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Some wisdom from British university exams

Among the gems from this year's undergraduate exams are an economics student at City University in London student who attributed Northern Rock's downfall to the "laxative enforcement policies".

In literature, a student from Bath Spa University wrote of Margaret Atwood's book: "The Handmaid's Tale shows how patriarchy treats women as escape goats."

A University of Southampton student concerned by global warming wrote that: "Tackling climate change will require an unpresidented response."

And a fellow undergraduate concerned by the threat of diseases, wrote: "Control of infectious diseases is very important in case an academic breaks out."

They have all been entered in the Truer than Intended section of the Times Higher Education's revived "exam howlers" competition.

Phil Baty, deputy editor of the THE, said: "This is simply meant to be a fun snapshot of what students come out with when under pressure, although many of our readers would agree that academic standards of literacy have got a lot worse and there is research suggesting it as well."

Other examples come from students at St Helens College of Art and Design near Liverpool, who were asked to "outline the importance of the four Noble Truths to the Buddhist faith".

One offered the baffling response: "Nirvana cannot be described because there are no words in existence for doing so. Not non-existence either, it is beyond the very ideas of existing and not existing."

Students at the same university were asked to outline the importance of the railway in 19th-century Britain. One wrote: "The railways were invented to bring the Irish from Dublin to Liverpool where they were promptly arrested for being vagrants", while another responded: "The railways were invented to take the weight off the motorways."

A student at the University of the West of England in Bristol astonished his tutor by spelling the subject of one of his favourite topics wrong: "alchol" instead of "alcohol". Another wrote "whom" instead of "womb" in an anatomy paper, and one replaced the word "abdominal" with "abominous".

Original report here







THE NEWS

Viagra made Serb, 80, a sex monster: "A husband who demanded sex with his wife at least three times a day after he began taking the drug Viagra has been ordered to pay his wife $232,000 in compensation. In a landmark court ruling, Svetozar Varmedja, 80, was found to have subjected his 53-year-old wife to more than 18 months of physical and sexual abuse. It included 60 threats to kill her if she did not meet his sexual needs. "Those tablets changed him and he started to treat me like a slave," his terrified wife said from her Sydney home. The Serbian-born woman said the horrific mental and sexual abuse began in 2001 after her husband began taking the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra. "He was a gentleman and a good man, but then he started taking the tablets," she told The Sunday Telegraph last week."


Henry VIII loses weight: "Henry VII, England's most famously fat monarch, is to be slimmed down so that he retains his sex appeal for a television audience. The makers of The Tudors, being shown on BBC2, have said Jonathan Rhys Meyers, who plays Henry in the costume drama, will not be required to put on a fat suit to reflect the aged king's swollen girth. Henry, who died in 1547, is thought to have grown to more than 20st, with a waist of 54in; at the end of his life he needed a hoist to lift him onto his horse. The makers of the saga have already been accused of taking too much licence with history. Now they have decided that, in the planned fourth series, Henry will remain svelte in his old age. "We still want him to be appealing," said Morgan O'Sullivan, an executive producer. "We don't want to destroy his good looks. An exact portrayal of Henry is not a factor that we think is important."


Goodbye Monaco, hello Montenegro: "The roads are crumbling and the power and water supply is erratic but British investors are placing bets. Welcome to Tivat, which is being described as the Monaco of the Balkans. It may lack the cachet of Cannes, but developers have big plans for Tivat, a derelict port and former Yugoslav naval base in the tiny former communist country of Montenegro. A group of high-profile investors, including Lord Rothschild, the financier and friend of the Prince of Wales, and his son Nat, are converting what used to be the dockyard into a marina for the oversized yachts of the rich and famous. It is hoped that Porto Montenegro, as it is to be christened, will become a magnet for mega-rich yacht owners cruising the Mediterranean".




French TV weathergirl Louise Bourgoin forecast to be new Brigitte Bardot: "A television weathergirl turned actress was being touted by French critics last week as the new Brigitte Bardot. Louise Bourgoin, 26, who until recently presented the weather forecasts for Canal Plus, throws a middle-aged lawyer's life into turmoil as what one critic called "a Mediterranean bimbo" in her first film, which opened in French cinemas last week. The Girl from Monaco was expected to launch Bourgoin internationally in the way that And God Created Woman put Bardot, the sex goddess of her generation, under a global spotlight in 1956. Comparisons to Bardot, who retired in 1973 to become an animal rights campaigner, were encouraged by the fact that Bourgoin is to play her in a film about Serge Gainsbourg, the singer, who was also one of Bardot's lovers. Bourgoin was photographed putting on a Bardot-like pout recently for Paris Match magazine. "As liberated as a young colt and with a bod kissed by Aphrodite," was how Variety, the US entertainment trade newspaper, described her."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 2:03 PM

 


Some old ladies have still got it

Elizabeth Hurley (age 43) below. And Claudia Schiffer (38)








THE NEWS

Tokyo challenges Paris to become culinary capital: "Paris might still be great for food - if you have a wad of cash and a desire for the best of the best. But Tokyo is really where it's at food-wise, at least according to the French people who keep track of these things. When the venerable Michelin guide came out with its first Tokyo edition, it was so full of praise that it almost read like a press release for the Japan Restaurant Association. Its conclusion - Tokyo is the culinary capital of the world. But is it, really? Here's a Michelin morsel: "Tokyo is a shining star in the world of cuisine," Michelin Guides Director Jean-Luc Naret said shortly after its Tokyo edition came out last November. "We found the city's restaurants to be excellent, featuring the best ingredients, culinary talents and a tradition passed on from generation to generation and refined by today's chefs." Michelin's Tokyo guide awarded a whopping 191 stars to 150 restaurants in the Japanese capital, the most number of stars awarded in any city. Previously, Paris had the most stars, at 65. Eight restaurants in Tokyo - three French, two sushi bars and three traditional Japanese - received Michelin's highest three-star rating."


A surprising recruit for Britain's Women's Institute: "The new face of the WI does not come younger, or hipper, than Jazz Mellor. The daughter of the late Joe Strummer is the president and founder of Shoreditch Sisters, a fully accredited branch of the WI that straddles the divide between cosy domesticity and modern urban feminism (with a dash of politics thrown in for good measure). The group sprang out of meetings that she held with friends in East London to discuss issues of the day, from icons to conspiracy theories. "I thought it would fit in really well with the WI," said Ms Mellor, 24. "Some of my friends thought it was great - others thought it was weird. "We have been doing lots of craft-based activities - knitting, sewing, things like that. I taught everyone to knit at the last one. It's part of the subversive domesticity thing that's going on. It is surprising how many girls in their twenties dress like women from the 1940s and are interested in traditional female pastimes. "Because I had such a rock'n'roll childhood the only way for me to rebel was to go the other way. As a child I was always fascinated by knitting. I had to go to my great-grandmother to learn how to knit [because] my grandmother was a hippy and my mum was a punk."




British train-lover: "A steam train fan has built a working miniature railway in his front garden. Eric Marshall, 68, spent three years crafting the network which features four trains plus stations, signals, bridges, houses, waterfalls and even a working a cable car. The former printer, of Bagby, North Yorkshire, said: "I've always had an interest in railways, as a kid I used to go trainspotting." The railway attracts daily coaches of visitors and has raised œ500 for Macmillan Cancer Support this year. "A few years ago I went to a railway exhibition and saw the model trains running around and I thought that would look nice in my garden," he told the Daily Mail. "I started building the railway three years ago and I make everything myself. I started with one track and now I have four. "I make all the houses and stations from plywood and the tiles on the top are made from cedar wood. I use anything I can find around the house, like floor tiles - I never throw anything away. Mr Marshall's wife, Jean, 65, said while she missed her lawn and flower beds, she enjoyed meeting all the tourists. And she added: "It keeps Eric out of mischief."


Drinkers catch bar thief: "Drinkers have chased down and collared an alleged serial thief after a brazen attempt to rob a Brisbane pub. Just before 3pm yesterday, the man jumped the counter of the Nudgee Beach Hotel and allegedly helped himself to cash from the till. He then charged out the front door knocking a barmaid off her feet in the process. Fired-up staff and patrons gave chase, catching the man about 200m away where he was held until police arrived a short time later. Regional Crime Coordinator Detective Inspector Graham Clark said it was "fantastic" work on the part of the civilians. "We don't encourage vigilante actions but in this situation I applaud their actions," Det-Insp Clark said. "I think the staff and patrons realised they had the numbers on this fellow and the end result was a good one." The 22-year-old was charged with multiple offences relating to robberies, burglaries and stolen vehicles on Brisbane's northside and western suburbs. He will appear in the Brisbane Magistrates Court today on 26 charges and also faces questioning from police over offences on the city's southside."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 3:05 PM

 


Anyone for tennis?



It's Bethanie Mattek at the U.S. Open. Story here






Four Year Old Logic

I was talking to this little girl, Catherine, the daughter of some friends. She said she wanted to be President someday.
Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there with us.

I asked Catherine - 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?'

Catherine replied - 'I would give houses to all the Homeless people.'

'Wow - what a worthy goal you have there, Catherine.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that, you can come over to my house and clean up all the dog poop in my back yard and I will pay you $5 dollars. Then, we can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $5 dollars to use for a new house.

Catherine (who was about 4) thought that over for a second, while her Mom looked at me seething.

Catherine replied, 'Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and clean up the dog poop and you can just pay him the $5 dollars?'

And I said, 'Welcome to the Republican Party'.






THE NEWS

Hot seats could fry away fatherhood: "Men who enjoy warming their bottom on a heated car seat should beware, for they may also be frying their chances of fatherhood, New Scientist reports. Sperm production is best when the temperature of the scrotum is one or two degrees Celsius (1.8-3.6 degrees Fahrenheit) below the core body temperature of 37 C (99 F). Testicle-testing German researchers fitted sensors to the scrotums of 30 healthy men who then sat on a heated car seat for 90 minutes. After one hour, the average scrotal temperature had risen to 37.3 C (99.5 F), and in one volunteer reached a whopping 39.7 C (103 F). By comparison, men who sat on unheated car seats reached an average scrotal temperature of only 36.7 C (98 F). The study, led by Andreas Jung at the University of Giessen, did not verify the volunteer's sperm count or sperm mobility, but the researchers fear that only a slight increase in temperature is enough to damage the sperm-production process, New Scientist says. Previous work in this field has already found that sitting in a car for more than three hours, even on an unheated seat, can impair a man's ability to conceive."


Bungling knifeman arrested after sending hostages out for beer: "A knifeman who held five people hostage was arrested after he sent two of of his captives out for beer and they went straight to the police. Jason Slagel, 33, of Moline, Illinois, is now charged with five counts of false imprisonment after the incident at a motel in Fort Madison, Iowa, US. Just a few hours before the drama, Slagel had appeared in court on charges of possessing controlled substances."




Don't open too wide: 400 lb. gorilla goes to the dentist: "This is the moment when one of the world's few specialist zoo dentists set to work to remove a gorilla's sore tooth. Peter Kertesz spent two hours treating a silverback western gorilla called Pertinax, who weighs 28st (179kg) and who was heavily sedated before being lifted into the dentist's chair. Officials at Paignton Zoo in Devon say that Pertinax was "understandably groggy" after the treatment, which successfully removed a 3in tooth. Dr Kertesz, who has worked on whales, pandas and elephants, said: "Animals or people, it's all the same - they need treatment, they get treatment. The scale is what varies." The dentist, who has a practice in London, began working on animals in 1978 when a veterinary surgeon asked him to help with a cat."




Britain not bitter about the bittern: "The wet summer is being credited with a revival of one of the country's rarest birds. Ideal conditions for feeding have given the bittern, its best nesting season for 130 years. The Royal Society for the Protection of Birds and Natural England counted 75 males in English reedbeds, almost double the number of last year, and for the first time they were found in Somerset."



Post below recycled from . See the original for links etc.
posted by bussorah at 4:06 PM

 


Helpful sign









THE NEWS

UK: Naked painter's nude start: "A Lincolnshire naturist has launched Britain's first naked painting and decorating service. Nick Male, 37, says business is booming and he is fully booked up well into the autumn. 'I work more now than when I left my clothes on and I've had to turn people down,' he told Metro. The tradesman, who advertises on naturist websites and eBay, made the fresh start this year after finishing a six-year relationship. 'The service is a serious one. I don't do titillation and I soon get rid of the people looking for that -- they go very quiet when I ask their address,' he said. Far from hindering matters, having a naked decorator oils the creative wheels, he claims, making customers feel less inhibited."


