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Railroad Redneck

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck, are all sitting down to lunch.

The Chinese man says, "If I get another egg roll in my lunch, I'll kill myself."

The Italian guy says, "If I get another slice of pizza, I'll kill myself."

The redneck says, "Iffin I get another ham hock, I'll kill myself."

The next day, all three men get the same lunches, so they throw themselves in front of an oncoming train.

At the funeral the Chinese man's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed an egg roll that day."

The Italian guy's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed a slice of pizza that day."

"Don't look at me," says the redneck's wife. "He done packed his own vittles."






Deadbeat in a Bar

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.

He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."

So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"

But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."

The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."

The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."







THE NEWS

The French admit that they are rude and that their hotels smell: "One in four French hotels are in a state of disrepair and 24 per cent of customers complain of rude or incompetent service, according to an industry committee which has released a report and recommendations. "One quarter of classified French hotels are aging or dilapidated, and one third is nearing the end of their span. Only one hotel in six is considered beyond reproach by customers," said the Committee for Modernisation of the French Hotel Trade. "In a majority of hotels that are older than three years, the lack of maintenance of paintwork, furniture and fittings is perfectly visible. Marks made by shoes and suitcases on walls can stay for years with no sign of a sponge of paintbrush," the committee said. By far customers' most frequent complaint about hotel rooms is noise and lack of sound insulation, followed by unpleasant smells and poor hygiene, according to the report... 24 per cent of hotel clients and 38 per cent of restaurant clients complain of the chronic incompetence of staff, or of a disagreeable or impersonal welcome," the committee said."




Australia: 4yo hunter swims croc creek: "A four-year-old boy has been found playing in a croc-infested Territory creek after sneaking off pig hunting alone with four dogs and a puppy. The toddler was found five-and-a-half hours after he set off from his parents' house playing in a creek with the puppy. Amazingly, Daniel Woditj also swam two creeks known to be inhabited by crocs during his adventurous romp. Mr Knight said that after walking for several kilometres, Daniel came to a creek and swam across it. Four of his dogs "bailed up" at the creek but the youngster continued on undaunted with his puppy to a second creek. Mr Knight said Daniel swam the second croc-infested creek and walked on for several more kilometres. "Captain is a hard bushman and Daniel is following in his footsteps. They breed them tough out bush."


With so many females, what's a young buck to do?: "Sexually harassed male antelopes sometimes ration their stud services and spurn females that demand second helpings. The fittest male African topis find themselves so much in demand that they refuse to couple repeatedly with the same females and often hold out even when pestered for more. Instead of taking every opportunity to have their way, the males withdraw sexual favours so that they can conserve their sperm for fresh partners. Males that failed to pace themselves were, a study found, at serious risk of collapsing from sexual exhaustion - putting themselves in danger of beng eaten by predators. The finding challenges the assumption that male mammals seek out mates while females get to choose the most appealing suitors."


Were Neanderthals redheads? "Some Neanderthals were probably redheads, a DNA study has shown. A team reports in the journal Science that it extracted DNA from the remains of two Neanderthals and retrieved part of an important gene called MC1R. In modern people, a change - or mutation - in this gene causes red hair, but, until now, no one knew what hair colour our extinct relatives had. By analysing a version of the gene in Neanderthals, the scientists found that they also have sported fiery locks. "We found a variant of MC1R in Neanderthals which is not present in modern humans, but which causes an effect on the hair similar to that seen in modern redheads," said lead author Carles Lalueza-Fox, assistant professor in genetics at the University of Barcelona, Spain"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:10 PM

 


Life on the farm

A farmer wants to get his two female pigs pregnant but he can't afford the stud service so he goes to the Vet.

Farmer- " Hey doc I've got these two pigs I want to breed but I can't afford to stud 'em, is there anything cheaper?"

Vet- " Well there's artificial insemination - Blah Blah Blah " He goes on to describe some pretty expensive procedures all of which are out of the farmer's price range.

Farmer- " No none of that stuff will do, Its too expensive, anything else?"

Vet- " Well, not many people know this but human DNA is close enough to pig DNA to produce offspring. Here's what you do - take your pigs out at night, load them in your pick-up, take them out to the fields and have sex with them. No one will know what you're up to and you'll get them pregnant."

Farmer- " How will I know they're pregnant?" Vet- " If they're pregnant, they'll be lying in the shade the next day."

So the farmer follows the advice and that night he struggles to put the pigs in the truck, drives out, porks them, and drives back later that night. The next day the pigs are just standing around.

So the next night he does it all over again only he porks each one twice and drives back even more tired.

Next day - nothing , they're just walking around. So he goes out again, porks them three times each and comes back in more worn out than ever. This goes on for the rest of the week and by Saturday the farmer is too tired to get out of bed so he asks his wife to get up and look outside at the pigs.

Farmer- " What are the pigs doing dear?"

Wife- " I don't know, one of them is jumping up and down in the back of the truck and the other is blowing the horn."






THE NEWS

Thailand: Anthem to stop traffic?: "Traffic would come to a halt every time the national anthem is played under new proposals to promote patriotism in Thailand. Opponents of the Flag Bill, put forward by a group of retired and current generals, say it would cause chaos on the roads.The minute long national anthem is played twice a day in Bangkok, during the raising and lowering of the flag."




Kudzu weed threatens to inherit the Earth: "A super weed is threatening to take over Brisbane. Known as kudzu, the weed can grow up to 30cm [a foot] a day, and has caused headaches for city officials since its discovery in Brisbane. The vicious weed is difficult to remove because it grows so quickly and sprouts from an underground tuber which can grow up to 2m long and weigh 180kg. Labor's environment and sustainability chair Helen Abrahams said the council was lucky to have found the infestation so early because the weed could cause severe damage. Cr Abrahams said removal of pueraria lobata is expensive and difficult. She also warned the weed was growing in ideal conditions. "Any weed that grows up to 30cm a day in what now may be warm, wet conditions this summer with a lot of the remaining vegetation having died because of the drought is in weed heaven," she said." [Pic above is of a house in Georgia that was covered by the weed in 6 weeks]




Australia: Chance rescue from aggressive snake: "A large deadly snake terrorised three people in Garbutt last night before it was killed completely by chance by a passing semi-trailer. Mark Archer-Truscott was helping his friend Janelle Brooks and her young daughter fix a sign on his property along Blakey's Crossing in Garbutt about 8pm when a large eastern brown snake came charging out of scrub, heading straight for the trio. The snake, one of Australia's most deadly, measured about 2m [6ft] long. Mr Archer-Truscott, who had caught snakes several times, managed to grab the massive snake by the tail and flick it towards the road. Much to the trio's surprise, the snake came back to attack them a second time. "It just surged at us," Mr Archer-Truscott said. "I've never seen anything like it in the five years I've lived here, and I've seen plenty of eastern browns." Mr Archer-Truscott again grabbed the angry snake by the tail and flicked it away from Ms Brooks and her daughter, towards the road. The snake looked like it was about to turn to charge again, however by chance, a passing semi-trailer crushed it under its tyres. "It was just a freak chance that a truck was passing," Mr Archer-Truscott said." [Interesting to live in a place where you have to be skilled at grabbing deadly snakes by the tail!]


Robber wins $1m prize - but could lose it: "The winner of a $1 million lottery scratch ticket may not be so lucky after all. That's because he's also a convicted bank robber who isn't supposed to be gambling. Boston probation commissioner's office has scheduled a court hearing for December 7 to determine whether Timothy Elliott, 55, violated his probation when he bought the $10 ticket for the "$800 Million Spectacular" game at a Hyannis supermarket, department spokeswoman Coria Holland said. Elliott already has collected the first of 20 annual $50,000 checks from Massachusetts' lottery commission. A picture of Elliott, holding his first check, was even posted on the lottery's Web site Monday, though it was removed by Wednesday. Elliott was placed on five years probation after pleading guilty in October 2006 to unarmed robbery for a January 2006 heist at a bank on Cape Cod. Under terms of his probation, Elliott "may not gamble, purchase lottery tickets or visit an establishment where gaming is conducted, including restaurants where Keno may be played."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:43 PM

 


A distinct failure to persuade








THE NEWS

Grenade attack for ticket query: "A Russian man blew himself up with a hand grenade shortly after train inspectors asked to see his ticket. The inspectors thought they saw a hand grenade in the man's pocket and asked him to get off the commuter train at Asha station, in Chelyabinsk in the South Urals region. He refused and instead demanded that the train go to Vladivostok, thousands of kilometres away on Russia's Pacific coast, said Liana Ergasheva of the local prosecutor's office. "Inspectors wanted to check the papers of passengers who looked drunk, but he took out a grenade. He demanded the train should go to Vladivostok," Ergasheva said. Passengers were evacuated and negotiations with the police had started before Mikhail Ershov, 43, triggered the explosion, blasting out windows in the train carriage. "Ershov had taken the pin out, he then tried to put the pin back in the grenade, but instead it exploded," the prosecutor said. The explosion did not kill or injure anyone else."


Fur flies over swastika dog: "German police are investigating a man suspected of shaving Nazi symbols into his dog's fur, as public display of the symbols is illegal in Germany. Police in the Bavarian town of Straubing said they had found the dog with a swastika and the insignia of Hitler's elite Waffen-SS troops marked on its body. They made the discovery when the suspect's ex-girlfriend requested police help to collect her belongings from his apartment because she was afraid of him. It was not clear if the man, who has not commented on the markings, had shown the dog in public, a police spokesman said. That still needs to be proven, he said. If he only kept the dog inside the apartment, it wouldn't be public. Public display of Nazi symbols is illegal in Germany. If found guilty, the man faces a jail term of up to three years."


Gatorade inventor dies aged 80: "The retired Florida professor who invented Gatorade, the hydrating drink that created a multibillion-dollar sports beverage market, has died at the aged of 80. Dr Robert Cade created the drink in 1965 to help rehydrate University of Florida athletes during games in the southern state's punishing heat and named it after the university's mascot, the gator. Gatorade became a worldwide success and spawned a generation of copycat sports beverages. It held an 81 per cent share of the $US7.5 billion ($8.5bn) sports drink market last year, according to Beverage Digest. It has earned about $US150 million in royalties for the school, including an average of $US12.5m annually over the last five years, university spokesman Tom Fortner said today. In the 1980s, players started dousing their winning coaches with buckets of Gatorade, a tradition that endured. According to the product's website, a university assistant football coach asked a team of scientists at the school to determine why players were being affected by heat-related illnesses. Dr Cade and his colleagues determined that fluids and electrolytes lost through sweat and carbohydrates used for energy were not being replaced. They created a carbohydrate-electrolyte formula in the lab to nourish the players during games. University legend has it that the Gators football team began winning soon after the drink was introduced."




Innovative slogan: "Passengers arriving at Scottish airports were never in any doubt that they were arriving in "the best small country in the world" - because of the signs that were erected telling them just that. But this was the slogan of Jack McConnell, the previous First Minister, and it was derided by Alex Salmond when he was elected First Minister in May. In the new era of nationalism, the time seemed ripe for inspiring words that might evoke romance and expectation as much as they promised modernity and brisk efficiency. Six months later - and after lavishing 125,000 pounds on the initiative - the SNP administration yesterday revealed its exciting new slogan: "Welcome to Scotland". The phrase is also rendered on the posters as "Failte gu Alba" for monoglot Gaels in transit." [i.e. nobody]



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:41 PM

 


Now THAT'S acceleration









THE NEWS

Sexy oldies: "Bethan, 56, lives in southern England on the same street as best friend Allie, 64. They are on their first holiday to Kenya, a country they say is "just full of big young boys who like us older girls." Hard figures are difficult to come by, but local people on the coast estimate that as many as one in five single women visiting from rich countries are in search of sex. Allie and Bethan -- who both declined to give their full names -- said they planned to spend a whole month touring Kenya's palm-fringed beaches."




Is it a bird? Is it a plane? "No, it's a flying mobula ray soaring high off the Mexican shore. Lurking off Mexico's eastern shore in the Sea of Cortez, these flap-jack-like creatures burst out of the water with graceful precision. Soaring as high as two metres above the plankton-rich green water, mobula rays are a sight to behold. Here in the Sea of Cortez four species of mobulas (tarapacana, thurstoni, munkiana, and japanica) occupy the waters along with the giant manta ray."


Doing God's work now earns a bonus: "When he was once asked how many people worked in the Vatican, Pope John XXIII (1958 to 1963) is said to have replied: "About half, I think." Pope Benedict XVI, perhaps aware of his predecessor's gibe, has decided to offer the first financial rewards and corporate-style incentives to Vatican employees who are thought to be "doing a good job". The bonuses, which will apply to the 3000 people who work in the Vatican, from the highest cardinal to the humblest cleaner, will be awarded on the basis of "dedication, correctness, professionalism and productivity".


