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NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.







THE NEWS

A really horny guy: "A former handyman from North Providence who won more than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a malfunctioning penile implant may not get the money after a judge dismissed his claim. Superior Court Judge Edward C. Clifton on Monday granted a request by the implant manufacturer's insurer to dismiss Charles "Chick" Lennon's claim, which his lawyers say will amount to $1 million with interest included. The implant has caused Lennon to have an erection for 10 years.


Chinese cars not ready yet: "Chinese carmakers, vegetable oil, and Sir Stirling Moss were the show stealers at the Paris Motor Show yesterday. Just two years ago, the Chinese weren't represented at the Mondial de l'automobile, but this year there are six manufacturers .... the Chinese cars on display exhibited poor workmanship, including an airbag falling out of the dashboard on one vehicle. Among the Chinese exhibitors was Jiangling, maker of Landwind, which last year failed official crash tests and has had difficulty gaining homologation to export to Europe. Spokeswoman Michaela Demissy said Landwind was last year the first Chinese company to begin exporting vehicles. They hoped to export the Xpedition four-wheel-drive and Fashion people-mover to Europe next year. She said prices would be 20 to 30 per cent below the equivalent Korean vehicles.


Jesus little known to British children: "Children see Jesus as a "rather pallid figure" and are confused about almost every aspect of His life and mission, research has found. The lack of understanding about the founder of Christianity includes children who believe Christians at Easter celebrate Christmas or even chocolate, and others who think that Jesus died on the Cross "to replenish our sins". According to the study, funded by the Jerusalem Trust, a Sainsbury family charity, Jesus has been turned into "a very nice secular humanist, a nice chap, who wanted everyone to be nice to each other"."




Chinese or English apples? "English apples are making a comeback after a long period of decline, with consumers increasingly preferring a wide range of flavours to the more bland taste of some imported varieties. Cox's, Gala and Egremont Russet are beginning to outsell foreign apples such as the French Golden Delicious, but the remaining English growers may not be able to satisfy the market. And in an unwelcome twist, Chinese growers have begun planting English varieties to meet the demand for cheaper produce. The main English harvest will reach the shops next week but there has already been a dispute in Herefordshire, which has the apple as its county emblem. Children are being given Portuguese apples because organisers of the Fruit in Schools scheme cannot collect enough small English apples"




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:46 PM

 


THE WONDERS OF CELLPHONES

This should make most technologically challenged people feel GOOD:

A young man had a beautiful but rather dim wife named Susie. He wanted to get her something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie", he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"






THE NEWS

Do-it-yourself parents: "Parents who spend time improving their children's homes have added 33 billion pounds to their value over the past five years. A survey indicates that two thirds of younger homeowners call on their parents to help with repairs and decorating because they are too busy or too inept to do it themselves. DIY parents donated an average of eight full days of free labour to their children in the five-year period - a saving of o14 billion in labour costs alone. An ICM poll, carried out for Halifax Home Insurance, found that children happily admitted that their parents were a great source of free labour. A third said that they had asked for their parents' help specifically to avoid the costs of hiring a skilled workman. Painting and wallpapering are the tasks parents most frequently undertake, followed by gardening"


Dear Madam, just a short note to say that you just died: "A woman recovering from major surgery returned from a doctor's appointment to find a letter telling her she was dead. Julia Warnes had suffered complications following a hysterectomy last year which left her seriously ill. She required an operation on a twisted bowel. After an appointment for a blood test, she came home to find the letter from Sutton and East Surrey Water. Addressed to the household, it explained that her direct debit had been cancelled due to her death and advised the family to contact the company to find out how this would affect water charges."


Police probe death of leather-clad man: "New York police are investigating the death of a man found in an upmarket street dressed completely in black leather, wearing cowboy boots and spurs and tied to an iron railing by his spiked dog collar. The man was found shortly after dawn yesterday and medical examiners were still trying to establish the cause of death, a police spokeswoman said. The New York Daily News quoted police sources as saying they believed the man had either died in a bizarre sex act or had committed suicide on the mostly residential street in the sought-after West Village. It quoted a witness as saying the man, believed to be in his 40s, was also wearing a mask."


Burglar's piano playing wakes owner: "A burglar who broke into a house in the Dutch town of Tiel could not resist playing the piano he found there after ransacking the living room, police said today. Unfortunately for the 20-year-old thief, his music woke the owner of the house, who called the police. "The owner didn't register whether the playing was any good or not. He was more worried about the state of his house," a police spokesman said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:20 PM

 


CATHOLIC GASOLINE

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."







THE NEWS



Go-go girls undermining coup: "Thai coup leaders have banned go-go girls from dancing near tanks and troops on Bangkok streets as a distraction from the serious business of power, a spokesman said. "It is not appropriate to entertain soldiers while they are on duty," Colonel Acra Tiprote said after a troupe of 10 women in tight camouflage vests and shorts posed with soldiers and tanks while making a music video. "People should differentiate between entertainment and seriousness. A coup is not entertaining," Acra said, although the tanks sent in to lead Thailand's first coup in 15 years had turned Bangkok into a carnival-type attraction. Thais and foreign tourists flocked to the Army Headquarters to take picture with tanks. Many gave soldiers flowers or food and drink."


Useless gadgets galore: "British consumers waste almost 2 billion pounds per year on rarely-used labour-saving gadgets and now have almost 80 million "white elephants" in their homes. The annual spend on revolutionary gizmos - such as electric grills, bread-makers and de-humidifiers - tops 1.75 billion pounds ($4.41 billion) billion per year, according to eSure's unused gadgets poll. It found that UK consumers have bought 80 million household gadgets that seemed incredibly useful at the time - but have ended up rarely-used and gathering dust. The latest survey - which has been tracking household "white elephants" for four years - includes a range of new devices that consumers have snapped up with the best intentions, before they have disappeared to the back of a cupboard. For the first time, internet technology has made an appearance on the list with voice-over internet protocol (VoIP) ranking number eight in the top 10 of unused gadgets. One in ten households have bought VoIP or "free" internet phones in the past two years but more than half of those questioned have used the technology just a few times - if at all. The top 10 continues to be dominated by kitchen gadgets, but with a new emphasis on health. In previous years, sandwich toasters have led the poll, but this year they have slipped to third, with healthy grilling machines and coffee makers leading the list."


Women with masculine fingers better at sport: "The length of a girl's ring finger could be an indicator of her future sporting potential, researchers at King's College London said. In the largest study of its kind, hand measurements of 607 female twins aged 25-79 from the UK were compared with the women's lifetime sporting achievements. The findings, published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine, found that women with ring fingers longer than their index fingers had performed better at running and associated running sports such as soccer and tennis. In women the ring finger is commonly shorter or the same length as the index finger, while in men the ring finger is generally longer.... "Previous studies have suggested the change in finger length was due to changes in testosterone levels in the womb", he said. But he said the unit had found in a separate study of twins that finger length was largely inherited, possibly explaining why sporting parents often have sporting children. "We found that finger length was 70 per cent heritable with little influence of the womb environment," he said. "This suggests that genes are the main factor and that finger length is a marker of your genes."


Bollywood beats Britain: "Bollywood [Indian] films have started to make more money at the box office in Britain than home-grown productions. This year 69 Bollywood films have been released in the UK and 14 productions financed by the Indian film industry are being shot here. In the five weeks since its UK release, Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna has grossed more than 2 million pounds - the same as Vera Drake, the British film showered with Bafta awards and Oscar nominations, since it appeared 14 months ago. Indian producers now regard overseas sales as more lucrative than their home market. The three largest multiplex chains - Odeon, Vue Cinemas and Cineworld - routinely screen Hindi films that appear in the UK's top 15 film lists. Ten years ago hardly any Bollywood films were released in Britain. Lucy Jones, of Nielsen EDI, which measures box office performance in 14 countries, said: "It's a recent development. Bollywood is not just a specialist cinema any more."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:04 PM

 


A REMINDER

A mother asked President Bush, "Why did my son have to die in Iraq?"

Another mother asked President Kennedy, "Why did my son have to die in Viet Nam?"

Another mother asked President Truman, "Why did my son have to die in Korea?

Another mother asked President F.D. Roosevelt, "Why did my son have to die at Iwo Jima?"

Another mother asked President W. Wilson, "Why did my son have to die on the battlefield of France?"

Yet another mother asked President Lincoln, "Why did my son have to die at Gettysburg?"

And yet another mother asked President G. Washington, "Why did my son have to die near Valley Forge?"

Then long, long ago, a mother asked.. "Heavenly Father, why did my Son have to die on a cross outside of Jerusalem?"

The answers to all these are similar

"So that others may have life and dwell in peace, happiness and freedom."






THE NEWS

Lion's mane unattractive: "The lion's mane, that magnificent ruff associated with vigour and virility, is a turn-off for lionesses, scientists have found. Zoologists have discovered that the more impressive the mane the more likely lionesses are to turn away in favour of a balder mate. Far from being a guarantee of feline virility and strength, an impressive mane indicates to the females that the lion is past his prime. In human terms, a full mane is the equivalent of the way men's noses and ears get hairier with age, with a predictable reduction in sexual magnetism. The findings overturn the assumption that the males' manes were at their proudest when the lions were at their fittest, and suggests that Disney might want to think about remaking The Lion King".


Ghost haunts Thai airport: "As head of security at the world's newest airport, Squadron Leader Pannupong Nualpenyai faces an intimidating range of potential enemies. As well as the problems of cost overruns, poor transport connections and the fallout from last week's military coup, the managers of Suvarnabhumi airport in Bangkok have had to cope with hauntings, mysterious deaths and the demonic possession of members of their staff. But the most stubborn problem of all is a frail old man with a blue face named Poo Ming. He is not an Islamic militant or an environmental activist. He is a ghost; an unquiet spirit who has become a regular visitor to Thailand's new airport - a $4 billion project which officially opens tomorrow and is built on a former cemetery."


Brits sexy after all: "The 17th century punishment for sex crimes was public humiliation and 1930s Britons pretended to be drunk so they could get away with sex on the beach. Historical attitudes to sex in Britain will be laid bare for all to see this week in archives which reveal a nation rich in sexual experience and enthusiasm. The historical documents, to be given a public outing by the Center for Archive Studies at Liverpool University, include Britain's first ever sex survey, conducted 57 years ago but deemed too shocking for publication at the time. The survey shows many British men had homosexual experiences, many were frequent visitors to prostitutes and many British wives pursued sex outside marriage. The archives also have details of public displays of sexual behavior in the 1930s on the west coast's famous Blackpool Beach as well as in cinemas and dance halls, and show how many Britons threw sexual caution to the wind during World War Two."


Got him dead to rights: "A candidate to head Canada's opposition Liberal Party vowed on Monday to stay in the leadership race despite reports that his campaign team had signed up dead people as members. Joe Volpe, who also hit the headlines for the wrong reasons in May after it emerged he had accepted large donations from children, acknowledged errors could have been made in "the hurly burly of recruitment" of members. "I'm staying in the race to win the leadership," Volpe told a news conference, lashing out at better-placed rivals who, he said, wanted him to quit because he was Italian-born. Polls show Volpe has no chance of winning. The Toronto Star said Volpe's team had signed up at least nine people and paid their membership fees without their knowledge. Two of the nine names were of people who were dead. The more members a candidate signs up, the more delegates they can send to the Liberal leadership convention in early December".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:27 PM

 


AMAZING FROG

It turns into a block of ice for winter then thaws itself out in Spring. See a video of it here






THE NEWS



Aussie love bird in a flap: "A lovesick Australian swan and his plastic paramour have become an unlikely tourist attraction in Germany. The black swan was already a curiosity when he arrived at Aesee Lake in the north-west German city of Munster a few months ago, as European swans are white. He has caught the imagination further by falling in love with a plastic pedal boat shaped like a swan. The Australian bird has spawned a cottage industry, with T-shirts, snow domes and keyrings sporting its image. Biologists say the black swan is showing all the typical signs of love for his species - circling his plastic lover, staring longingly at it and making crooning noises. So much so that tourists are afraid to use the swan-shaped boat for fear of upsetting the visitor."


A dedicated thief: "A man was convicted of various theft charges, after prosecutors say he stole computers from the courthouse while he was on trial for computer theft. "It just amazed me that someone could be in the middle of a jury trial for a burglary involving computers and immediately get involved in another burglary at the Civic Center," said sheriff's Sgt. Jerry Niess. Jon Houston Eipp, 39, of Novato pleaded guilty Monday in three separate cases involving 10 different charges, including burglary, theft, drug possession, attempted auto theft and more. He could be facing nearly five years in prison when he is sentenced next month."