Robbers in a hurry steal cakes, not cash: "Malaysian robbers ran off with a bag of cakes instead of 1.9 million ringgit ($651,000) in cash in a botched heist. In the second robbery to hit Malaysian airports this year, two masked gunmen fired 10 shots at a money changer at northern Penang state's airport, the Star daily reported. Security guard Zainol Othman, who accompanied the money changer as he got out of a van and put his personal bags on a trolley, told the paper he fled with the cash when the robbers attacked. "I knew it was a robbery. The first thought that came to mind was to save the money,'' he told the Star. "In the midst of the commotion, the robbers grabbed the money changer's bags, thinking that I had already placed the money bag onto the trolley,'' he said. The newspaper said the thieves sped off in a getaway car with the bags, one of which contained mooncakes, a Chinese delicacy. The money changer was taken to hospital where he was in a stable condition."


Old woman heads down baggage chute: "An elderly woman misunderstood instructions while checking in at Sweden's main airport and was whisked down a baggage shoot after she placed herself instead of her luggage on the belt. The 78-year-old woman, who was not named, was preparing to fly from Stockholm's Arlanda airport to Germany yesterday when she lay down on an unmanned baggage belt in the belief she was following check-in instructions, the Upsala Nya Tidning local daily reported on its website. She was quickly swept off to the baggage handling centre, where staff members helped get her back on her feet. The woman suffered no serious injury and caught her flight as planned."


Man Dies After Falling on Butcher Knife While Trying to Get Kids Out of Locked Car: "A man who grabbed a knife to try to get his two young children out of a locked car died when he fell on the blade, Charlotte police said. The Charlotte Observer reported that 22-year-old Miguel Angel Rivera Lemus died Sunday afternoon at Carolinas Medical Center after being stabbed in the chest. Charlotte-Mecklenburg police were investigating but said Lemus' death appears to have been an accident. Lemus and his wife had dropped by their apartment briefly before planning an errand when they realized they had locked their children and keys in the car, authorities said. The woman searched for spare keys and Lemus grabbed a large butcher knife he hoped to use to pry open a window, police said. Lemus fell down six stairs and landed on the knife, police said. The woman got the children out with the spare keys".



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 6:36 PM

 


Yiddisher Momma at work

This one kept me chuckling for a while:

Irving calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son says, "Why are you so weak?"

She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?

The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."






THE NEWS



African Grey parrot who speaks like a Dr Who Dalek: "An African Grey parrot already adept at warbling tunes as diverse as Beethoven's symphonies and the Misson Impossible theme has added an imitation of a Dr Who Dalek to his repetoire. Leonard, an African Grey parrot, imitates noises made by people and things around him and has developed perfect comedic timing, say his owners, Maya and Ian Brandt. She said the eight-year-old parrot has mastered the characteristic "exterminate" of Dr Who's enemy the Dalek thanks to coaching from one of the couple's nephews. "My nephew had got the gravelly voice down to a tee and now Leonard can do it too. He also whistles Dock of the Bay, the theme tune from Mission Impossible, renditions of Red Red Wine, YMCA and perfect impressions of water splashing and a squeak in the floorboards. "He doesn't do anything to order of course. If people come around wanting to hear him, he will often just sit there with his beak firmly shut."


Black dummy caught: "A new teacher with Davidson County Schools missed the first day of classes after she was arrested for stealing a car in Maryland three years ago. Arlene Denetta Hudson, 42, of 2324 Copperstone Drive in High Point, was arrested after a criminal background check revealed she was wanted by the Maryland State Police for larceny of a motor vehicle, the Davidson County Sheriff's office said today. An assistant superintendent called a school-resource officer, a deputy sheriff, about 3 p.m. Thursday and told the deputy the school had received a letter from the State Bureau of Investigation. According to the letter, a check of Hudson's fingerprints revealed that she was wanted for stealing a vehicle from a Toyota dealership in Westminster, Md., in September 2005. Hudson was arrested at the school district's administrative offices. She was released from the Davidson County Jail after posting a $50,000 bond."


Brave man: "Sheriff Mark Curran of Lake County, Illinois, walked into his own jail on Wednesday to spend a week as a prisoner, saying he was divinely inspired to learn what it was like to be confined and to sample jail programs designed to reduce recidivism. 'The biblical adage that we reap what we sow is very true in criminal justice,' said Curran, 45, before exchanging his business suit for a prison jumpsuit at the Waukegan, Illinois, facility near Chicago. Illinois 'has historically had one of the worst-run prison systems in the nation ... treating inmates like caged animals only to see them released back into their communities angrier and more bitter than they originally were,' he said. Curran will spend time in the general population of some 600 inmates who are awaiting trial on charges of murder, rape and lesser crimes, though at times he will have his own cell."


Girl, 11, Finds $1,000 Floating in Ocean: "An 11-year-old Delaware girl has delivered a happy ending to a Pittsburgh couple's vacation nightmare. While swimming in the surf in Ocean City, Md., Rowan Short of Brandywine Hundred found a Ziploc bag containing two credit cards, a Pennsylvania driver's license and more than $1,000 cash. Her mom used a cell phone to call 411, got the number of the driver named on the license, and placed a call to Elaine and Michael Chosky in Pittsburgh. Michael Chosky says there was no hotel safe at the Ocean City spot where his family spent their vacation, so he kept his valuables with him in his swimsuit pocket. He says he was swimming in rough surf Aug. 14 when the bag disappeared. Rowan found the bag 14 blocks away the next day."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:14 PM

 


A school that can't spell "Tuesday"






Bikes in a bike lane? NAH!







THE NEWS

Lone accountant takes on IRS ... and wins: "It took seven years, but Charles Ulrich did something many people dream about, but few succeed at: He beat the IRS in a tax dispute. Not only that, but tax experts say potentially millions of other taxpayers could benefit from his victory. The accountant from Baxter, Minn., challenged the method the IRS has used for more than 20 years to tax shares and cash distributed by mutual life insurance firms to their policyholders when they reorganize as public companies. A federal court recently agreed with his interpretation. `There's a tremendous amount of money at stake,' said Robert Willens, a New York City-based tax analyst at Robert Willens LLC. `Tens of thousands of people could be in line for a refund.'"


"A fool and his money are soon parted": "Tigard police say two men dressed as security guards fooled a pair of bank customers into giving them deposits. Police spokesman Jim Wolf says the phony guards stood outside a night deposit slot and told the victims it was out of order. The men offered to take the money and make the deposits when the bank reopened. Wolf says the men wore uniforms and had badges and guns. The night deposit slot was covered by a sign saying it was out of service. The thefts happened Friday night at a branch of Wells Fargo bank. Police learned of the crimes when a business contacted the branch to ask about its deposit. The bank says it has never had a problem with the slot."




A stretched ship: "If you are building a gigantic new cruise ship, don't bother building a whole new boat - just saw an existing one in half and add a few extra rooms. That is what the bosses at Royal Caribbean have done to help expand their fleet. To keep up with the growing demand for onboard holiday, the company are enlarging ships to increase their capacity. And when the ships are 12 floors, it seems the only way to do it is to cut it in half and then add a new block of rooms to the middle. The Enchantment of the Seas has been undergoing the special treatment, with construction crews working around the clock for two days to saw the ship in half - even the giant boat's swimming pool got sliced apart. The two halves were then moved apart and teams of workers positioned a new 73 ft, 2,500 ton section, containing 151 furnished rooms, into the mid-section. The boat was then welded back together. The enlargement took just over a month to complete and expanded the vessel from 916 ft to 990 ft. The process took place at the Keppel Verolme shipyard in Rotterdam, Netherlands and cost around $50m - a fraction of the cost of building a whole new cruise liner".


When pennypinching gets amazing: "The race by airlines to shave weight and save fuel is now reaching safety equipment. Jazz airlines, Air Canada's regional affiliate, recently removed life vests from all of its planes - including those that fly over water - to reduce fuel consumption and save money. Transport Canada regulations allow carriers that fly within 50 nautical miles of shore to use flotation devices instead of vests. Safety cards in seat pockets will now direct passengers to use the seat cushions, which float. Jazz planes criss-cross Canada and the U.S., flying over the Great Lakes and up the Eastern seaboard from Halifax to Boston and New York." [Unlikely to be legal]




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:00 PM

 


What Love means to a 4-8 year old....

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined:

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.' Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' Jessica - age 8

And the final one:

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'







THE NEWS

Abandoned Baby Kept Alive, Safe by Mother Dog and Her Brood: "A newborn baby that was abandoned outdoors by her 14-year-old mother during the Argentina winter was found safe Thursday after being kept alive and warm by a mother dog and her brood of puppies, Reuters reported. Farmer Fabio Anze found the naked baby near the city of La Plata, Argentina, lying amongst his dog China's puppies. The baby was taken to the hospital after Anze called the authorities. Hospital officials said the baby was only a few hours old when she was found, and was in good health despite several bruises. Temperatures at night around La Plata, 40 miles south of Buenos Aires, this time of year are cold, but not freezing. Police have located the 14-year-old mother. It is not known whether she left her baby in the dog's pen or whether the dog found the baby outdoors and carried it in to join her puppies, Reuters reported."


Nutty Polack Ninjas: "Clifton police say they arrested two men dressed liked ninjas and armed with Asian martial arts weapons who said they were sending a warning to drug users. Calling themselves "Shinobi warriors," the men wore black SWAT-type vests and carried knives, throwing stars, swords, nunchucks and a bow and arrows. Twenty-year-old Tadeusz Tertkiewicz and 19-year-old Jesse Trojaniak are charged with weapons possession. Tertkiewicz is also charged with harassment for a letter left for an ex-girlfriend. After being arrested early Wednesday in a car on Route 46, the men said they were delivering warning letters to drug dealers and drug users urging them to stop their "impure" activities"




Bungling British burglar left dangling by his shoelaces: "As a burglar, John Pearce thinks nothing of turning his victims' homes upside down. But this time it was the house that turned him the wrong way up. Attempting a daylight raid, the 32-year-old somehow got his foot caught after smashing his way through the front window of a Victorian terrace home at 6pm. Unable to free himself, Pearce was left hanging upside down in the window frame for more than an hour as a crowd of 30 neighbours and passers-by gathered to ridicule him in Dartford, Kent. When owner Paul Ives arrived home from work, Pearce, who was armed with a hammer, tried to claim that he had spotted someone else trying to raid the house and had selflessly attempted to catch the scoundrel, getting stuck in the process. Unsurprisingly, Mr Ives didn't believe his story and declined to set him free. Police and paramedics arrived on the scene and eventually managed to release Pearce's shoe and haul him down. It is believed that the lace in one of his trainers became caught in the window frame as he tried to clamber through. He was arrested, handcuffed and taken to the police station".


Nuns enter beauty pageant: "The first beauty pageant for nuns debuts next month with the advent of Miss Sister Italy aimed at erasing a stereotype of nuns as being old and sad, a newspaper has reported today. "Nuns are above all women and beauty is a gift from God,'' priest Antonio Rungi of the southern Italian diocese of Modragone told the daily Corriere della Sera. "This contest will be a way to show there isn't just the beauty we see on television but also a more discrete charm,'' he said. Nuns wishing to participate in the contest should send their picture to Rungi, who will publish it on his blog. Internet surfers can then vote for their favourite nun online. "You really think all nuns are old, stunted and sad? This isn't the case any more, thanks to the arrival in our country of young and vital nuns, notably from Africa and Latin America," Father Rungi said. The idea of organising a beauty pageant had been pushed by the nuns themselves, he said. About 1000 were expeted to enter."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 3:36 PM

 


An empathetic father







THE NEWS

Cop: Sex With Hooker Wasn't Fun, It Was Work: "A suspended Texas police officer testified Thursday that he was forced to have sex with two prostitutes during an undercover sting operation, saying he was "paid to do it." Officer Keith Breiner testified in Beaumont, Texas, during a hearing to be reinstated after he was suspended along with another officer after it came to light that the men engaged in sex acts with prostitutes while on the job, the Beaumont Enterprise reports. "If you are asking if I had an orgasm, yes. It was a job, sir," Breiner reportedly said during testimony. "I didn't have pleasure doing this. I was paid to do it." Breiner admitted to being manually stimulated as well as engaging in oral and vaginal sex with two women at two spas during an undercover sting operation, the Enterprise said."