A nasty dilemma for smokers: "Smoking adds to a man’s chances of becoming bald, research suggests. Male pattern baldness is hereditary and can be caused by advancing age. But Dr Lin-hui Su, from the Far Eastern Memorial Hospital, who led a study of 740 Taiwanese men with an average age of 65 found that there was a clear link between men who were moderately or severely bald and the number of cigarettes they smoked. He suggested that smoking destroyed hair follicles or the cells at their roots that circulate blood and hormones. His findings were reported in the journal Archives of Dermatology."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 11:35 AM

 


The latest fashions from Romania below

Bony bodies plus implants?










THE NEWS

Office workers best bra none: "A saucy lingerie compary asked its female office staff to turn up in their undies for a day - and almost all of them actually did. Taiwan's Audrey Underwear decided to celebrate record sales by naming November 21 Camisole Day. All 500 female workers were encouraged to wear smalls - and a stunning 90 per cent did. "We have been waiting for this day all month. Today, we are super high, and don't know where to put our eyes," salesman Cai Mingda said. Mother-of-two Zhang Yufeng, 32, admitted: "I have been on a strict diet to get ready for the day. When I was trying on my outfit at home, my husband told me I should dress like this every day."


Hoodoo gem: "Some 34 years ago Peter Tandy, a young curator at the Natural History Museum, happened upon a jewel while working among the great lines of mineral cabinets. From a scientific perspective, the stone was nothing special, though its setting was rather bizarre, bound by a silver ring decorated with astrological symbols and mystical words with two scarab-carved gems attached. It was a typewritten note that accompanied the jewel, an amethyst known as the Delhi Purple Sapphire, that caught Tandy's eye. "This stone is trebly accursed and is stained with the blood, and the dishonour of everyone who has ever owned it," said the note, which had been written by Edward Heron-Allen, a scientist, friend of Oscar Wilde and the amethyst's last owner. It carried a curse and had left a trail of bad luck and tragedy... It had, Heron-Allen said, been brought to the UK by a Bengal cavalryman Colonel W Ferris after being looted from the Temple of Indra in Cawnpore - now Kanpur - during the Indian Mutiny in 1857. The soldier thereafter lost money and health, his son doing likewise after inheriting it. A family friend who possessed it for a short time committed suicide...."


Scofflaw Italy: "Rome's mayor sacked the city's traffic and parking chief overnight after a newspaper reported he parked his car in a no parking zone and displayed a handicapped permit that belonged to an 86-year-old woman. Giovanni Catanzaro parked his red Alfa Romeo Brera in a tow-away zone near the Spanish Steps in central Rome before heading off to a restaurant on Saturday, Roman Il Messaggero newspaper reported overnight, complete with pictures from the scene. His car displayed a permit for disabled drivers that was no longer valid and initially issued to a senior citizen, the paper said, noting that officials almost never tow away a disabled person's vehicle no matter where it is parked. A spokesman for Rome Mayor Walter Veltroni said Mr Catanzaro had been removed from his post as head of the city's municipal police force that oversees traffic and parking violations after the newspaper report."


Murder rate falls in Big Apple: "The random killings that once made New York the murder capital of the US have all but disappeared as the city's homicide rate plummets to its lowest point since reliable records began in 1963. The figures show New York City is on track to record fewer than 500 murders this year for the first time since the police department began recording violent deaths, instead of only those that led to an arrest. This year there have been 428 killings - a 16per cent decline from the 511 at the same time last year, for which the annual total was 579. That means New Yorkers are getting murdered at a rate of just over one a day, compared with more than six a day at the height of the crack cocaine epidemic in 1990, when the total peaked at 2245. (The 2749 deaths in the September 11, 2001, terrorist attack on the World Trade Centre are not counted in the crime figures.) An analysis by The New York Times revealed fewer than 100 people are likely to be victims of stranger-on-stranger killings this year - a tiny number in a city of 8.2million. The newspaper reported that, with half the killings studied so far, only 35 were found to have been committed by strangers. Last year, 121 murders were committed by strangers. Battles among drug gangs continue to fuel violent crime. Killings are committed overwhelmingly by people who have criminal records, often against others who have had brushes with the law. So far this year, about 77 per cent of assailants had previous arrest records, as did 70 per cent of the victims. The figures show that 61per cent of the killers and 66per cent of the victims were black"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 10:42 AM

 


From the Clinton years

One morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in D.C and his name is Jeff."

After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your Mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, I have fooled around with other women a lot. Jeff is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again.

A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Mitch asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Mitch is your half-brother too, Hun. I'm terribly sorry about this."

Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her Mother and tell her. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," she complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother." Hillary just shook her head. Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not really your father."





THE NEWS

Good anthem: "Football fan websites in Croatia want a medal for the British singer whose X-rated rendition of the country's national anthem apparently helped the team to beat England. Opera singer Tony Henry mis-pronounced a key line in the national anthem before Wednesday's match and sang "my penis is a mountain" to the delight of the Croat players. The anthem is written in the old Croat style. Instead of singing "Mila kuda si planina", which translates "You know my dear how we love your mountains", he sang "Mila kura si planina" - "My dear, my penis is a mountain". Croatian players Vedran Corluka and Luka Modric were seen grinning at each other when they heard the mistake, and fans said it relaxed the team and helped them to their 3-2 victory."


It's not only cats that get hairballs: "Doctors in Chicago have reportedly removed a 4.5kg hairball from a young woman's stomach. The eighteen-year-old woman told a team of gastrointestinal specialists that she had experienced abdominal swelling, vomiting after eating and had lost 18kg over the past five months, the New England Journal of Medicine reported. Doctors Ronald Levy and Srinadh Komanduri from Rush University Medical Centre said a scope lowered through her esophagus revealed "a large bezoar (hairball) occluding nearly the entire stomach". "On questioning, the patient stated that she had had a habit of eating her hair for many years - a condition called trichophagia," the doctors wrote. "It seemed like she'd been doing this for several years," Dr Levy said in an interview with CNN. The 4.5kg hairball measured 38cm by 17.8cm by 17.8cm. Once the giant hairball was removed, the teenager's pain and vomiting stopped and she had regained 9kg. She has also stopped eating her hair."


'Nincompoop' is Britain's favourite word: "A survey of more than 2000 Britons has revealed "nincompoop" to be the nation's favourite word out of the 16,500 entries in the Cambridge Dictionary. The survey found 13 percent of respondents chose "nincompoop" - believed to be derived from the Latin "non compos mentis", meaning not of sound mind - as their favourite sounding English word, The Daily Mail reported. The poll was commissioned by Ubisoft, makers of the language computer game My Word Search. The second most popular word was "love" and the third was "mum". "The results demonstrate our passion for language and the sentiment we attach to words such as love and mum," Ubisoft spokesman Mike Masuku said. "It also highlights how narrow most people's vocabulary has become."


Girl beats Taser-wielding junkie: "A teenage brown belt has saved her mother from a Taser-wielding junkie. Rebecca Kelly, 13, ran and jumped on the back of James Cordingley, 29, as he was trying to drag her mum, Diane, from their car. Mr Kelly, who was asleep in the passenger seat after drinking at a wake, eventually woke up and held Cordingley down while Rebecca ran to her karate centre to get the help of three friends, all black belts, the Daily Mail reported. "I was really scared but in my head I was working out all the moves I could do to protect us," Rebecca, who was zapped but unhurt by Cordingley during the attack, said. The friends held down Cordingley until police arrived. He has been sentenced to seven years' jail. Rebecca's parents bought her some new runners to thank her for her courage.



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:01 PM

 


Some mysteries solved

Who was the Black Prince?
The son of Old King Cole!

Did you hear about the mad scientist who invented a gas that could burn through anything?
No, what about him?
Now he's trying to invent something to hold it in!

Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit?
So he could tell the time at night!

Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snowball!

Where does a general keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!

Why did the burglar take a shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway!

What kind of fish can't swim?
Dead ones!

How do Welsh people eat cheese?
Caerphilly!

Why do polar bears have fur coats?
Because they would look silly in parkas!






THE NEWS

British phone customer turns to YouTube to settle query: "A man who spent six months calling BT to query his phone bill has finally got a response after posting his complaint on YouTube. After spending more than 200 pounds trying to contact the company by phone and by post, 60-year-old Patrick Askins gave up and put a clip on the video sharing website branding the company "bullies". Within days he had received a response from the office of BT chairman Sir Christopher Bland and a full refund. Retired Mr Askins, from Warwick, first called BT after he received a letter informing him that a "systems error" had led to him being undercharged for calls made between August and November 2006".


Man 'attempted sex with fence' in London park: "A drunken man broke into a central London park and attempted to have sex with a fence, a court heard. Daniel French, 24, made "sexual motions" towards metal railings in Leicester Square Gardens after being challenged by police in the early hours of Sunday morning, Westminster Magistrates' Court was told. Leicester Square is a hub for drunken revellers at weekends. "He said words to the effect of: 'I'm going to have sex with that fence'," said Philip Lemoine, prosecuting."


No eggs in eggnog?: "When your family owns and operates a place called Smiling Hill Farm, you tend to go through life with a grin. But last week, the best Warren Knight could manage was a grimace. It started with a spot inspection from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration - it happens every year or two at the Westbrook dairy farm and has never been a big deal. But this time was different. Looking over a fresh batch of the Smiling Hill egg nog, the inspector did a double take: The bottle cap - the only place on the otherwise all-glass container with any printing - was out of federal compliance. How so? "Eggs were not listed as an ingredient," Knight recalled."


Italian women: "There are several things about Italy's womenfolk that set them apart. Statistics show they have fewer jobs, produce fewer children, have less political representation, and do more housework than their peers in the UK and the rest of Europe. But they also have one of the highest life expectancies in the EU, enjoy an exceptional level of health care and at least according to one recent survey have more sex than anyone else. They are also among the best-dressed, best-groomed and most feminine women in the world. Any tourist in Italy will have noticed the amount of time and effort women here spend on their appearance. Sometimes the result is vulgar, sometimes it's sexy and sometimes it's beautiful. But whatever the end product, there's no denying the commitment. And for a young British man arriving in Italy, the effect is dazzling".




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 11:37 AM

 


Psychics at work

1200 people attended the recent International Psychic Society conference.

Moderator: "How many attendees believe in ghosts?" (Over 80% of the hands were raised)

Moderator: "How many have actually seen a ghost?" (58% of the hands were raised)

Moderator: "How many believe that a ghost can be solid?" (23% of the hands were raised)

Moderator: "How many have ever physically touched a ghost?" (3% of the hands were raised)

Moderator: "How many have ever had sex with a ghost?" (After some pause one lonely hand at the back of the hall went up)

Moderator: "May I ask where you are from, sir?" Attendee: "I am from New Zealand."

Moderator: "And you say you've had sex with a ghost?" Attendee: "Oh sorry! I thought you said "goat."






THE NEWS

Italy: Pensioner faces jail over pink house: "An Italian pensioner is facing five years in jail -- for painting his house pink. Giuliani Contadino, 75, had broken the law because his house is in the Cinque Terre national park -- a UNESCO world heritage site. Contadino said: 'Some policemen came to tell me what I had done wrong. I told them they could help me repaint it if it was such a problem.'"


Speedy Welsh cop: "Britain's most senior traffic policeman has been criticised for wasting court time after he failed to answer a speeding charge yesterday, claiming that he had still not found a solicitor to represent him. Meredydd Hughes, 49, the Chief Constable of South Yorkshire and head of roads policing for the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo), was due to appear at Wrexham Magistrates' Court charged with driving at 90mph (145km/h)in a 60mph zone. He was granted an adjournment as he still needed time to instruct a solicitor. Matthew Elliot, chief executive of the Taxpayers' Alliance, said: "Meredydd Hughes has shown breathtaking hypocrisy in this case. "Not only has he been caught preaching one thing and doing another in the past, but he has also wasted court time and therefore taxpayers' money." Mr Hughes, who was allegedly caught on camera on the A5, has admitted committing two speeding offences in the past and having six penalty points when taking over the Acpo role."




Expensive Japanese Santa: "A pure gold Santa Claus created for Ginza Tanaka and valued at 200 million yen ($1.8 million) has gone on show in the Japanese jeweller's shop in the Ginza shopping district of Tokyo. The Father Christmas, weighing 20kg (44lb) and encrusted with 1.7carat diamonds on its belt, took three months to produce. Ginza Tanaka is known for turning ordinary items into expensive gold objects. To welcome in 2008 it is offering a calendar made of 24-carat gold for 30 million yen and a solid gold foot massager for 13 million yen."


