper arms and wrists. "Text messaging regularly, over a long period of time, could cause repetitive strain, which is causing both short- and long-term injuries. Many times the pains are put down to growing pains, when actually there is something else causing it."


Arty Brits at work: "A play performed in a tree, an 80-hour reading of the Bible from start to finish, and a show in which members of the audience can have their hair cut on stage are among the oddities being served up at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe this year. Other bizarre offerings include a show in which an actor reads aloud from a telephone directory, a play celebrating the "extraordinary life of the potato", and a production of Hamlet set in a bouncy castle. From the music of Sandi Thom, the 24-year-old singer who shot to fame after "webcasting" concerts from her basement flat, to a show exploring the secrets behind the novel The Da Vinci Code, the usual eclectic mix was unveiled yesterday for the world's biggest arts festival."




Sexy politician? "Segolene Royal [above], the French Left's main presidential candidate, has been voted the world's sixth sexiest woman, beating scores of international sex symbols including Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Hurley and Penelope Cruz. The surprise victory in a survey on the "100 sexiest women in the world, 2006" for the men's monthly magazine FHM out tomorrow is being hailed as a boost to Ms Royal's chances of winning French presidential elections next year. The 52-year-old mother of four left Penelope Cruz (15th), Jennifer Lopez (34th), Liz Hurley (41st) and Italian film star Monica Bellucci (91st) trailing, and was only two places behind the American actress Angelina Jolie. Top of the poll was Adriana Karembeu [below], the French-Slovak supermodel and wife of former international French footballer, Christian Karembeu. Ms Royal, the girlfriend of Socialist Party leader, Francois Hollande, has taken the French political world by storm since the beginning of the year, going from a relative unknown to the favourite in next year's presidential election, even garnering more support than Nicolas Sarkozy, the Right's frontrunner. She can now claim to be the first politician to have featured on FHM's annual list."





(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:55 PM

 


LOGICAL

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't try and start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you, "says Dolly."It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12 . I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.






Three fun images from an advertising campaign run by a German employment agency:















(Originals here)








THE NEWS

Dumb British politician: "John Prescott yesterday took a 200-yard trip in a chauffeur-driven Jag - to make a speech about the perils of global warming. The gas-guzzler shuttled him from his hotel to a conference centre a stone's throw away in Rhode Island, near New York. As he clambered from the car Mr Prescott told bemused journalists he was "fully focused" on saving the planet. And he insisted they were the silly ones for questioning him about colleagues back home who appear to be jockeying for his job of Deputy PM. Mr Prescott, on a four-day trip to discuss global warming with American and Canadian politicians, snapped: "Have you come all the way from the UK to ask daft questions like that? "I'm talking about climate change here." But Prezza was last night blasted by Greenpeace over the car trip. A spokesman said: "What is daft is that despite years of criticism of his gas-guzzling cars, John Prescott still doesn't get the connection between people's personal behaviour and climate change."


Inside job: "Two masked robbers walked into the Dillons at Woodlawn and 13th Street North at about 6:30 a.m. Thursday morning, forced their way into the cashier's cage and demanded money, Wichita police said. But there was a problem with their master plan, police said: the cashier recognized one of the robbers -- as an employee of the grocery store. Sure enough, being the dutiful employee, he showed up for work later that morning...driving the same vehicle witnesses say was used in the robbery. The 17-year-old boy was arrested, along with two acquaintances whom police believe assisted the suspects after the crime. The search for the second robber is continuing, Capt. Darrell Haynes said".




Rough tart: "A Garland County sheriff's deputy has been fired and charged with misdemeanors for allegedly going topless at a campground at Lake Ouachita. Dawn Rene Roberson, 38, of Royal was terminated Wednesday after she turned herself in on misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure and disorderly conduct. Incident reports show that marine patrol Deputy John Tinney on Sunday spotted Roberson riding on the bow of a boat with her top off. Tinney told her to cover up and not ride on the bow, letting her off with a verbal warning.... A short time later, Tinney responded to a complaint that a woman was without a top in view of children. The report said a grandmother complained that the topless woman became "loud and disorderly" after she told the woman to cover up. Another camper also complained to authorities, saying the woman became belligerent when confronted. In both instances, the topless woman said she was a law officer, according to the reports. The next day, one of the people who complained was shown a photo of members of the jail staff. She picked Roberson out of the photo, officials said. Roberson has a July 18 appearance set in Hot Springs District Court. She could face up to one year in jail and a $1,000 fine on the exposure charge and up to 30 days in jail and a $100 fine on the disorderly conduct charge".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:35 PM

 


World History - As it really happened

This is an extended version of an old one

Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, good golfers, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be passed on to other "true believers."







THE NEWS



Whoops!: "The robbery happened Saturday around 11:44 a.m. at the Bank of the Commonwealth on West Norfolk Road. Employees of the bank reported the man entered the bank and then left with an undisclosed amount of money. While officers were still in the area of the bank, the suspect, Antonio Leon Richardson, returned to the sidewalk area in front of the bank. Police say Richardson retrived an item from the sewer drain. That item was later identified as evidence. Richardson is charged with armed robbery, use of a firearm in the commission of a felony, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon and entering a bank armed."