Toy fishing rod lands big fish: "David Hayes' granddaughter just asked him to hold her Barbie rod and reel while she went to the bathroom. He did. And seconds later he landed the state record channel catfish at 21 pounds, 1 ounce. Alyssa's father had bought the pink Barbie fishing rod for Christmas and she had caught a few bluegill before her grandfather hauled in the catfish. The Winston-Salem Journal reported the catch Aug. 5 in eastern Wilkes County has been certified as a record by the North Carolina Wildlife Resources Commission. Hayes and his granddaughter have been fishing in the pond behind his house since she was big enough to hold a pole. Hayes said his granddaughter worried he would break her rod. He landed the 21-pound fish on a 6-pound test line. It was 32 inches long, 2 inches longer than the rod."


Man who sent threat to McCain included return address: "The Colorado prisoner who sent a threatening letter and white powder to Republican White House hopeful John McCain's Colorado campaign headquarters put his name and address on the envelope, court documents showed today. The letter briefly sparked alarm among staffers who were hospitalised and placed under quarantine late yesterday, but authorities quickly determined that the powder was not dangerous. Marc Harold Ramsey, 39, signed the letter to McCain "Akeem Ramsey El" but wrote his correct name, ID number and address at the Arapahoe County Detention Facilities near Denver on the envelope, an affidavit released by the US Department of Justice said. Ramsey was charged with mailing a threatening communication and was expected to be transferred to federal jail to make a court appearance, it said. A Secret Service agent had earlier identified Ramsey as the letter writer and said he was behind bars on charges of harassment and assault of a police officer."


Judge Lifts Gag Order On Student Subway Hackers: "A federal judge on Tuesday lifted a temporary injunction that prevented three MIT students from discussing security flaws in Boston's transit fare card system. The judge also rejected the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority's request for a five-month injunction to keep the students quiet while the transit agency fixed its security problems. The MBTA's court filings indicate that the agency needs five months to secure its fare system. The initial injunction was granted on Saturday, Aug. 9, the day before the MIT students -- Zack Anderson, R.J. Ryan, and Alessandro Chiesa -- planned to present information about security flaws in the MBTA system in a session at the Defcon security conference in Las Vegas. The student's presentation materials have been posted online. They reveal flawed network and physical security, social engineering weaknesses, and exposed information that could be used to compromise the Boston transit system. Among the images included in the presentation are gates left unchained, accessible turnstile control boxes, computer screens visible through windows, door keys left in open boxes, documents left in public view, and unattended surveillance stations."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 2:20 PM

 


Taranto strikes back

Taranto of the Wall St Journal is well-known for his humorous approach to the news but it is usually rather subtle humor -- maybe because he is Jewish. So even though I read him regularly, sometimes I don't get it. But I liked his dry reply to someone even thicker than I am. First I give the comment that sparked the reply:

Bag Man

Yesterday's New York Times carried an op-ed defending Russia's invasion of Georgia:

Russia did not want this crisis. The Russian leadership is in a strong enough position domestically; it did not need a little victorious war. Russia was dragged into the fray by the recklessness of the Georgian president, Mikheil Saakashvili. He would not have dared to attack without outside support. Once he did, Russia could not afford inaction.

The author? One Mikhail Gorbachev. We thought this name sounded vaguely familiar but couldn't quite place it, so we did a little research to find out who he is. We found this headline from FunReports.com: "Mikhail Gorbachev Advertises Louis Vuitton Bags to Make His Living."

OK, so why does the New York Times think a purse salesman is qualified to opine on Caucasian affairs?

Original report here

The comment next day:

Our item yesterday taking the New York Times to task for publishing an article on Russia by a Louis Vuitton employee prompted this response from reader Larry Shapiro:

I think Gorbachev has a few other credentials than shilling for handbags. If my memory serves me correctly, wasn't Gorbachev general secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and the last head of state of the U.S.S.R., serving from 1985 until its collapse in 1991? Wouldn't that give him a wee bit of insight into Russian affairs? Your dismissal of him depreciates Opinion Journal.

Shapiro sends along a link to this Wikipedia page, and although we caution our readers that Wikipedia is not authoritative, it does appear that this is accurate. We stand corrected.

Original report here.

Note that the name of Taranto's critic is also Jewish so I guess there are varieties of Jewish humor too. The Marx Brothers were certainly not subtle and Marx is a good Jewish name. Even the famous Karl was of Jewish origins.







THE NEWS

Five-year-old's 'show- and- tell' leads to uncle's arrest and arraignment: "The uncle of a 5-year-old boy who brought drugs from a dresser drawer at home to Tom Joy Elementary School was arraigned in Davidson County Criminal Court this morning. Tadarl Burroughs, 28, of Joseph Avenue in East Nashville, entered the standard not guilty plea at his arraignment on charges of reckless endangerment, possession of marijuana and cocaine. Burroughs is back in court on Oct. 2 and is being held on $85,000 bond. Burrough lives with his sister, Arthea Burroughs, the boy's mother. The boy pulled out bags of marijuana to show his friends on May 5. He had 2 grams of crack and powdered cocaine in his pockets after school officials searched the boy. The boy was not disciplined for bringing drugs to school. But his mother, Arthea Burroughs, 27, was also arrested and charged with child endangerment, possession of cocaine and marijuana."


Germany: Naked hiker's jail strip: "A hiker jailed for walking across Germany naked has been allowed to go nude because prison clothes depress him. Siegfried Grawert was sentenced to 10 weeks in Nuremberg prison for failing to pay fines for walking around natural beauty spots in the buff. Now guards have given him a single cell where he can sit out his sentence without clothes. 'I do not offend anyone -- being naked is the most natural thing in the world,' said Grawert."


Blind man drunk and zig-zagging along road: "A blind journalist was given a month's suspended jail sentence and fined 500 euros ($848) by a French court today for driving while drunk and without a licence. The owner of the car, who was also drunk as he sat next to the blind man when he drove the vehicle, was given the same sentence and had his license suspended for five months by the court in the northeastern town of Nancy. The pair were arrested on a country road in the early hours of July 25 by police who spotted their car zig-zagging suspiciously and moving at a very low speed. The police were astounded when the 29-year-old driver informed them that he was blind, and when they breathalysed him and his passenger, a 52-year-old photographer, they found the pair had drunk twice the permitted level of alcohol. "I really wanted to do it (drive the car)," the blind man told the court. "I expressed this wish. He (the owner of the car) agreed."


Freedom too harsh for HIV-positive man: "An HIV-positive refugee who had unprotected sex in breach of a health order says his suspended jail term was too tough. Lam Kuoth, 29, was sentenced to two years' jail, suspended for three years, in the County Court this month. Kuoth, who came to Australia from Sudan in 2006 and lives in Geelong, pleaded guilty to two counts of recklessly endangering another person. His lawyers lodged an appeal with the Court of Appeal this week, claiming the term was "manifestly excessive". Sentencing judge Paul Lacava heard that Kuoth had known of his HIV status when he twice had unprotected sex with his unwitting 24-year-old victim in April last year.



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:08 PM

 


Workout Plan For Those Over 50 Years Old

Got an old grampa or grandma a little out of shape? Are you an old fart wanting to lift weights but don't know where to start? Never fear, help is here! Follow along while we whip you into great condition!

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.






THE NEWS

Women bash serial bottom-pincher: "A group of women beat up a notorious bottom-pincher after he groped one of them in the street. The thrashing and a brief brawl took place in Buka, the capital of Bougainville, when Joe Sohia pinched a woman's buttocks. The woman and her friends retaliated by swinging their bags at him before knocking him to the ground with a flurry of punches, PNG's Post Courier newspaper reported. "The man started throwing wild punches at the woman, who did not give up but kept punching back", the newspaper said. A bus driver who saw the fight said it was brief but drew a large audience before police broke it up. "Men who harass women in public places should be expecting that kind of beating from women," he said. "The man who was floored had a very bad habit of pinching women's buttocks in public," he said."


Crocodile eats man who sought its blessing: "A crocodile killed and ate a 25-year-old man in Bangladesh after he waded into a pond next to a shrine hoping to be blessed by the animal, police say. Inspector Humayun Kabir said Rubel Sheikh and his mother travelled 50km from their home to visit the Muslim Khan Jahan Ali shrine, where the attack happened. Kabir said hundreds of people visit the shrine every day to offer hens and goats to the five crocodiles living in the pond. Part of the ritual involves bathing in the water. "He went into the pond hoping to be blessed when a crocodile attacked him and dragged him into the deep part of the pond,'' Kabir said. "This is a very unusual incident. Normally, the crocodiles are very friendly and do not harm people.''


Wisconsin woman, 20, arrested for two overdue library books: "The next time you forget to return a couple of library books (and ignore those annoying letters about the overdue status of said volumes), think of Heidi Dalibor. The Wisconsin woman, 20, was arrested earlier this month in connection with a pair of books overdue for several months. Dalibor, who made the mistake of ignoring a court citation issued after she failed to respond to letters and phone calls from the Grafton library, was busted August 6 for failing to return copies of Janet Fitch's best-seller "White Oleander" (a 1999 Oprah Book Club selection) and "Angels & Demons," author Dan Brown's precursor to "The Da Vinci Code." According to a police report, Dalibor was apprehended at her family's home, cuffed and stuffed in a cruiser, and booked for violating the "overdue library materials" ordinance. She also had to pose for a mug shot at the Grafton Police Department. Dalibor subsequently settled with the library by paying her overdue fines and reimbursing it for the cost of the two novels, which totaled around $180. Dalibor's mother Patty told TSG that her daughter was "a good kid" who works two jobs. She is also now the owner of the Fitch and Brown books, which Dalibor got to keep as a result of paying off her library levies." [I rather approve of this. Scofflaws make decent people look stupid if they are allowed to get away with it]




Hair-raising adventure for cat: "Meet Chloe the high-speed car surfing cat. The two-year-old's morning nap on an ambulance ended in a hair-raising 13km trip from Port Douglas to Oak Beach at 100km/h, with lights flashing and siren blaring all the way. Chloe's owner and paramedic Myles White got a huge shock when an extremely distressed meow alerted him to a "goggle-eyed" cat sitting on the roof. "We did the job and we were loading the patient in the back of the ambulance when we heard a cat let out a big meow," he said. "Someone said there was a cat on the roof and I looked up and was very surprised to see it was my cat, Chloe. "The road to Oak Beach is quite windy and it was lights and sirens all the way. "I cannot believe that she managed to stay on and survive. "When I took her down, she was all fluffed up and her eyes were a bit blown out and she did a big 'Help, get me off' meow."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 6:48 PM

 


Some redneck song titles

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. Dropkick Me Jesus Through The Goal Posts of Life
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

And the Number One Funniest Country Song is...

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day Long





THE NEWS

Bigfoot hoaxer fired: "An American police officer who claimed to have found Bigfoot has been fired from the force after it emerged that the hairy heap in his freezer was not the half-man, half-ape of myth, but a full-length rubber gorilla costume. In an elaborate hoax Matthew Whitton, a police officer in Clayton County, Georgia, and his partner, Rick Dyer, announced in a radio interview and YouTube video that they had found the creature's corpse in the remote forests of Georgia state."


Woman Killed Hiding In Trash Compactor: "Authorities say 26-year-old Tyree Monique Tate and her sister were caught shoplifting monday at the Lansing Mall's T.J. Maxx. Eaton County Undersheriff Fred McPhail says the women then sprayed security guards with mace and fled, running across Saginaw Highway. Tate's sister was caught; Tate found a hide out. "She apparently jumped into a trash compactor after she had fled from the security guards at T.J. Maxx," McPhail says. And it was in that trash compactor, behind Goodwill on Saginaw, that Tate was crushed as she hid from the law. "They had an employee go out to cycle the compactor," McPhail says. "I don't know if they heard a scream or not." Tate wasn't in the compactor for very long, only a few minutes, but it was long enough to cause major damage. Tate eventually died from her injuries early Tuesday."


Pennsylvania Man Hides $30K In Trash; Money Not There When He Returns: "A New Castle man thought a garbage can on Cunningham Avenue would be a good place to hide his money, but that didn't turn out to be the case. The man, whose name has not been released, allegedly stuffed $30,000 inside the can, but when he went to retrieve it later, it was gone. Police aren't saying why the man hid they money in the trash can. The man is offering a $1,000 reward for anyone who returns the money. Anyone with information is asked to contact the New Castle Police Department."