Coalmine fire put out after half a century: "After a three-year effort and untold quantities of water, Chinese firefighters have extinguished a fire that had been burning underground in a coalmine for more than 50 years. The blaze had consumed as much as 12.5 million tonnes of coal as it raged unchecked beneath the surface and spewed out more than 70,000 tonnes of toxic gases annually since the 1950s. Firefighters finally beat the fire by boring into the coal seam and flooding it with water and slurry. They then capped the mine shafts to starve the flames of oxygen. As well as staving off further environmental damage, they have saved more than 651 million tonnes of coal, which will be mined to fuel the Chinese economic and industrial juggernaut."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:04 PM

 


How to tell you're not Mother's favorite!








THE NEWS

Nigeria's 'land of twins' baffles fertility experts: "Igbo-Ora, a sleepy farming community in southwest Nigeria, welcomes visitors with a sign proclaiming "The Land of Twins". "There is hardly a family here without a set of twins," said community leader Olayide Akinyemi, a 71-year-old father of 12, as he settled a dispute between two neighbours. "My father had 10 sets, while I had three sets. But only one set, a male and a female, survived," he said. The town's high incidence of twins has baffled fertility experts - underscoring a more regional twin trend and an array of elaborate African rituals around them. The rate of identical twins is pretty steady throughout the world at about 0.5 per cent of all births, according to a 1995 study by Belgian researcher Fernand Leroy, who has worked extensively on twins. But West Africa bucks that trend, particularly with a much higher incidence of fraternal, or non-identical twins than in Europe or Japan. That is especially true, experts say, amongst Nigeria's Yoruba community which is largely concentrated in the southwest of the country where Igbo-Ora is located. Yam consumption may be one explanation for Africa's largesse, some West Africans and Western experts believe. Yams contain the natural hormone phytoestrogen which may stimulate the ovaries to produce an egg from each side."


British bungledom again: "Britain's tax chief has resigned after confidential records for 25 million Britons who receive child benefit payments have gone missing. Chancellor Alistair Darling, already on the ropes over a crisis involving the bail out of battered mortgage lender Northern Rock, confirmed that the head of the department responsible had resigned over the "deeply regrettable'' incident. To gasps from politicians, Mr Darling told parliament that two data discs containing records for 7.25 million families, including names, addresses, dates of birth and bank account details had gone missing. "I regard this as an extremely serious failure by HMRC in their responsibility to the public,'' he said, referring to Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs department which was responsible for the loss. He apologised but sought to reassure worried members of the public that there was no evidence the data had fallen into the wrong hands. Banks and building societies had been put on alert for any suspicious activity, he said. Politicians were told that an HMRC junior member of staff sent the two password-protected discs in a package to the National Audit Office public spending watchdog in breach of procedures in October. The package was not sent by recorded delivery and never arrived"




Ancient British treasures discovered: "A royal Anglo-Saxon cemetery, with some of the finest examples of gold jewellery found in Britain, has been discovered on farmland in Teesside. The 109 burials, arranged in a rectangular pattern and dating from the middle of the 7th century, were found by Steve Sherlock, a freelance archaeologist. The finds, at the only known Anglo-Saxon royal burial site in the North East, include gold pendants, gold discs with filigree working and a sword. Robin Daniels, of Tees Archaeology, has described the pendants as comparable with the treasure found at Sutton Hoo".


Chocolate willy causes offence: An Italian sweet shop owner has been fined after making chocolate copies of a local porn star's proudest asset. Bologna police told Teresa Conti, 40, to melt down the chocolate version of blue movie actor Rocco Siffredi's penis. They said numerous passersby with children had complained of the confectionery organs on display in the window. She was fined 150 pounds for promoting indecency. Conti said: "I only did it to get one up over my rivals and the displays in their chocolate shops."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:24 PM

 


The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments

Translated from the original

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma &Pa
(6) Don't take what ain't yers
(7) No killin'
(8) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(9) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff






THE NEWS



Swedish women fight for topless rights: "Swedish women have launched a campaign to fight for the right to go topless on beaches and in swimming pools, saying they have just as much right to go without clothes as men. Scandinavian feminists were outraged when two women were asked to cover up their breasts by a lifeguard at a public pool near Stockholm, the Daily Mail's Metro.co.uk website reported. "If women are forced to wear a top, shouldn't men also have to?" said one of the women, 22-year-old Ragnhild Karlsson. Now women in southern Sweden have set up the Bara Bradiost network, which translates as Just Breasts. "We want our breasts to be as normal and desexualised as men's, so that we too can pull off our shirts at football matches," said a spokeswoman for the group. The campaign's strategy has reportedly been a raging success, with members of Just Breasts jumping into swimming pools across the country wearing nothing more than bikini bottoms. The country's equal opportunities ombudsman will decide whether or not to take up the case on behalf of the women later this month."


Romeo breaks INTO jail 13 times to see lover: "A lovestruck Romeo has been charged for breaking into a Sydney jail 13 times to see his long-term sweetheart. Dave Clarke , 35, of Kingswood, appeared before the Parramatta Bail Court yesterday on 13 charges of entering a place of detention without authority. Clarke allegedly had used the false name and Centrelink pension card in the name of Arthur Beacroft to get into the Emu Plains prison to see his partner of 15 years, Virginia Hancock. Hancock, who is heavily pregnant with the couple's third child, is serving a three-month and 29-day sentence for breaching her parole on drug-dealing charges. Clarke, who has a long criminal history including violent crime, is banned from visiting inmates in jail. He was arrested using the false identity on Saturday but investigations revealed he had broken into the maximum security division of the prison on 12 occasions since September."


Brilliant British bureaucracy again: "The five Eurostar platforms at Waterloo are to lie empty for at least year, the Government has admitted. Despite knowing more than three years ago that all Eurostar services would switch to St Pancras, the Department for Transport has failed to produce plans for using the platforms to relieve severe congestion at Waterloo. South West Trains, which operates Britain's most overcrowded services, wants to use the platforms for its longest trains that serve Basingstoke, Winchester, Southampton and Portsmouth. Tom Harris, the rail minister, said in a written answer yesterdat that only one of the five platforms - platform 20 - was likely to be brought back into use by December next year for "some domestic passenger services". He was silent on the fate of the other four platforms."


Japan for good food: "Tokyo, the neon-clad home of the pickled sea-slug and horseradish chocolate, has eclipsed Paris, London and New York to become, officially, the most delicious city on earth. The Japanese capital was handed the coveted crown yesterday by Michelin, the French tyre company whose Guides Rouges have been every bon vivant's bible for more than a century. Eight restaurants, including two high-end sushi joints - one of them with fewer than a dozen seats - were awarded three-star status in the first Michelin Guide for Tokyoafter a selection process shrouded in almost obsessive secrecy. A total of 150 restaurants in the city received at least one star."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:36 PM

 


That genie again

Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (the kind the genies come in).

They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. "POOF" out popped a tired old genie who said "ok.. so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one". The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!!!" "Fine" said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean into beer.

"Great move Einstein!" said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the head. "NOW we're gonna have to piss in the BOAT!"






THE NEWS

Did terrestrial life originate on Mars?: "Panspermia, or the idea that Earth was "seeded" by life from outer space, is centuries old but until lately has not had much scientific evidence to support it. But a European experiment last month demonstrates that microscopic life could indeed survive inside rocks hurtling through space. A team led by John Parnell from the University of Aberdeen in Scotland embedded fossilized microbes into a fake meteorite strapped to the exterior of the Russian Foton M3 scientific-research probe, which went into orbit on Sept. 26 and came back to Earth 12 days later. In the bit of rock we got back, some biological compounds have survived," Parnell told National Geographic News. The large number of rocks from Mars that end up on Earth lends credence to the hypothesis that terrestrial life may have had its origin on the Red Planet, which 4 billion years ago was much more hospitable than Earth was at the same time."


Cellphone jammer: "This is the drawback of being a commuter. Sevenoaks to London and back every day and I always end up sitting next to the pinstriped idiot who can’t grasp the fact that everyone else on the train might not be interested in his share-dealing prowess. Of course, you can’t ask them to shut up because you’ll be happy slapped. If only there was a button you could push to kill the conversation. Well there is. It’s on a little black box called a phone jammer. Illegal in this country, the United States and most of the European Union, the basic version costs as little as 25 pounds in Hong Kong. By sending out a blizzard of radio waves, the cigarette packet-sized gadget will knock out a mobile phone signal within a radius of five to 10 yards. A more expensive version can take out a whole train. Very James Bond. The fact that it’s illegal does not seem to be deterring an increasing number of jammers. Recent reports from America suggest that demand is sharply on the increase. Despite the threat of an $11,000 fine for anyone caught using the device, exporters in Asia are receiving hundreds of orders every week."




It rains snakes in Australia: "A Sunday morning turned snaky when a this reptile fell from a tree on to a footpath in Fitzroy St, St Kilda. The corn snake, which is native to North America, was found outside the George public bar and was caught and held by one of the regulars until police arrived. Keith Larner from the Department of Sustainability and Environment said corn snakes were an exotic species and were illegal. "A person found in possession of a corn snake can face fines of up to $110,000 and/or five years' jail," he said. Bar manager Mick Hocking said the snake fell from the sky. "I was chatting to one of our security guards and all of a sudden we noticed something fall from the sky," Mr Hocking said. "At first we thought it was a rubber snake," he said. "Then it started moving and looking around. We've both gone: 'That's a snake'." The snake has been confiscated by DSE which is investigating the matter.


Woman with half a brain: "Doctors treating a Chinese woman who complained of feeling weak discovered she only had half a brain. The woman, 39, from Wuhan city, has lived a perfectly normal life and only came into hospital after she complained of feeling weak and stiff. Zhang Linhong, director of Neural Rehabilitation Department at the local hospital, said: "On the MRI scans we were surprised to see that she only has grey matter on the right side. "Our usual understanding is that the left brain controls language. But this patient has no problem communicating with people." The woman's mother said her daughter lives a very normal life. "She graduated from high school with good marks. Her memory is very good. She remembers phone numbers and names immediately." [Maybe she should go into politics]



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:26 PM

 


Some CV howlers

Many job-seekers get even the basics wrong when it comes to writing a CV. One recruitment company says that more than a third of the job-hunting graduates with whom it deals are rejected for their poor grasp of language and won't make it past recruiters' inboxes. "Badly written, poorly punctuated CVs and covering letters reflect inadequate communication skills and attention to detail," says Sunil Duggal, the MD of Just IT Recruitment. Here are ten examples of CVs that went to the bottom of Just IT's heap:

The neurotic: a candidate submitted a password-protected CV that could not be accessed.

The evangelist: who ended a covering letter with "Jesus loves you".

The banker: the applicant who put all his confidential bank details on his CV.

The cyber-criminal: who put that his life's ambition was to be a computer hacker.

The punctual one: a candidate who said "I'm good at timekeeping. I wake up at 6am on Monday, Wednesday and Friday," on her covering letter.

The bone idle: a candidate who sent across a generic template, leaving gaps where there should have been information describing the job position in which he was interested, and the company to which he was applying.

The enigma: a CV was submitted with no name or contact details.

The pervert: the CV with an "inappropriate" suggestive e-mail address.

The narcissist: a covering letter from a candidate with one objective: "to please and attain supreme perfection"

The porn star: a CV that included a photograph more suitable for a glamour shoot.






THE NEWS

Man survives killer yawn: "A tired husband almost died after his mouth got stuck wide open when he was yawning. Ben Shire was making a cup of tea when he strained his jaw so much he dislocated it, The Sun reported. The horrified store worker, 34, collapsed in his kitchen unable to breathe or swallow. His frantic wife dialled emergency services as he lay choking on his saliva. Ambulance officers rushed him to hospital with his jaw still locked - and brought him back from the brink of death using a suction device. "We can laugh about it now - but it wasn't funny at the time, Mr Shire said after medics won a four-hour battle to close his mouth. "I couldn't breathe because I was choking - it felt like two fingers down my throat. "The more I panicked the more I struggled for breath."


KS: Man accused of toad-licking: "A 21-year-old man has been accused of using a toad to get high. Clay County sheriff's deputies said David Theiss, of Kansas City, possessed a Colorado River toad with the intention of using it as a hallucinogenic. Experts said it's possible to lick the toad's venom glands to achieve psychedelic effects. Most pet stores don't sell the Colorado River toad because the venom can sicken humans and kill household animals."


VT: Woman says horse is nay trouble: "A disabled US woman is suing her landlord for refusing to allow her to keep a miniature horse to pull her wheelchair. ... She insisted Earl can be house-trained and will live happily in a stall she has put up in her living room, reports the Daily Telegraph. But the Central Vermont Community Land Trust denied her request to keep the horse at home because they were worried about horse droppings, hay storage and lack of grazing space. ... Trust director Preston Jump acknowledged using miniature horses was accepted practice for some disabled people. But he was concerned whether Earl could be trained to relieve himself only when taken outside, every three hours."