Driver had cooking oil in his brakes: A driver is facing jail for using cooking oil instead of brake fluid in his family car. David Wyn Williams, 24, was stopped for speeding with his four children sitting in the back. Police checked the brakes and discovered they were not functioning at all. A specialist vehicle examiner discovered cheap cooking oil had been put in the brake pipes. Williams of Borth, near Aberystwyth, admitted dangerous driving and doing 50mph in a 30mph zone. Williams told the court he kept jugs of different fluids in his garage and had picked up the wrong one by mistake.


Man bites car: "A man resisting an order to leave his home became so angry he bit the police car he was being pinned against, German authorities said. Police tried to eject the 42-year-old man after a report of domestic violence. He became aggressive and officers pinned him face down on the hood of their patrol car and he began chewing its police markings. "He was so angry he gnawed at the bonnet and bit through the paintwork," said a police spokesman in the western city of Bielefeld. "Who knows, perhaps he was hungry too." The hood would need its markings replacing and a new coat of paint, the spokesman said."


Childish lawyers: "Fed up with the inability of two lawyers to agree on a trivial issue in an insurance lawsuit, a federal judge in Florida this week ordered them to "convene at a neutral site" and "engage in one (1) game of 'rock, paper, scissors"' to settle the disputed matter. Childish lawyers are commonplace, but the use of children's games to resolve litigation disputes is apparently a new development. The judge, Gregory Presnell of the US District Court in Orlando, wrote that his innovation was "a new form of alternative dispute resolution". The proximate cause of Judge Presnell's ruling on Tuesday was a motion saying the two lawyers in the case could not agree about where to conduct the deposition of a witness. The choices were the building where they both work, four floors apart, or a court reporter's office down the street."


Fatal football boots: "Blisters from new football boots can do more than slow down budding soccer stars - they have the potential to kill, it was revealed yesterday. Doctors reported two cases of toxic shock in young footballers, caused by infected blisters from new boots. Both players, a girl, 13, and a boy, 11, were treated in hospital and survived. But toxic shock syndrome is known to have a 5 per cent fatality rate in children. The syndrome is an extreme life-threatening reaction to bacterial infection, causing fever and organ failure. It is mainly associated with an outbreak of cases in 1980 involving young women who used a particular type of tampon, now withdrawn from the market. In children, the syndrome is rare and mostly occurs as a complication of skin burns."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:55 PM

 


LOGICAL

I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still existed in this day and age. A dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that actually said "General Store", and that was it.

There was a little old man sitting in front of the store in a rocking chair... I said to him, "What do you folks do around here?"

He said, "We don't do nothin' but hunt n' f***."

I said, "What do you hunt?"

He said, "Somethin'to f***."






CHINESE TORTURE

A man is traveling through the jungle for days. Growing tired, he passes by a house and decides to ask if they could put him up for the night. After he knocks on the door, an old Chinese man with a beard that reached the floor answers. The traveler asks if he could stay the night, and the Chinese guy agrees -- as long as he doesn't screw his granddaughter.

Before the traveler can agree, the old man warns him that if he does screw his granddaughter, he will perform the three greatest Chinese tortures on him. The traveler says okay, and the man lets him in. When it was time for dinner, the man meets the granddaughter, who is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. After he figures that the old man is asleep, he goes into her room and makes love to her.

The next morning, the man awakes with a 100-lb rock on his chest with a sign reading, "First Chinese torture: wake up with 100-pound rock on chest." Being a strong man, the traveler thinks nothing of it. He picks up the rock and throws it out the window. On the back of the rock, there is another sign reading "Second Chinese torture: right ball tied to rock." Thinking quickly, the traveler jumps out the window. On the other side of the window, there is another sign reading, "Third Chinese torture: left nut tied to bed post."







THE NEWS

Cliff loses it: "Gordon Ramsay, the celebrity chef that everyone loves to hate, now has a new enemy: Sir Cliff Richard. The singer-turned wine maker agreed to take part in a blind wine tasting on Ramsay's British TV show, The F Word. The UK's Daily Mail reports that Richard thought the first wine Ramsay gave him to taste was "amazing". "Of course it was, it was a $1000 a bottle," Ramsay is reported as saying later at a launch party for the show. The second wine did not go down so well. "I told him it was a sort of 12.99 bottle and Cliff said, 'That's rubbish. I wouldn't pay for that, it's tainted, it's insipid. It tastes like vinaigrette. I'd never buy that,'" Ramsay quoted him as saying. I told him, 'Cliff, that was your wine' and, well, f*** me, he went off. Bananas. He lent over and [beckoned me towards him] with his finger and said, 'Young man, go f*** yourself.'" To add insult to injury, Ramsay said that he is actually using the wine for vinaigrette in his restaurant at upmarket Claridges."




Sex slave owner jailed: "A Melbourne woman has been jailed for 10 years after becoming the first person in Australia convicted of possessing sex slaves. A Victorian County Court jury found Wei Tang, 44, guilty of five charges of possessing a slave and five of owning a slave. Tang, of Fitzroy, had pleaded not guilty to the charges. Judge Michael McInerney today sentenced her to 10 years' jail, with a minimum term of six years. During the eight-week trial the prosecution said five Thai women, who cannot be named, were brought into Australia with the promise they would eventually be able to work legally in the sex trade. But the women were told they first had to work off a debt of about $45,000 each, which meant performing sex acts for no pay. The women worked at Tang's brothel, Club 417 in Brunswick Street, Fitzroy, and the offences happened between August 2002 and May 2003. Judge McInerney said while the women were not kept under lock and key, they could not run away as they had no money, no passport, limited English and were told to avoid immigration authorities. He said he also took into account that Tang had no prior convictions and the five victims were well provided for and fed."