Britain's bus stops with no busses: "You wait 20 years for a bus - and then two bus stops come along instead. Transport bosses have put the bus stop signs on busy Astley Road in Stalybridge, even though there are no plans to run a service along it. Locals were baffled to see the bus stops go up, because the road hasn't been on a bus route for at least two decades. Buses already run unimpeded down nearby Stamford Street - while chicanes, speed humps and parked cars make Astley Road a tight squeeze. Greater Manchester Passenger Transport Executive told the M.E.N. that they forked out for the signs "just in case" of any changes... He said: "There are no plans to run services down Astley Road at the moment. "But we've been down to the site and measured the chicane and found there's no reason why we couldn't. "It is our policy to keep unused bus stops in place so that they can easily be brought back into use if a new service is introduced."




An ugly parsnip: "A parsnip that would fail every supermarket's test for consumer appeal has been declared the ugliest vegetable in Britain. Judges in a competition organised by the National Trust described the parsnip as akin to "a creature from the abyss" and awarded it the ugly title despite stiff competition from a mutated tomato. The competition was planned to challenge the idea that vegetables should be an aesthetic delight and to encourage more people to grow their own. Hilary Nellist, from Bedford, who grew the prizewinner, said: "Supermarket parsnips come in regular sizes. I do not know how they taste as I only eat those I grow in season."


Crickets jump up the menu for drinkers: "Would you like your crickets deep fried and crispy? Peppered and presented in a neat circle on a bed of green leaves? Breeders of crickets say the insects have become "finger food for beer drinkers" in an age of increasing prosperity in Vietnam compared with the recent past when they might have been food for the hungry or for wartime soldiers surviving in the jungle. Businessman Le Thanh Tung raises hundreds of thousands of the flying insects in barrels and sells them to restaurants in Ho Chi Minh City, the Southeast Asian country's largest urban area, or to other breeders in neighbouring provinces. "The taste is very particular, very special and it smells good and tastes delicious but it is very difficult to compare cricket to other meat," said Tung, 28, suggesting that crickets are an acquired taste".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:56 PM

 


GREETINGS FOR THE JEWISH NEW YEAR:

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall.

And may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the IRS.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May this Yom Tov, find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the Jewish New Year ahead.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may your checkbook and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your partner, your child, and your parent(s). You can say it to your secretary, your nurse, your butcher, your photographer, your masseuse, your seamstress, your hairdresser or your gym instructor, but not with a "twinkle" in your eye.

May we live as intended, in a world at peace with the awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous part of ourselves.

Bless you with every happiness, great health, peace and much love during the next year and all those that follow






"THROWBACK" DOG

Watch this dog "hunt" his bone. Click here for the vieo.






THE NEWS

$32,000 is 'too much for breast fondling': "A fee of 25,500 euros ($32,000) is way too much for a woman to charge a man for fondling her bosom, a Finnish district court ruled. The court jailed a couple in their twenties for more than a year for charging a 74-year-old who suffers from dementia a total of 25,500 euros to enjoy the woman's breasts on 10 occasions. "Based on general life experience alone, it is indisputably clear that a 25,500 euro charge is disproportionate to the compensation in question," Judge Hasse Hakki, who heard the case, said. But he said the court in Kokkola, about 300 miles north of Helsinki, would not decide "the proper financial value of the compensation." The retiree filed charges against the couple, who were convicted of extortionate overcharging, even though he told the court he paid the price willingly at the time."


Queasy burglars: "Burglars in Vienna opted for a speedy getaway after they found eight severed human heads when breaking into the basement of an apartment building, Austrian police said. A dentist had stored the mummified heads, which he used for research, in a chest in the basement. Burglars stumbled upon the collection when they broke in, police said. "The burglars were looking for loot when they discovered the heads," said a spokeswoman for Austrian police. "From what it looks like, they just left them lying and bolted away." Austrian authorities said they were investigating whether there had been a breach of the regulations for storing research materials."


Dumb Indians: "Gambling is the only thing missing from a new Indian casino in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, mistakenly built in an area where gambling is illegal. The $36 million Kewadin Shores Casino and Hotel opened in June and has restaurants, a lounge and an indoor pool, overlooking Lake Huron's Horseshoe Bay north of the Mackinac Bridge. But its 29,000-square-foot casino with 800 slot machines and 26 gambling tables has been unable to operate because the U.S. government says part of the casino was built on land where Indian gambling is not allowed. Members of the Sault Ste. Marie Tribe of Chippewa Indians are debating who was responsible for the mistake, with the tribe's current and former chairmen blaming each other, The Detroit News reported Wednesday. The tribe now is quickly building a $2.5 million replacement casino at the site in Mackinac County's Forest Township, north of St. Ignace. "It wasn't until after we had the pilings and foundation in place that we realized that something wasn't right," current Chairman Aaron Payment said. "We did another survey and found that all but 30 feet of the casino was on ineligible land." "Payment knew about the problem before I left office and has had 2 1/2 years to work it out," former Chairman Bernard Bouschor said. "It wasn't me. It was a nice try by him to blame me, but I don't accept any responsibility for his screw-up."


Crime bid snuffed out: "An armed robber in Brisbane got more than he bargained for when a store attendant sprayed him with foam from a fire extinguisher and snuffed out his attempted crime. The man entered the Liquor King Store at Highgate Hill in Brisbane's inner-city armed with a knife about 8.55am yesterday, police said. But when the man demanded money from the attendant he refused and used the fire extinguisher to spray the offender with foam, a police spokesman said. The man ran off empty-handed"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:44 PM

 


CLINTON MEMORIES

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"






Here are some useful phrases you can use when in the workplace...

If you don't know what it is, call it an `issue'.
If you don't know how it works, call it a `process'.
If you don't know whether its worth doing, call it an `option'.
If you don't know how it could possibly be done call it a `challenge' or an `exciting opportunity'.
If you want to confuse people, ask them about `customers'.
If you don't know how to do something, `empower' someone else to do it for you.
If you can't take decisions, `create space' for others to operate.
If you need a decision, call a `workshop' to `network' and `ground
the issue', followed by an `awayday' to `position the elephant in the room' and achieve `buy-in'.
Never criticize or boast, call it `information sharing'.
Never call something a failure or mistake, its a `positive learning experience'.
Never argue, have an `adult conversation'.







THE NEWS

Industry nemesis now copyright guardian: "The force behind one-time music industry nemesis Napster has changed his tune by becoming a guardian of copyrighted songs. Napster founder Shawn Fanning helped to create SNOCAP, a San Francisco company that uses digital "fingerprinting'' of music and an extensive directory of songs to thwart online sales or swapping of copyrighted works. Globally popular social networking website MySpace recently teamed with SNOCAP to enable musician members to sell their songs on MySpace pages".


Aristocrat revival in France: "France is finally atoning for the savage revenge it took on its ruling class more than two centuries ago, revelling in a new-found affection for the remnants of its aristocracy. The comeback of the upper class after the bloodbath of the revolution has never been so apparent. From the worlds of politics to entertainment, nobility is suddenly chic and les aristos, as they are known, are inspiring respect. "In the messed-up world we live in, people are in search of fine values," said Charlotte de Turckheim, the actress and film director. "Today, aristocrats are seen as the guardians of these values. What people want is a sort of King Arthur figure to guarantee the nobility and morality of our souls." Having beheaded their own royals, the French have long been obsessed with the monarchies of other countries, including Britain's. The focus these days, however, has shifted to home-grown nobility: the French are rediscovering their aristocrats with all the excitement of a family dusting off some long-forgotten asset. The rising reverence for the aristo has been reflected in a host of sympathetic books and films, among them de Turckheim's Les Aristos, a comedy about an impoverished noble family struggling to pay a large tax bill that opened in cinemas last week. Palais Royal, another extremely popular recent film, featured Catherine Deneuve as the queen of a fictional east European country."


Rich refuge in Britain: "When the snows melt on the Alpine mountainsides next spring the Swiss will check to see how many more of their billionaires have decamped to the warmer climes of Britain. A global survey of the lists of the wealthiest people in 27 leading countries shows that Britain and Switzerland have by far the biggest communities of foreign-born super-rich in the world. Switzerland, with its reputation for banking secrecy and strict regulations, has long been regarded as a magnet for multi-millionaires. But Britain, with the special attraction of tax incentives for billionaires from overseas, is fast catching up as a new refuge for the rich."


Blogs make book a best-seller: "An unknown British author has topped America's fiction bestseller lists after news of her debut novel spread over the internet. Diane Setterfield, 42, a former university lecturer, took six years to write The Thirteenth Tale after she gave up her career teaching French. The mystery, published just three weeks ago in America, has beaten established US authors such as James Patterson and Anna Quindlen as well as the latest Frederick Forsyth to top the bestseller lists of The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and Publishers Weekly. Setterfield, who lives in Harrogate, North Yorkshire, is the first debut British novelist to reach number one in America since Nicholas Evans in January 1996 with The Horse Whisperer. That book had already been bought in a film deal by Robert Redford before publication, giving it a significant headstart. The Thirteenth Tale had few reviews in conventional media and seems to have taken off because bloggers recommended it. "I suppose it's a new form of word of mouth," said Setterfield, who tomorrow leaves for a book tour of America".




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:26 PM

 


AMAZING OLD ADVERTISEMENT

A good advertisement for one of the earliest computer games here





The results for the 2006 World Stupidity Awards are out:

As judged by internet voting

The Stupidest Man of the Year went to Donald Thompson, an Oklahoma judge, who used a penis pump underneath his robes during at least three trials while court was in session - two of these were murder trials! Convicted June 29, 2006 on four counts of felony indecent exposure.

US Vice President Dick Cheney took out Dumbest Moment of the Year (for accidentally shooting his friend Harry Whittington while hunting) and was nominated for Stupidest Man and also played a role in Stupidest Statement (Whittington said he and his family were "deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this past week" after Cheney shot him).

You can see the full list of winners at the official website.







THE NEWS

Reverse graffiti confounds authorites: ""Paul Curtis aka Moose is no regular graffiti artist. In fact, he's the reverse-graffiti artist. He created his street art by *cleaning* the dirt and grime off of surfaces! Authorities are baffled: is selective cleaning a crime?"


Cheating epidemic in universities: "Graduate business students in the United States and Canada are more likely to cheat on their work than their counterparts in other academic fields, the author of a research paper said this week. The study of 5300 graduate students in the United States and Canada found that 56 per cent of graduate business students admitted to cheating in the past year, with many saying they cheated because they believed it was an accepted practice in business. Following business students, 54 per cent of graduate engineering students admitted to cheating, as did 50 per cent of physical science students, 49 per cent of medical and health-care students, 45 per cent of law students, 43 per cent of liberal arts students and 39 per cent of social science and humanities students. "Students have reached the point where they're making their own rules," said lead author Donald McCabe, professor of management and global business at New Jersey's Rutgers University.


Expensive English breakfast: "A British company has produced what it says is the world's most expensive jar of marmalade, making breakfast a pricy proposition at STG76 ($191.445) to spread a slice of toast. The one kg jar costs STG5,000 ($12,594) and contains generous lashings of 62-year-old Dalmore malt whisky, Pol Roger vintage champagne, and edible gold leaf. Marmalade, a bitter jam made with oranges, is a staple part of the traditional full English breakfast, which also includes bacon, sausages and eggs. It is said to have first arrived in England from Portugal in the 15th century and rapidly became a favourite with the aristocracy, many of whom believed it had aphrodisiac qualities. Manufacturers Duerr's, who produced the one-off to mark the company's 125th anniversary, say the jar will be auctioned for charity on auctions website eBay later this year. The marmalade is presented in a crystal glass decanter and each mouthful will cost an eye-watering STG11 ($27.70)."


A dogfight with a difference: "A respectable, "unassuming" schoolteacher went berserk when his pet collie Roxy was attacked by an alsatian and stabbed the dog's owner 31 times, a court was told. Ronald Smallshire, 56, who had no history of violence, went into his house and returned with a steak knife. He then stabbed Michael Oakley in the head, neck and back while Mr Oakley's three younger sisters looked on in horror. Bournemouth Crown Court was told that Mr Oakley, a 24-year-old mobile phone technician, survived the onslaught only because Mr Smallshire stabbed him so hard that part of the 3in blade snapped off. Smallshire, who admitted wounding with intent, was jailed for six and a half years".