Woman shot in crotch after sex demand: "A judge has acquitted a man of creating a risk of bodily harm by shooting a woman in the crotch after asking her to perform oral sex. But Laurie Edward Elliott, 54, of Parafield Gardens, was today found guilty of threatening a person with a firearm and possessing a firearm without a licence. District Court Judge David Lovell entered the verdicts following a trial without a jury and will hand down his reasons at a later date. Crown prosecutor Sandi McDonald told the court at Elliott's trial that the victim was shot in her car in January, 2006. She said the woman had owed Elliott money and as part of the deal over her debt she was to drive Elliott whenever he needed transport. Ms McDonald said that on the day of the shooting, the woman picked Elliott up from a Largs Bay address and noticed he was carrying some black shopping bags. During the drive he produced a gun and loaded and unloaded the firearm. Elliott then asked the woman to perform oral sex on him. Ms McDonald said the woman refused but then agreed if he reduced some of the debt she owed. "The accused didn't agree to the alternative proposal and he threatened to shoot (the woman)," she said. The woman called her father on her mobile phone and noticed that Elliott was pointing the firearm around her crotch, Ms McDonald said. She said the gun went off and Elliott told the woman he didn't mean to shoot her. The woman was shot in the inner thigh and the bullet lodged in the car seat. She let Elliott out of the car and then drove to a shopping centre where she called her father and then woke up in hospital."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 1:49 PM

 


The test

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!"






THE NEWS

PM's voicemail: Call my predecessor: "Ever wished your predecessor was there to take the flak for the problems you inherited? Ireland's Prime Minister Brian Cowen may have the answer. Three months after Cowen took office, callers to two numbers for the prime minister's office listed in Dublin's telephone directory were still being redirected to the previous incumbent. "Thank you for calling the office of the Taoiseach (prime minister), however if you wish to call Bertie Ahern's constituency office, please ring ..." a recorded message instructed callers. Cowen became prime minister in May after Ahern stepped down amid mounting questions over his complex personal finances"




"Sauciness" lives: "A saucy lunchtime lingerie parade in a Brisbane shop window went off without any complaints today - although it didn't cause a rush to the cash register. The Honey Birdette boutique , in the MacArthur Central mall in Brisbane's CBD, hired two local models to parade their lingerie from midday until 2pm. One eager gent in a business suit turned up half an hour early. Eloise admitted some women were intimidated by the models and the crowd, which was heavily saturated with men at times, but promised they would return. "It wasn't about sales, but to draw attention that we're open," she said. "Some males would walk past and then come past again and again." Not only does Honey Birdette offer sexy lingerie and toys, but it has also built-in peep holes in its change rooms so partners can watch their loved-ones getting changed. "Whoever is in in the change room can slide the peep hole open and allow their partner to see them changing or parading in the lingerie," Monaghan said."


It took science to tell us this?: "Small women with long legs are the most sexually attractive to men, scientists claim. Females such as Scarlett Johansson, Raquel Welch and Marilyn Monroe with short slender bodies, large busts and slim limbs have the ideal body shape, according to research. Dr William Brown, of Brunel University, which carried out the study, said: 'We found that shorter, slimmer females with long slender limbs and larger breasts are more attractive.' ... In the Brunel research, both men and women reported that symmetric bodies were more attractive than asymmetric ones. The scientists claim, however, that we do not notice symmetry in the body directly, but instead look for much more obvious signs of attractiveness such as height, leg length and shoulder definition. This means women with low 'body masculinity' - who are short with long legs and a larger bust - are highly desirable to men."




Court allows 'boobs on bikes' parade: "Topless porn stars are expected to cruise down Auckland's main street on motorbikes today after a court said the "Boobs on Bikes" parade was not legally offensive. Bureaucrats in New Zealand's biggest city had called for a court injunction against the event, saying it breached an Auckland City Council bylaw banning offensive public events. But a female Auckland District Court judge rejected the plea, saying she was not convinced that bare-breasted women parading in leathers was legally offensive, local media reported. Judge Nicola Mathers said that while critics in the council might find the spectacle tasteless, last year's event drew a crowd of 80,000 photo-snapping supporters. Her decision was based on the law, not morals, she added. The annual parade is part of an "Erotica Expo" organised by "porn baron" Steve Crow, who had threatened to stage the event with or without a council permit". UPDATE: There is a short video of the actual parade here. It looks like there were a lot of happy people there




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:05 PM

 


Country wisdom

An old guy in an Australian desert town was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water. "That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks."

As the camel bent down to drink, the old guy picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel's balls. The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water.

"Doesn't that hurt?" asked a tourist.

"Nah," replied the old timer. "Only if you get your fingers caught!"






THE NEWS

Police seize world's fastest office chair: "German police have confiscated what may be the world's fastest office chair. Police say officers happened on the contraption - the work of two inventive 17-year-olds - in the western town of Gross-Zimmern. The pair had added a lawnmower engine, bicycle brakes and a metal frame to the revolving chair - making it into a go-kart-like vehicle. Police said in a statement today the inventors insisted they had only tested it over a few metres, but witnesses reported seeing it on several streets. The boys are being investigated over a variety of possible offences, including defying insurance regulations, driving without a licence and violating registration requirements. Police did not say what top speed the chair could reach." [Those lads will go far]


'Dead man' was just on holiday: "A man who forgot to tell anyone he was going on holiday to Australia came home to find they were mourning his death. The confusion began in June, when 49-year-old Michael O'Neill, from Middlesbrough, England, made a last-minute decision to head Down Under without telling a soul. His neighbours grew worried and called police, who broke into his flat and found no evidence of his whereabouts. The situation grew even worse last week when his friends saw a death notice in a local newspaper. By an incredible coincidence, another Michael O'Neill from Middlesbrough had died - and both have brothers named Kevin and Terry. "I went out on June 2 to stay with a friend and when I got back last Monday I found my door had been smashed in," the living Mr O'Neill told Britain's Daily Telegraph newspaper. "My neighbours thought I had died so they got in touch with police who came and broke the door down. "Everywhere I am going, people I know are grabbing hold of my hand, saying, 'I thought you were dead!' They can't believe it's me and I'm still alive."


Pre-nuptial agreements against weight gain: "Savvy couples are signing pre-nuptial agreements that not just protect their assets but establish rules about lifestyles - including getting fat. Domestic duties, social activities and, in the most extreme cases, punishments for infidelity and weight gain, are being outlined in detailed and binding legal agreements, lawyers say. And although pre-nups have traditionally been the domain of celebrities or the very wealthy, other people are seeking them in record numbers. With one in three marriages ending in divorce, lawyers say couples are becoming more realistic about their relationship's prospects. Rather than focusing on how to divide personal assets, some are expanding their agreements to preserve the aspects of single life they don't want to lose. Ms Vincent said most people initiated pre-nups for financial reasons but the list of conditions can relate to any area of the relationship. "If they are sitting down and talking about one aspect of their lives, they might as well work out lifestyle clauses as well," she said. Weight gain, allocating domestic chores and designated-driver responsibilities and defining what amounts to infidelity, are all topics increasingly being discussed."




Frog with distinctive croak that died out in Britain makes a return: "A frog that died out in Britain when the ponds it lived in were drained is making a recovery after being reintroduced. Pool frogs have a distinctive croak that would have been heard by the Saxons, but it went silent in the Nineties because of habitat loss. The species, Rana lessonae, was reintroduced in Norfolk in 2005 from Sweden. "Early signs are encouraging that the pool frogs are settling in to the release site," Jim Foster, from Natural England, said. The pool frog, the lesser whirlpool ram's-horn snail, and the Fisher's estuarine moth will all be protected from disturbance under the European Habitats Directive from October 1."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 1:30 PM

 


A great baby pic



She'll be a Daddy's Girl. Story here. A father and son too below:







THE NEWS

A tree that is good for tits: "Garden birds are being protected from the effects of climate change by an alien tree, researchers have found. Turkey oaks were introduced to Britain in the 18th century and have spread across the country, but unlike many invasive species they are thought to be benefiting the native wildlife. Researchers now believe that the species of oak, Quercus cerris, fits perfectly into the native ecosystem because it was a native tree until driven out by an ice age 120,000 years ago. The tree has been identified as a boon to garden birds because gallwasps lay eggs on its buds early in the spring, and these provide an invaluable feast for species such as blue tits and great tits as they raise their young."


Britain's Keystone Kops again: "It used to be that you could leave your door open and feel safe, confident that neighbours and the local bobby would keep an eye out for troublemakers. But it seems that the local police officer now has enough to keep them busy in their own house, with the revelation that more than œ1 million worth of goods has gone missing from police stations across the country. From dogs to motor homes, police stations seem to be a prime target for thieves looking to make a quick killing under the noses of those sworn to thwart them. Criminals in police stations are not exactly an unexpected turn of events, so maybe officers should be a little more circumspect about where they leave their goods. Three cases of theft within one police district involved either police officers themselves or members of the public leaving bags with cash and credit cards unattended in public areas. And they disappeared. Shock. Horror."


Washington woman accused of beating fiance at prenuptial party: "A Poulsbo woman was jailed after being accused of beating up her fiance at their prenuptial party. Kitsap County sheriff's deputies said the woman's 12-year-old son told her he saw her fiance kissing one of her women friends early Thursday morning. Deputies said the woman, 31, gave her friends the boot, told her fiance to leave, too, and then started hitting him in the face. When he left the house, they say, she tackled him football-style, punched him some more, threw his watch into the bushes and broke his glasses. Responding to a 911 call from her son, deputies arrested the woman for investigation of fourth-degree assault. Sheriff's Lt. Kathy Collings said the woman was released from jail later Thursday. There's no word on whether the marriage took place."


Ugly-town, Australia: "An appeal for "ugly ducklings" to move to Mount Isa to help address a woman shortage has disgusted and angered residents, sparking calls for the Mayor to publicly apologise. John Molony sparked the widespread outrage with his comments in the Townsville Bulletin that "with five blokes to every girl may I suggest that beauty-disadvantaged women should proceed to Mount Isa". "Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face. Whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness," Cr Molony said. "Often those who are beauty-disadvantaged are unhappy with their lot. Some, in other places in Australia, need to proceed to Mount Isa where happiness awaits." Yesterday the Mayor was not retracting his remarks, saying he was a person who "tells it like it is".



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:33 PM

 


The real British spies

A door opens, as if by magic, in a Pugin-papered wall. "Come through our secret entrance," Baroness Park of Monmouth says, ushering us into the House of Lords dining room. Her friend, Baroness Ramsay of Cartvale, plonks a large handbag on the floor. "Earl Grey or English Breakfast?" she asks. "Toasted tea cakes or crumpets?"

The two peers look like innocent old ladies, but in fact they were two of the Cold War's most formidable spies. They drink tea, stirred not shaken, rather than Martinis, shaken not stirred, and they wouldn't be seen dead in an Aston Martin (Lady Park zooms around Parliament in a motorised wheelchair). And yet they were the true face of British Intelligence for much of the 20th century. When they refer to "the Office", they mean MI6.

As one of the Secret Intelligence Service's most senior controllers for more than 30 years, Lady Park, 88, ran agents in Hanoi during the Vietnam War, smuggled defectors out of the Congo in the boot of her Citro%n 2CV and was posted to Moscow when the KGB was at the height of its powers. Lady Ramsay, 72, was on the MI6 Iraq desk during the Gulf War and worked in Helsinki when Finland was an intelligence crossroads. She also helped to persuade Oleg Gordievsky, a colonel in the KGB, to defect.

In their view, it is no good conforming to stereotypes. "I always looked just like a fat missionary, which was very useful. Missionaries get around, you know," Lady Park says. "James Bond is rather dated and macho." Lady Ramsay adds: "John le Carr, makes everything seem so sordid. It's all about treachery and we are not treacherous."

The peers have quite a reputation in the Lords. As we talk, surrounded by former ministers and political grandees, Lord Puttnam, the film producer, rushes over and says: "If there's one conversation in this room I'd like to listen to, it's this one." Later, Lord Alli, the media mogul, strolls over. He is brushed away while Lady Park finishes a story about an African general, a death threat and a brothel.