Dumb Canadian goes to police station for a light - for crack pipe : A Peterborough man now knows that not only is smoking in a police station illegal - smoking crack in a police station is really illegal. City police say a man walked into the station early Tuesday morning and asked the desk sergeant for a light. That's when the man pulled out a partially filled crack pipe. Needless to say, the man was immediately arrested. The 54-year-old man is charged with possession of a controlled substance.


The dumb die young: "Shortly before 10 p.m., a man six weeks out of prison entered the yard. He pulled a 9-millimeter handgun on the women and, according to the River Forest police, "announced a robbery." After robbing one of the women, he ordered them to strip and sexually assaulted two of them, police said. The assailant fled when one of the victims fought back, setting off a chase that had a surreal ending: The suspect, Fabian Patillo of the 800 block of N. Keeler in Chicago, accidentally shot himself in the head while trying to shoot an Oak Park police officer who was pursuing him. "He pulled the trigger before the barrel cleared his shoulder," said Oak Park Police Deputy Chief Robert Scianna. Patillo, 21, died at Loyola University Medical Center in Maywood Tuesday morning, police said. (Via Jerry Lerman)



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:04 PM

 


POINTS TO PONDER

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?






CRAZY









THE NEWS

Survey: Men and marriage are a match made in heaven: "It just got harder for women to blame “commitment phobia” for their boyfriends’ unwillingless to walk down the aisle. A new study found that men are more likely than women to want to get married - and are just as keen to start a family. “The world is a tough place and the men understand that if they’re going it alone, it makes for a great cowboy movie, but it doesn’t make for a great life,” said Dr. Richard Pomerance, a Bay State psychologist specializing in relationship decisions. More than 12,000 men and women took part in a survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics. The interviews were done in person and participants were asked a host of questions on marriage, sex, parenthood and cohabitating. It was the first time men were included in the survey, done regularly since 1973. The results were released earlier this week. Men and women were asked to respond to this statement: “It is better to get married than go through life single.” Sixty-six percent of men agreed or strongly agreed with the statement, compared with only 51 percent of women.


NYC becomes even more multicultural: "New York is finally getting a school where children can play cricket, eat shepherd's pie, and pronounce tomato so that it does not rhyme with potato. Come September, genuine British schoolchildren in natty red-and-grey uniforms will be seen on the streets of Manhattan with the opening of the city's only British school. Located next to the UN school, the British International School will serve British expatriates and Anglophile New Yorkers who want their offspring educated with a proper accent and can pay $26,000 a year in fees. "We are looking forward to the fact that she can spell `colour' with a `u' and we do not have to say `zee' any more," said Robin Kent, a British expatriate who is moving his eight-year-old daughter Grace from an American school. "The fact that she can learn to play cricket as opposed to baseball is also a real treat," said Mr Kent, who moved to New York five years ago as the chairman of Universal McCann, the media agency."


Cheap Brits to go thirsty: "Householders responsible for almost 1 billion pounds in unpaid water bills face compulsory rationing under measures being considered by the Government. Up to 15 per cent of people refuse to pay and have pushed up bills for everyone else by 10 pounds a year. An estimated two thirds of those who fail to pay could easily find the money, according to a Parliamentary report published today. Included in its recommendations is a demand to introduce rationing for non-payers that could limit them to as little as two litres a day.... The Lords recommend that a system - trickle disconnection - used in Melbourne, should be adopted in Britain. An Australian firm has designed a tamper-proof device that restricts the flow so that only enough for minimum health and safety needs is supplied. From an average 169 litres a day in Melbourne, non-payers are restricted to two litres a day."


Smart drugs for all in 20 years: "Smart drugs to make people think faster, improve their memory and reduce tiredness will be commonplace within 20 years, according to the British Government's chief scientific adviser. David King told ministers at a presentation in Downing Street that a new generation of "recreational psychoactive substances" could be given to healthy people to enhance their lives. Sir David said brain-enhancing chemicals could "revolutionise" the treatment of mental disorders and create new medical ways to fight drug addiction. The King report adds to calls from scientists for the removal of restrictions on cognitive enhancers, which have been dubbed "cosmetic neurology" or nip and tuck for the mind. Ritalin and Modafinil, the first generation of mind-enhancing drugs, were intended to treat disorders but have been adopted by people from across the social spectrum because of their ability to enhance performance..."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:24 PM

 


From Jay Leno:

Researchers have found that oral sex among teenagers has doubled in the last ten years. So who says there is no lasting Clinton legacy?

Kia has a new slogan. "The power to surprise." I can understand that. Anytime you put a key in one and it starts, you're surprised!

The ABC bird flu movie tanked. They're worried now that this might hurt their up coming miniseries "Salmonella".

I saw something very disturbing coming into work this morning on the freeway. A van coming from Mexico, 45 people crammed inside it. They weren't illegals, its just gas is so expensive. They were carpooling.

In an interview on Florida television President Bush said he would like to see his brother Jeb become president. Hey, great campaign slogan, "Jeb Bush - couldn't do any worse."