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:59 PM

 


OH DEAR!

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!'' And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ''PEANUTS!''




BEFORE I CAME TO UNIVERSITY, I WISH I HAD KNOWN...

That I could change so much and barely realize it.
That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
No matter how 'cool' you were in school, no one here cares.
That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up
That every clock on campus shows a different time.
That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn't matter here.
That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.
That you can know everything and fail a test.
That you can know nothing and ace a test.
That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.
That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures.
That friendship is more than getting drunk together but that's still funny......!
That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Maths.
That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.





THE NEWS

The Holy Grail?: "It might be a housewife's fantasy or a trendy bachelor's dream: a machine that will dry and iron your clothes was unveiled in Madrid yesterday, raising the prospect that the hated household chore could become a thing of the past. Ironing is an obsession in Spain, where housewives traditionally press every bit of fabric, including bedsheets, socks and underwear. That was the inspiration for the "Driron", made by the Basque manufacturer Fagor. It looks like a 6ft (1.8m) fridge-freezer. The clothes are slotted in sideways on hangers like a wardrobe. Shirts and T-shirts are weighed down with what looks like a giant hairclip. After whirring away for two hours, the clothes are dry and remarkably wrinkle-free.... A British student has gone one step further, developing a machine that will wash clothes as well as dry and iron them, although it has yet to be produced commercially. Oliver Blackwell, a University of Plymouth graduate, exhibited his "WashDryIron" at the Ideal Home Show earlier this year.... The Driron was the product of three years of research and development, but the concept is relatively simple. Clothes are hung inside the machine and weighed down with clip-on attachments. The heat dries the clothes and also creates the steam used to rid them of wrinkles. Small objects such as socks or underwear are placed in the rack on the top."


Egging is dangerous: "Throwing a raw egg at someone may be considered a prank or a harmless political protest but in fact it carries a high risk of causing blindness, a study published overnight has concluded. Doctors at the Royal Liverpool University hospital in Britain sifted through the records of 18,651 patients who had received eye treatment over a 14-month period. Thirteen had been victims of an egg attack, eight of whom had a detached retina, internal pressure on the eyeball and other sight-threatening conditions. Twelve of the patients were men, and many of the injuries were sustained at Halloween. After treatment, all the patients recovered except for one, who had been hit by an egg hurled from a passing car and suffered permanent damage to his eye. The doctors point out that an egg is relatively heavy."


Telephoning anyone was once a lot easier in Britain: "Getting hold of modern celebrities requires influence, patience and timing, but it was not always so. In the late 19th and early 20th centuries all you needed was a brass neck and a copy of the telephone book. A project to upload more than a century of British telephone directories to the internet has revealed that sporting heroes, icons of literature and stars of the stage and screen were all oblivious to the term "ex directory"... In the early 20th century, however, anyone could contact C. B. Fry, one of England's pre-eminent sportsmen, by asking the operator for his home number. Fry - when he wasn't playing cricket or football for England, rugby for the Barbarians or equalling the world record in the long jump - was available on Hampstead 2636. Callers for Gordon Brown face a swift rebuff from the Treasury switchboard, but when Winston Churchill was in charge of the economy he was available to talk about joining the gold standard on Paddington 1003. The relative scarcity of telephones and greater public deference meant that celebrities thought nothing of listing their telephone numbers and addresses in the public domain. One of the earliest writers to appear in the telephone book was Bram Stoker (Victoria 1436) in 1910".


Ghosts are in the mind: "Neuroscientists investigating a young woman with epilepsy believe they have stumbled on an explanation why some people feel a ghostly presence nearby or develop paranoia or persecution. The 22-year-old woman was being assessed for brain surgery for epilepsy but was otherwise psychologically healthy. Part of this evaluation was to pinpoint the area needed for surgery, using thin electrodes implanted into a region of the brain. Reporting the case in the latest issue of Nature, the weekly British science journal, the doctors say that when they sent a small current to the woman's left temporoparietal junction, she said she had the impression there was somebody behind her. The person was a "shadow", young and of indeterminate sex and did not speak, she said. The doctors slightly increased the current and changed the woman's position from lying down to seated, and got her to hug her knees. She then said she felt the creepy presence of man who was also sitting and who was clasping her unpleasantly in his arms."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:44 PM

 


PIRATE TALK

Captain Blackbeard walks in to a tavern and orders "Ahoy, me hearty, gimme a tankard o' yer best rum. AAAAArghhh!"

The barman replies as he places the tankard on the counter, "Cap'n Blackbeard, Good to see ye again. But where's yer buccaneers?"

"Aaaarggh," says Blackbeard " Under me buccan hat!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A pirate, just off his ship, walks into a tavern. He looks the real thing - peg leg, eye patch and framing his tanned & scarred face two big gold earrings. "Ahoy, me buxom beauty, " he rasps to the tavern wench, "I'll has a tankard o' rum."

"Them's might fine lookin' earrings" the wench says. "They must've cost more'n a few pieces of eight!"

"Aarggh no," says the pirate, "only two bucks!" "Well", says the wench, "That's pretty good for a buck-an-ear!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man is talking to a Pirate in a bar. He asks the Pirate about his peg leg. "I got me peg leg after a shark bit me leg off when I fell into the sea". He asks the Pirate about the hook where his left hand used to me. "I was in a sword fight and the rapscallion cut me hand off..so I got me hook".

He asks the Pirate about his eye patch. "Aye. That was the result of a Sea Gull pooping in me eye". The man says "Sea Gull poop does that?".

The Pirate replies "No, but that happened the day after I got me hook"







THE NEWS

Beasts in Britain too: "The number of big cats is increasing in the British countryside, according to a study of exotic animal sightings. Almost 6,000 large, often unidentified cats have been reported stalking the landscape over the past six years. Since the Beast of Bodmin became an object of interest, public sightings have been on the rise and are now at record levels. The big cats are no longer alone. They have been joined by a host of dangerous beasts, from wolves to crocodiles. Overall, there have been more than 10,000 sightings of exotic animals in Britain in the past six years. Many turned out to be mythical but some proved genuine. So common have sightings become that there are organisations devoted to recording and analysing them."


A REALLY dumb crook: "The search is over for a man charged with holding up two banks within a half-hour in York County. Police say the same white van was seen leaving the banks. The vehicle had the name "Sanderson" printed in large letters on the side. The alleged getaway vehicle in the two bank robberies had the suspect's name printed on the side in large letters. That van is what quickly led police to the suspect, Bryan Sanderson. Police had a good description of the suspect and his vehicle, law enforcement officers from several jurisdictions were looking him, and in about an hour, the man was in custody." ]


Pyjamas threaten civil life: "People wearing pyjamas in public, still a common sight in Shanghai, is one of the most irritating aspects of life in China's biggest city, according to an opinion poll of residents. The survey found that pyjama-wearing on the streets and in public places such as shops, banks and parks is among the most uncivilised things in the city, along with aggressive pets, unhelpful neighbours and disregard for the natural environment. More than 16 per cent of respondents said they or family members often donned pyjamas in public, and 25 per cent reported they sometimes did, Yang Xiong, a professor who helped conduct the poll, said on Wednesday. Theories differ over why the practice of wearing pyjamas - baggy cotton outfits which are often printed with flowers or small animals - is so widespread in China's richest and most cosmopolitan city. Some believe residents are showing off their social status by underlining how close to the city centre they live, while others say it is a holdover from life many decades ago in small, self-contained communities."


Holy city lost in translation: "Something always gets lost in translation, but usually not an entire city. "Jerusalem. There is no such city!" the Jerusalem municipality said in the English-language version of a sightseeing brochure it had published originally in Hebrew. The correct translation is: "Jerusalem. There is no city like it!" Carrying a photograph of the brochure, Israel's Maariv newspaper said tens of thousands of flyers had been distributed before city hall realized its mistake."




Tiger snarls about naughty pics: "Tiger Woods yesterday voiced his fury after an Irish magazine published bogus topless pictures of his Swedish wife. Under the headline "Ryder Cup filth for Ireland", the Dubliner magazine printed raunchy pictures it claimed to be of Elin Woods and observed that pictures of the former model "in a variety of sweaty poses," could be found on pornographic internet sites. A clearly upset Woods took time out at the start of his first Ryder Cup press conference to condemn the magazine's conduct as unacceptable. "My wife has been a model and she did do some bikini shots," Woods said. "But to link her to porn sites and such is unacceptable."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:51 PM

 


A SHARK THAT WALKS!



See a video of it walking here






THE NEWS

Un-be-LIEV-able: "A Serbian man who went to a witchdoctor in search of a cure for premature ejaculation rather foolishly took the shaman's advice, viz: have sex with a hedgehog. You know the rest: Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, ended up in the hospital with severe lacerations to his wedding tackle, according to Ananova. A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."




Camp Coffee in trouble: "The makers of Camp Coffee have changed the label on their famous jars - after complaints of racism. The makers of the chicory-flavoured essence are now using an image of a Scottish soldier sitting side by side drinking coffee with a turbanned Sikh. Earlier labels showed the Indian apparently serving the kilted soldier which provoked a storm of protest from race equality groups who claimed at the time that the label delivered "an offensive and racist" message. As an interim move the firm removed the tray from the servant's hand but now the label depicts the bearer and the Gordon Highlander officer sitting as equals - no longer promoting the master-servant Days of the Raj message."


Penis on again, off again: "Chinese surgeons who performed the world's first penis transplant had to remove the new organ after the recipient developed severe psychological problems. Doctors say the operation was a surgical success but psychological issues suffered by the man and his wife meant the donated organ had to be removed after two weeks. The man had the surgery after his own organ was damaged beyond repair in an accident this year, leaving him with a 1cm stump with which he was unable to urinate or have sexual intercourse. "His quality of life was affected severely," The Guardian quoted Weilie Hu, a surgeon at Guangzhou General Hospital, as saying. Doctors spent 15 hours attaching a 10cm penis to the 44-year-old patient after the parents of a younger, brain-dead man agreed to donate their son's organ. The procedure, described in a case study due to appear in the journal European Urology next month, required complex microsurgery to connect nerves and tiny blood vessels. After 10 days, tests revealed the organ had a rich blood supply and the man could urinate normally. It was the first time a donor penis had successfully been attached to another man. Yet surgeons said they had to remove the penis after just two weeks. "Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off," Dr Hu said."


Number's up for bumbling thief: "An Italian thief who lost his mobile phone while robbing an elderly lady, called his own number to track it down - and unwittingly arranged a date with police. The 77-year-old victim handed over the phone that the bagsnatcher had dropped to officers, who then lured the thief to a meeting where he was arrested. Italian news agency Agi said the man had been freed from prison recently under an Italian mass pardon meant to ease congestion in jails. By the time police were waiting for him at the meeting point, the 35-year-old had already robbed another old lady and was riding a stolen scooter, Agi said."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:03 PM

 


SNOW JOB: A GREAT VIDEO

It's only short and you can see what's coming, even if the particpants cannot:

Click here






THE NEWS

Tainted spinach traced to California (Where else?): "A California natural foods company was linked Friday to a nationwide bacterial outbreak that has killed one person and sickened nearly 100 others. Food and Drug Administration officials said Friday that they had received reports of illness in about 20 states. The outbreak was traced to Natural Selection Foods, based in San Juan Bautista, Calif., and the company has voluntarily recalled products containing spinach. FDA officials stressed that the bacteria had not been isolated in products sold by Natural Selection Foods but that the link was established by patient accounts of what they had eaten before becoming ill".


A great excuse: "A Nigerian murder suspect accused of killing his brother with an axe told police investigators he actually attacked a goat, which was only later magically transformed into his sibling's corpse, officials said Thursday. The man, whose name wasn't released, offered police his explanation after his arrest on Tuesday in the death of his brother the previous day at Isseluku village in southern Nigeria. "He said that the goats were on his farm and he tried to chase them away. When one wouldn't move, he attacked it with an axe. He said it then turned into his brother," Police Commissioner Udom Ekpoudom told the Associated Press. Murder suspects in Nigeria, where many people believe in black magic, sometimes claim spirits tricked them into killing. In 2001, eight people were burned to death after one person in their group was accused of making a bystander's penis magically disappear".