They tell amazing stories about burning top-secret documents and hiding the ash in their knickers, and about extracting information over brandy by a moonlit African river. They have hidden in telephone boxes and hitched lifts in light aircraft to deliver messages back to base. They risked their lives for their country in some of the most dangerous parts of the world. In Africa, Lady Park was beaten by a mutinous mob and then thrown into a black hole to be shot - but somehow she turned her captors around. During the Cold War, Lady Ramsay was chased down dark streets as she tried to woo informants over to her side. But they play down their bravery. "There are frightening moments and there are moments when you should have been frightened but you weren't," Lady Park says.

Like 007, they were licensed to kill, but they would never have dreamt of carrying a gun. "Obviously if your back was to the wall you would have done what was necessary," Lady Ramsay says. "But we weren't like Rosa Klebb, we didn't have special shoes with poisoned daggers." Her own firearms training was not a success. "The instructor told me, `You're not supposed to close your eyes every time you pull the trigger'."

Lady Park kept her gun in the safe. "In the Congo, I frightened an unwanted visitor away by pretending I was a witch. I shouted out of the window, `If you do not go away, your feet will fall off'. That was far more effective than a gun."

They survived on their wits rather than their weapons. Lady Ramsay explains: "When I was working under cover, I always carried in the back of my mind a story about having an affair with a married politician. If I met somebody who knew me, that would explain why I was in the hotel under an alias. As long as you tell something that's vaguely disreputable, people tend to believe it."

Women, they think, make far better spies than men. "You can't pass money in brown envelopes to an agent in a men's loo, of course. You have to meet them in a cocktail bar," Lady Ramsay says. "When you are cultivating someone, they are much more likely to accept an invitation to come and have lunch with you than some boring, suited man."

It is partly because women are better at talking that gives them the edge, Lady Park says. "I once had an excellent male officer who was running an agent in a very dangerous situation. He said to me, `He wants to rabbit on about his mortgage and his wife the whole time but we want information'. I told him to take him out for a long dinner and let him talk as much as he likes. That's how women think and men don't."

Although both experienced a degree of sexism in their profession, Lady Park says that discrimination sometimes worked to her advantage. "I would travel all over Russia on the trains with a male security guard. The little men from the KGB would assume he was the important one and watch him. I could get up to all sorts of things." Lady Ramsay adds: "If you're doing something peculiar in a car, which you quite often have to when you are delivering things, people just think `woman driver'."

The SIS technical department (the real-life Q) was, however, hopeless at making undercover equipment for female spies. "There would be handbags with cameras inside ... but they had all been designed by men," Lady Ramsay says. "I used to say to them, `Nobody would be seen dead with a handbag like that.'"

Lady Park never played on her sexuality. "Do I look like Mata Hari?" she asks. "I used to say to people, `I will never do anything that is against the interests of my country and I don't expect you to do anything against the interests of your country, but our interests are the same on the following things...' I never had a refusal."

Feminine charm, Lady Ramsay says, only goes so far. "There's a dangerous line. You have to extricate yourself before they make a pass or they lose face. And you have to make sure the wife knows you're not after their man. You make friends with the wives and the mistresses and the secretaries."

Spying, they say, is all about trust. "You have to build up special relationships," Lady Park says. "I once rescued somebody from death and later on he became the head of their local intelligence service. That was very valuable. I got more from him than anyone else." Lady Ramsay agrees. "The better the personal chemistry, the more you are going to get - it's very old-fashioned really."

Relationships matter more, in their view, than technical expertise, whether dealing with the KGB or al-Qaeda. "We can be as brilliant as anything with all our machines and intercepts and technical things, but at the end of the day human beings still matter," Lady Ramsay says. "There are certain things that only people can tell you." There are, they think, similarities between Islamism and Communism. It's an ideology with which people can become disillusioned."

As they talk about how they would love to go to Iraq and how fascinated they are by Afghanistan, it sounds as if they have never really retired. "I'll always be available," Lady Ramsay says. "Vladimir Putin says there's no such thing as a former KGB officer and it's rather the same with a British spy."

Original report here







THE NEWS

Detroit house sold for $1: "But even at that bargain price, the two-storey, lawn-fringed house on the city's impoverished east side took 19 days to sell. Although the price may be an extreme in one of America's poorest cities, it illustrates how some banks are struggling to offload foreclosed properties amid America's housing market crash. The house, a few blocks from Detroit City Airport, was "the nicest on the block" when it sold for $65,000 in November 2006, according to neighbours. I now stands boarded up and reduced to a shell, its interiors having been stripped of every fixture and fitting, after it was foreclosed last summer. The house was put on the market in January for $1,100 but attracted no interest other than the occasional squatter. The bank that owned it faced thousands of dollars in back taxes and unpaid bills so decided to slash the price. Eventually a woman put in an offer but only finalised the deal after the bank agreed to pay all her costs, the sales commission and back taxes, together totalling $10,000" [Anyone who knows "black" Detroit will not be surprised]


Red wins: "Adding another wrinkle to the scientific debate on how color affects humans, a new German study reports that red athletic gear gave a boost to tae kwondo contestants by swaying referees in their favor. "Competitors dressed in red are awarded more points than competitors dressed in blue, even when their performance is identical," the researchers reported in their study, which was released this week just in time for the Summer Olympics in Beijing. The study authors asked 42 experienced tae kwondo referees to judge matches shown on video. Tae kwondo, an Olympic sport, is a form of martial art developed in Korea. The researchers chose the sport because a previous study found that the colors worn by participants had a large impact on outcomes, Hagemann said. With the help of electronic manipulation, the researchers switched the colors of the combatants' protective gear -- head and chest protectors -- so they were blue at some points and red at others. The researchers then analyzed the scores to see if the uniform colors made a difference. When the contestants seemed to be wearing red, the referees gave them 13 percent more points."


Poland: Builders bungle train tunnel: "Bungling engineers have been left red-faced after building a railway tunnel that's too small for trains to actually fit through. The costly mistake was only discovered when inspectors measured the finished tunnel in the Polish capital, Warsaw, and realised the roof was so low that no trains would get under it. Rail bosses claim the mix-up happened because workers who were laying new tracks didn't talk to the team that was building the tunnel."


No customers for $120 million British arts centre: "An arts centre nicknamed the "pink elephant" - a black box with curly pink window frames that has already swallowed almost œ60m of public money - has admitted no paying visitors since it opened as its main gallery does not work. The gallery of interactive digital displays that was supposed to attract queues of people to The Public in West Bromwich, in the West Midlands, has had to be roped off because of electrical problems. Even free concerts and other events held at the centre have attracted few visitors. One performance, by the soul singer Aisha, drew an audience of just 17 people. She had been hailed as a "female Bob Marley" after a recent show at the Festival Hall in London. The disastrous performance of the centre has caused growing anger among senior executives at the Arts Council England, which itself has so far spent $60m on The Public - one of the highest sums it has given to a regional project. The Arts Council is this weekend demanding that the centre's board provides an accurate account of its finances and a realistic timetable for when it will open properly. The Public claims that 11,000 people have been to its free events over the past seven weeks, although some observers believe the figures are much lower. A local newspaper counted 12 people walking into the centre during a quarter-hour period at Friday lunchtime. Five went straight through and out the other side; three were contractors; two went in to use the toilet and two sat down for a tea"




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 1:58 PM

 


What Elvis taught me

SOME people follow Confucius, others swear by the philosophical insights of Plato or Sartre. Why not instead study the songs of Elvis Presley? Taken as a whole, they contain everything from handy tips about geography ("a river flows surely to the sea") to practical travel advice (the YMCA in Memphis has cheap accommodation), right through to religious instruction ("I'm lonely like Adam, you're evil like Eve"). Today, on the anniversary of Elvis's death, it may be time to codify that knowledge. Herewith the 30 things I've learned about life from listening to Elvis.

TRAVEL

1. The typical train is 16 carriages long.
2. All food in Germany consists of hasenpfeffer and black pumpernickel.
3. The Heartbreak Hotel is located at the end of Lonely Street and its desk clerk dresses in black.
4. Hula dancers are best judged by their ability to really move that grass around.
5. A harem in the Middle East contains 20 women.
6. So efficient is the US postal service that it will return an unwanted letter within 24 hours of its initial posting.
7. There are few sounds that make you feel more lonely than that of the midnight train.
8. If hitchhiking, it's hard to choose a better destination than Memphis, Tennessee.

RELATIONSHIPS

1. When inviting a young woman to dance, you may increase your chances by noting that chicken is being served in the barn.
2. If rejected by the older sister in a family, by all means have a crack at her little sister, who may have matured more than you at first noticed.
3. Women named Marie are naturally duplicitous.
4. It's OK to date your cousin, providing she's a distant cousin "but not too distant with you".
5. Girls named Daisy tend to drive you crazy.
6. If caught without a partner during a dance at a federal penitentiary, why not try dancing with a wooden chair?
7. Conversation with a girlfriend can become tiresome if she fails to break up the conversation every now and then with a little action.
8. A .44-calibre pistol is an excellent firearm choice for a woman whose partner was doin' her wrong.

PERSONAL GROOMING

1. If wearing suede shoes, particularly of a light hue, one should make their protection one's No. 1 priority, even above that of preventing arson attacks on one's own home.

THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

1. There are few looks in life more intense than that of a one-eyed cat peeping in a seafood store.
2. A passionate kiss can be measured by the fact that even a team of wild horses would be unable to drag apart the two participants.
3. The embrace of a grizzly bear provides a useful point of comparison when considering the pressure necessary to demonstrate real passion during an affair.
4. A good hound dog should be able to catch a rabbit.

GEOGRAPHY

1. People are more likely to be alone during a blue moon than during any other lunar event.
2. In the state of Kentucky, precipitation usually occurs when a man is hitchhiking from town to town, having been abandoned by his baby.

MEDICAL

1. The lips of attractive women tend to taste like breakfast spread, in particular honey.
2. A temperature of 109 is quite common during the early stages of an affair.
3. The experience of love, especially early in life, can have serious medical consequences including sensations of itching, hand tremors, leg spasms, heart palpitations and language difficulties.

HISTORY

1. American soldiers were unable to approach young women in Germany in the period after the war, as local women wore signs in German saying, "Keepen Sie Off The Grass."

PHILOSOPHY

1. Children born in disadvantaged areas such as ghettos should receive special assistance as this reduces the likelihood of them turning to a life of crime, thus perpetuating an endless cycle of disadvantage.
2. A rabbit's foot, while widely considered a creator of good luck, makes only a moderate contribution to one's happiness compared to the impact of finding a good life partner.
3. If you suspect someone is evil check their middle name because it may well be "Misery".

Now, show me one passage in Plato, Sartre or Confucius that can match all of that for depth, width and wisdom. I've lived my life by it, how about you? RIP Elvis, the King.





THE NEWS

Rough trade: "A Mossman man punched his girlfriend in the face when she refused his invitation to have sex by biting his genitals, a court heard yesterday. Wesley Lawrence Creek, 28, yesterday pleaded guilty in Mossman Magistrates' Court to four assault charges and three breaches of domestic violence orders. Defence solicitor David Anderson told the court that when Creek struck his de facto Mackara Shuan in the head on February 8, she had just declined his invitation to have sex. "She declined not by speaking to him but by biting him in the genitals," Mr Anderson said. "He was in considerable pain." Police prosecutor Brad Hafner told the court Creek punched Ms Shuan, 20, "a number of times in the face". Magistrate Thomas Braes sentenced Creek, who had already served 187 days in prison, to three months imprisonment and two years probation. Mr Braes convicted Creek of the breaches of domestic violence order but imposed no further penalty."


Weird "health" warning: "The Health Department has warned men to avoid a Chinese drug for erectile dysfunction because it can cause heart attacks or strokes in vulnerable users. Chinese medicine Nangen Zengzhangsu can contain prescription-only drugs and is not commonly available in Australia, but can be purchased overseas or ordered online. It contains the drugs glibenclamide, used to treat diabetes, and sildenafil, which is used to treat erectile disfunction and should not be used by people with heart problems. The side effects of sildenafil range from sudden cardiac death, heart attack or stroke to headache and abnormal vision. "Sildenafil should not be used by individuals taking any type of nitrate drug, due to the risk of developing potentially life-threatening low blood pressure," said SA Health's Chief Medical Officer, Professor Paddy Phillips" [Sildenafil is just the chemical name for Viagra!]