WHAT IS DIFFERENT ABOUT THIS COW?









THE NEWS

No Manilow for hooligans: "Sick and tired of souped-up cars with loud engines and pulsing music? Barry Manilow may be the answer. Officials in one Sydney district have decided to pipe the American crooner's music over loudspeakers in an attempt to rid streets and car parks of "car hoons" whose anti-social cars and loud music annoy residents and drive customers from businesses. Following a successful experiment where Bing Crosby music was used to drive teenage loiterers out of an Australian shopping center several years ago, Rockdale councillors believe Manilow is so uncool it might just work. Councillor Bill Saravinovski said local authorities planned to install a loudspeaker and pipe in Manilow music, interspersed with classical pieces, over a car park favoured by car "hoons", or hooligans. "There are restaurants nearby and people can't park in the car park because they're intimidated by these hoons," Saravinovski told The Daily Telegraph newspaper"


Sheep, frog, and MP sing for England: "Singing sheep, a "crazy" cartoon frog and a disgraced former MP - the English may not lift the trophy but when it comes to the World Cup pop charts, they're hard to beat. As 32 teams limber up for the start of the tournament in Germany next week, at least as many artists, from well-known acts to the downright weird, will begin a frenzied battle of their own to be number one. For music fans or those wanting to avoid the month-long frenzy surrounding the soccer, there's little chance of escape. "Certainly the top 20 or 30 (in the charts) could be populated by at least 10 or 12 of these particular tracks when the World Cup gets under way" Gennaro Castaldo said from music retailer HMV. Soccer-inspired pop songs have long been a British tradition since the England squad, led by legendary defender Bobby Moore, went to number one during the 1970 World Cup in Mexico with their song Back Home..."




Feisty chess-players: "For one British grandmaster, his rival had made a move too far. Danny Gormally, one of Britain's leading chess players, allegedly attacked the world No 3 at an international tournament for dancing with a beautiful Australian player. Levon Aronian, leading light of the Armenian chess scene, was apparently punched and shoved, and ended up on the floor during a party at the recent Chess Olympiad in Turin. He had been spotted jiving with Arianne Caoili, 19, an Australian grandmaster known as the Anna Kournikova of the chess world. Mr Gormally was known by team-mates to be fond of her. But the next day, after the England captain apologised to the Armenian team, the repercussions continued. When Mr Gormally went out for a coffee with friends, he was attacked by a group of young Armenian players seemingly bent on revenge for their star player."


Man drought sparks property boom: "The "man drought", combined with a housing affordability crisis, has led to a rise in the number of young single women buying property together. Sick of waiting for the right man, women are joining together for companionship and financial reasons. There had been a 15 to 20 per cent rise in the number of cases over the past year, Mortgage Choice national corporate affairs manager Warren O'Rourke said. "It's certainly becoming more prevalent ... simply because of housing affordability," he said. While it has been reported that work colleagues, siblings and friends were buying together in increasing numbers, this is the first time young single women have been identified as a driving force. Demographer Bernard Salt from property commentator KPMG said it is the way of the future because Australia is suffering a "man drought"."


Road rage 'a disease': "To you, that angry, horn-blasting tailgater is suffering road rage but doctors have another name for it - intermittent explosive disorder and a US study suggests it is more common than realised. "People think it's bad behaviour and you just need an attitude adjustment but what they don't know is that there's a biology and cognitive science to this," University of Chicago chairman of psychiatry Dr Emil Coccaro said. Road rage, temper outbursts that involve throwing or breaking objects, and even spousal abuse can sometimes be attributed to the disorder, although not everyone who does those things is afflicted. Intermittent explosive disorder involves multiple outbursts way out of proportion to the situation, often including threats or aggressive actions and property damage.... "It is news to a lot of people, even specialists in mental health services, that such a large proportion of the population has these clinically significant anger attacks," Prof Kessler said. Dr Coccaro said the disorder involved inadequate production or functioning of serotonin, a mood-regulating and behaviour-inhibiting chemical in the brain. Treatment with antidepressants, including those targeting serotonin receptors in the brain, is often helpful, along with anger management."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 9:09 PM

 


LOOK UP

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus, she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth
move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied:

"Well your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Coming' and I grinned."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile."

"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick," and I could hardly contain myself."

"BUT, your Honour, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, A 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."






BEWARE!

Beware...the mark of the BEAST is 6 6 6. It says so in the Bible (Revelation 13:18).

Today is 06 06 06.

The world will most likely end shortly after lunch or 1 hour later for those on daylight saving.