Just a pretty face: "Danielle Lloyd is no Ken Jennings, the "Jeopardy!" king. Lloyd, the reigning Miss Great Britain and girlfriend of West Ham soccer player Teddy Sheringham, was being prepped by her boyfriend for an appearance on the BBC television show, "Test the Nation." Sheringham asked her, "Who was Winston Churchill: a rapper; U.S. president; the PM; king?" Replied Lloyd, according to British news reports: "Wasn't he the first black president of America? There's a statue of him near me that's black.""


More dumb crooks: "Two couples from southern Illinois were arrested after faking a car crash. And, they only have themselves to blame. The criminals videotaped their crime and then lost the tape. The two men and women created a fake car accident to collect insurance money. They taped their van slamming into a tree over and over. On the first trip, the driver jumped out before impact. A second driver struck the tree two more times. The insurance money was collected and the tape was misplaced. It was found during a divorce and handed over to police. The man who found the tape was not part of the crime. The group had to pay back the money".


Amazing cheek: "Police say a Waterbury man burglarized a neighbor's house, then tried to sell the stolen loot at a yard sale just a few doors away. Police say they have a warrant charging a 37-year-old city man with clearing out a neighbor's house while that homeowner was gone for a few weeks on a church mission trip. When the owner returned, he discovered his house nearly empty. Police say the burglar took everything from furniture and door knobs to copper piping, stained-glass windows, the fireplace mantle piece and heat register covers. The items weren't missing for long: Police say they turned up in a yard sale at the suspect's house, just a few houses away from the crime scene. Officers recovered some of the stolen loot, along with a receipt from a local scrap yard where the suspect sold fourteen pounds of scrap copper"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 11:28 AM

 


THAT CHICKEN AGAIN

Why it crossed the road:

Jessica Simpson: Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?

Homer Simpson: There was free beer on the other side of the road.

Homer Simpson 2: Because they're stupid that's why! Why does anybody do anything?

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Snoop Dogg: This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.

Charles Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

(former) Iraq Information Minister: There is no such chicken trying to cross the road, and there never has been any such chicken.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Johnny Cochran: Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Chuck Norris: Because I threw it.

Jack Bauer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Jack Nicholson: You WANT that chicken on the road. You NEED that chicken on the road. You're just too much of a chicken to be on that road YOURSELF!

Bill Gates: It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.

The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

Mel Gibson: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road? Because its a (censored) Jew. Jews think they can just (censored) cross the street whenever they want. Jewish chickens are responsible for all the wars in the world...are you a Jew??

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?







THE NEWS

Clean, green war machines: " British arms manufacturer BAE Systems is designing "environmentally friendly" weapons, including reduced-lead bullets, reduced-smoke grenades, low-toxin rockets, tanks with lower carbon emissions and even recycling or composting waste explosives. "Weapons are going to be used and when they are, we try to make them as safe for the user as possible, to limit the collateral damage and to impact as little as possible on the environment," a BAE official said".


Hooked on the knife: "Plastic surgeons are to be issued with a checklist to weed out the increasing number of patients who are becoming "addicted" to cosmetic surgery to improve their appearance. Adam Searle, president of the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, will tell a conference of his peers to look for patients hooked on cosmetic surgery or Botox treatments and those who have "imagined ugly syndrome", also known as body dysmorphic disorder. The availability and rising social acceptability of cosmetic surgery have fuelled demand. BAAPS found 22,041 cosmetic operations excluding Botox injections took place in Britain last year, up 35 per cent on 2004. These included 5646 breast enlargements. Even surgeons profiting from the boom admit some of this treatment may be unnecessary. Dr Searle is drawing up a checklist to help colleagues avoid treating patients who get a "buzz" from repeat procedures or are fixated with perfecting a part of their body. "There are people who develop a dependency on the support they appear to get from cosmetic surgery. Cosmetic surgery is potentially habit-forming," Dr Searle said. "These people feel a sense of psychological wellbeing after one procedure and this fuels the notion that they would feel even better if they had another."




Saving some old stars and stripes: "American donors have paid for the 100,000 pounds restoration of a 14th-century window whose design is claimed as the model for the Stars and Stripes flag. The window at Selby Abbey, North Yorkshire, was originally donated by the English ancestors of George Washington. It shows the family arms of his forebears, the de Wessyngtons: three spiked spur wheels above two red bars. Washington is known to have used the heraldic device on personal seals"


Queer goings-on in Kiwiland: "The Prime Minister is forced to insist that her husband is not gay while the Opposition leader suddenly takes leave after his affair with a glamorous, blonde multimillionairess becomes public. A fictitious political thriller? No, New Zealand. In a small and conservative country not known for real-life political thrillers - let alone those involving sex scandals - the sudden elevation to the front pages of the private lives of Helen Clark, the Prime Minister, and Don Brash, the Opposition leader, has New Zealanders riveted. And many appalled. Ms Clark, a steely former academic whose seven years at the top of the Labour Government have prompted critics to suggest Wellington be renamed Helengrad, and Dr Brash, the strait-laced former governor of the country's Reserve Bank, both in their late fifties, have - until now - appeared the most unlikely characters to be involved in scandal."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:42 PM

 


LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.

The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silent response.

So she rolled over and grabbed him by his 'DANGLER.' With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man, and your brother."




LIFE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat. "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned," I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"







THE NEWS

Pigs wanted in Britain: "Officials are desperately seeking hundreds of pigs to eat the millions of acorns that have fallen in New Forest before the fruits poison the area's ponies. Forestry officials have appealed for more people to take part in the annual pannage tradition, in which pigs are released into the Hampshire forest to feast on green acorns. Normally only 200 pigs are needed for the 60-day forage, but an unusually mild spring and hot, dry summer has resulted in a glut of acorns, so 300 more are needed this year. Jonathan Gerrelli, New Forest's head agister, said: "Acorns are poisonous to ponies and cattle. If they eat them they start to bleed internally and die a horrible death. "They are not toxic to pigs who enjoy feasting on them. Pannage is the only time of year they are free to roam anywhere in New Forest. They would cause too much damage if they were wild."


Feeble British mainstream churches turn to beer: "In an attempt to put the "spirit" back into Christmas, the latest publicity campaign from Britain's churches is in danger of falling as flat as an old pint of bitter. An advertisement featuring the face of Jesus as a "miraculous" apparition on an empty beer glass is to be the centrepiece of a campaign to encourage church-going this Christmas. The image of Jesus in the froth left on the sides of an almost empty pint glass next to the words "Where will you find him?" is the latest in a series of controversial campaigns from the Churches Advertising Network, an ecumenical group that includes representatives of most of the mainstream churches.... The advert prompted immediate criticism from clergy working with young people. The Rev Tom Allen, a "mission priest" in Oakworth, West Yorkshire, who runs the popular BigBulkyAnglican website, described the campaign as sickening."




Indian affirmative action: "The Indian Government is offering 50,000 rupees (580 pounds) to higher-caste people who marry spouses from the lowest castes in its latest controversial effort to dismantle the ancient Hindu social hierarchy. The Ministry of Social Justice and Empowerment made the proposal yesterday amid a growing controversy over plans to expand quotas for lower-caste students at schools and universities. The scheme is already under attack, with conservatives saying it will trigger social chaos and liberals arguing that few will accept the offer - and fewer will receive the funds. The proposed bonus is a small fortune in a country where average annual income per capita is 280 pounds, and where official corruption is rampant.


Yummy worms: "Worm, crocodile, tripe and Nelson Mandela's favorite beef and bean stew. Johannesburg restaurant Gramadoelas gives diners the chance to see how South African food reflects the diversity of its people. More than 30 years ago, Gramadoelas defied stringent apartheid-era laws to allow blacks and whites to eat together and now, more than a decade after white rule collapsed, this restaurant in the heart of South Africa's economic capital remains one of the only eateries that serves worms. Mopane worms, a favorite among the Venda ethnic group clustered mostly in northern South Africa, is the raciest option on the menu. Thicker and hairier than most worms, the Mopane worm is actually a caterpillar named after the tree it eats. It's an acquired taste and resembles cardboard. After its innards are squeezed out, the worms are boiled and sun-dried. At Gramadoelas they come drenched in spicy peri-peri sauce -- presumably to mask the flavor. "If you close your eyes they're not so bad," mused one diner"


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:03 PM

 


A REDNECK GOES TO CANADA

A very Southern redneck wanted to go ice fishing. He'd seen many books on the subject, so finally organized a trip to Canada to make sure he was experiencing the real thing. When he got there, he made for the ice.

After positioning his comfy footstool, he started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

Startled, the redneck moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of coffee, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

The redneck, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. He set up his stool once more and tried again to cut a hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

He stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "NO,.. THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."







THE NEWS



California Catholic school bans skirts! "Amazing the amount of havoc a hemline can wreak -- particularly when it's the hemline of a schoolgirl's skirt, creeping more than 4 inches above her knee. So distracting were the ever-shorter skirts on girls at Christian Brothers High School that the administration banned skirts and dresses. The result? No more boys congregating under the stairways to watch girls climb the steps. No more awkward moments for male teachers unsure of how to appropriately enforce the no-shorter-than-4-inches-above-the-knee skirt rule. For a second school year, starting this fall, girls at Christian Brothers -- just like the boys -- are required to wear pants or long shorts to school. "It's not very girly," complained Alicia Schaefer, 16, who was hanging out on a schoolyard bench Thursday afternoon wearing long white pants. "We miss the skirt thing," added her friend Katina Feil, 16, dressed in khaki knee-length shorts.... After all, it wasn't so long ago that girls were forbidden from wearing pants and required to wear skirts -- longish skirts.... James Williams, executive director of the National Independent Private Schools Association called Christian Brothers' policy "kind of strange." "Usually it goes the other way," he said. "Usually they outlaw the pants." Christian Brothers does not require uniforms, but four pages in the school handbook detail what students may and may not wear."


No mercy for puffers in Singapore: "An Australian woman allegedly caught smoking in a toilet on a Singapore Airlines flight was arrested and is under criminal investigation. A Singapore police spokesman said the passenger, in her 40s, was held at Changi airport after the plane landed from Cairo on Thursday. A statement from Singapore Airlines said the case involved an unidentified Australian woman who "was believed to be smoking in the aircraft toilet". The Straits Times newspaper reported that the plane was directed to a remote parking bay, causing concern to passengers who feared there was a terrorist threat. Police boarded the aircraft to arrest the woman. The other 291 passengers and 17 air crew were taken in buses to the main terminal, where they were screened for security. The report said the woman was being investigated for violations of the Air Navigation Act: smoking in an aircraft and endangering the safety of an aircraft."


Booze makes you rich: "Drinking alcohol can fatten your pay check, according to a Reason Foundation study published in the Journal of Labor Research. Men who visit a bar at least once a month to drink socially bring home 7 percent more pay than abstainers, and women drinkers earn 14 percent more than non-drinkers, according to the study by economists Bethany Peters and Edward Stringham. ``Social drinking builds social capital,'' Stringham, a professor at San Jose State University, said in a press release. ``Social drinkers are out networking, building relationships, and adding contacts to their BlackBerries that result in bigger paychecks.'' The report, published in Los Angeles, questions the economic effects of anti-alcohol legislation at sports stadiums and festivals. ``Instead of fear-mongering we should step back and acknowledge the proven health and economic benefits that come with the responsible use of alcohol,'' Stringham said."


Greenpeace issues toxic sex toy warning: "Greenpeace Netherlands has issued a statement warning sex toy lovers not to shove the 'Spectra Gel Anal Plug' or the 'Crystal Jelly Double Dong' where the sun don't shine, according to an eye-watering report on Expatica. The reason behind the shock advisory is not the possible risk of ending up in hospital with a dildo stuck firmly up your jacksie and having to endure the humiliating laughter of medical staff who avail themselves of the opportunity of grabbing a few X-rays for later dissemination on the internet, but rather that sex toys apparently contain 'extremely high concentrations of phthalate plasticisers which allegedly pose a risk to human health and the environment.'"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:41 PM

 


Never upset a nurse

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."






THE NEWS

Dangerous helmets: "Cyclists who wear helmets are more likely to be knocked off their bicycles than those who do not, according to research. Motorists give helmeted cyclists less leeway than bare-headed riders because they assume that they are more proficient. They give a wider berth to those they think do not look like "proper" cyclists, including women, than to kitted-out "lycra-clad warriors". Ian Walker, a traffic psychologist, was hit by a bus and a truck while recording 2,500 overtaking manoeuvres. On both occasions he was wearing a helmet. During his research he measured the exact distance of passing traffic using a computer and sensor fitted to his bicycle.Half the time Dr Walker, of the University of Bath, was bare-headed. For the other half he wore a helmet and has the bruises to prove it. He even wore a wig on some of his trips to see if drivers gave him more room if they thought he was a woman. They did."