Colossus wheeled out for modern code challenge: "A rebuilt World War II code-cracking computer developed to intercept Nazi messages has lost to a desktop computer in a contest to decipher an encrypted radio message. The challenge marked the first time the Colossus machine had been used since then-prime minister Winston Churchill ordered models of the top secret computer destroyed, according to Britain's National Museum of Computing, which organised Friday's contest. However, not only was Colossus beaten by a home computer, but by one in Germany. Bonn-based software engineer Joachim Schueth deciphered the message, which was encrypted by a Nazi-era Lorenz cipher machine and transmitted by radio from Paderborn, in Germany. It took him two hours, using ham radio equipment and a computer program he wrote especially for the challenge. Colossus completed the challenge in three hours and 35 minutes."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:00 PM

 


Subtlety

Little Johnny is excited because the circus has come to town and his mum has got front row tickets for him. Finally the evening comes and Little Johnny and his mum go off to the big top. Little Johnny sits there and enjoys the lions and the tigers and the jugglers and the trapeze artists, and finally out comes little Johnnys favourites, the clowns.

Johnny is loving the clowns and their humorous japes until one of the clowns comes up to him and says 'Little boy are you the front end of an ass?' 'No,' replies little Johnny. 'Are you the rear end of an ass?' 'No,' replies little Johnny again. 'In that case,' says the clown, 'you must be no end of an ass.'

Little Johnny is distraught and he runs out of the circus and all the way home in tears. When his mum catches up with him she says, 'Little Johnny don't worry, your Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, is coming to stay tomorrow. We will take him to the circus and he will sort that nasty clown out.' At this news little Johnny cheers up and looks forward to the next night.

The next night comes and, sure enough, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee arrives and the three of them set off for the circus. When they get there Little Johnny, his mum and Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee, sit down and enjoy the lions, the tigers, the jugglers and the trapeze artists, and then out come the clowns.

Again Little Johnny is enjoying their antics and yet again one of the clowns comes up to him and says, 'Little boy are you the front end of an ass?'

Quick as a flash, Uncle Marvo, the master of lightning wit, backchat and repartee jumps up and shouts at the very top of his voice: 'F*ck off you Red nosed C*nt!'






THE NEWS

A gadget that chills beer in seconds: "A gadget that can chill a warm can of beer in seconds has been invented just in time for summer. New Zealand student Kent Hodgson came up with the device after being confronted with the problem of tepid beer at a barbecue this year. Mr Hodgson, 22, has called his invention Huski, which he intends to patent. It involves the instant production of dry ice pellets you can pop into your beer. Dry ice has a cooling capacity almost four times that of the same amount of regular ice, with a surface temperature of minus 78.5C. A canister can fill 30 330ml bottles at a cost of 6c each."



"10 Commandments" -- even the Mafia has 'em: "Even mobsters, it seems, must mind their manners. Police searching the property of a newly arrested Mafia boss say they have found a typewritten code of conduct, a list the Italian media quickly dubbed the mob's Ten Commandments. Never look at the wives of your friends, says one rule. Avoid pubs and nightclubs. Always keep your appointments. And, of course, never be seen with a cop. Many of the commandments appear aimed at maintaining security and the secrecy for which the Sicilian Mafia, or Cosa Nostra, is well-known. Others address courteous behavior. The list of rules was discovered by anti-Mafia police in Sicily who were searching documents and other property seized after the arrest of Salvatore Lo Piccolo, according to Italian media reports from the Sicilian capital of Palermo."


Nutty mechanic: "A man has been severely injured after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut on his car by blasting it with a shotgun. The 66-year-old American shot the wheel from arm's length with a 12-gauge shotgun and was peppered with ricocheting buckshot and debris. According to a sheriff's office report, he was taken to Tacoma General Hospital with severe but not life threatening injuries. His legs, feet and abdomen were worst affected, but some injuries went as high as his chin. The man had been repairing a Lincoln Continental for about two weeks at his home near Southworth in Washington state, about ten miles from Seattle. He had successfully removed all but one wheel-nut on the right rear wheel and resorted to firepower out of sheer frustration on Saturday afternoon."


A prayer that worked!: "A storm system crashed through the Southeast and brought up to an inch of rain in parts of drought-stricken Georgia, but forecasters said the storm likely did little to ease the state's historic drought. The rain late Wednesday and early Thursday brought some precipitation to the parched hills of northern Georgia. The showers began a day after Gov. Sonny Perdue led a prayer service on the steps of the state Capitol to beg the heavens to end the drought. "Certainly, we're not gloating about it," Perdue said from a trade mission in Canada. "We're thankful for the rain and hopefully it's the beginning of more. ... Frankly, it's great affirmation of what we asked for."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:03 PM

 


A different life



A Northern Territory [Australia] man has gone "commando" in an attempt to rescue a 1.5m [5 ft] saltwater crocodile stranded on a popular Darwin beach. Jimmy Howard told the Northern Territory News how he lassoed the saltie before taking off his red jocks [underpants] and putting them over its eyes to calm it down. "I just ripped my jocks off, soaked them in the water and wrapped them around its face," the ballsy Territorian said. "It was a bit cranky and that was the only thing I could use to cover its eyes. "I'm probably the only one in the world who can say they went commando for a croc. I'm just lucky it wasn't a bull - it would have arced up a bit at the sight of red jocks."

Mr Howard, 35, almost stepped on the croc as it basked in a shallow pool of water more than 100m from the water's edge at Casuarina Beach about 2.30pm on Monday. "I was walking along at low tide and noticed a small outline in the water and thought it was a stingray," he said. "I was standing about a metre from its tail, so I quickly backstepped and grabbed a stick, which I then poked at it to make sure it was alive. "It had 200m of sand all around it and was just sitting in the pool of water, which was probably only half a metre deep. "He was only a little fella, so he probably got a bit tired in the rough tides or something. All I know is he had good little teeth on him and I think he would have taken a good chunk or two out of you if he had the chance."

Mr Howard said his instinct was to remove the croc as he was concerned it would attack a child or dog if they ran through the water puddle. "There was enough water there for him to stay there until the tide came back in, but that beach is used quite heavily in the afternoon with families and people walking their dogs," he said. "I called a friend and he came with rope and helped me catch it, while we waited for Parks and Wildlife to arrive."

The saltie was taken to the Noonamah Crocodile Farm in Darwin's rural area. When asked if he was planning on wearing his handy jocks again, Mr Howard said: "I don't know. I'll have to give them a good wash. "They might be lucky for me." "I'll have to put them on and go to the casino. You never know, I could win a bit."

Original here







THE NEWS

Berkeley Protester Falls from Tree, Blames School: "Who needs Hollywood writers when real life is typically much funnier? To prove the point, a protester at the University of California, Berkeley, fell out of a tree Sunday evening, fortunately only breaking his wrist and ankle. The punch line? He thought it was the school's fault for putting fences around the trees in order to prevent folks from climbing them. Of course, the injured tree-hugger could have blamed his injuries on President Bush"


Man killed by cat-door: "Investigators said 32-year-old Charles Tucker Jr. was using the cat door early Saturday morning as a way to get back into his girlfriend's St. Augustine home after she kicked him out. Deputies said several hours after Tucker's girlfriend told him to leave she found him stuck in the cat door. "Maybe at 3 a.m., my older brother called me and told me -- he was crying -- that she had called him and she found him dead in the door," said Tucker's friend, Will Elliot. Elliot lives down the street from the home where Tucker was found dead."




Helpful doggie: "When Mr. Harv goes to school, he spends his time playing ball, sitting on students' laps and lying down on the job. It's all in a day's work for Harv, Freedom Middle School's unofficial mascot and Central Florida's only known full-time canine counselor. At Freedom, every day is a dog day. Students greet Harv with hearty "hellos" and a vigorous belly rub. If there's a crisis at home or in the classroom, kids know they can visit Harv for a hug and a cry. Harv might lick them, but he won't judge them. Cindy Frongello, Harv's handler, says the 3-year-old Labrador-golden retriever mix instinctively picks up on body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. Researchers have studied dogs' ability to comfort people who are sick or stressed, but there's little more than anecdotal evidence backing claims that dogs react to mood. Nevertheless, Frongello is a believer. "I'm 100 percent convinced that he has an ability to understand when someone feels bad and needs comfort," said Frongello, the school's Student Assistance and Family Empowerment coordinator. She helps kids with problems such as bullying, anger and bereavement. "He's a lot smarter than I am."


Desperate smoker: "A man who smashed his way into a supermarket for a pack of cigarettes has been refused police bail. Police responded to an alarm at the Coles supermarket at Marion at about 3am and found a broken window and evidence that an offender might be in the vicinity. Before the dog squad arrived a man, 48, from Mitchell Park crawled through the hole in the window and gave himself up to police. He was remanded in custody and will appear in the Adealaide Magistrates Court today."


Feral driver used torch to see as headlights busted: "A motorist has been caught driving at night in the Northern Territory outback with a torch attached to his bonnet because his headlights were broken. The 25-year-old driver was also found to be more than three times over the legal [alcohol] limit and there were two females and a baby in the car. NT Road Safety Superintendent Bob Rennie last night labelled the act as "ludicrous". And he questioned where was the common sense and rationale of the driver. "To be driving a car at that time of night in the pitch black is totally unacceptable," he said. "This behaviour is very dangerous, not only for those in the vehicle but also other motorists. "The driver has shown a total disregard for the passengers in the car, in particular a baby." The drunk driver is one of many motorists who were pulled over and charged during a police blitz targeting traffic and liquor offences along the Tanami Highway in central Australia during the weekend."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:25 PM

 


Yuk!

A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, Expertly tailored black suit.

The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed.

He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the mortician a blank cheque and says, "I don't care what it costs, please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe;

The suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.

You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank cheque.

"There's no charge," he says.

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "It cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly

After you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice...

...........so I switched the heads."







THE NEWS

"Ghost" airline flights too: "British Airways has been flying airliners from Britain to North America this month without a single passenger aboard because of a cabin crew shortage, the airline said today. One environmental group sharply criticised the "phantom" BA flights, saying they indicate once again how indifferent the aviation sector can be to the world's battle against global warming. Since November 1, about one BA flight a day from Britain to the United States or Canada has left Heathrow or Gatwick airport carrying only pilots and cargo because of a cabin crew shortage, BA spokesman Tony Cane said. The empty flights allowed BA to pick up passengers in North America who have reservations to fly to Britain, he said. BA said it is working hard to resolve the problem, caused by the difficulty it sometimes has coordinating the separate schedules of its 15,000 full- and part-time cabin crew members, 3,000 pilots and 240 planes operating around the world."


Man busted drinking hair spray in store: "A man who allegedly drank two bottles of hairspray inside a department store - apparently not for the first time - has been arrested for shoplifting. The Northwest Florida Daily News reported that a Wal-Mart employee in Okaloosa County told police he'd been trying to catch the man in the act for weeks. The store's loss prevention officer, Christopher White, reportedly told police how employees would often find empty bottles of hairspray after the man left the building. But last Friday, Mr White said, he watched the man take a bottle of hairspray off a shelf and walk into the store's garden department, where he drank it. Mr White said the man then walked back, allegedly swapped the empty bottle with a full one, then drank it in the toy department."


Used condoms winding up in people's hair: "Used condoms are being recycled into hair bands in southern China and selling well in local markets and beauty salons. But they could spread the sexually transmittable diseases the condoms were originally meant to prevent, state media said today. Rubber hair bands had been found in local markets and beauty salons in Dongguan and Guangzhou cities in southern Guangdong province, China Daily newspaper said. "These cheap and colourful rubber bands and hair ties sell well ... threatening the health of local people," it said. Despite being recycled, the hair bands could still contain bacteria and viruses, it said."


Hogwarts works for UK school: "Harry Potter has magically transformed a struggling British school into a thriving institution, with students exceeding expectations. Students at Robert Mellors Primary and Nursery School in Arnold, Nottingham, are casting mathematical "spells" to solve subtraction "riddles" and English lessons can involve writing scripts based on the popular character. According to figures from the British Government, the school has gone from being in the lowest 25 per cent of institutions to being just outside the top 5 per cent in just three years. The Daily Mail reported the sudden jump in the results of the school's students, between seven and 11, came about because children began dictating the teaching methods that would be used each term. The newspaper said year groups were now defined as Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin, like the different houses at Hogwarts described in JK Rowlings' popular Harry Potter series. According to an inspection report published by the Government's Office for Standards in Education, Children's Services and Skills, students excelled in their mathematics lessons because of the unique teaching method."