THE NEWS

Canny Scots: "They like a bargain in the Outer Hebrides. So much so that when the council decided to give away free compost bins it led to the first recorded traffic jam on the Isle of Lewis. Islanders took to the normally deserted roads and queued for three hours, bumper to bumper, for four miles outside the distribution depot in Stornoway to claim their free 330-litre, brown plastic bin - normal price 6 pounds. One village even sent a lorry to pick up its entire quota of 200 bins.Within a few hours all 4,000 bins - shipped to the island as part of a UK-wide government drive to boost recycling in the home - had been claimed on a first come, first served basis... Some locals agreed that reducing the amount of organic household waste sent to landfill sites by composting was a worthy cause... But best of all they were free. "The last thing I want this for is compost. I want mine to store sheep feed. The island is not noted for its gardens, after all," said one resident. "If you really believe that the demand at the weekend was for compost, then we would be the greenest place in Britain. Mostly, people want them because they are free, and nobody wants to miss out"




Wicked blacks eat yummy crocodile: "A crocodile caught by Parks and Wildlife officers in a trap in Darwin Harbour has been killed and butchered. Senior wildlife officer Tommy Nichols found a pool of fresh blood on the trap in Shoal Bay when he checked it for crocodiles last Thursday. The Parks and Wildlife Service believe unknown offenders killed and butchered the trapped crocodile. They believe the butchered crocodile was then removed by the offenders. When wildlife officers checked the trap as part of the Darwin harbour crocodile management program all they found was blood... Mr Nichols said last week's find was disturbing. "I am not sure why anyone would do such a thing, maybe they are eating the meat themselves or using the flesh to put in crab pots," he said. He also said the person or persons who butchered the crocodile were lucky they didn't become croc bait. "These people are not only tampering with government property, they are risking their own safety," he said."




Bothersome bras: "Most Australian women think bra shopping is as annoying as a visit to the dentist, according to a researcher from Melbourne's Monash University. Dr Yelena Tsarenko from the university's Department of Marketing said despite advertising that marketed bras as fun, 59.2 per cent of women surveyed in October last year found buying them unpleasant, only 24.7 per cent liked the experience. She said it was analogous to a visit to the dentist. The study of 600 women targeted shoppers in two boutique stores in Melbourne's Caulfield area, two discount stores - at a K-Mart and a Target - and at two department stores of David Jones and Myer. ore than 20 per cent of women surveyed had never been professionally fitted for a bra and 63 per cent had not been fitted in the past 12 months, Dr Tsarenko said. She said that despite advertising designed to make bra shopping fun, most women found the store environment unfriendly, although in boutique stores more women were happy with staff assistance. Bright lights in bra shops also were a turn-off, with more bodily flaws visible, Dr Tsarenko said. "If they are over 20 years old, then they are more sensitive about their body," Dr Tsarenko said. She said she suspected soft lighting would make women more likely to buy a bra."




Mrs McCartney's colourful past exposed: "The less-than-wholesome past of Paul McCartney's estranged wife Heather Mills has returned to haunt her, with a Fleet Street tabloid revealing a series of pornographic photographs she allegedly posed for in the 1980s. The former topless model was apparently snapped in a string of lurid scenes with a male porn star for a hardcore German book in 1988. The book has been obtained by The Sun, which describes many of the images as "too explicit to print in a family newspaper". The Sun says one shot shows Heather naked and smothered in baby oil as she performs a sex act on the man. In other shots, she appears to act out bondage scenes with whips, handcuffs and edible underwear. Revelation of the photographs is expected to anger McCartney, who may have to hand over half his 825 million pound ($2.5 billion) fortune to Mills in a divorce settlement."


Man who was 'testing God' killed by lion: "A lion killed a man who climbed into its enclosure in the Ukrainian capital's zoo, police said today. The lion attacked the 45-year-old Ukrainian late yesterday after he used a rope to climb down into an enclosure with four lions, said Kiev police spokesman Volodymyr Polishchuk. He said the man, who was not identified, was acting aggressively and the lion seized him by the throat. The man, an ethnic Azerbaijani, died at the scene. Ukrainian TV channel NTN broadcast interviews with witnesses who said the man told them that he wanted to test God, believing that God would not allow the lions to hurt him."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:14 PM

 


MID-LIFE FOR WOMEN

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be...

Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans.

We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?








THE NEWS

British vodka no good: "Drinkerrs with refined palates sometimes struggle to distinguish cheap British vodka from paint-stripper. Soon, if Finland has its way, the similarity will be official. The Nordic vodka superpower is planning to use its six-month presidency of the European Union to try to ban some British-made brands from using the "vodka" appellation, forcing them to be labelled as "spirit drink" or even "white spirit drink". The Finns, who take the helm of the EU next month, are convinced that only vodka made from potatoes or grain is worthy of the name and want to amend EU law. Up to one-third of British-produced vodka will have to be re-labelled if the amended EU law is passed in the autumn. "We want to promote this traditional approach to the definition of vodka," said Pekka Pesonen, the Finnish secretary for agriculture. "This is something we really feel strongly about." Under the proposal, British brands such as Ciroc, Moskova, Red Square and Kirov, as well as many supermarket and pub-chain vodkas, would have to be reclassified because they are not made from potatoes or grains."


Kung fu fan tries to stop train: "A 17-year-old boy surnamed Liang almost died when he tried to use a kung fu movement to stop a running train in Laibin Railway Station in South China's Guangxi Zhuang Autonomous Region on Tuesday, Nanguo Jinbao reported. Liang was pushed to safety by a railway policeman just as he was about to be knocked down. Liang jumped down to the tracks and wanted to use Xianglongshibazhang, a famous kung fu posturing described in many swordsman fictions, to stop the running train. He was taken into custody for breaking railway rules and said he wanted to test whether or not he could use kung fu to stop the train. Liang is a great fan of swordsman fiction and has also learnt martial arts".


Watch for the coffee con: "Scientists have discovered why dating couples invite each other home for a coffee: caffeine makes people more persuadable. Controlled experiments showed that after only moderate amounts, drinkers were more likely to agree with persuasive arguments. Pearl Martin, from the School of Psychology at the University of Queensland, said that the findings would not interest only courting couples. Politicians and advertisers would also take note."