Tiger dung for your garden: "If your neighbour's cat tends to treat your garden as a lavatory, forget pepper spray and water pistols - tiger dung could be the answer. Suburban gardens troubled by unwelcome visitors need a touch of Sumatra, according to Chessington World of Adventures, which has auctioned off a year's supply of the "new black gold" on eBay. If claims made by the Surrey theme park's staff prove accurate, and the dung really does scare away cats and foxes, then tiger manure could soon be in big demand. But if Chessington's zookeepers were hoping to spark a bidding war, they were disappointed. A single, anonymous individual, known only by the username finale-silver, offered the starting price of 240 pounds.


Boy, four, accused of sexual assault: "A four-year-old boy has been accused of sexually assaulting several girls at an exclusive pre-school. The boy has been withdrawn from the early learning centre in southeast Melbourne pending the outcome of a Department of Human Services investigation that began late last week. The centre's principal said "a number" of students were allegedly assaulted and he had told parents and DHS. The Herald Sun has been told at least five girls from two classes of 14 aged three and four were attacked in the centre's toilets and playground over two weeks. A source said the boy had been voluntarily withdrawn by his parents after they were told of the sexual assault allegations against their son. The school's principal said the number of victims reported was incorrect. At least one student needed medical attention after she was assaulted."


Weird burglar leaves his calling card: "A young woman was so disturbed by an indecent act committed during a bizarre burglary at her bayside home that she has since been forced to move house, a court was told yesterday. A neighbour who broke into the 29-year-old woman's home while she was out and ejaculated into her lingerie drawer was unable to offer an explanation for his behaviour when he faced court yesterday. Brisbane District Court was told carpenter Neil Allan Hopkins, now 45, did not know the woman and did not know how he ended up inside her Victoria Point home on an unknown date between November 2004 and early January 2005. The court was told Hopkins also used a camera belonging to the woman to take pictures of his penis during the incident. He was also arrested for stealing her fridge, a vacuum cleaner and compact disc player. Hopkins was charged more than 10 months later after police matched his DNA to a semen sample taken from the woman's underwear drawer."




A non-Ronald MacDonald: "The MacDonalds of Keppoch, a particularly warlike branch of the Clan MacDonald, have their first chief in 158 years after a 20-year battle in the Scottish courts. Ranald Alasdair MacDonald, 75, a retired hearing aid specialist from Edinburgh, acquires no lands and no castle, only a coat of arms and the satisfaction of having defeated his enemies who claimed he was descended from a distant illegitimacy. Following his installation ceremony in Fort William, capital of the clan's historic territory, Mr MacDonald can wallow in his full title of 22nd Chief of the Honourable Clan Ranald of Lochaber Mac Mhic Raonuill. Kinsmen may address him by the sobriquet, Ready Warrior. Mr MacDonald spent decades searching his family tree to prove his claim"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:17 PM

 


BOSTON FOREVER!

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Boston courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his Parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Boston Red Sox, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone.







THE NEWS

Amazing: Only 30 minutes of hysteria this time: "Police swarmed a high school campus Monday after a 911 call about armed teenagers who turned out to be students re-enacting war scenes with camouflage and mock rifles for an art project. Summit High School was locked down for about 30 minutes while police sorted it all out. "We had a little bit of a misunderstanding this morning," said Terry Morawski, director of communications for the Mansfield Independent School District. "I don't know that I can fault anyone involved, but the timing was definitely questionable.The students were photographing themselves re-enacting scenes from the Vietnam War as part of a project, but with nerves on edge over the fifth anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, a driver who spotted the mock rifles called police. Summit High School, about 20 miles southeast of Fort Worth, has about 2,800 students"




Naughty Starbucks: "Starbucks' trip down memory lane to bring back its original mermaid logo on its cups has brewed up some controversy. A Kent elementary school principal, according to a local TV station, asked teachers last week that if they were bringing their daily joe to school that they make sure they get a sleeve to cover the image of a topless mermaid on Starbucks cups. The Seattle-based coffee giant, as part of its 35th anniversary, this month put its original logo with the bare-breasted mermaid on its cups in stores in Washington and Oregon."


Ninja robber's luck finally runs out: "A Greek bank robber armed with ninja throwing stars finally ran out of moves when police arrested him after an Athens bank robbery. Petros Onen, 49, had held up 11 small suburban bank branches making away with $84,880 in recent months, threatening to throw his razor-sharp, palm-size stars - made famous by the Japanese ninja warriors - at cashiers, police said. His luck ran out when undercover policemen at the last bank he robbed followed him home and arrested him with his loot, his throwing stars, a fake gun and a list of other bank branches.


Shocking end for 'Hung Electric': "A Vietnamese man who once appeared on national television to demonstrate his ability to resist electric shocks was electrocuted while repairing a generator, an official said today. Nguyen Van Hung, aged in his early 40s, was killed in Tay Ninh province near the Cambodian border while repairing the generator without first cutting the power supply, a local official said. "When alive, he used to demonstrate at our office how he would insert two fingers into the electrical plughole without problems," the official said. Hung, nicknamed "Hung Electric", had appeared on television's Strange Stories of Vietnam."


Safe drunk?: "A Nashua, N.H., man was arrested early Friday morning after police said he led them on a chase through three towns but stopped at every red light. Joshua Grant, 24, was charged with drunken driving and other violations. Police said the chase began after an officer patrolling Route 102 in Hudson at about 12:30 a.m. passed a car speeding in the opposite direction... The Hudson officer turned on his lights and ordered the car to pull over, but police said Grant refused to stop. Officers used a spike strip to flatten one of the tires, but they said the car continued going. "It didn't stop the vehicle, and it continued into Nashua," Lavoie said. "However, the driver would stop as it came up to red lights as it came into Nashua. And they were able to subsequently box in the vehicle so it would no longer go when it came to another stop at one of the red lights." Police said that although Grant was speeding, driving drunk and refusing to pull over, he did stop for three red lights. "It's very unusual, yes," Lavoie said. "But it was able to help us out to get the vehicle stopped."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:49 PM

 


RAPID GRAMMAR IMPROVEMENT

There were two girls seated on a plane, beside one another.

One was from the North and one from the South.

The girl from the South asked very politely, "Where ya from?"

The girl from the North said, " A place that knows better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from the South replied, "Oh, okay, where ya from, Bitch?"




A FUN VIDEO

Watch a so-smooth TV weatherman totally freak out over a cockroach. Definitely no British "stiff upper lip" there.






THE NEWS

Dangerously dumb cops: "The chunk of plastic explosive lost four days ago during a bungled security drill at Logan International Airport was still missing last night, embarrassed state police acknowledged, with the fifth anniversary of 9/11 only hours away. "The investigation continues and there is nothing new to report at this time," said State Police spokesman Sgt. Scott Range. State police said they were searching a 1.5-mile stretch of Harborside Drive, near Runway 4L, as well as dismantling a street sweeper to find the 8-ounce stick of Semtex, a stable but powerful explosive used by terrorists. The Semtex was attached to the bumper of a Massport vehicle Wednesday as part of a K-9 drill but was lost when an airport employee inadvertently drove off in the explosives-laden truck without troopers noticing."


Dumb artist: "Two paintings valued at $1.5 million have been lost after falling off the roof a car in central Sydney. Aboriginal artist Gordon Syron had placed his paintings on the roof racks of his car, parked outside Sydney Town Hall, intending to take them to another location at about 4.20pm (AEST) yesterday, police said today. The artist noticed the paintings missing when he stopped at the intersection of Elizabeth and Cleveland streets and realised he had failed to secure the load. Police were called and they searched Mr Syron's route, speaking to a number of shop owners, but they have been unable to locate the paintings. The paintings are called Judgement of his Peers and The Immortalisation of David Gulpilil and have been valued at $1.5 million, police said."


Dumb NYC workmen: "Work crews overhauling a subway station on Wall Street installed temporary ceiling beams too low -- and some trains scraped against them. Number 4 train service was suspended for about four hours Tuesday while the beams were removed. Transit Authority spokesman Charles Seaton says rider safety was never in jeopardy. He says the low beams only scraped certain sections of the roof. The transit authority is investigating how the faulty installation took place.




Copyright tartan! "A motorised rickshaw has been forced off the road after it poked fun at Burberry, the fashion company. The tuk-tuk, one of twelve in Brighton, was named Chavrolet and painted in the Burberry tartan. But the company has threatened its owner with legal action for breach of copyright. Dominic Ponniah, 26, of TucTuc, which operates the rickshaws, said: "It's a tongue-in-cheek design and people thought it was entertaining." Burberry declined to comment."




Crossed legs to fight gang crime: "They are calling it the "crossed legs" strike. Fretting over crime and violence, girlfriends and wives of gang members in the Colombian city of Pereira have called a ban on sex to persuade their menfolk to give up the gun. After meeting with the mayor's office to discuss a disarmament program, a group of women decided to deny their partners their conjugal rights and recorded a song for local radio to urge others to follow their example. "We met with the wives and girlfriends of gang members and they were worried some were not handing over their guns and that is where they came up with the idea of a vigil or a sex strike," mayor's office representative Julio Cesar Gomez said. "The message they are giving them is disarm or if not then they will decide how, when, where and at what time," he said by telephone."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:29 PM

 


YOU CAN BE TOO FRANK








THE NEWS

Real BBC attitudes revealed: "The BBC voiced regret today over a spoof pop video making light of the conflicts in the Middle East, which was made as a joke by London news staff but leaked to a newspaper. The film features members of the BBC London team prancing around in tea towel head dresses and fake beards in front of a news footage backdrop of tanks, missile launchers and soldiers in gas masks. It was only intended to be seen at the leaving party for assistant editor Simon Torkington, who is moving to Qatar-based pan-Arab broadcaster Al-Jazeera. However, one irate BBC insider leaked it to London's Evening Standard newspaper - leaving those behind the video facing a roasting from BBC bosses. "Having viewed the video, I believe it should not have been made and was completely ill-judged," said Andy Griffee, the controller of BBC English Regions. He asked the head of BBC London for an explanation on the circumstances concerning the making of the video."




Fake Royal wedding fools Japs: "A fairy story ended behind bars for a Japanese couple yesterday, when they were jailed for staging an elaborate fake royal wedding to defraud guests. Yasuyuki Kitano and Harumi Sakamoto, both in their 40s, invited hundreds of guests, including Japanese celebrities, to a wedding reception in 2003, saying that Kitano was a member of a defunct branch of the imperial family. Guests at Japanese weddings traditionally bring with them gifts of at least 30,000 yen ($260) in cash. Pictures shown on television at the time showed Sakamoto in the "junihitoe" 12-layered kimono worn by women of the imperial household on formal occasions. "It was a malicious crime that cleverly took advantage of a mentality for revering the imperial court and imperial family," Kyodo news agency quoted judge Takaaki as saying.


Bungling thief caught trying to return shoe: "A bungling German thief stole a pair of shoes in two different sizes and was caught when he went back to the shop to fix his mistake - decked out in the very clothes he had stolen, authorities said. Police in the western city of Bielefeld said the shop owner recognized the 20-year-old shoplifter because the white shoes and sports jacket he wore were available only in his shop, and had been stolen just two days earlier. "You have to wonder why he went back into the shop in the stolen get-up," said a spokeswoman for Bielefeld police. "It seems he may not have been the brightest of thieves." The owner spotted the man as he attempted to switch of the wrong-sized shoe and alerted police, who arrested the thief."