Police arrest a virtual furniture thief: "Dutch police have made their first arrest of an online thief - a 17-year-old accused of stealing virtual furniture from rooms in the Habbo Hotel - a popular teenager networking website. An Amsterdam police spokeswoman confirmed a report that the teenager was accused of stealing 4000 euros ($6546) worth of virtual furniture by hacking into the accounts of other users. Four other 15-year-olds have also been questioned in the case, which was instigated by the website. They are suspected of moving the stolen furniture into their own online hotel rooms. Habbo users can create their own characters, decorate their own rooms and play a number of games, paying with Habbo Credits, which they have to buy with real cash."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:41 PM

 


Real-life ghost trains

In Melbourne, Australia



Train drivers and regular commuters call them "ghost trains" - and, unlike the paranormal, there's a rationale behind them. Every week, Connex schedules 44 "non-passenger services". The ghost trains don't appear in the timetable because they don't technically exist. This means Connex cannot be fined if the train is late or cancelled and the rail operator receives no payment to operate them.

The 9.34am from Richmond runs non-stop to Blackburn and the 7.10am from Flinders Street to Glen Waverley stops at only a few stations, shaving more than 20 minutes off the regular journey time. But there's a catch - just like Connex's current performance, one day the train appears and may not reappear for a week. Every day, empty trains are shunted across the network. Some to stabling yards to rest between the morning and evening peaks, while other carriages are rushed out to replace defective trains. But the 44 are available for passenger use. Most operate outbound from the city during the morning peak, to position trains in the outer suburbs to deal with the early morning rush.

And there's time savings to be had. One service operates non-stop from Richmond to Blackburn on the Belgrave and Lilydale lines. Others travel to Heidelberg, skipping the seven stations from Clifton Hill. One commuter told The Age his regular express train had been dumped from the new suburban timetable. Having prepared himself for a longer journey, he was surprised to see his express train arrive on time. It happened the next day, too. The commuter was baffled and when he contacted Metlink - the agency set up to promote public transport and handle passenger queries - he was told the 7.55am and 8.20am services from North Melbourne along the Craigieburn line were "not guaranteed services". "They only occasionally run and it depends on other factors, it is not put on the website or timetable so as not to confuse commuters," said a Metlink customer service officer.

A Connex spokeswoman said the 44 trains generally run but aren't scheduled because some trains had finished running for the day and were returning to stabling yards. The trains can also be used to replace a vandalised or faulty train, she said. One Connex driver said the ghost trains were popular with savvy commuters and rail enthusiasts. "Regular passengers can work out how often and when they run. There's some bloody good express services which can get you from the city to the suburbs in half the time," he said. "I guess the only spooky thing is that these trains actually run on time."

Original here






THE NEWS

Cruelty to dumb fish: "A Brisbane District Court judge has been awarded a "Compassionate judge award" for publicly denouncing a man who flushed two goldfish down the toilet during a burglary at a woman's home. PETA - People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals - today commended Judge Helen O'Sullivan for her comments during the burglary trial last month of Shane Robert Stevenson, from Russell Island. Twenty-year-old Stevenson was labelled "sick" for ripping the woman's phone from the wall, stealing a PlayStation game console and flushing her two goldfish down the toilet. At the time barrister Philip Curbishley said Stevenson, an unemployed former meat worker, had probably ransacked the home in search of cash but could provide no firm explanation for his behaviour other than that he was alcoholic. [But surely fish can swim? Was he not "liberating" them?]




Pantless judge gets the boot: "A US judge who lost a $US54 million ($60 million) lawsuit against his drycleaner over a pair of missing pants has lost his job, District of Columbia officials have confirmed. Roy Pearson's term as an administrative law judge expired on May 2 and the DC Commission on Selection and Tenure of Administrative Law Judges voted not to reappoint him, Lisa Coleman, the city's general counsel, wrote on November 8 in response to a Freedom of Information Act request from The Associated Press. Pearson was one of about 30 judges who worked in the Office of Administrative Hearings, which handles disputes involving city agencies. He had held his position for two years. Coleman refused to release a copy of a letter to Pearson informing him of the decision, saying it is considered a personnel matter. Pearson's lawsuit in the DC Superior Court claimed Custom Cleaners, owned by South Korean immigrants, did not live up to his expectations of "Satisfaction Guaranteed", as advertised in store windows. Pearson demanded repayment for the lost pants, as well as damages for inconvenience, mental anguish and legal fees for representing himself. He calculated his losses initially at $US67 million but lowered his request to $US54 million."




Bank worker busted on Facebook dressed as fairy: "A US banker who told his boss he needed time off work because of a family emergency has been busted after a photo of him in a tutu at a Halloween party turned up on Facebook. Silicon Valley blog valleywag.com reported Kevin Colvin, an intern at the North American arm of Anglo Irish Bank, sent an email to his boss saying he could not make it into work. "Something came up at home and I had to go to New York this morning," Mr Colvin wrote on the afternoon of October 31, the day of the party. The Facebook pictures were uncovered the next day by co-workers, showing Mr Colvin in a neon fairy costume, with a beer in one hand and a "magic wand" in the other. When Mr Colvin's boss, Paul Davis, replied to the email, he copied the entire office. "Thanks for letting us know - hope everything is OK in New York," he wrote. "Cool wand."




Man marries dog to lift curse: "A man in southern India has married a dog in an attempt to lift what he believes is a curse. P. Selvakumar wed Selvi, a female stray dog, in a traditional Hindu ceremony as atonement for stoning two other dogs to death, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported. The groom said he has suffered bad luck since he killed the dogs and hung their bodies from a tree 15 years ago. "After that my legs and hands got paralyzed and I lost hearing in one ear," he said. An astrologer reportedly told P. Selvakumar that the wedding was the only way to lift the curse. The newspaper said the groom and his family enjoyed a feast, while the dog got a bun."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:28 PM

 


Back in the days of conscription...

Sergeant Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don't have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle first?"






THE NEWS

Groom too drunk, bride weds brother: "Villagers at a wedding in Bihar, India, decided the groom had arrived too drunk to get married, and so the bride married the groom's more sober brother instead, police said today. "The groom was drunk and had reportedly misbehaved with guests when the bride's family and local villagers chased him away," Madho Singh, a senior police officer said after yesterday's marriage in a village in Bihar's Arwal district. The younger brother readily agreed to take the groom's place beside the teenage bride at her family's invitation, witnesses said. "The groom apologised for his behaviour, but has been crying that word will spread and he will never get a bride again," Mr Singh said.


Online first dates lead to sex: "One third of women who meet someone online have sex on the first date, and three quarters of these do not use a condom, according to a new survey. The survey, published in the US journal Sexuality Research and Social Policy, is alarming for those who push the safe sex message - particularly as chlamydia and HIV infection rates in Australia are now at a 10-year high. The US study, which surveyed 568 women, also found 27 per cent of respondents performed oral sex on the first date. Felicity Percival, editor of Women's Health magazine, said the results were worrying but not surprising. "People do feel more comfortable with each other when they've had lots of conversations online, whether it's through RSVP, Facebook, or any online social network," she said."




Work drinks lead to sex: "One man slept with 30 women from his workplace, another exposed his penis in the office and a banker had sex on all of her colleagues' desks. These were some of the colourful stories told by NEWS.com.au readers when asked to reveal the worst things they'd done at office drinks. One reader said he got more than he bargained for after a one-night stand with a workmate. "Had work drinks one Friday night and ended up sleeping with a female work colleague. Was stunned when I woke up in her arms on Saturday morning. "After panicking I bolted home and made up an excuse to my partner, who then told me she was pregnant. About six weeks later my work colleague told me she was pregnant. "Two years down the track I'm the father of two boys and my work colleague and wife have accepted what's happened and everyone is happy. Lucky my wife was so understanding, I still can't believe she stood by me." A bank employee said she had sex in the office with the hot guy from level eight after a work party, doing it on all 25 desks in the room."


Chocolate began as beer: "The chocolate enjoyed around the world today had its origins at least 3100 years ago in Central America not as the sweet treat people now crave but as a celebratory beer-like beverage and status symbol, scientists said today. Researchers have identified residue of a chemical compound that comes exclusively from the cacao plant - the source of chocolate - in pottery vessels dating from about 1100 BC in Puerto Escondido, Honduras. This pushed back by at least 500 years the earliest documented use of cacao, an important luxury commodity in Mesoamerica before European invaders arrived and now the basis of the modern chocolate industry. Cacao seeds were used to make ceremonial beverages consumed by elites of the Aztecs and other civilizations, while also being used as a form of currency.




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:02 PM

 


THE FINAL INSPECTION

The Marine stood and faced God,
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.

'Step forward now, Marine,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?'

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
'No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears

If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the Marine waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.

'Step forward now, you Marine,
You've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell.'





It's the Soldier, not the reporter Who has given us the freedom of the press.

It's the Soldier, not the poet, Who has given us the freedom of speech.

It's the Soldier, not the politicians That ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

It's the Soldier who salutes the flag, Who serves beneath the flag, And whose coffin is draped by the flag.






THE NEWS

Unwise boss killed: "A morning of insults - capped by a face full of marijuana smoke - launched a celebrity real estate agent's personal assistant into a murderous fury, police said. Seizing a weighted yoga stick from her boss' hands, assistant Natavia Lowery clubbed punk rock pioneer-turned-broker Linda Stein in the head and neck, police said. Lowery, 26, was charged yesterday with second-degree murder in the vicious slaying of Stein, a former co-manager of famed '80s band the Ramones. She is being held without bail. Stein, 62, whose circle of friends included Sting and Madonna, was found face down in a pool of blood inside her $3.3 million Fifth Ave apartment on October 30. She had been bludgeoned six times with the yoga stick, typically used for stretching exercises. Lowery was captured on CCTV leaving Stein's building shortly after the brutal assault, police said. Lowery told police Stein had subjected her to profane and derogatory comments as they worked in the luxury apartment that day. She said she finally snapped while retrieving an email from Stein's computer, with the boss blowing marijuana smoke in her face and telling her to work faster. Lowery then allegedly snatched the yoga stick and battered Stein until she collapsed."




Pathological jealousy at work: "Glamour girl Rachel Hunter was the victim of a frightening attack in the foyer of a luxury hotel during her stay in Melbourne last week. The former Sports Illustrated covergirl was walking through the foyer of Crown Towers when a woman ran up behind her and kicked her in the back - knocking Hunter to the floor - before sprinting off. The assault occurred on Monday about 6.15pm (AEDT) when Hunter was walking alone through the hotel. An alert hotel staff member witnessed the incident and immediately chased the woman out of the foyer before tackling and subduing her in the driveway of the hotel. He was kicked and scratched by the woman during their brief tussle but was not injured. Police were then called. Though shaken and surprised by the attack, the former Mrs Rod Stewart was not seriously injured. She was interviewed by police but did not make a complaint or ask that charges be laid against her attacker. While it is not known if there was a motive behind the unprovoked attack, a police spokeswoman confirmed a woman - who was not armed - had been arrested at the scene and was taken to the Royal Melbourne Hospital for a psychological assessment."


Fatties sink Disney: "Disneyland will close the popular It's A Small World attraction for renovations next year, in part to deal with the problem of bottoming-out boats from overweight patrons. Disneyland denies that the plans to close the 41-year-old water ride in January for a facelift has to do with the growing waist-lines of its patrons. Heavy loads have been causing the boats to stall in two different spots, said Al Lutz, a long-time Disney watcher, whose website MiceAge.com first reported the refurbishment plans. Mr Lutz said he'd been on the ride when several guests were asked to get off to lighten the load. "They've even built a platform (there) ... because they've had so many problems,'' he said."


Loud music not so wise: "A Perth man has been charged with attempted murder after a 25-year-old man was shot in the buttocks and stomach during an argument over loud music. Police alleged the younger man was at his Boddington home with friends when a 56-year-old man visiting neighbours began arguing with him about the loud music. The older man allegedly threatened the residents with a piece of timber before he left and returned with a rifle. He allegedly fired three shots at the younger man's home and two shots at the man himself. The 25-year-old was taken to Fremantle Hospital in a stable condition. The 56-year-old man was charged with attempted murder, possession of an unlicensed firearm and possession of unlicensed ammunition. He will appear in Mandurah Magistrates Court today."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:53 PM

 


Some wisdom from Borat

“I cannot believe that it possible a woman can become Premier of US and A - in Kazakhstan, we say that to give a woman power, is like to give a monkey a gun - very dangerous. We do not give monkeys guns any more in Kazakhstan ever since the Astana Zoo massacre of 2003 when Torkin the orang-utan shoot 17 schoolchildrens. I personal would like the basketball player, Barak Obamas to be Premier.”