A most honorable king penguin: "There was more than a slight wobble to the Colonel-in-Chief of the King's Guard of Norway today as he emerged from his enclosure at Edinburgh Zoo to inspect his troops. Perhaps distracted by the drum rolls and trumpet fanfare, the regiment's longest-serving member at first veered slightly off the path and into the spectators on the zoo's Penguin Lawn. Then, after a helping hand, he was back on course, waddling past the line of Guardsmen and occasionally stopping to look them up and down with a slightly critical eye. When at last he reached the television cameras - after pausing solemnly in front of a 4ft bronze statue of himself - he appeared to be visibly warming to his role, puffing out his chest and raising his head with pride to show the fine yellow feathers on his neck. In a scene that could have come straight from one of the more bizarre plays being staged across the city at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, Nils Olav III then became surely the only penguin in history to be knighted by a British Major-General and sent on his way by pipers from the Universities Officers Training Corps."


Britain: Fish with fries for health: "A couple have travelled 60 miles for fish and chips in their favourite seaside town every day for the past 10 years. Ermis Nicholas, 71, reckons the daily pilgrimage - which has cost him and his wife Androniki $36,400 - has even saved his life. For a man recovering from a near-fatal heart attack, it might not seem the ideal recovery plan, but the retired restaurateur says it's helped him shed seven stone, reports the Daily Mail. Every morning, the pair catch two buses to get from their home in Bristol to Weston-super-Mare - where they have fish and chips for lunch, followed by a six mile stroll around the resort. The Cypriot-born couple have racked up 2,600 visits and 156,000 miles - but thanks to their bus passes the travel is free. It all began in 1998, when Mr Nicholas suffered a heart attack. Weighing 19-stone, he was advised by doctors to take a daily walk.... Now 12-stone, Mr Nicholas says he has never felt better."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:37 PM

 


A little old lady wins a radio

Her "Thank You" letter:

"Dear Waterton School,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces.

It was awful. She asked if she could listen to mine, so naturally I told her to go f*ck herself.

Sincerely,
Edna Johnston"






THE NEWS

Loud sex prompts man's ban from girlfriend's house: "A British man has been banned from visiting his girlfriend's home after neighbours complained about noisy sex. A court barred Adam Hinton, 32, from being within 100 metres of his 29-year-old girlfriend Kerry Norris' apartment, Brighton and Hove City Council spokesman Mike Taggart said. Residents of Norris's home in England's south had been complaining since 2006 about thumping music, banging headboards and screamed obscenities, Taggart said. Neighbours also complained about Norris sunbathing naked in her yard, and were upset that a six-year-old child in the building had been ``subjected to the sort of obscenities you wouldn't want a six-year-old to hear,'' the spokesman said. ``She is a classic nightmare neighbour,'' Taggart said, insisting the case was not about sex. ``It's about allowing your neighbours to have a normal decent life without being disturbed.'' The court granted the city council's request for an injunction banning Hinton from the apartment because Norris had ignored a previous court order demanding that she be more quiet, Taggart said."


Man wins court order to stop girlfriend cutting off his penis: "A man has been granted a court injunction to stop a woman trying to cut off his penis. Tony Goodchild, of Darwin, was granted the domestic violence order against his former girlfriend. He told Darwin Magistrates Court the woman was trying to hunt him down and threatening to "cut his penis off''. The unusual application caused laughter in the courtroom, reports The NT News. But Mr Goodchild -- who was shaking and carrying two backpacks during the hearing -- said he had been in hiding in a city park from his ex since she had "bashed'' him up."


Britain bemused by stupid tourists: "An unidentified visitor to Osborne House, Queen Victoria's retreat on the Isle of Wight, was presumably disappointed when told that former Black Sabbath frontman Ozzy Osbourne and his celebrity wife were not at home. Similarly, a visitor to Whitby Abbey in northern England clearly had not read the guidebook too closely when he looked at the ruined Benedictine edifice and asked: "Is this Dracula's castle?" "Does my ferret need to be on a lead in this area?" asked a visitor to Kenwood House in Hampstead, north London, while staff at Witley Court and Gardens in western England were flummoxed by the question: "Did Lady Rachel ever de-bone her fish before eating it?" Children provided some crackers. "Where are the monkeys?" asked a young visitor to Cleeve Abbey in southwest England when told that it had once been home to monks. "Is this Clifford The Big Red Dog's tower?" asked a girl at Clifford's Tower in the northern city of York. When told that it was actually a castle, she questioned: "Is it a bouncy castle?" A misty day at Dover Castle in southeastern England prompted the hopeful: "What time do you switch the mist off?" while one visitor to Whitby Abbey wondered: "Why did they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?"


Elderly British author saves friends from old peoples' homes with money from book sales: "A 93-year-old author who has just had her first book published is to use the proceeds to house friends who she says are currently living "miserable" lives in care homes. Lorna Page has bought a five bedroom house for $620,000 and plans to move in a number of friends, but faces the dilemma of deciding which ones to accept, after receiving "dozens" of offers. The independent nonagenarian widow said she simply wanted to help her friends enjoy the last few years of their lives in a sociable environment. She has pledged to use all of her money from the proceeds of A Dangerous Weakness to assist her friends. She has had her book published with self-publishing firm AuthorHouse and said it was selling well after going on sale in July. Mrs Page wrote the book in her Surrey flat [apartment] but has since swapped it for the spacious house in the pretty village of Weare Giffard, near her birthplace of Bideford, north Devon."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 6:38 PM

 


Errr... Errr ... Go figure



More here





THE NEWS

UK: "Don't feed the birds" in your garden: "A council has told an elderly couple to stop feeding birds in their back garden because it creates a mess. Mick and June Dunny, from Belford, Northumberland, have won support from the RSPCA after being told to stop leaving titbits on a bird table by Berwick-upon-Tweed Council. The council acted after a neighbour complained that the Dunny's were attracting birds, and therefore mess to their village."




Birmingham (England) confuses itself with Birmingham, Alabama: "An official leaflet, above, about recycling in the West Midlands used a photograph of the skyline of Birmingham, Alabama. Jon Cooper, 37, of King's Norton, spotted the error in Recycle: Your Questions Answered. A city council spokesman described the offending photo as "a generic skyline picture", and said that the leaflet would not be reprinted. In January West Midlands' Conservative MEPs made the same mistake on their website."


Scientists closer to invisibility cloak: "Invisibility devices, long the realm of science fiction and fantasy, have moved closer after scientists engineered a material that can bend visible light around objects. The breakthrough could lead to systems for rendering anything from people to large objects, such as tanks and ships, invisible to the eye - although this is still years off. Researchers at the University of California at Berkeley, whose work is funded by the American military, have engineered materials that can control light's direction of travel. The world's two leading scientific journals, Science and Nature, are expected to report the results this week. It follows earlier work at Imperial College London that achieved similar results with microwaves."


Drop tax on my medal, Italian Olympian says : "Italian police officer Francesco D'Aniello won an Olympic silver medal in double trap shooting Tuesday and appealed to the Italian government for a tax exemption on his reward money. `I would sincerely hope that the (Italian) parliament would pass this law,' D'Aniello told a news conference when asked about the taxation back home, a question and answer translated from Italian back and forth through Chinese and English. `We athletes go through major sacrifices to get to this level. It would be the right thing to do to remove the taxes from what we get here. It would be a very good thing,' he said, without stating the value of the reward. Italy is among the many countries that offer lucrative financial rewards to their Olympic medalists."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:04 PM

 


Recipe for a long life

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?"

"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.

The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.

The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet."

The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly.

"As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None."

The man is appalled. "Doc...Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"

"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you it is going to seem like an eternity!"






THE NEWS

Germany plans to give vote to babies: "Dozens of German politicians have tabled a new law to extend voting rights to babies, toddlers, children and teenagers. The bill, which has won the cross-party backing of some heavyweight German politicians, would wipe away decades of "exclusion" and "discrimination" against minors, according to its supporters. Currently the voting threshold in Germany is 18, with an exception in some states, where 16-year-olds are allowed to cast a ballot. But that does not go far enough for the new law's backers, who want to ensure voting rights from cradle to grave. If the bill gets adopted, babies will have the same powers to voice their opinion on government handling of macro-economic performance in a global downturn enjoyed by their parents. Toddlers will be able to take a stand on issues such as whether German armed forces should be deployed abroad. According to the head of the liberal Free Democratic Party - traditional coalition partner of Chancellor Merkel's CDU party - the constitutional change would enfranchise 14 million people. "Unfortunately in Germany, 17 per cent of the population, namely the children and adolescent, are excluded from political decision making," said FDP chief Dirk Niebel. "This is a situation we cannot accept any longer."


Brainless law enforcement: "A New York state man has been arrested for getting too close to his bride on their wedding day. Timothy Cole quarreled with a wedding guest at a party Friday after wedding his ex-wife in Batavia, police said. Officers knew the 45-year-old Cole from previous arrests and realized his bride had an order of protection against him. Cole was charged with first-degree criminal contempt, a felony, and ordered jailed without bail. Cole was convicted of criminal contempt on July 1, the Daily News in Batavia reported. The Genesee County public defender's office said Cole hasn't been assigned an attorney."


Kiwi 'piddler on the roof' hands himself in: "A man caught on security camera urinating from a ledge into a parking meter in New Zealand has reportedly handed himself in to police. The image of the man, who New Zealand police and media nicknamed "Piddler on the Rood", launched a manhunt for the "phantom piddler" who was relieved himself from the second floor of a parking building above a pay-and-display parking meter in a Napier city car park. An 18-year-old Napier man walked into a police station last night and admitted he was the offender, wireservice NZPA reported. He will appear in Napier District Court on August 20 charged with intentional damage. "He pees up in the air in a big arc, so it goes in the coin slot and out the hole where people collect their tickets," police said. The man is believed to have conducted his wee bit of vandalism on the machine four or five times last year. Mike Webster of the Napier City Council told NZPA the suspect had a good aim and was "obviously a male without prostate issues''.


Drug counselor deals drugs: "A substance abuse counselor at the San Mateo County women's jail is facing prison time after a drug bust at her Solano County home turned up thousands of dollars' worth of illegal narcotics, authorities said. Viola Smith, 60, was arrested July 29 and is being held in Solano County jail on various drug charges that include destroying or concealing evidence and unlawfully possessing ammunition, according to the Solano County Sheriff's Office. Investigators, who conducted a two-month investigation, raided Smith's home in an unincorporated area near Vallejo and found 7 ounces of black tar heroin worth $7,000, 1.5 grams of rock cocaine worth $70 and liquid methadone worth an undisclosed amount. Police from a multi-jurisdictional narcotics enforcement team also turned up two .45 caliber magazines containing 19 rounds of ammunition and $2,097 in cash at the house on the 500 block of Gilcrest Avenue, according to the Solano County Sheriff's Office. Smith worked as a counselor for Choices, a drug rehabilitation program run by the San Mateo County Health Department "




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:26 PM

 


Optimistic drunk

George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.

George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."

George: "But Honey, I promise that I wont drink a drop of alcohol all night!"

So after begging his old lady for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze. George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get sh*t-faced. After about 3 hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.

George: "Sh*t! The old lady is going to throw my ass out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"

Bill, George's best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.

Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."

So, when George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.

Georges wife: "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"

George: "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."

His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.

George's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"

George: "Oh, That's from the guy who sh*t in my pants."







THE NEWS



British cinema bans popcorn as too noisy: "Popcorn has long been an integral part of the cinema experience, but the biggest arthouse cinema chain in Britain is seeking to reduce its use after customers complained about mess and noise. A spokesman for Picturehouse Cinemas, which has 19 venues, said that a trial run in Norwich was likely to result in the introduction of some popcorn-free sessions rather than an outright ban."


Lesbian couple's three-day hitch: "One of the first lesbian couples to legally marry in California has filed for divorce - just three days after officially tying the knot. Theresa Ramirez and Adelita Guajardo were married in Fresno County on June 27. But just three days later, Ms Ramirez filed for divorce, citing "irreconcilable differences". Veteran divorce attorney Norm Fletcher said the legalising of gay marriages could have an unexpected effect on relationships. "(It can be that) it's no longer you and me against the world - it's you and me against each other," Mr Fletcher said".