India prefers Gates to Gandhi: "A stunning commentary on the extent to which India is so rapidly changing was provided yesterday when a poll of the country's top chief executives and management students showed that Bill Gates was their No1 hero, with the revered Mahatma Gandhi pushed into the second spot. The poll, commissioned by The Economic Times, was, significantly, published on the eve of the centenary today of the launch by Gandhi of his Satyagraha passive resistance movement that was to lead to India's emancipation from rule by the British Raj and have such a profound impact on global thinking. For as long as most people can remember, Gandhi has been at the top of every assessment done of those most admired by Indians, but on its front page yesterday The Economic Times reflected the extent to which more modern generations are coming under different influences. Asked to name the biggest icon of their times, the respondents in the poll voted 37 per cent in favour of Gates and 30 per cent in favour of the Mahatma."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:09 PM

 


A HELL OF A PROBLEM

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.
The demon asked, "Why so glum?"
The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."
"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, rum, vodka and cola. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."
"You a smoker?" the demon asked.
"You better believe it!"
"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"
The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."
"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
The demon said, "You gay?"
"No."
"Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"






THE NEWS

Moron robs shop where he is known: "A man grabbed money out of a cash register at the Dunkin Donuts on North Main Street early this morning, and a suspect was captured a short time later in Killingly. Christopher L. Bouchard, whose last known address is 420 Valley Road, Killingly, was charged with third-degree robbery and sixth-degree larceny. Danielson state police say an unarmed man told the doughnut shop cashier to give him money from the cash register. He then reached over, grabbed the money and left. Police say employees recognized the suspect as Bouchard, a former employee. Police found Bouchard driving on Pettingill Road in Killingly and he was later stopped in a driveway on Valley Road. Held on a $5,000 bond he is expected to appear today in Danielson Superior Court".


English wine! "Global warming has its detractors but English wine-makers won’t have a word said against it. The rise in average temperatures is making all the difference in the world to the English wine making industry, which is expected to expand by 50 per cent over the next year. July and August provided such perfect weather for cultivating grapes that growers are confident of a bumper crop, especially for sparkling wine. Continued good weather until picking begins in about four weeks would guarantee a large crop, but early frosts could yet ruin the growers’ hopes. Average production of English wine is 1.9 million bottles, but this year’s harvest is expected to produce at least 3 million."




New fast food for America: "An Aussie icon is set to become the next big thing in American football this season. Australian trade officials announced on Monday that the revered meat pie is to follow a procession of local products, including Holden cars and Fosters beer, to the lucrative US market. Victorian-based Patties Foods, which makes the Four'N Twenty pie, said it had secured a distributor for its products and had shipped the first container of pies to the US. "Meat pies are a new experience for American consumers brought up on hot dogs and burgers," Patties' managing director Richard Rijs said. "The free trade agreement played a big part in getting into the US market but there has been a lot of work getting to this point.


Backyard oilwell: "Oil prices are so high, that oilman Steve Jordan is drilling a well next to his home near Lake Charles, Louisiana, he said on Wednesday. Jordan, 52, said the well will stretch 8,500 feet (2,591 metres) under his house and swimming pool and below the adjacent Calcasieu River. He hopes to strike oil in about 10 days on a prospect that wouldn't have been worth drilling when prices were lower, he said. "I'm not trying to prove anything," Jordan said in a telephone interview. "I'm trying to make money." The Independent Petroleum Association of America, which Jordan belongs to, is publicizing the project. Jordan argued Americans should permit more U.S. oil drilling to achieve energy independence. They fight it "and then try to blame U.S. oil companies for the price of energy being so high," he said."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:09 PM

 


SOME BRITISH HUMOR

The Brits are masters of subtle and understated humor. So much so that you may have to know a lot of Brits to "get" it. But if you do get it, there is an article in "The Sunday Times" that has a lot of it. The article is about what it takes to make a woman happy and is quite long. So don't look at it unless you are in a relaxed mood and have a bit of time to spare. The article is more serious than not but that just helps to provide context for the funny bits. See here






IS THIS THE MAN OF THE YEAR?

Or are they just trying to protect that bike?








THE NEWS

Rape 'victim' had 14 personalities: "A man has been acquitted of raping a woman - because she had at least 14 personalities. In a bizarre case, a jury was told that the 40-year-old man was accused of sexually assaulting the woman 11 times in her home in 2004 while some of her alter egos looked on and at times intervened. During the District Court trial that finished on Tuesday, the court was told three of the 33-year-old woman's personalities were present at one of the alleged incidents. The complainant said two identities had been at other incidents. Top WA criminal lawyer Judith Fordham, who watched the case, said it was the strangest she had seen. "Although there have been many cases in our courts where the accused has a mental illness, and some where victims or alleged victims suffer from mental illness, in 20 years as a lawyer I have never seen anything quite like this," she said... She conceded that at times she forgot that she did things because other personalities had done them, such as spending $3000 on her credit card. But she denied that any of her identities would engage in sex. The accused said on a police interview video that he had consensual sex with the woman on only one night during the three days and denied that other acts took place."




Sexy uniforms? "It is a question dear to the hearts of every modern athlete. What to wear? The sexy tight lycra of some netballers, the skimpy swimsuit of beach volleyball or the drab polyester of the bowls competitions? Such extreme examples are apparently turning off women, especially teenagers, from some sports. The issue is of such importance that a key recommendation of the Senate inquiry into women in sport and recreation is that clubs, schools and sports organisations review their dress code policies. The committee investigated how women are portrayed in the media, and the barriers stopping female participation in sport. Its chairman, Senator Andrew Bartlett, said relaxing strict dress could help improve body image among young women and girls, and help increase their participation in sport and recreation. The Opposition spokeswoman on sport, Kate Lundy, said the committee had heard that tight, revealing outfits were discouraging participation by body-conscious teenagers. So too was the old-fashioned, inflexible look of "older" sports like bowls and golf. "We believe safety and practicality should come first," Senator Lundy said. "No male sport would put safety at risk by virtue of a uniform . the beach volleyball requirement about size of bikini straps is seen as a joke and is separated from its practical function."


CA: Pesky fashion in pants: "Timothy Hurst was standing on the Kay Street Mall near Eighth Street when a cop came along. The cop started asking questions. One question involved marijuana. Timothy ran. He dropped his cell phone and dashed down Eighth toward the Greyhound bus station. The cop, Sacramento Police Officer Gus Johnson, gave chase. Timothy is 18, lean and fit. Gus is somewhat older, burly and fit. Timothy sprinted. Gus cruised. And Timothy had another problem -- his baggy black jeans were about six sizes too large. The pants were falling as Timothy ran. "Those pants are a good thing for us," Gus said after catching and handcuffing Timothy. "They can hide stuff, but they can't run. This guy was running along trying to hold up his pants. I'm just running along, knowing he'll get tired." Hurst was on probation and booked into jail on several charges, including running from police"


Ban baggy pants! "Dallas school board member Ron Price has a message: Pull up your pants. Price wants the City Council to make low-riding pants illegal. He said it's dishonorable and disgusting to see grown men walking around with their underwear showing. Council members have asked the city attorney to look into the issue. But legal experts said it may be impossible to outlaw low-hanging jeans. One constitutional law professor asked, "How baggy is too baggy?" Price said banning saggy slacks might be the only way to get children to pull up their pants. A look around school campuses leaves some wondering just how low baggy pants can go. "Pull them up. That's just my first thought," parent Shalonda Alexander said. Alexander said it is embarrassing to see children wearing pants so low that their underwear shows."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:32 PM

 


SOME TRAFFIC VIOLATION EXCUSES

Paris Hilton's excuse for speeding and being caught drink driving in Hollywood yesterday was that she was "just really hungry "and rushing to get a `burger. The explanation will no doubt be added to the long list of imaginative (and not so imaginative) excuses given to police by people when they're caught. Gotcha has put together some of the better ones from here and abroad. Here they are:

* A woman stopped after running a red light in Naperville, Illinois, told the officer that she had just had her brakes repaired and "I didn't want to wear them down". Sergeant Dave Hoffman's response? "Usually I give people a pass if I haven't heard their excuse before, but in this case she got the ticket."

* After being stopped for speeding in South Gate, California, the female driver told Sgt Keith Underwood she was in a rush to get home to go to the toilet because she had a bladder problem. As she was close to home, the doubting officer said he would follow her there rather than make wait while he wrote out the ticket. When they arrived at her house the woman stayed in her car rather than rushing for the bathroom and the officer smugly thought he had been right in doubting her. "As I walked up to her car again I said, `I thought you had to go to the bathroom'. She threw open the door and yelled at me, `I did!' It was then I noticed the large wet spot in her jeans," said Sgt Underwood. "She still got the ticket though."

* When Officer Brent Clark from New Tazewell in Tennessee pulled over a car doing 130kph in a 70kph zone, the male driver admitted he had been speeding and agreed he deserved a ticket. But he explained he had just eaten at McDonalds and was suffering "a severe case of diarrhoea". "Having been sick myself, I had to let that one go," said Officer Clark.

* Officer James Mathias from Elnora in Indiana chased a speeding pick-up truck for six kilmoters befor it finally pulled over. The driver apologised for going so fast and for not stopped because he didn't notice the pursuing police car. His excuse? "I've had a lot to drink." Says Officer Mathias: "He went to jail."

* The driver stopped doing 130kph in a 90 zone explained to Officer Gary Lenon of the Mecosta County Sheriff Department in Michigan that he had a bee flying around in his car. "He sped up hoping that the bee couldn't fly that fast and would not be able to fly out of the back seat area to get at him."

More here








THE NEWS

Wotta gal! "A nurse returning from work discovered an intruder armed with a hammer in her home in Portland, Oregon, and strangled him with her bare hands, police said. Susan Kuhnhausen, 51, ran to a neighbour's house after the confrontation on Wednesday night. Police found the body of Edward Dalton Haffey, 59, a convicted felon with a long police record. Police said there was no obvious sign of forced entry at the house when Kuhnhausen, an emergency room nurse at Providence Portland Medical Centre, got home from work shortly after 6 pm. Under Oregon law people can use reasonable deadly force when defending themselves against an intruder or burglar in their homes. Kuhnhausen was treated for minor injuries and released from hospital. Haffey, about 1.75 metres tall and weighing 81 kg, had convictions including conspiracy to commit aggravated murder, robbery, drug charges and possession of burglary tools. Neighbours said Kuhnhausen's size - 1.70 metres and 117 kg - may have given her an advantage."


British firm rejects oldsters: "After walking the Great Wall of China and making plans for a trip to Russia, Shirley Greening-Jackson thought signing up for a new internet service would be a doddle. But the young man behind the counter had other ideas. He said she was barred - because she was too old. The 75-year-old would only be allowed to sign the forms for the Carphone Warehouse's TalkTalk phone and broadband package if she was accompanied by a younger member of her family who could explain the small print to her. Mrs Greening-Jackson, who sits on the board of several charities, said: "I was absolutely furious. The young man said, 'Sorry, you're over 70. It's company policy. We don't sign anyone up who is over 70.'


Unwise attack on speed camera: "His driving was too swift, but his thinking wasn't. A 28-year-old man who blew up a speed camera, hoping to destroy evidence of his speeding, was sentenced to prison for four months today. Craig Moore, 28, from Doncaster, said he had seen a flash of light from the camera, indicating that it had detected him speeding on August 14, 2005. He claimed he feared his drivers licence would be suspended, making him unable to work to support his family. So, he employed thermite, used in his work as a welder, to destroy the camera. That backfired because images of his speeding survived the explosion, and so did images of him returning to attack the camera... In fact, he would have been in no trouble. Tameside Council confirmed that the Watchman camera was designed to deter speeders, not catch them, and that it flashed only as a warning. However, the Watchman does contain cameras which monitor the area, and that's what caught Moore."




iTeeth: "Scientists have invented a toothbrush that lets you listen to pop songs while you scrub away - by transmitting the soundwaves through your teeth and jawbone to your ear. The device, called Tooth Tunes, plays for exactly two minutes - the amount of time dentists recommend should be devoted to brushing every morning and night. It is initially being targeted at children, but could also be marketed to the so-called iPod generation of adults. American maker Hasbro claims that Tooth Tunes will "single-handedly change children's attitudes to brushing". A single piece of music is stored in a microchip in the brush's handle. When a button is pushed, it plays on a minicomputer and is transported along the bristles, through the teeth and jawbone and into the ear".




Banned items find new home in discount bin: "Why on earth someone would ever pack a claw hammer or a hacksaw in an airplane carry-on bag remains a mystery to Tom Zekos. All he knows is that he loves the chance to get top-quality tools for his workshop for $1 each, thanks to a unique bazaar, in the middle of a corn field, that sells contraband items seized at Logan International Airport and three other New England airports. ``I come to Concord from time to time, and I always stop by here to see what's new," Zekos, 54, of Bradford, N.H., said during a lunch-hour visit last week to the White Farm, the state of New Hampshire's surplus property sales office. ``There's good, quality stuff that's quite inexpensive." There are also some head-scratching, what-were-they-thinking moments, too. Between the bins of tools and jackknives seized by airport security screeners and put out for sale, there were three boxes of 2 -inch galvanized nails. ``What's this all about?" Zekos laughed. ``Why did somebody try to bring nails on an airplane?"