More here






THE NEWS



Apple wine?: "Apple wine, the tangy drink famed for its thumping hangovers, is fuelling a crucial election campaign in Germany, pitting regional patriots against the bureaucrats of Brussels. The European Commission wants to strip the wine label from bottles of the cider-like drink, known locally as Ebbelwoi, on the ground that it is not made from grapes. Yet Ebbelwoi has been drunk, and marketed as wine, since the 16th century in the state of Hesse. It is part of the region's historical identity and tourist trade. Tens of thousands of visitors to Frankfurt travel to the apple-wine cellars and taverns of nearby Sachsenhausen to sample the drink, which usually contains between 5 and 7 per cent alcohol. It is often drunk with sugary lemonade, hence the headaches and a reputation, especially among Asian tourists, for loosening the bowels. "We cannot allow this history, this original Hessian product, to be robbed of its tradition by a change of name ordained from above," Martin Heil, manager of a leading apple-wine cellar, said"




The ultimate fishy story?: "Here's a fishing tale to rival any - this 122cm barra is said to have jumped into a boat loaded with tourists in the Northern Territory to escape the jaws of a hungry croc. And fishing guide Shane Franey said the fish jumped clean into his lap near Cahill's Crossing in Kakadu. "I was doing my tour on the East Alligator at 9 o'clock in the morning," he said. "This barra just lined me up and came at me like a hole in one. "It sat on my lap and hit me - it took the wind out of me; I had to throw it in the air. "It was a shock at the time - I thought it was a crocodile diving out of the water." A tour guide for two years, Mr Franey has caught a few barra in his time but this one was so big and the circumstances so strange he thought it must have been a dream. "I reckon it might have been trying to get away from a crocodile - or I thought it might have been (hit by) the propeller. "It had a few nicks on it and there was blood on the floor."


Over 10,000 wild horses slaughtered in Australia: "More than 10,000 brumbies will be slaughtered in Queensland in a massive cull the State Government has tried to hide. Documents obtained by The Courier-Mail show fears of a public outcry led to high-level talks on how to conceal one of the world's largest animal culls. But the kill to help the environment - including shooting horses in the state's southeast - is already drawing international condemnation from animal rights groups and criticism of the RSPCA for condoning it... The technique used involved marksmen who are trained to shoot the horses in the chest for a quick kill from helicopters. But those against the cull claim photographs in circulation show wounded animals in pain and young surviving foals left near dead members of their herds... Sustainability Minister Andrew McNamara said shooting the horses was the most humane option. "The program is not about eradication of feral horses but rather ensuring population is kept at a manageable level in consideration of the welfare of both the horses and the native wildlife in the park," he said. "Feral horses in particular are causing serious erosion, spreading weeds, destroying freshwater springs and other water courses, damaging Aboriginal cultural sites, competing with native wildlife for feed, and destroying habitat."


British Conservative leader mistaken for a plumber: "David Cameron’s fortunes have improved sharply since the summer. But he has been brought down to earth by Kate Moss, the supermodel, who apparently mistook him for a plumber. The encounter between the Conservative leader and Ms Moss took place at a charity function. Mr Cameron often exudes Etonian poise and confidence, even more so since he succeeded in stopping Gordon Brown calling an early election, but those qualities went missing in the presence of the fashion icon. Sir Philip Green, the Topshop chief, for whom the model works, asked whether Mr Cameron would like to meet her. The awestruck politician ended up talking to her about flood damage, and she eventually asked him for his phone number so that he could give her advice on drainage".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:02 AM

 


Defining globalization

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer:

An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scotch whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This come to you via a Canadian, using Bill Gates's technology> And you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....

That, my friends, is Globalization!






THE NEWS



Yummy cat: "Meet the snake that got the cream ... or the cat in this case. Redlynch resident January Clay got the shock of her life when she saw her fully-grown cat disappearing down the throat of the 3m python. She had let the cat outside about 5.30am on Wednesday morning and when she went to check on it 30 minutes later made the gruesome discovery. "When I came out of the house the cat's legs were hanging out of its mouth," she told The Cairns Post yesterday. "I knew there were snakes about, but I never expected one to come into my yard." Ms Clay only moved to Redlynch four months ago and had not seen a snake in the outdoor area before. Despite her sadness at seeing her five-year-old pet killed by the python, she was not upset at the snake. It's just nature, he was just doing what he normally does. My cat was in the wrong place at the wrong time." The python eventually left of its own accord."


Texas border agents find man in suitcase : "A man hiding in a suitcase and a driver have been detained by Customs and Border Protection officers after a failed smuggling attempt. Authorities believe both men were headed for Denver. The discovery came during a stop at the Paso del Norte port of entry on Tuesday. The large suitcase was in the back seat of a car. The driver, 42-year-old Martin Enriquez Hernandez of Denver, was charged with alien smuggling. The man in the suitcase, 26-year-old Jesus Ivan Payan Estrada of Chihuahua, Mexico, was taken into custody on re-entry after deportation charges. Customs officials said the main in the bag was 5-foot-7, and weighs about 160 pounds."


Kids free to be British: "Ask most Britons if they would rather live in France and they'd probably answer "oui." But British judges have ruled that two English boys who hate living there don't have to. The boys, 11 and 16, who have a French mother and a British father, were taken to live in France after the parents' marriage broke down. But during a visit to England they asserted their "Britishness" and refused to return to live with their mother. The mother took the case to court, arguing that she had a right to decide where they should live and that the father had put the children up to it, the Times newspaper reported. But three of Britain's most senior judges decided the boys had an inherent right to refuse to live in France, where nearly 300,000 Britons have chosen to live."


New Yorker's dream girl turns out to be Australian: "Who said romance was dead? A New York Romeo went to extraordinary lengths to track down the girl of his dreams after spotting her on the subway. The biggest obstacle now is that her home town is Melbourne. For Patrick Moberg, a Brooklyn web designer, it was love at first sight when he saw Camille Hayton, 22, on Manhattan's No. 5 train on Sunday night. He had been working up the courage to speak to her but lost her in the crush getting off the subway at the Bowling Green stop. Mr Moberg knew he had to track down the mysterious brunette, so he devoted a website to finding her -- www.nygirlofmydreams.com On it he drew a picture of his subway sweetheart with a red flower in her "fancy braided" brown hair, rosy red cheeks, and wearing blue shorts and blue leggings. He also posted his email address and mobile phone number. His unlikely cyberspace entry captivated New Yorkers, receiving coverage in the New York Post and on local TV. The search paid off when a friend of Ms Hayton realised she knew the girl. Ms Hayton, who graduated from the University of California, wrote to Mr Moberg saying she was unsure whether she could live up to his expectations. He replied "there are no expectations" and wrote on his website yesterday that "we'll see what happens! "In our best interest, there will be no more updates to this website".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:06 PM

 


Japlish

Matsushita Electric is promoting a new Japanese PC targeted at the Internet. Panasonic has developed a complete Japanese Web browser, and to make the system "user-friendly", licensed the cartoon character "Woody Woodpecker" as the "Internet guide." Panasonic eventually planned on a world version of the product.

A huge marketing campaign was to have introduced the product in Japan last week. The day before the ads were to be released, Panasonic suddenly pulled back and delayed the product launch indefinitely.

The reason: the ads featured the slogan "Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker." An American staff member at the internal product launch explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what "touch woody" and "pecker" meant in American slang.





THE NEWS

The 'look of love' is all in the eyes: "Burt Bacharach penned the music four decades ago and Dusty Springfield sang about it in the James Bond film Casino Royale. Now, researchers have concluded that "The Look of Love" is, indeed, all in the eyes: looking directly at someone makes you more attractive to them. The finding, from the Face Research Laboratory at Aberdeen University, challenges previous studies that have attributed attractiveness to physical characteristics - such as a preference for symmetrical faces, large lips in women and strong jaw-lines in men. Claire Conway, author of the study, which was published in the Proceedings of the Royal Society this week, said maintaining eye contact and smiling makes you more attractive. Dr Conway and fellow researchers analysed the effect of gaze direction, facial expressions and gender on attractiveness. Participants were found to be more attracted to happy faces, looking directly at them and of the opposite sex."


Lego vs. Lego: "Lego, the iconic Danish maker of plastic toy bricks, lost a brand infringement case today when Denmark's Supreme Court ruled an art gallery owner could use the Lego name since it was her surname. The high court decided that Louise Lego could continue using the name for her Copenhagen gallery, Gallery Lego, where she displays her own paintings, and her website, http://www.galleri-lego.dk. The toymaker, founded in 1932, had argued it had the exclusive rights to the Lego name. Its use of Lego stems from the contraction of the Danish phrase "Leg godt" which means "play well," and has nothing to do with the Lego family. The company also wanted Louise Lego to stop promoting her gallery online under the Lego name. But the court found that there was little risk that people would confuse Louise Lego's paintings and artworks with Lego toys. The toymaker was ordered to pay Louise Lego 150,000 kroner ($30,000) to cover her court costs."


Hips are not so hip: "From Marilyn Monroe’s curvacious wiggle to the catwalk strut of a supermodel, scientists have decoded the secrets of a woman’s walk — and have found that those swaying hips are not always intended to impress the opposite sex. Love songs may rhapsodise “something in the way she moves”, but a sexy walk is not a sign that a woman is ready to become pregnant. In fact, a new study suggests that the way a woman walks changes during her monthly cycle, and that the most seductive wiggle occurs when she is least fertile. As such, a woman’s walk is just another of her feminine wiles, experts say, designed to put off unsuitable partners from a distance. If she flaunts herself too openly at fertile times, she could be made pregnant by an unsuitable man, so women may have an evolutionary interest in sending out mixed messages, says Meghan Provost and her team, from Queen’s University, Ontario".


South Africa: Plane lands after engine falls off: "A plane carrying more than 100 people made an emergency landing in South Africa after an engine fell off during takeoff from Cape Town on Wednesday, officials said. No injuries were reported. The Nationwide airline plane, bound for Johannesburg, touched down safely after the airport's fire and rescue services rushed to clear debris from the runway. The right engine of the Boeing 737 "separated from the wing. The aircraft continued to climb out," the airline said in a statement. One of the passengers, Pretoria businesswoman Ronel Derman, told the South African Press Association that she had been in a seat directly over the wing and a passenger seated next to her was looking out of the window when the engine dropped. "I heard this huge bang, and he said, 'That's our engine that's just fallen off.' I couldn't believe it. He had to repeat it to me," she told SAPA" [Follow-up here]



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:05 AM

 


The really wild West

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws, tornadoes and droughts --not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing: "If you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can."

Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale. Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it.

Until, one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming! Head for the hills!" The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills.

Except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn't believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.

He didn't wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall, he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head (dropping the critter to its knees) and bellowed, "Wait here til I get back!" The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them soundly, hollering, "You pussycats stay here til I'm done!" The cats fearfully sat down.

Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. With two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eye, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp.

Poor Fred, thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy looked down over the bar and roared, "What the heck do you think you're looking at!?"

Fred managed to say, "N..n..n..nothing, mister. Do you want another bottle of Red Eye?"

To which the fellow replied, "Heck no! I don't have time! I gotta get out of here --Mad Martin's coming!"






THE NEWS



German steeple in tilt at Pisa's lean record: "The Guinness Book of World Records has ruled that a church steeple in Germany, not the famous leaning tower of Pisa, is the most tilted tower in the world. The 25.7m steeple tilts at an angle of 5.07 degrees, while the tower of Pisa tilts at just 3.97 degrees, said Olaf Kuchenbecker, head of Guinness's German edition. "When you lay photos of the two next to each other you can see it relatively clearly," Kuchenbecker said. The new record, scheduled to appear next autumn in the 2009 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records, could strip the Pisa tower of its iconic status, Mr Kuchenbecker said. The 15th century German church tower stands in Suurhusen, a small village near Emden in northwestern Germany. Although its tilt angle is greater than Pisa's tower, it has less than half the Italian tower's height and none of its ornate beauty."


Falling cow crushes car: "A couple holidaying in Washington state got the shock of their lives when a cow fell 60m off a cliff and flattened the bonnet of their minivan. "It was just 'bam' - you just saw something come down and hit the hood," driver Charles Everson told the Wenatchee World newspaper. The Eversons were not injured but the cow had to be put down at the scene of the accident near the town of Manson, Deutsche Presse-Agentur reported. The 270kg bovine smashed the windscreen and collapsed the minivan's bonnet. "Inches different and the couple in this car would have been killed," said Arnold Baker, local fire district chief. The year-old heifer had been reported missing by its owner."