Pesky Kiwis: "QANTAS has suspended two New Zealand cabin crew after a drunken night during which a female flight attendant set off a fire alarm and caused the evacuation of a five-star hotel in Queenstown. Many of about 200 guests at the Crowne Plaza hotel were dragged from their beds and sent into the street and two fire engines rushed to the hotel after a fire-alarm access point was smashed on July 31. Crowne Plaza boss Brett Wilson told New Zealand publication Mountain Scene: "Someone smashed one of the alarm call points after a big night out. We know exactly who it was and the guest has been charged $1500 for the call-out fee and to fix the call point. "It was a fairly big stuff-up by the guest and when she was asked why she did it, she said she had no idea and she was upset and disappointed with herself. She left next day." Qantas said yesterday it was still investigating two crew members involved in incidents in Queenstown. "Following an incident at the hotel, two cabin crew members were stood down pending an investigation," the spokeswoman said. "Replacement cabin crew subsequently operated the service." The second flight attendant is believed to be a male staffer involved in a separate incident."




Boozy Australian politician: "Just two months ago, Reba Meagher launched a campaign to beat binge drinking but last week the Health Minister seemed to forget her message and, by her own admission, had a drink too many at a Sydney bar. After several drinks, the minister left a city bar, The Ivy, in a taxi with her boyfriend, the former Channel Nine reporter Adam Walters, forgetting to tell her parliamentary driver he could go home. The driver waited for her all night in the basement of Governor Macquarie Tower .... Her staff also stressed it was not a hangover the morning after that meant she was late to a NSW Nurses Association conference at Randwick but rather an unrelated delay." [The driver was not amused]



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:45 PM

 


How to distract a kid

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed.

For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"

"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to masturbate."






THE NEWS

British nuisance has his stereo destroyed: "A Cher fan who drove his neighbours mad by playing her songs at full blast has had his stereo and CD collection destroyed by council chiefs. Karl Wiosna, 44, played the singer's smash hit 'Believe' so loudly that neighbours sitting in their front room next door could pick out the lyrics. When he was given an official warning by the council about the noise at his home in Graig, near Pontypridd, south Wales, he simply started playing U2 instead. A neighbour said: "The noise was just unbearable. It went from sounding like a drag queen's party to a rock concert. The music was just nonstop." Wiosna was eventually hauled before the courts where magistrates ordered that his CD collection, record decks and stereo should be destroyed.... He appeared before Rhondda Magistrates' Court earlier this month where he admitted a breach of a noise abatement order and was fined $400 and ordered to pay $100 in costs. Magistrates also decided to impose a victim's surcharge of $30 and grant an application to seize and destroy his stereo and music... But Wiosna was appalled by the decision. "They took $1,000 to $1,200 worth of stuff. I don't think they should be allowed to do it, it isn't right,' he said. "I didn't play the music that loudly - and it wasn't just Cher - I used to play heavy metal as well."


Video store robber leaves driver's licence behind: "A clumsy criminal has left his driver's licence on the counter of the Townsville video store he robbed of cash and cigarettes. Police said the man was pretending to hire DVDs at the Civic Video at Garbutt when he jumped the counter and grabbed cash and cigarettes before fleeing about 8.20pm. Police said he dropped his driver's licence and "other identifying material". "Not the brightest crim we've come across," one policeman said."


Feisty Greek priest: "A priest grabbed a parishioner in a headlock and put a glass to his neck during a row at a church committee meeting, a Sydney court has been told. Father John Grillis is facing a charge of assault relating to the alleged incident at a Greek Orthodox church in Burwood on February 1, 2007. The alleged victim John Mihalopoulos used a volunteer to show Burwood Local Court how he was held and threatened with the glass by the man of God. Mr Mihalopoulos said he and Father Grillis had disagreed on something when the priest got up from the table and grabbed an empty glass. "He grabbed me by the neck, he squeezed me strongly and put the glass on my neck," he said. Mr Mihalopoulos said the incident had left him unable to sleep in the weeks following and led him to seek help from a doctor. "I remember this scene all the time," he said. "It hasn't left my mind."


Large dog protects drug stash: "Once again a dog has proved to be man's best friend, even to the point of breaking the law for his owner. Police said a 49-year-old man from Aldinga Beach, south of Adelaide, was arrested yesterday after 200 grams of amphetamines were found hidden inside his dog's kennel where they were guarded by a "large and somewhat protective dog". The man has been charged with trafficking in a controlled substance and has been bailed to appear in court at a later date.



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 3:30 PM

 


The kind barber

One day a florist goes for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a community service". The florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A butcher goes for a haircut the next day and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber reples: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing a community service". The butcher is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning the barber goes to open his shop and there is a thank you card and a package of steaks waiting at his door.

The next day a Fireman goes for a haircut and goes to pay the barber. The barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you, I am doing a community service".

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds at the door?

Can you guess?

Come on, think like a Fireman....






....two dozen other Firemen waiting for free haircuts!







THE NEWS

Chicago woman kills boyfriend for drinking her beer: "A West Side woman who allegedly stabbed her elderly boyfriend to death because he was drinking her beer was ordered held Thursday in lieu of $500,000 bail. Regina Williams, 55, of the 1000 block of North Waller Avenue appeared in Cook County Bond Court before Judge Israel Desierto, charged with first-degree murder in the slaying of Willie Anderson, 77, of the 2200 block of West Monroe Street. About 6 p.m. Wednesday, the two were sitting in Anderson's car outside his home when Williams became angry that he was drinking her beer, authorities said. They began to quarrel, and Williams allegedly pulled a knife she carried for protection and began stabbing Anderson. Anderson yelled for help, but Williams continued to stab him. Afterward, Williams got out of the car and called down the street to Anderson's nephew, saying, "You better come get your uncle-I just killed him," according to her arrest report. Groebner said Williams got back in the vehicle and finished drinking her beer. Williams is on probation for a 2007 felony conviction for aggravated battery. In that case she was convicted of spitting in the face of a Chicago Fire Department paramedic who was giving her medical treatment. Williams has a history of mental illness"


Max, 3, takes mile-and-a-half stroll at 3 am to buy sweets: "Most children are keen on sweets, but Max McGrath went the extra mile to fulfil his late-night craving. More accurately, he walked a mile and a half to his local supermarket at 3am while his oblivious parents were asleep in bed. Still wearing his pyjamas and armed with a front door key and some cash, the three-year-old put on his older brother's shoes - which were two sizes too big - before setting off on his quest. His family knew nothing of the adventure until he was returned an hour later to his home by a newspaper delivery driver who discovered him gazing through the window of the closed Somerfield store. Max had left the front door open at his home in Longridge, Preston. "I approached him and he told me in a very matter-of-fact way that he was going to the shop," said James Brown, 23, who spotted the toddler and went to investigate. "He told me that his family were at home asleep." The Lancashire Telegraph delivery driver took Max straight back to his home, but had to contact the police when he was unable to wake his parents. The police let themselves in and woke Max's startled parents."


Stupid judge frees dangerous woman: "A woman who was in jail awaiting trial on charges of stabbing a Santa Cruz man escaped after a judge gave her a 12-hour pass to attend a funeral. Santa Cruz police said Denise Jones was told to return to jail by 8 p.m. Friday, but she never returned. Investigators said the man Jones stabbed called police and reported that he saw her in the downtown Santa Cruz area near where he was stabbed. Jones was originally arrested on June 17 after witnesses identified her as the person who stabbed a man during a fight outside of the Asti Cafe. Investigators said a knife matching the description of the one used to stab the man was found in Jones' possession when she was arrested. Police officials said Jones has a history of violence and is considered armed and dangerous"


Teen 'cling-wrapped' inside telephone box: "A group of teenagers who cling wrapped a friend into a Gold Coast telephone box as part of an internet prank have been rapped on the knuckles by police. Just before 2am yesterday morning, the four pranksters, aged 17 and 18, covered the phone box in plastic food wrap while one of them was inside. They then began filming their friend trying to get out, with the intention of placing the footage on video-sharing website YouTube. The prank unravelled, however, when a nearby resident saw the teens and thought they were vandals smashing the Ashmore phone box. The resident subsequently called police and officers arrived at 1.50am to call a wrap on the scene. A police spokesman said no charges would be laid over the incident."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 2:23 PM

 


Wrong diagnosis

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."






THE NEWS

Englishman dislikes (some) shorts: "John Milns, 64, has started a campaign to ban men from wearing shorts in Knutsford, Cheshire. The solicitor says that the town's ambience is tarnished by the wearing of "unattractive, dirty, baggy, unseemly shorts - sometimes even with socks". He feels differently about women in shorts: "They normally have attractive, lovely legs and are an asset to the town in summer."


Beer and spies: "Stasi pub" divides Berliners: "Two Berliners have caused a stir with a new "Stasi Bar" where guests can sip beer surrounded by listening devices and shredded documents, a stone's throw from the former headquarters of East Germany's dreaded secret police. Owners Willi Gau, 60, and Wolfgang Schmelz, 53, say they want to provoke debate with their small bar. But groups representing victims of the notorious Stasi have slammed the idea as tasteless. "We mean it in a satirical but serious way," said Gau, standing by the entrance of his bar "Die Firma" (The Firm), where guests are greeted by a large sign featuring the emblem of the Stasi. Inside, a mannequin dressed as an East German police officer and sporting a baton and handcuffs stands in front of a poster reading "Welcome to the capital of the German Democratic Republic (GDR)." The owners serve beer and traditional East German food next to old typewriters and an urn reading "E.H. - 1912-1994," alluding to former GDR leader Erich Honecker. Regular guests can apply to become "Stasi informants" and get a discount."


Jailed 65 times? Let's make it 66: "A career criminal stole a car and crashed it into a police vehicle hours after being released from jail, a Queensland court was told yesterday. The Court of Appeal was dismissing an appeal by Heath Lance Chatters against his 66th jail term, imposed in the District Court earlier this year. The court was told Chatters was released from Woodford jail, north of Brisbane, on February 19 last year and taken to Caboolture Centrelink in the prison van. After getting his remittance, he went to a hotel before stealing a car from a nearby railway station car park. He was so intoxicated he drove it into other cars, including that driven by the police officers. During a chase, motorists had to take evasive action before Chatters crashed into a sign. He appealed his subsequent 36-month jail term on the grounds it was manifestly excessive but in a unanimous judgment it was dismissed. Justice Hugh Fraser said it was an understatement to describe Chatters' behaviour as "disturbing". He noted Chatters had been previously jailed an estimated 65 times."


"Tribe" aimed to create immigrant haven: "Leaders of an American Indian tribe considered creating a reservation that could protect illegal immigrants from deportation, a tribal official testified Wednesday at the trial of a group leader accused of telling immigrants that buying memberships would make them instant citizens. The federal government has denied recognition of Malcolm Webber's group as an authentic Indian tribe and says the 70-year-old -- who calls himself Grand Chief Thunderbird IV -- has no Indian ancestry."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:02 PM

 


Lucky Indian

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback..."







THE NEWS

Give me an H-E-L-P: "TWENTY-SIX teenage cheerleaders who tried to cram into a lift to see how many would fit got stuck and had to be rescued. Two girls were treated at the scene and one was taken to hospital, officials said. The group of 14 to 17-year-olds were at a cheerleading camp when they decided to jam themselves into an elevator at Jester Residence Hall at the University of Texas. It went down to the first floor but then the doors wouldn't open, officials said. After a few panicked mobile phone calls, police and firefighters were called. University officials didn't find the prank funny."


Murderer gets life, chicken and pizza: "A New York man who pleaded guilty to murder will get fried chicken, calzones and pizza to go with his life sentence. Tremayne Durham, 33, admitted last month that he fatally shot Adam Calbreath, 39, of Gresham, in June 2006. Durham wanted to sell ice cream and ordered an $18,000 truck from an Oregon company. He later changed his mind, but the company wouldn't provide a refund. The would-be ice cream man came to Oregon and killed Calbreath, a former employee of the company, while looking for its owner, authorities said. Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder - but only if he could get a break from jail food. The judge agreed and granted Durham a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye's chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream. After yesterday's sentencing, his defence attorney confirmed Durham was to get the rest of the deal - calzones, lasagna, pizza and ice cream. Durham will pay the bill for the special diet. Durham got married yesterday in a civil ceremony at the Portland courthouse. The wedding to Vanessa Davis, 48, also of New York City, was not part of the pleadeal that will give Durham a chance for parole after 30 years. Deputy District Attorney Josh Lamborn said Multnomah County judge Eric Bergstrom made the right call in allowing the unusual plea agreement because it saved the expense of a trial and possible appeals."