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:20 PM

 


AN OLDIE BUT GOLDIE

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.


Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying. Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"

She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and many times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. that way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played, while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican Party."






THE NEWS

McCurry no good: "A Malaysian court has ordered an Indian eatery called McCurry Restaurant to pay damages to US fast food giant McDonald's for imitating the chain restaurant's name and signature colours. High Court judge Siti Mariah Ahmad yesterday ruled McDonald's had the exclusive right to the prefix "Mc'', and said the McCurry Restaurant, which has similar red and gold signage, had tried to capitalise on the global company's reputation. "The act of the defendant was a deliberate attempt to get an unfair advantage to the detriment of the plaintiff,'' she was quoted as saying by the Bernama news agency in ruling on the suit by the McDonald's Corporation against McCurry. "The plaintiff had suffered damage to their goodwill and reputation and an erosion to the singularity that they had enjoyed vis a vis the Mc mark, either when used on its own or in conjunction with an item of food'' she said."


Dangerous dentist: "A US man is suing a Thai dentist for $350,000 in damages for dropping a screw and a dental implant down his throat during a root canal operation. Robert Ramos, 56, said he had gone to Thailand last month to take advantage of its considerably cheaper dental costs. After dentist Kasidis Wachiraprakansakul lost the two metal items, he sent Mr Ramos for an X-ray and prescribed a laxative. Mr Ramos complained that he had suffered severe diarrhoea when he returned to New York and had to pay $8600 to complete the root canal work."




Cheeky thief loses: "The thief who made off with one of Benvenuto Cellini's most valuable artworks got a trifle arrogant. He sent his police pursuers a text message: "Thank you for your efforts. We will get back to you shortly." It was enough to trace Robert Mang's telephone, and yesterday the man known as a "gentleman thief" received four years in jail for stealing the 16th-century golden salt cellar sculpted by the Italian master. Known as the Saliera, it is the only fully authenticated work in gold by Cellini and is valued at about 40 million pounds. Tears flowed from Mang's eyes as sentence was pronounced by Judge Walter Stockhammer."




Mice prefer muesli: "According to scientists with nothing better to do, the belief that the way to lure a mouse to its death is with a lump of Cheddar is a myth. Mice don't like cheese; no wonder Tom is never able to catch Jerry. Researchers at Manchester Metropolitan University, backed by the Stilton Cheese Makers' Association, have found that mice prefer foods with a high sugar content. What will really attract a mouse into the trap is muesli. As part of a study into which foods attract animals, the team found that a mouse's diet is primarily grains and fruit. The creatures turn their noses up at something as strong in smell and rich in taste as cheese".


Expensive dancing lessons: "A British ballroom dance teacher and her partner have been ordered to repay 4 million pounds to a Hong Kong banker for lessons that she never took. Gaynor Fairweather, a former Latin American world champion, has lost a lawsuit brought by Mimi Monica Wong, an amateur ballroom dancer who is a high-flyer with HSBC Holdings Plc and the daughter of a shipping tycoon. Ms Wong, 61, the head of private banking in Asia for HSBC, brought the action after Mirko Saccani, Ms Fairweather's husband and partner, called her a "lazy cow" on the dancefloor. She had agreed to pay more than twice that amount to Saccani and Fairweather for unlimited lessons and competitions between 2004 and 2012 but the relationship turned sour after she put down the 4 million as a deposit."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:37 PM

 


A LUNAR STORY

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usually common traffic between him, & the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr.Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. Just a few years ago, (On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr.Gorsky had finally passed away and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs.Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky: "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"






THE NEWS

Lack of goats blamed for speeding: "A Swiss driver blamed Canada's lack of goats as possible roadside obstacles for his speeding through the countryside after police nabbed him, an official said. The driver was caught travelling 161km/h on Canada's busiest highway between Montreal and Toronto on Sunday. The posted speed limit is 100km/h. "An officer stopped the car for speeding along a straight stretch of road and the driver told him he thought it would be alright to go fast because he wasn't likely to hit a goat," said Constable Joel Doiron. "I've never been to Switzerland, but I guess there must be a lot of goats there," he said."


Gobbledygook foiled Soviet nuclear plot: "A British civil servant who was a master of government jargon scuppered an audacious Cold War plan by the Soviet Union to remove the US's nuclear deterrent. Confidential documents from the 1970s, declassified yesterday, reveal how Thomas Brimelow was given the top-secret mission of fudging a devious nuclear treaty that Moscow put before president Richard Nixon's US administration. Details of Sir Thomas's assignment, codenamed Operation Hullabaloo, show how he used his expert redrafting skills to transform the Soviets' treaty. What started as a bold text designed to persuade the US to sign away the right to use nuclear weapons against the Soviet Union was reworked into Whitehall jargon. Moscow's first draft said: "The Soviet Union and the United States undertake the obligation not to use nuclear weapons against each other." Sir Thomas's redrafted version, which was eventually adopted in the text of the treaty signed by presidents Nixon and Leonid Brezhnev in June 1973, says: "They (the US and Soviet Union) will act in such a manner as to prevent the development of situations capable of causing a dangerous exacerbation of their relations, as to avoid military confrontations and as to exclude the outbreak of nuclear war between themselves and between either party and third countries."




Python eats sheep: "Kuala Lumpur urban myths usually turn out to be just that, unless you're talking about the python and its amazing appetite. The giant reptiles eat no more than once a week, but when they open their incredible hinged jaws anything is fair game. On Tuesday, a 6m, 90kg python swallowed a pregnant ewe in the village of Kampung Jabor, about 200km east of Kuala Lumpur. It was too laden to move, and firemen easily caught it, the local newspaper reported. Humans also have become victims. In 1972 a python in Burma ate an eight-year-old boy. As evidence pythons will tackle almost anything, a 4m monster took on an alligator in Everglades National Park in Florida last October - and came off second best. The snake apparently tried to swallow the 2m alligator whole and then exploded, scientists found when they stumbled on the gory remains."




Wheels on land and sea: "It looks like a cross between a tinny and a tank - it's an all-terrain amphibious vehicle which its maker claims will take the stress out of weekend fishing trips. On land, the 5.6m Sealegs craft dawdles along at 10km/h but in the water it can reach speeds of 30 to 35 knots (55 to 65km/h). While the boat is not designed for driving on Queensland roads, the craft can be towed by trailer to the shoreline, where it can be driven into water regardless of boat ramp access. The boat moves on five wheels, two hydraulic-powered wheels at the rear and three steerable tyres in the front that retract once the craft is in the water. Its all-terrain ability means it is well suited to rescue and patrol purposes which need quick and easy access to land and water environments."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:13 PM

 


THE CUCKOO CLOCK

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, "Oh sh*t.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."






THE NEWS

Telephone telepathy? "Telephone telepathy, the spooky feeling that tells you when someone is going to phone, really exists, scientists heard. Parapsychologist Dr Rupert Sheldrake insists the phenomenon is far more than just coincidence. In tests, 45 per cent of volunteers correctly "guessed" which of four randomly picked callers were about to phone them. Repeated hundreds of times, the odds against this happening were "1000 billion to one", said Dr Sheldrake, from Cambridge University. But his research, together with that of two other paranormal investigators, sparked huge controversy at the BA Festival of Science in Norwich. Some leading members of the research community did not think they should have been allowed a platform at the meeting, organised by the British Association for the Advancement of Science (BA). Dr Sheldrake has previously spoken of his theory of "morphic fields" which he believes psychically connects people who have close relationships. He said the new findings supported the idea that extra sensory perception works best between individuals with an emotional bond."


Israeli Keystone Cops: "A police pursuit of suspected car thieves through the streets of an Israeli city ended with officers reporting another stolen vehicle - their own. After crashing into an electricity pole during the chase in the Tel Aviv suburb of Bnei Brak, the three suspects abandoned their car and made a run for it on foot, a police spokesman said Sunday. Two officers bolted from their police cruiser to try to catch them. One of the suspected thieves was arrested, another got away, but the third man doubled back, jumped into the police car and sped off, the spokesman said. It was later found abandoned, its radio and computer screen smashed. The police spokesman said he could not confirm an Israeli newspaper report which said the officers had left the cruiser unlocked and its engine running. He said a senior police commander had ordered an investigation of the incident."


Python kills owner: "A 4.2-metre pet python crushed its owner to death, authorities said after finding the snake loose in a southern Indiana shed with the man's body. Patrick Von Allmen, 23, was found last night in the shed near Lanesville, about 25 kilometres west of Louisville, Kentucky. A medical examiner determined that the death was consistent with asphyxiation caused by compression of the neck and chest, said Conservation Officer Mark Farmer. "When you're dealing with a wild animal species, you take on a certain amount of risk," he said."


Jogger spent four days 'stuck like glue' in mud: "A jogger survived four days stranded in waist-deep mud after getting lost and falling into a swamp during his lunchtime run. Volunteers who had searched for Eddie Meadows, 62, since he disappeared from work last week found him “stuck like glue” in a bog, covered in insect bites and drinking fetid water to stay alive. As rescuers approached, he looked up calmly and asked: “Do you have a phone? I want to call my wife.” Police in Orlando, Florida, said that Mr Meadows had survived by sipping water from the swamp and avoided sun exposure because he was under a shady tree canopy and slathered in mud. He even managed to sleep where he stood, they said, with his feet immobilised by the thick muck. “This stuff is like quicksand, you can’t get out,” said Corporal Jim Roop, of the University of Central Florida police department. Mr Meadows vanished during his lunchbreak on Friday at the University of Central Florida’s research park in Orlando, where he works as a civilian contractor for the US Army.



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:57 PM

 


Answer Honestly!!

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

THE TEST

Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's Jesse Jackson! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options--

You can save the life of Jesse Jackson, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful politicians.

THE QUESTION

Here's the question,and please give an honest answer:

Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?







THE NEWS

The Mexican way: "As soon as English teacher Hugo Ceron saw the police lights flashing in his rearview mirror, he knew what was about to happen. It was the "bite." The police officer walked up to the car window and coolly informed Ceron that he was getting two tickets: for illegally talking on a cellphone while driving and for not wearing a seat belt. Ceron would have to go down to the police station, plead guilty and pay a fine. But there was a way out. "The ticket was 500 pesos ($46), but he offered to let me be on my way for 100 pesos ($9.25)," Ceron said. "It was only because I looked like a good person, according to him." Like thousands of Mexicans every day, Ceron paid up. In Mexico, they call these little bribes mordidas, or "bites," the little payoffs and kickbacks that people give to cops, teachers and bureaucrats just to get on with their lives. It's a culture of corruption"


Keeping up with the Nguyens: "The Nguyens are keeping up with the Joneses - almost. The common Vietnamese name has joined Smith and Jones in Australia's surname top 10. A study by University College London lists Nguyen as the seventh most common surname in Australia after Smith, Jones, Williams, Brown, Wilson and Taylor. Nguyens have even overtaken Johnsons. Michael Dove, of Melbourne-based company MD & A who was involved in the research, said more than 30,000 Nguyens were living in Australia compared with about 100,000 Smiths, 50,000 Joneses and 29,000 Johnsons. Mr Dove said he was not surprised by the results of the study. "It certainly reflects our changing cultural diversity," he said. "Nguyen in Vietnam is a bit like the equivalent of a Smith but even more so because Nguyens are very much more common in Vietnam than Smiths are in Anglo parts of the world."


Touchy passengers: "Passengers on a flight from France to Mauritius have filed suit against Air France after musician Bonnie Tyler performed a song at the request of the co-pilot. The passengers, believed to be Belgian, complained to the airline after the Welsh singer performed part of her 1983 hit "Total Eclipse of the Heart" at the request of the co-pilot, who retired after the flight, The Mail on Sunday reported. "I was asleep in First Class. The stewardess came and said the co-pilot was retiring. And they asked me would I sing to him. They were having a bit of a party," Tyler said. The complaining passengers reportedly claimed they were traumatized by the experience and had feared for their safety during the celebration. The complaint eventually escalated into a legal dispute."