New York vandal leaves his finger at crime scene: "Some criminals are caught after they leave their fingerprints behind when committing an offence. Adam Warner left his whole finger. Warner, 26, a vandal who had damaged more than 50 headstones on an early morning rampage in a cemetery, was arrested after police found his finger between two toppled stones and followed a trail of blood to his house."


Maine: Chicks at school prank goes wrong: Six high school students face thousands of dollars in fines and criminal charges after a prank went wrong and shut down their school. The six ordered 10 goslings and 45 chicks from a mail-order firm and set them loose in the school overnight last Wednesday. The next morning, when staff turned up to open the school they found the place covered in droppings. Students were herded into the gym, which had to be sterilised, before being sent home. The lost day has been added to the end of the year, making the six unpopular with fellow students."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:17 PM

 


How To Tell If You're Over The Hill

You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You buy shoes with crepe rubber soles.
The only reason you're still awake at 2 a.m. is indigestion.
People ask you what color your hair used to be.
You enjoy watching the news.
Your car must have four doors.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You have a dream about prunes.
You browse the bran cereal section in the grocery store.
You start worrying when your supply of Ben Gay is low.
You think a C.D. is a certificate of deposit.
You have more than 2 pair of glasses.
You read the obituaries daily.
Your biggest concern when dancing is falling.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You wear black socks with sandals.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

(The above words of wisdom are set to music here)






Taranto came up with some good puns in his notes about bald-headedness recently -- e.g. "Bald-Headed Men of America, based in Morehead, N.C., is the glabrous-American answer to the Club for Growth. (It's sometimes confused with the Tufts Alumni Association.)"







THE NEWS

Strange Jap: "A would-be Japanese bank robber asked staff how he should carry out the crime before meekly obeying a request to leave and then accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with a knife he was carrying. The 58-year-old unemployed man went into a branch of the Saitama Resona Bank in the town of Kumagaya, north of Tokyo, yesterday, intending to rob it, a police spokesman said. According to local media reports the man first asked a bank teller, "Any idea how you rob a bank?" The teller alerted another member of staff, who asked the man to leave. "He left quietly when asked to," the police spokesman said. However, the staff member escorting the man out of the bank noticed the knife sticking out of his pocket and a bloodstain on his trousers."


Chopstick war: "The diplomatic wrangling between Beijing and Tokyo has spilt on to dinner tables, forcing Japanese to contemplate the unthinkable: ating their food the way China wants them to. From the ramen noodle bars of Hiroshima to the gyudon beef bowl restaurants of Sapporo, a sharp Chinese tax hike on disposable chopsticks is starting to bite. And some Japanese are wincing at a taste they have learnt to despise: plastic, reusable chopsticks.... Even during tougher times in the 1990s, Japanese continued to throw away their eating utensils after using them only once. Recession might have curbed other luxuries, but the throwaway white birch chopsticks have, until now, remained sacred. About 93 per cent of those 25 billion pairs are produced in China, and Beijing, citing the environmental concerns of deforestation, has slapped a heavy duty on chopstick exports, and is planning more increases. Beijing is reportedly considering an end to all chopstick exports in 2008."


Food as a way to learn English!: "Go into most British kitchens and you will find a pile of Italian cookery books, on the assumption - nurtured by writers from Elizabeth David to Antonio Carluccio - that Mediterranean cuisine holds the key to La Dolce Vita. Now Renata Beltrami and Silvia Mazzola, two cookery writers from Milan, have launched a campaign to turn the tables by persuading Italians of the joys of . . . British cooking. The result, Language on a Plate, manages to make Lancashire hotpot or summer pudding sound as mouthwatering as spaghetti alle vongole or zabaglione. According to the authors, the aim is to help Italians to learn English through recipes and understand the British way of life through such baffling concoctions as stuffed marrow or roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. The initiative could have a useful educational purpose, according to a survey by Censis, a respected research institute, which concluded that most Italians' knowledge of English was "dismal". Although 53 per cent of Italians claimed to speak English, in reality they spoke it "badly, if at all", the survey said.... Even today the expression mangiare all'Inglese - to eat like the English - is an insult".


Oxford college bans skimpy nighties "One lesser-known perk for students at the last remaining all-women college at Oxford is being able to waft about in nighties without a care. That pleasure is about to be denied to St Hilda's students after a spate of flimsy garment-wearing at the breakfast table was found to be embarrassing the kitchen staff. College dons, alarmed by what some of the students are sporting as nightwear, have advised them to "dress appropriately", while staff serving food are refusing to serve girls showing too much flesh. Arielle Goodley, 20, has received a written reprimand from St Hilda's dons after turning up for breakfast in a lacy nightdress and skimpy dressing gown. Ms Goodley, a third-year English Literature and Psychology student from Orange County, California, said that she felt unfairly singled out. "Surely one of the benefits of not having men around is that we can turn up for breakfast wearing whatever we want," she said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:57 PM

 


FEELING PUNNY?