Mom books stripper for teen son: "A stripper performed for a classroom full of British teenagers, spanked a birthday boy and asked him to rub cream all over her after a booking error by the teen's mother. It is believed the mother thought she had booked a gorillagram to rush into her 16-year-old son's classroom for a birthday surprise - but a stripper turned up instead. The Daily Mail said the teenager's mother had told the teacher beforehand that a "birthday surprise" would walk in during the class and requested that it be filmed. Instead of a gorilla, an adult performer showed up at Arnold High School in Nottingham dressed as a policewoman and spanked the boy 16 times in front of his classmates, the newspaper said. She stripped to her underwear while dancing to a Britney Spears song and asked the teenager to rub cream all over her body before the "stunned" teacher called an end to the act. One student told the newspaper that the performance occurred in the middle of a drama class. "The teacher suddenly announced: `Something is about to happen'," the student said. "Then a woman in a very short skirt walked in dressed as a copper. She asked the lad to stand up, which he did, and told him he had been a very naughty boy because he hadn't been doing his homework."




Fungus having sex on your head, say boffins: "First, researchers grew enough fungus to give dandruff to 10 million people. Next, they sequenced its genes. Then they found out that not only does an icky fungus live on your head and cause dandruff - but it could be having sex. On your head. Right now. A team at Procter & Gamble Beauty said overnight they had sequenced the genome of Malassezia globosa, a fungus that grows on the skin of between 50 per cent and 90 per cent of the population. It causes dandruff and a range of other skin conditions... The team at P&G Beauty, a subsidiary of the company that makes household products ranging from toilet tissue to shampoo, said M. globosa was capable of excreting more than 50 different enzymes that help digest and break down compounds in the hair and scalp. "The M. globosa genome sequence also revealed the presence of mating-type genes, providing an indication that Malassezia may be capable of sex," they wrote in their report. Other fungi can reproduce sexually, but this particular type had not been known to, Dr Dawson's team said. This means it could find a way to evade dandruff shampoo"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:45 PM

 


Britain's stupidest laws revealed

The Queen's speech in the British parliament overnight may have been routine but at least nobody got bored to death - that would have been against the law. Dying in parliament is an offence and is also by far the most absurd law in Britain, according to a survey of nearly 4000 people by a television channel showing a legal drama series.

And though the lords were clad in their red and white ermine cloaks and ambassadors from around the world wore colourful national costumes, at least nobody turned up in a suit of armour. Illegal.

Other rules deemed utterly stupid included one that permits a pregnant woman to urinate in a policeman's hat and murdering bow-and-arrow-carrying Scotsmen within the city walls of York, northern England.

A law stating that in Liverpool, only a clerk in a tropical fish store is allowed to be publicly topless, was also ridiculous, said a poll of 3931 people for UKTV Gold television out yesterday.

Nearly half of those surveyed admitted to breaking the ban on eating mince pies on Christmas Day, which dates back to the 17th century and was originally designed to outlaw gluttony during the rule of the Puritan Oliver Crowmell. The laws and other regulations were culled from published research into ancient legislation that has never been repealed although subsequent statutes have rendered them obsolete. Respondents were given a shortlist and asked to vote.

Most ridiculous British laws:
1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (27 per cent)
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down (7 per cent)
3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store (6 per cent)
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day (5 per cent)
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter (4 per cent)
6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet (4per cent)
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen (3.5 per cent)
8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing (3 per cent)
9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour (3 percent)
10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow (2 per cent).

Original here







THE NEWS

Brave Italian police grab Mafia big boss: "Sicilian police have arrested Mafia supremo Salvatore Lo Piccolo just a year and a half after nabbing his predecessor as the "boss of bosses", Bernardo Provenzano. Sicilian regional president Salvatore Cuffaro called the arrests a "fatal blow" against the Cosa Nostra. About 40 officers stormed a house in Giardinello, outside Palermo, where Lo Piccolo and three other Mafia figures including his 32-year-old son Sandro, were meeting in a garage, police told Agence France-Presse. The police had surrounded the house and fired warning shots before moving in. There was no resistance although the four men were armed, the ANSA news agency reported. Sandro Lo Piccolo, in tears, kept repeating "I love you, Daddy" during the arrests, ANSA said. Both father and son had been sentenced in absentia to life in prison."


Pickpocket's hand amputated for Mecca mosque theft: "An Egyptian pickpocket has had his right hand cut off in Saudi Arabia for robbing visitors to Islam's holiest site, the Grand Mosque in Mecca, the official news agency SPA said. Amro Mohammed Zarif Nasr was found guilty of theft inside the mosque in the holy city in the west of the kingdom and was sentenced to amputation, the agency quoted an interior ministry statement as announcing. Theft from the Grand Mosque and from the Mosque of the Prophet Mohammed at Medina - the second most holy site for Muslims - can be punished by amputation of the hand up to the wrist, with repeat offenders losing both hands. Saudi Arabia applies a strict form of sharia Islamic law, with theft committed anywhere else in the kingdom punishable by flogging and prison."


Human-milk cheese! "Founded in 1947, the Cosma dairy has managed to find the richness of a tradition ancestral Ardennes farm practice which has been hitherto forgotten. Indeed, le Petit Singly, the only cheese made from the milk of women, has long remained in the shadow of more specialized cheeses made from ordinary cow, goat, or sheep's milk."


Nuisance neighbours finally get muzzled: "A pair of champion dog breeders face having to sell their home to pay a huge legal bill after losing a long-running court battle over their howling Siberian huskies. Jenny Manley, 60, said that she was devastated by the defeat at the High Court in London and estimates that she and her husband Albert owe nearly 200,000 pounds in legal costs. The couple live in a semi-detached Victorian cottage in Hythe, Hampshire, and house 28 dogs in their kennels. They have bred the pedigree huskies at the Howling Dog Kennels since 1973. New Forest District Council served an abatement notice on them in 2005 requiring them to end the “nuisance” to their neighbours caused by the “pack howl” from their dogs. The Manleys, whose dogs have won national competitions including awards at Crufts, argued that the howling lasted only between two and four minutes at feeding times twice a day.



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:06 PM

 


A different way of Making a Difference

Rather than purchasing goods made by overseas laborers-who are often forced to work in unsafe conditions for low wages-I have kidnapped and enslaved a group of neighborhood children and chained them to a bench in my garage, where they make my clothes and build my gadgets.

I carpool or ride my bike to Klan rallies.

I give public transit passes to my suicide bombers.

I flush the toilet once a month.

I avoid wasteful, ecologically unsound packaging by stealing.

That barbecue sizzle? Locally raised (ten miles from home), humanely slaughtered heirloom pandas.

The films I direct all feature 18-year-old girls and organically farmed eels.

I save on heating by burning the books of dissidents and minorities.

I use low-wattage fluorescent bulbs to interrogate my detainees.

And natural hemp to tie my nooses.

According to The American Way of Death by Jessica Mitford, our funerals are toxic to the environment and exploit the grieving-so I drive a hybrid bulldozer to bury prisoners alive.

Plus, I have converted the crematorium to biodiesel.

(Original here)







THE NEWS



Sands of time expose warplane: "The wreck of a wartime American fighter plane has been found on a beach at Harlech, North Wales, more than 60 years after it crashed. The Lockheed-P38 Lightning was buried beneath the sand but has been exposed because of a change in beach levels."


UK: Operation Thistle upsets naked ramblers: "Naked ramblers have complained that the police were heavy-handed in marshalling their charity walk. About 20 naked walkers were reportedly followed by 10 officers, patrol cars and a helicopter on a 20-mile hike in Dorset. They were walking from Swanage to Lulworth Cove on June 2 to raise money for the Marine Conservation Society. But senior police decided the group posed a public risk and marshalled the naturists under a carefully-planned operation codenamed Thistle."


Pilot and co-pilot both fall asleep: "Two pilots on an overnight flight fell asleep at the controls of an airline carrying 100 passengers, it emerged yesterday. The pair were only woken - 20 minutes from landing - by frantic calls from an air traffic controller who noticed they were travelling too fast and too high. The sleeping incident happened on a flight across the U.S. in 2004, but was revealed publicly only during a Congressional hearing on flight safety at the weekend".




Man slung in jail for slingshot rampage: "Firing marbles through the windscreen of a moving car, at 11 shop-fronts and a bedroom window could have caused serious injuries, a judge has said. David Edward Wilson, 23, was high on speed when he armed himself with a high-powered slingshot, or shanghai, and went on the night-time rampage through Atherton on March 20, 2005. Crown prosecutor Derek Kordick told Cairns District Court yesterday that the spree started when Wilson fired a marble through the same bedroom window on two consecutive nights in a vendetta against an acquaintance. A 15-month-old baby was asleep in the bedroom. Wilson then chased a second man through Atherton, firing marbles at him from a car driven by his mother. One marble hit an oncoming vehicle, cracking the windscreen. Another two hit a parked car on Robert St. "There have been recent cases in which projectiles were thrown at moving cars and they crashed and people were seriously injured or killed," Judge White warned. Wilson was sentenced to one year in jail after pleading guilty to four counts of wilful damage, one of common assault and one count of conduct likely to cause injury."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:52 PM

 


Cheat-proof

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."

"It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?"

The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."






THE NEWS



A Royal yacht: "It's not every day you are allowed to peer into the Queen's bedroom without fear of being arrested. An intruder who famously invaded Her Majesty's personal space at Buckingham Palace received a frosty reception from a stunned Queen and stern treatment from the law. But it is possible these days to visit the Queen's bedroom - with its single bed and tasteful furnishings - and all quite legally. And then to stroll next door to Prince Philip's more masculine abode before checking out Prince Charles and Diana's honeymoon suite. In fact, you'll be encouraged to do so - no palace courtier will press a duress alarm should you linger too long in this royal residence. Seeing how the royals live and play has become one of the most popular attractions at Edinburgh where HM Royal Yacht Britannia is moored at Leith Ocean Terminal. The Britannia tour takes visitors to all parts of the 116m vessel, offering a fascinating glimpse of the "upstairs downstairs'' lifestyles of the royal family and the ship's complement of Royal Yachtsmen, Royal Household staff and Royal Marine band."


Giant ferris wheel breaks down during first ride: "The launch of a giant ferris wheel in Malaysia's tourist town of Malacca went sour when a power cut trapped dozens of people on the inaugural ride, reports said today. Some 50 passengers including tearful children and an eight-month-pregnant woman were stuck 25 metres above the ground in the pitch dark last night until rescuers managed to bring the gondolas down manually half an hour later. The New Straits Times said the incident happened just as Malacca's state governor and chief minister arrived for their turn on the new 3.3 million ringgit ($1,000,000) tourist attraction built on the banks of the Malacca River. "I was shaken. This is a sign of poor safety features. I feel the ferris wheel is not ready for operations yet," Ibrahim Mohamed, whose daughter and grandchildren were trapped on the ride, told the daily."




Hong Kong too much for Batman: "Batman might cut a superhuman figure as he fights off evil-doers to save the world, but Hong Kong's polluted harbour is, apparently, one death-defying stunt too far. Producers shooting the new Batman movie have been forced to cut one scene involving the caped crusader - played by Christian Bale - jumping out of a plane into the city's famed Victoria Harbour. According to the South China Morning Post, producers felt the poor water quality was just too dangerous for the action hero when shooting for part of the film takes place there in the coming week."


Greenies like wet and windy weather: "It boasts small ponies, few trees, wet and windy weather, ferocious cliffs and access to rather a lot of oil. Not to mention the Shetland Islanders themselves, who like dressing up as Vikings and burning things. But this far-flung archipelago of the UK, possessed of a very raw and strange beauty, has been voted the fourth-most desirable island in the world - ahead of Hawaii, Bali and any Caribbean destination. According to a survey by the National Geographic Traveller magazine, Shetland is a more desirable location than 107 other islands around the globe and is bettered only by the Faroe Islands, the Azores and Lofoten, Norway. The 522 panelists who contributed to the survey are, unsurprisingly, not exactly fans of vibrant nightlife, sunbathing or amenities for children. They are all experts in ecology, culture or sustainable tourism."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:03 PM

 


From redneck country











THE NEWS

Crook fingered by own digit: "A thief who broke into a builder's yard was busted by police after he left his severed finger at the scene of the crime. Stewart Broughton broke into the builder's yard in Hampshire, England in an attempt to steal diesel. But his finger was caught in razor wire and severed at the knuckle as he tried to carry his haul over a fence. After finding the severed finger in the yard, police contacted each of the local hospitals hoping the fingerless crook would seek medical help. Broughton was soon spotted at the Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth where he was arrested and charged. In court, the fingerless thief admitted two counts of theft when he appeared. Sentence was adjourned until November 16."