Dumb student sues school: "A former law student has filed a federal class action against St. Thomas University School of Law of Miami, claiming that it is illegally accepting and then expelling more than 25 percent of its first-year class to boost its flagging bar pass rates. Filed in U.S. District Court for the District of New Jersey, the complaint alleges that the private law school unlawfully dismissed Thomas Joseph Bentey and as many as 80 students from the incoming class of 2005 because they failed to maintain a 2.5 grade point average. The action further alleges that in 2003 the school began a scheme to accept large numbers of students -- and their tuition dollars -- only later to dismiss or pressure the withdrawal of almost 30 percent of its first- and second-year students. The case could include hundreds of former students as plaintiffs if the court grants class action status. The associate dean for student and alumni services at St. Thomas law school called the lawsuit "illogical." "Why would you admit people and dismiss them early if you're trying to get their resources?" said George Sheldon."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:11 PM

 


SOME REFLECTIONS

I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

~~~~~

At pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."

~~~~~

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

~~~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

~~~~~

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn of a new error .

~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.





GROWING OLD

There is a song here in C&W style about getting old. Good fun.








THE NEWS

Evangelist drowns trying to walk on water: "An evangelist who tried replicating Jesus' miracle of walking on water has reportedly drowned off the western coast of Africa. Pastor Franck Kabele, 35, told his congregation he could repeat the biblical miracle, and he attempted it from a beach in Gabon's capital of Libreville. "He told churchgoers he'd had a revelation that if he had enough faith, he could walk on water like Jesus," an eyewitness told the Glasgow Daily Record. "He took his congregation to the beach saying he would walk across the Komo estuary, which takes 20 minutes by boat. He walked into the water, which soon passed over his head and he never came back."


Dumb black thief: "Nothing went right for the bumbling gunman wearing a Ronald Reagan mask and a cape who held up a Grantville bank Tuesday morning. The thief walked into the Bank of America on Mission Gorge Road at Friars Road just after 10 a.m. with the mask covering his face and told everyone in the bank to get down, San Diego police Lt. Lawrence McKinney said. His first mistake was wearing a mask that obstructed his view. His second was wearing a cape that got tangled with his gun, causing him to drop the weapon on the ground, McKinney said. He then picked it up and robbed one of the tellers. When he ran out, he found his third mistake: his getaway vehicle, a dark-colored Chevy Suburban SUV, was blocked in by delivery trucks making their drops, McKinney said. Desperate to run, the robber peeled off the mask and rammed the vehicle against the delivery trucks to get away, ticking off one of the delivery truck drivers who started to argue with him, McKinney said. "He started ramming the trucks back and forth, back and forth," McKinney said. "This guy is an idiot. He was calling more attention to himself." The robber was able to force his way out of the parking spot and drove eastbound on Crawford Street. That's when the dye bomb hidden in the money exploded."




Boob job boom: "The sorry television saga of a pretty young woman who undergoes breast enlargement to win the heart of a drug dealer is gripping Colombia, where the series reflects an unparalleled boom in plastic surgery. The story of Katherine, a desperate teenager struggling to escape poverty, is told in a nightly drama called Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso, or Without Breasts There Is No Paradise. More and more young office workers, who earn an average of œ120 a month, are paying œ800 for breast augmentation. Five years ago 30,000 Colombians had implants; this year more than 100,000 procedures are expected to be carried out.. Gustavo Bolivar Moreno, an investigative reporter and author of a bestselling book about would-be molls that inspired the series, has been praised for revealing the bleak truths about many young women's ambitions. "All adolescent girls are self-conscious about their bodies," he said. "But I have met 13-year-olds saving up surgery money specifically to reach their ultimate goal - a cocaine smuggler".




Australian croc hunter dies: "The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, is dead. He was killed in a freak accident in Cairns, police sources said. It is understood he was killed by a stingray barb that went through his chest. He was swimming off the Low Isles at Port Douglas filming an underwater documentary and that's when it occured. Ambulance officers confirmed they attended a reef fatality this morning at Batt Reef off Port Douglas. His body is being flown to Cairns"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:01 PM

 


That Ol' Password problem









THE NEWS

Stupid postal bosses in Britain: "The great junk mail revolt swept Britain yesterday. A Royal Mail helpline was swamped with calls as millions of people acted to rid their mailboxes of unwanted litter.... The furore follows Royal Mail's decision to suspend a postman for trying to help people on his round who were driven to distraction by junk mail. Roger Annies, 48, delivered a leaflet of his own to customers in Barry, South Wales, explaining that they could fill in a form to opt out of receiving unwanted pamphlets. He now faces an inquiry into alleged misconduct. The action has backfired spectacularly on Royal Mail bosses because, until they suspended Mr Annies, few people realised there was an opt-out form. Now thousands are demanding one"




A most convenient fishery: "At one of Alaska's hottest sport-fishing spots, the salmon run large, scrap-seeking seagulls and an occasional bald eagle circle overhead, cool marine breezes fan the swaying marsh grasses - and the tall buildings of downtown Anchorage loom just steps away. Ship Creek, the waterway running through the core of Alaska's biggest city, is home to an unusual downtown salmon fishery. It may be the only urban spot in North America where anglers stand nearly shoulder-to-shoulder on the shoreline in hopes of hooking salmon. On an overcast July afternoon, with the cresting saltwater tide bringing king and silver salmon into the creek from nearby Cook Inlet, peak fishing coincides happily with workers' quitting times. About 50 people - downtown workers fresh from their jobs, family groups with children darting in and out of the trees on the bluff above the creek, and tourists - stand on the bank fishing a block-long section between two bridges as windbreaker-clad sightseers watch, some recording the scene on video.


Stupid party antics: "Christmas party high-jinks ended with a carpentry worker being badly burned after a colleague sprayed his bare torso with paint thinner, a court has been told. Four employees of Spence Carpentry and Joinery in Colac, south-west of Melbourne, were playing around with chemicals at their staff party last December when two of the men were injured. One of the workers, Dale Angus, suffered serious burns when a colleague sprayed him with paint thinner, which caught fire as a result of the flame from a lit spray-can. Mr Angus was taken to Melbourne's The Alfred hospital where he was put in an induced coma for 12 days. His co-worker John Robb was treated for burns to his hand. Mr Angus and Mr Robb, together with Simon Spence and Joshua McDonald, pleaded guilty to charges under the 2004 Occupational Health and Safety Act at Colac Magistrates' Court. On Monday, the four men were placed on a 12-month good behaviour bond and ordered to take a one-day health and safety course as well as pay court costs."




Islamic cover-up on the beach: "Islamic-inspired swimsuits are appearing on Turkish beaches. The head-to-ankle bathing wear is selling to devout, well-heeled Muslims, including the wives of some politicians. "We are the preferred firm of the conservative politicians' wives," said Mehmet Sahin, whose company, Hasema, sold 40,000 swimsuits last year and expects a 25 per cent increase this year. The brightly coloured costumes sell for up to 140 lira (o50). The company is also looking abroad and sells to the US, Egypt, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and Germany.




Juicy lingerie advertisements: "A girl is lying on a large, white bed. She's naked except for a black bra, knickers and suspenders. Her blonde hair is mussed. Her eyelids flutter and she pulls distractedly at the sheets. Somewhere between awake and dreaming, she seems lost in a sort of reverie.... We've seen a lot of Kate Moss this past year, so why does it always seem like it's not enough? Her latest outing is no exception, another glimpse of the woman we like to think we know so much about, but of whom we actually know very little. She has made her film debut in a four-minute dream sequence for the lingerie brand Agent Provocateur (the first of four shorts she has made for the company). Over the coming months, you'll be able to see them all for free on the Agent Provocateur website - and in the third, you can watch her take her clothes off."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:50 PM

 


HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
- Theodore, age 8 (Too much detail for his age)

(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)


HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the Favourite is........


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)







THE NEWS

A little Neanderthal in all of us: "People who have large noses, a stocky build and a beetle brow may indeed be a little Neanderthal, according to a genetic study. But the good news is that other research concludes that Neanderthals were much more like us than previously thought. People of European descent may be five per cent Neanderthal, according to a study published in the journal PLoS Genetics, which suggests we all have a sprinkling of archaic DNA in our genes."


Hairdresser spies in Britain: "A firm of solicitors is offering hairdressers cash to refer customers who reveal that they have marital problems. But one hairdresser has criticised the idea as unethical and refuses to help. Steve Hall, who received a letter from Trethowans, in Salisbury, said that he was shocked at being told that he could get 75 pounds a time to refer clients. The firm has defended its referral scheme, insisting that it does not break any rules or guidelines. It says that several hairdressers are willing to take part. The 75 pound fee is payable when the courts grant a decree nisi or upon the agreement of a separation deed. Mr Hall, who runs Heaven Hair in Salisbury, said: "The letter goes on about how we get to build up a level of trust with our customers, but then asks us to sell it to them."


Woman denied compo for sex drought: "A Chinese court has rejected a woman's claims for compensation for her sex life, which was ruined when her husband was injured in an accident, the Shanghai Daily reported today. Wei Suying, 31, whose husband has suffered from erectile dysfunction since a 2003 workplace accident, filed suit in a Shanghai court asking for 220,000 yuan ($36,207) in compensation from the shopping centre where the accident occurred, it said. The compensation included claims for mental anguish and for her purchases of products such as vibrators. "I was not even 30 years old when my husband had the accident, which deprived me of my right to enjoy sexual life," the newspaper quoted Wei as saying. But the court ruled that Chinese law does not define an individual's sex life as a protected right. Relatives can only ask for mental anguish compensation when a victim dies, the report said.


No laptops for students in China: "A prestigious Chinese university has advised first-year students not to use laptops in case they waste study time surfing the internet, state media said. "We have been advised by the school to leave our laptops behind," Liu Li, a student from central Hunan Province attending Zhejiang University in the east of China told the official Xinhua news agency. Cheng Yi, director of the university's recruitment office, said more and more students were becoming addicted to computers and the internet. "We have no better alternative," Mr Cheng was quoted by Xinhua as saying. Between September 2005 and July 2006, two-thirds of the 90 students who dropped out of Zhejiang left because of internet addiction, he said. The new directive was only advisory and students who needed to study on computers could still use the university's computer room, Mr Cheng said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:11 PM

 


They Walk Among Us

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where???" They Walk among us!!

====================

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." They Walk Among Us!!

====================

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" ... . They Walk Among Us!!!

====================

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". They Walk Among Us!!!!

====================

My sister has a l ifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk... They Walk Among Us!!!!!

====================

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.... They Walk Among Us!!!!!!

====================

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned... They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!

====================

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"... They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!

====================

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces. Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

====================







THE NEWS

Russia: Only women need apply for traffic police: "Russia is to create its first women-only traffic police unit because commanders believe they are less corrupt than men, a newspaper reported Monday. The male-dominated traffic police routinely forgive traffic violations in exchange for bribes. Many believe this culture helps make Russia's roads among the world's most dangerous: about 35,000 people are killed in accidents each year."


Biscuits axed to fight seagulls: "They are an integral part of British tea-time, but councillors in one city are having to forgo biscuits with their daily cuppa to deal with the growing problem of aggressive seagulls. Bristol City Council in the west of England has calculated it could save 25,000 pounds ($62,000) a year if it axed the mammoth amount of biscuits staff munch at meetings and official hearings. The money could then be used to finance a scheme to curb the city's soaring seagull population by dipping the birds' eggs in oil so they do not hatch. Deputy council leader Steve Comer came up with the idea while he was probing the local authority's catering budget and a colleague was looking into the oil-dipping trial."


Crazy Swiss woman driver: "A 34-year-old saleswoman was caught driving down a Swiss motorway while she was using her laptop computer and chatting on a handheld mobile phone, police in northeastern Switzerland said. The driver said she was unaware of any wrongdoing and responded that she was "driving like I always do", police in the canton of St Gallen said in a statement. A police patrol pulled her over after they saw her car zig-zagging along the A3 motorway near the town of Murg. The woman was remanded to magistrate's court because of her "unreasonable behaviour", police said".


Female phone dependency costly: "Women are considerably better than men when it comes to keeping on top of their debts - except when it comes to mobile phones. Men tend to be much further behind in paying "government debt", such as speeding and parking fines, and media and entertainment debt... Chief executive Christine Christian said D&B's debt book - debts that it buys from, or recovers for, other business - was showing signs of increased stress from high fuel prices and rising interest rates. Ms Christian said there were two possible reasons for men being higher on the list of debt defaulters. The first was that men were statistically more likely to be the breadwinners and therefore had debts registered in their names. A second possibility was that studies had shown that women tended to be better at budgeting than men. But Ms Christian said she was not prepared to speculate on why women tended to get into more financial trouble with mobile phones. "You can draw your own conclusions on that one," she said".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:41 PM