The Energizer Bunny has been arrested and charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Divorce is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Even a calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
Those who jump off Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of de feat







THE NEWS

California woman gets $2 million in matchmaker lawsuit: "Single people everywhere dream of a match made in heaven. Anne Majerik dreamed only of a match made in Beverly Hills. But when her high-priced matchmaker disappointed her, she sued. And on Tuesday, a jury awarded her $2.1 million. Majerik, who paid $125,000 to Beverly Hills matchmaker Orly Hadida, said she was promised time with 'a cultured gentleman' and his 'estate of up to $20 million.' She said all she got were a few introductions to some inappropriate men. Orly, an Israeli beauty pageant winner who goes by her first name, told a far different story. She and her lawyer alleged that Majerik is a serial suer of matchmakers and that the widow used her and the men Hadida set her up with, enjoyed herself and then claimed that she had been 'psychologically damaged by the process' and demanded compensation."


Scanty attire blamed for underage alcohol sting: "Well, she LOOKED 21 anyway, maybe older, and what's more the clerk at the small store in this Coos County town says he was much distracted by what he called the young lady's 'scanty attire.' So distracted, he said, that he didn't see the 'Minor until 2007' stamped on her driver's license. She got the six-pack, and store owner David Cardwell got a $1,320 fine. The clerk had to pay $750. Cardwell is hollering 'Entrapment,' 'Draconian' and more. ... His clerk had been stung by an Oregon Liquor Control Commission decoy sent to test for underage sales. ... Cardwell is not denying his employee erred, but says it was hardly fair. 'This young woman was dressed in very provocative clothing more suited for the bedroom,' Cardwell said in a letter to the OLCC."


Illegally-parked trailer was "art": "Group of angry art students are preparing to tape themselves to the gates of a council car pound after one of their prized exhibits was towed away and crushed. The designers and illustrators from Camberwell College of Art spent months restoring the 1960s Safari caravan that they used as a mobile gallery. Last year the pink and white caravan spent a week at the base of Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square and was later taken on a tour of London primary schools; but that was not enough to save it from the jaws of a crushing machine after it was removed from a street in Camberwell by Southwark Council.... A spokeswoman for Southwark council's abandoned vehicle unit said: "We regularly take and destroy caravans. How do we know it's art?"


Ugly sheep could save wool industry: "The search is on for the ugliest merino lambs, because they could save Australia's billion dollar wool industry. Scientists from the South Australian Research and Development Institute (SARDI) and the University of Adelaide are looking for sheep with 'unusual wool', saying they hold the key to improving the genetic quality of merino wool. Professor Phil Hynd from the University of Adelaide says lambs are usually culled because they have uneven wool, no crimp or bare patches. He says studying the lambs will help them identify genes which affect wool production. "We've already got about half a dozen animals that producers provided us with and man, they're the weirdest looking mob of sheep that you've ever seen in your life," he said."


Supernatural exoneration: "Two letters said to be dictated by a ghost helped acquit a woman of murder in Brazil. The letters, written by a medium who claimed they were from the victim, were used as evidence in a murder trial in Viamao. The medium claimed the spirit had revealed that the woman accused of his murder was innocent. A jury declared Iara Marques Barcelos, 63 not guilty of the killing Ercy da Silva Cardoso. Mr Cardoso was shot dead in his home in 2003. Mrs Barcelos was accused because she was the victim's lover and was angry he wanted to leave her. The defence lawyer told Folha de Sao Paulo: "The letters were a low blow and they were decisive to the verdict." A court spokesperson said the letters were accepted as evidence because the prosecution lawyers made no objection." (Via Jerry Lerman)




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:49 PM

 


A BIG TEXAN

A Texan Is drinking in a New York Bar. He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texan baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Texan baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.Two weeks later the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Texan baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you ... so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born.

The Texan father takes a slow swig from his Lone Star, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."






THE NEWS

Home-made cake not allowed: "He was born before the discovery of antibiotics and survived the Depression and two world wars, yet staff at a day centre run by Age Concern decided that it was too much of a risk to let him eat a slice of home-made birthday cake. The Madeira cake was baked for the 96-year-old man by Elaine Richards, a retired district nursing sister and a member of the Women's Institute. But when Mrs Richards, who is in her 70s, tried to deliver the cake to her elderly friend, who does not wish to be identified, her contribution to the birthday fare was rejected because of food and hygiene rules. She was told by staff at the day centre in Barnstaple, North Devon, that only shop-bought cakes were acceptable. Two hours before she was due to attend the party, Mrs Richards received a phone call from the charity's director in Barnstaple, who was aware of her offering. Mrs Richards said: "At first I thought she was joking. I've been making cakes for 60 years and have fed a family of four on my cooking - and the worst they've had is a bit of indigestion from eating too much." Andrea Scott, from Age Concern, apologised for upsetting Mrs Richards, but said that food regulation guidelines had to be followed to protect people in her care."