Big vintage rally in Britain: "Motor enthusiasts gathered in Regent Street, central London, yesterday to watch some of the country's finest veteran cars on parade. The cars were on show before today's Royal Automobile Club annual London to Brighton Veteran Car Run. The 60-mile run from Hyde Park to the Brighton seafront, which started in 1896, is the world's longest-running motoring event and always takes place on the first Sunday of November. Around 500 pre-1905 cars, which have been shipped from all around the world, are expected to gather for today's rally.


Australia: Croc in jail: "A feisty crocodile spent the night behind bars at the cop shop in a remote Northern Territory mining town after it "had a go" at some fishermen. The reptile was to be released from its cell today and moved to a crocodile farm near Nhulunbuy, on the Gove Peninsula. Local radio had warned residents to be on the lookout for the 2.4-metre (8 ft) crocodile after a run-in with a group of recreational anglers. The fisherman told police they were retrieving their vessel from the boat ramp at the Nhulunbuy Yacht Club when they spotted the crocodile in the water about 4.30pm (CST) yesterday. They said the aggressive animal then "had a go at them". Police and Parks and Wildlife officers found the crocodile in shallow water about 30m from the ramp. They postponed attempts to capture it until after dark, when the reptiles are easier to spot [by reflected eye-glow], police said, and yacht club patrons were warned. A boat was launched and, after several failed attempts, the officers succeeded in capturing the croc about 10pm last night. It was put in the Nhulunbuy police station watch house for the night, police said."


Dirty on dancing dentist: "A dentist in Syracuse Community Health Center, NY, was dancing to the song Car Wash when a drill bit he was using for an extraction punctured a woman's sinus cavity and lodged near her eye socket, according to a lawsuit. Brandy Fanning, 31, said she had to undergo emergency surgery and spent three days in hospital because of the mishap. She says she still suffers facial swelling, nerve damage and chronic infections from the bacteria that seeped into her sinus cavity. Fanning, of New York, is seeking $660,000 for her medical expenses, pain and suffering. She said the dentist had performed "rhythmical steps and movements" while working on her teeth."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:53 PM

 


A real worrier

(Or a real hypocrite)








THE NEWS

New Zealand man takes hearse to go fishing: "A mourner who authorities say got drunk, took a hearse from outside a New Zealand funeral venue and outran pursuing funeral directors told police he was "going fishing" when they pulled him over. Police said the 46-year-old sickness beneficiary, who brought a carton of beer for the trip, told them he was heading to the coast to "check out the sea conditions". The man had been attending a funeral near the tourist town of Rotorua on central North Island when he allegedly stole the blue Ford Forte hearse. There was no dead body on board at the time."


New study uncovers Manhattan's 'suicide tourists': "More than one in 10 people who kill themselves in Manhattan are "suicide tourists" who travel to the Big Apple especially, often ending it all at one of the city's top landmarks, according to a study. Among the top choices for out-of-towners taking their own lives were the iconic Empire State Building, Times Square and the George Washington Bridge, according to the study by the New York Academy of Medicine. "I don't think any of us were aware or even conscious of thinking of suicide among tourists, that people would travel to a city specifically for that," the New York Daily News quoted study author David Vlahov as saying. Some 274 suicides by non-residents were recorded in Manhattan between 1990 and 2004, more than half of them as a result of long falls from bridges and high-rise commercial buildings, including hotels, according to the report."


Bleeding drunk trashes home, calls police: "An alleged burglar called emergency services because he was too drunk to flee a house where he had cut his arm during the break-in. A court in the UK reportedly heard that 41-year-old Stuart Taylor bled so much inside the home he had allegedly broken into that he caused more that AU$17,000 worth of damage to carpets and furniture. The Clitheroe Advertiser and Times reported that Taylor had admitted to the theft of a bottle of champagne, a bottle of gin and a cheque book during the burglary in Clitheroe. Blackburn Magistrates Court heard that Taylor had cut his arm while climbing through a window into the home. Taylor's lawyer, Clare Knight, reportedly told the court that Taylor was too drunk to climb back out the window. "He was looking for a towel or something to stem the blood flow, which is why blood was spread around the house," Miss Knight was quoted as saying. "He called for the ambulance because of the severity of his injury."


Australia: Fruit-eating bat attacks woman: "Brisbane public relations worker Courtney McLennan got an early Halloween scare at the weekend when she was attacked by a flying fox while leaving a friend's birthday celebration. In a rare bat attack, the 23-year-old was waiting to meet a friend outside The Normanby Hotel on Sunday afternoon when a bat swooped from the sky and clamped on to her ankle. She was left with a 10cm cut and now faces an anxious wait for the return of tests results for the potentially fatal lyssavirus "I heard this flapping noise and felt this thing on my leg, looked down and thought, 'oh my God, that's a bat'," said McLennan, an accounts co-ordinator with the PR Gallery in Fortitude Valley. "I tried to shake it off and as I did that it held on tighter and dragged its claws or teeth down my ankle. "When I finally shook it off it started to claw at me which totally freaked me out. I thought, 'this bat is rabid and it's trying to attack me'. "It was a huge shock because I always thought bats only attacked in self defence but this one just flew down out of the sky and deliberately latched on to my ankle."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:54 PM

 


Some good quotes

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation -- Henry Kissinger

We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything -- Thomas A. Edison

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them -- Lily Tomlin

Eighty percent of success is just showing up -- Woody Allen





THE NEWS



Australia's biggest horse-race: Killjoys want to stop the fun: "Take a good hard look at yourself before you even think about stepping out at the track. That's the word from key racing people on the best way to stamp out what milliner Peter Jago recently described as "jugs out, feral chic". The fashion mix of couture pieces alongside chain-store and op-shop finds gives the spring carnival its colour, playfulness and uniqueness. However there are many ladies who still believe less fabric and more skin is in. It has led to calls to stamp it out with an across-the-racetrack dress code.... Last year's Myer Fashions on the Field winner Sarah Schofield agreed and said women needed to start dressing the part instead of embracing a dance-club vibe at the races. "I think the races are a massive daytime nightclub for many people," she said. "In the Nursery and the Birdcage area, it can be difficult to even remember what the races are for because you don't see any horses the whole day. "I don't think there is a problem in showing off some skin, it's just not a good look if you show off all skin!"


Stolen GPS leads police to hideout: "It might be the easiest arrest Mt Ommaney police have ever made. One man has been charged with robbery after he was tracked by a satellite navigation system he had stolen which inadvertently alerted police to his exact whereabouts. The bust led police to recover tens of thousands of stolen equipment taken in what appeared to be sophisticated heists. The breakthrough is thanks to Sumner Park company Fleetlink GPS. When thieves broke into the company's office earlier this month they stole more than $13,000 worth of equipment including a demonstration pack, a laptop computer and a half-dozen in-car navigators. But five days later, a thief plugged the software in which alerted Fleetlink to the precise location of its stolen equipment. "We were fairly confident he was going to be silly enough to plug it in because it looks like something to plug in," said business development manager Murray Griffith. "The curiosity would have killed the cat, without a doubt. "It was quite funny, we had a bit of a laugh and then contacted police."


Des Moines: Dog shoots man : "A hunter is recovering after he was shot in the leg at close range by his dog, who stepped on his shotgun and tripped the trigger. James Harris, 37, was hit in the calf during the opening day of the pheasant season in Iowa."


Invisible tank ready for service by 2012: "New technology that can make tanks invisible has been unveiled by Britain's Ministry of Defence. In secret trials last week, the army said it had made a vehicle completely disappear and predicted an invisible tank would be ready for service by 2012. The new technology uses cameras and projectors to beam images of the surrounding landscape onto a tank. The result is that anyone looking in the direction of the vehicle only sees what is beyond it and not the tank itself. A soldier who was at the trials said, "This technology is incredible. "If I hadn't been present I wouldn't have believed it. "I looked across the fields and just saw grass and trees - but in reality I was staring down the barrel of a tank gun." How the technology works in combat is very sensitive, but the Defence Ministry is believed to be also testing a military jacket that works on the same principles."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:49 PM

 


Australian city's amazing crashing streetcars



Yarra Trams are investigating another tram crash in Melbourne, outside the city's Arts Centre, after a string of similar incidents in the past month. Police described the latest crash as a "minor clip" involving a car and a city-bound tram. The front passenger side of the sedan was left crumpled in the incident, after the car appeared to veer in the path of the number 8 tram bound for Moreland. Sen-Constable David Fitzgerald said nobody was injured in the latest incident just before 8.30am today, but it caused minor traffic delays along St Kilda Rd.

Investigators were called to the scene after a spate of other tram crashes in recent weeks, but the tram was allowed to move on by about 9am. Yarra Trams spokesman Colin Tyrus said the car had driven onto a tram designated track before the crash. "It's an area where there's different lanes for trams and cars. There's really no reason for cars to be going on tram tracks in that area." "It's a reminder to people to look more carefully in areas where trams are running. "Trams can't stop on a postage stamp."

Earlier tram smashes have triggered a safety probe and calls for an independent inquiry. So far most of the four collisions earlier this month have been blamed on driver error. Among those crashes included one in Flemington last Tuesday in which a man was knocked unconscious and five other passengers were injured. On the same day, several passengers suffered minor injuries when a tram hit a van at the corner of Glen Huntly and Grange roads, Glen Huntly. The week beofre, a tram ran into the back of a stationary tram in St Kilda Rd near the city, near the latest crash, injuring six people. And on September 24, two trams collided, nose to tail, on St Kilda Rd at South Yarra, leaving 11 people injured.

Yarra Trams chief executive Dennis Cliche has said he could not explain the tram crashes. Public Transport Safety Victoria is set to meet with Yarra Trams to discuss the crashes.

Source







THE NEWS

Man gets probation in pickle assault: "Talk about being in a pickle: A judge gave a 35-year-old man probation in a case that police said involved an assault with pickles. According to police reports, the pickle problems began when Bobby Lee Bolen of Buchanan was hanging out at his then-friend Jody Lee's home in Buchanan on Aug. 20. Bolen went to the refrigerator and helped himself to some pickles. According to the report, Lee told Bolen he couldn't afford to feed everyone and not to eat his pickles. Bolen then began yelling and swearing and stormed out, according to the report. Later, Bolen barged back into the house and got into an argument with Lee. Lee told police Bolen slammed him down on the couch and threw two large pickles at him and said, 'Here's your damn pickles.'"




Cellphone-using British SUV driver kills -- jailed for two years: "A single mother of four, one of whom is disabled, has been jailed for two years for killing an 80-year-old pedestrian while using her mobile phone at the wheel of her 4x4. Anne Foster-Chia, 44, was not concentrating on the traffic when she failed to stop her Toyota Rav4 at a junction, collided with another vehicle and spun into Dorothy Andrews, hurling her 15 yards. Foster-Chia had denied that she was using her mobile phone at the time but was found guilty at Sheffield Crown Court of causing death by dangerous driving. Sentencing her, Judge Robert Moore said that he would have been more lenient if she had accepted her guilt from the start instead of lying. He told her: "You told the police, jury and presumably yourself, and repeated to me, that you knocked the phone to the floor. The jury disbelieved you and so do I." ... Michael Slater, for the prosecution, said: "The defendant failed to stop and give way at the junction because she was paying more attention to her telephone rather than keeping a proper lookout for the traffic conditions."


Airline loses gift to the Pope: "Not even the pope is immune to the whims of lost luggage. Paraguayan President Nicanor Duarte showed up for his audience today with Pope Benedict XVI empty-handed after his luggage got lost between France and Italy. Inside the missing baggage was a gift for the pontiff: a multicoloured poncho and a silver object. Visitors to the pope traditionally present him with gifts, and in return they receive medals of his pontificate and rosaries for members of the delegation. Paraguayan officials assured the papal staff that as soon as the seven missing suitcases showed up, the gift would be sent over. Only three of the delegation's bags arrived on schedule"


No sex on new plane: "The A380 may have the world's first airborne double bed, but it won't be put to the obvious use if Singapore Airlines has its way: "If couples used our double beds to engage in inappropriate activity, we would politely ask them to desist," said the company's Stephen Forshaw. "There are things that are acceptable on an aircraft and things that aren't, and the rules for behaviour in our double beds are the same ones that apply throughout the aircraft." In any case, the plane is as yet unchristened: Tony and Julie Elwood from Perth, Australia had booked the first A380 double suite, but hardly had a moment of privacy for a romantic kiss, let alone anything raunchier, as a parade of journalists came knocking on their door. Even so, they weren't too impressed with Singapore's strait-laced attitude. "So they'll sell you a double bed, and give you privacy and endless champagne - and then say you can't do what comes naturally?" asked Tony, a vigorous 76. "Seems a bit strange."





(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:58 PM