Swearing parrot escapes the chop in Israel: "An Orthodox Jew was threatened with divorce after blowing several thousand dollars on a parrot that swore like a trooper, Israel's mass-circulation Yediot Aharonot said today. After he brought his feathered friend home, the man's religious household in the Tel Aviv area was bombarded by insults such as "son of a bitch" and "homo" from the bird. When its owner sought rabbinical advice, the rabbi recommended that the parrot be slaughtered - or have its tongue cut out for being foul-mouthed. But the horrified pet owner's wife threatened divorce if the bird went for the chop, and the parrot finally found refuge in a zoo"


Chocolate-powered cars? "Chocoholic germs can provide hydrogen, the clean-burning energy of the future, New Scientist reports. British scientists fed Escherichia coli bacteria a diluted mix of waste caramel and nougat. The germs tucked into the sugar and in the process produced hydrogen, using their own enzyme, called hydrogenase. The hydrogen was used to power a fuel cell, generating enough electricity to drive a small fan. The experiment has applications far beyond the lab. Waste chocolate, instead of being thrown away by confectionary companies, could be turned into hydrogen and used to help power their factories or sold to energy companies. The British team, led by Lynne Mackaskie at the University of Birmingham, central England, got the same bacteria to tuck into catalytic converters from old cars. The bacteria cleverly recovered the precious metal palladium after they were immersed in a vat with hydrogen and liquid waste from spent converters. The work is reported in full in the specialist journal, Biochemical Society Transactions."


Hopeful fatso thrown out of court: "A Manhattan judge has thrown out a proposed class-action lawsuit by an overweight man who blamed his physical condition on more caloric-than-advertised CremaLita ice cream. CremaLita had countered that their lower-calorie ice cream wasn't Stephen Brandt's problem - it was his "heart attack diet." "What Brandt fails to mention," the company's lawyer said in court papers, "is that he regularly eats real ice cream, McDonald's and Wendy's cheeseburgers, french fries, pepperoni pizza, beer, corn chips, donuts, cookies, hard cheese, eggs, bagels, peanut butter, Chinese take-out meals and pasta, [and] that he never exercises." And, the filing says, "although he provided no useful information regarding his weight gain during the period that he ate CremaLita, his medical records . . . show that he managed to pack on an additional 16 pounds in the nine months AFTER he stopped" eating the ice cream." (Via Jerry Lerman)




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:59 PM

 


KIDDY UNDERSTANDING

A father often read Bible stories to his young children. One day he read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"





OH BOY!

Delightful absurdity








THE NEWS

Classic orgy in new position: "If you are a suburban swinger, the type of person who likes to strip off and have indiscriminate group sex just like the Romans used to, Alastair Blanshard of the University of Sydney has some bad news. After an exhaustive and not entirely unpleasant study of ancient sexual practices, it is Dr Blanshard's sober duty to report that the celebrated Roman orgy is a myth. "If there are any suburban swingers out there, whatever you're doing, it's certainly not classical," he said. "One can search high and low for evidence, but one just doesn't find it." Dr Blanshard, who lectured on the search for orgies at Sydney's Nicholson Museum this week, said people tended to project their fantasies on to ancient civilisations "and the Romans would be surprised by our ideas of how they spent their Saturday nights". His romp through the literature for evidence of orgies was entertaining but disappointing. Dr Blanshard, a Queenslander with a PhD from Cambridge University, found "a couple of references" late in the third century "that look like orgies but nobody seems particularly interested in repeating the experience". The orgy myth persists because "moralists have painted Rome as an empire that fell as a consequence of its loose morals".


Village leaders with no heart: "Ronald Michalowicz, a fire inspector for the village of Bedford Park, was given a 27 percent chance to live as he battled a rare form of tongue cancer. The community rallied around him, raising about $25,000 to help. He fought the cancer into remission. But the village where he had worked for 28 years fired him for taking the contributions, in alleged violation of the Illinois Gift Ban Act and village code prohibiting employees from soliciting gifts that could affect their decision-making. On Friday, Michalowicz sued Bedford Park, its mayor and village board in federal court for allegedly violating his rights. "The emotional stress I'm going through is unbelievable," Michalowicz said. His attorney, Michael Ettinger, said he doesn't understand why the village fired his client. "His crime seems to be that he recovered from cancer," said Ettinger"


Two dumb black bank robbers: "Bluntson allegedly handed a teller a note that read, "Give me the money or I'll blow the building up," according to the report. The teller handed over the cash. Monroe turned around and Bluntson was gone. The alarm went off and the doors of the bank locked.... Monroe said he could have run but stayed inside the now-locked bank because "he did not do anything wrong." He was arrested two minutes after the alarm went off. A teller described the other robber as a black man, about 6 feet tall weighing 230 pounds. Deputies Anthony Dalem and William Baker saw a man matching that description running toward Fernwood Forest Road - the very spot where Monroe had parked the second getaway car, a 1996 maroon Mercury Grand Marquis.... The deputies decided to secure Bluntson at 9:23 a.m., while they investigated. He allegedly struggled but was secured and then identified by a bank employee. Investigators searched the car and found a book bag likely used in the robbery under the hood. The bag contained a Microsoft XBox video game, a large amount of cash and an envelope with the defendant's name and P.O. Box. In Bluntson's right front pocket was the same note used in the robbery - written on a bank statement that bore the defendant's name, according to the report.


Is this the ultimate cheek? "Tulsa, Oklahoma's new mayor, Kathy Taylor, has asked her losing opponent's supporters to donate money toward her $1.5 million campaign debt, saying it will bridge the gap between the parties. And if this isn't ridiculous enough, most of the money she owes for her campaign, she owes to herself. (Via Jerry Lerman)




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:23 PM

 

WARNING

I have been having a lot of trouble posting to this blog. I may have to abandon this site. If this site ceases to update, go to the mirror site, where a new permanent address will be given.
posted by bussorah at 7:44 AM