Pathetic Germans: "Despite being a massive hit with children and adults alike, Kinder Surprise eggs are the target of a ban proposed by German politicians on safety grounds. Millions of the chocolate eggs with a toy inside are sold every year in Europe's biggest economy, but according to a parliamentary health commission it is dangerous to combine food and toys in one product, the Bild newspaper said. "Children cannot tell the difference between a toy and food,'' the Welt newspaper cited Miriam Gruss from the commission as saying. A spokeswoman for Ferrero, the Italian confectionery firm that has made the eggs since 1974, said a ban would be unjustified as the figures or toys are enclosed in a yellow plastic capsule. "There is absolutely no evidence that there is an increased danger from the combination of food and toys,'' Ferrero spokeswoman Elise Glaab told Die Welt. Ferrero brings out 20 new sets of figures every year for the eggs, as well as 150 new kits for toys that have to be put together with the help of a tiny instructions sheet. The commission is also looking at forcing youngsters to wear cycle helmets and making schoolbooks lighter so children don't injure themselves or tire themselves out carrying them around all day, the newspapers said."


Woman catches knickers thief with camera: "A woman who noticed that underwear had disappeared from her back yard set up a security camera to find out what was going on, a court heard yesterday. During the early hours of a morning in March this year a person was filmed entering her eastern suburbs yard and stealing underwear, Adelaide Magistrates Court was told. Anthony Paul Marciano, 20, of Auldana, yesterday appeared in court charged over the incident. Police prosecutor Senior Constable Andrew Low told the court a woman living at Rosslyn Park had installed a security camera at her home after noticing underwear was going missing. He said footage from the camera showed a person identified as Marciano "entering her yard and stealing underwear". Sen-Constable Low said Marciano later was stopped by police and found with underwear. He said the prosecution objected to an application by Marciano to have curfew conditions imposed on him relaxed as he worked nights. Sen-Constable Low said Marciano was "not a person who should be out and about in the middle of the night until these allegations are sorted". Marciano is charged with two counts of being unlawfully on premises, two counts of taking property without owner's consent, unlawful possession and possessing an article to commit an offence in March and April."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 2:46 PM

 


Oh dear oh dear!

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands.

She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding, mashed potatoes, gravy and, of course, a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.

With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.

Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was the matter. He said, "honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you". "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."





THE NEWS

Stampede victim wakes up in morgue: "An Indian pilgrim knocked unconscious in a stampede that killed 150 people woke up in a morgue as doctors prepared to perform a post-mortem examination on him. Mange Ram, 19, lost consciousness in the stampede triggered by rumours of a landslide that caused panic among thousands of people climbing a steep mountain path, a newspaper reported today. Mr Ram told the Times of India he awoke in a hospital morgue after Sunday's tragedy at the Naina Devi shrine in the northern state of Himachal Pradesh. "When I woke up, I was in the middle of a row of bodies waiting for post mortem," he said. "My throat was parched and I asked for water. Towering over me the doctors and nursing staff at Anandpur Sahib Civil Hospital looked dazed. "They must have been surprised to see a dead man come alive like that," he said. Sat Pal Aggarwal, a doctor on the pilgrimage, said few checks were carried out to see if victims were alive and might have been saved."


Germany: Skinny dippers fall for sting: "A nude intruder fell for a police sting when they chased him out of a swimming pool straight into a hedge of nettles. The skinny-dipping swimmer and his pals had broken into a pool in Dueren, western Germany, for a midnight plunge when police arrived. 'They were driven out by the officers and they all went separate ways and then one of them jumped over a wall straight into a hedge of nettles. The officers just followed the sound of the screaming,' a police spokesman said."


Bullet-proof bras for German police: "German police women are to be issued with bullet-resistant bras. The new underwear was developed as a second barrier of defence after normal bras were found to cause injuries while on duty, reports the Daily Telegraph. The officers' bullet-proof vests, while stopping the force of gunshots in an attack, pushed the plastic and metal parts of their underwear into their flesh. Carmen Kibat, a policewoman in Hamburg who tested the new underwear, said: `These can save someone's life so it's not a laughing matter.' She organised `Action Brassiere' across Germany, getting hundreds of policewomen to try the bras out in the line of duty.They are all emblazoned with the word `police' and made from cotton, polyester, elastic and some other synthetic materials, thickly padded and with no metal or plastic studs or fasteners. Three thousand front-line women police officers will now be required to wear the bras on duty."


Police fish 104 stolen cars from river: "Police today will start fishing cars worth up to $1 million from the Maribyrnong River in Victoria. Police using hi-tech sonar equipment already have detected 104 vehicles in a 2km stretch of water around Flemington racecourse. They will check each car for bodies, weapons or any other evidence of crime. The cars were found when police checked the river for boating obstacles before last year's Melbourne Cup. Two boats and several safes have also been found. Officials from the RACV and AAMI insurance companies will be at the river to check whether cars their policies covered went into the river. The Maribyrnong River flows through some of the worst car theft areas, including the municipality of Brimbank, which recorded the state's highest rate for 2006-07."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 1:24 PM

 


The translation of the heading on the picture below reads: 'Model sues surgeon for obvious reasons'



The surgeon was quoted as exclaiming... 'looked right to me'






THE NEWS

Knights Templar heirs in legal battle with the Pope : "The heirs of the Knights Templar have launched a legal battle in Spain to force the Pope to restore the reputation of the disgraced order which was accused of heresy and dissolved seven centuries ago. The Association of the Sovereign Order of the Temple of Christ, whose members claim to be descended from the legendary crusaders, have filed a lawsuit against Benedict XVI calling for him to recognise the seizure of assets worth 100 billion euros. They claim that when the order was dissolved by his predecessor Pope Clement V in 1307, more than 9,000 properties as well as countless pastures, mills and other commercial ventures belonging to the knights were appropriated by the church. But their motive is not to reclaim damages only to restore the "good name" of the Knights Templar. The Templars was a powerful secretive group of warrior monks founded by French knight Hugues de Payens after the First Crusade of 1099 to protect pilgrims en route to Jerusalem. The legal move by the Spanish group comes follows the unprecedented step by the Vatican towards the rehabilitation of the group when last October it released copies of parchments recording the trials of the Knights between 1307 and 1312. The Chinon parchment revealed that, contrary to historic belief, Clement V had declared the Templars were not heretics but disbanded the order anyway to maintain peace with their accuser, King Philip IV of France.


Man put on hold for six hours; goes to football, dinner: "The last thing Kym Illman expected when he answered his mobile was to be placed on hold for over six hours. The Grand Hyatt Hotel Singapore had returned Mr Illman's call to confirm restaurant reservations and placed the Perth-based businessman on hold while investigating a query about room reservations. "Ten minutes of classical on hold music later, I began to wonder if she'd forgotten me," Mr Illman told couriermail.com.au. "At the 30 minute mark I figured she certainly had but since I wasn't paying for the call I decided to keep the line open and seen how long it was before they realised I was suspended in their phone system." Placing his mobile on his charger, Mr Illman went out to the football and to dinner and when he returned was amazed to find he was still on hold. After five hours and 30 minutes Mr Illman emailed the hotel advising them he was tiring of being on hold; a short time later the hotel tracked down the call and hung up. ''Total time on hold - six hours, eight minutes and forty-two seconds," he said. " As owner of Perth-based on hold production company Messages On Hold, I know a thing or two about being on hold, but I challenge anyone to beat six hours plus on hold,'' Mr Illman said. Mr Illman says he is yet to receive a response to his original enquiry about his reservations. Grand Hyatt management said it was unaware of the incident but would look into it."


Owner reclaims stolen pickup: "A man whose utility [truck] was stolen from Brisbane's bayside on Monday night reclaimed the vehicle after spotting it on the road the next day. The Toyota ute was one of a number of items stolen from the man's Manly West home, including wallets, sunglasses, a GPS device and tools. The 35-year-old owner was driving his second car at Tingalpa about 4pm yesterday, August 5, when he spotted the ute with two strangers in it on Manly Road. He followed them into a service station where he reclaimed his ute, restraining one of the men while the other ran off. Police said although the situation was resolved without injury, they did not recommend people taking the law into their own hands. Insp Kilpatrick said it was better for people to observe offenders and contact police. An 18-year-old Hemmant man was arrested over the utility's theft and charged with burglary, unlawful entry and unlawful use of a motor vehicle, and stealing."


Like the view? Not anymore...: "Utah - A farmer has erected a backyard fence made of three old cars sticking up in the air to send a message to new neighbours that he can do whatever he wants on his property. "This is just a fun way for me to say, 'Hey boys, I'm still here,"' Rhett Davis said. "This is my redneck Stonehenge." Davis came up with the idea after neighbours who recently moved into homes next to his hayfield complained about his farm. "The people who bought the homes say, 'Well, we love looking into your yard and seeing the horses and the cattle, but we don't like the flies, and we don't like the mosquitoes,' and when I cut my field to bale it, they say, 'We don't like the dust in the air,' " Davis said. Neighbours declined to comment to the Standard-Examiner of Ogden. Davis said he offered to pay for half the cost of a fence between his property and the others and to build it. He said his neighbours declined the offer, saying it would block their view. Davis said he used a backhoe to dig three large holes on the edge of his property, then took three cars that had competed in demolition derbies and planted them nose-first into the ground. He said the cars were planted out of humour rather than spite. He stressed that it's important for new residents to realise that Hooper is a farming community. "I respect that they're here and spent a lot on their homes, but on the other hand, give me a little bit, too," Davis said. "I've been here since I was 7 years old."





And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 3:23 PM

 


Very Jewish

So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority. "Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!"

But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days. So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!"

This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill. "I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?" "So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."






THE NEWS



Lost dog catches ferry home: "A Jack Russell which became lost while on a country walk amazed its panic-stricken owner by making his own way home - after hopping on a river ferry. Devastated owner Vivienne Oxley had given up hope of finding the six-year-old Jarvis, reported The Sun newspaper. He vanished into undergrowth as they spent a day out in a country estate in Cornwall - the other side of the River Tamar from their home in Plymouth, Devon. Vivienne, 56, frantically searched for the missing terrier in 865-acre Mount Edgcumbe park, Torpoint, with the help of a warden. After more than two hours she gave up and set off home. But on the way, the warden called her mobile to say crew on the Cremyll Ferry that crosses the river had seen a Jack Russell on board. It makes the ten-minute crossing between Mount Edgcumbe and Cremyll Quay in Plymouth every half hour. Then her husband Tony, 58, phoned to say Jarvis had arrived home - two miles from the ferry terminal - ahead of Vivienne. Amazed pharmacy worker Vivienne said: "I thought we'd lost him forever. But there he was, sitting in the window, wagging his tail as if nothing had happened."


Obscene New Zealand town: "The New Zealand town of Whakatane has found itself censored in cyberspace because the pronunciation of the word is close to the offensive F-word. The censorship was uncovered when a visitor to the tourist town on the east coast of the North Island tried to connect to the local council's wireless service called Freenet. His internet searches for "Whakatane'' were rejected, with the Freenet website offering the explanation that: "The content is filtered so this service is for legitimate use.'' WH is pronounced as a F among some Maori. Whakatane District Council spokesman Barney Dzowa said the problem lay with the pronunciation of the town's name where the "wh'' takes an "f'' sound. "The content filter is an American-based product, and it does a phonetic analysis of what has been typed in,'' he said. "Whakatane, to the system, sounds like an F-word.'' Now the problem has been discovered the council has had the name added to a list of words capable of overriding the content filter."


But officer, it was only 20 litres of beer: "A motorist stopped by Bulgarian police after a minor traffic accident admitted he had drunk 20 litres of beer - and promptly passed out, local TV reported. The man had a blood alcohol reading more than double the level usually considered lethal, bTV TV said. The 25-year old driver, who was not named, registered 0.851 blood alcohol content. Bulgaria's legal limit is 0.05 percent, and 0.40 is often fatal. Bulgarian police have upped the number of road checks lately following a spate of serious accidents. More than 1000 people were killed in road accidents in 2007 in Bulgaria, which has a population of 7.7 million."


Nothing suspicious?????: "A man who was found with his head severed by a chainsaw was fighting to stay in a block of 70 flats in Hampshire cleared for redevelopment. David Phyall, 50, was the last tenant at the Atlantic Housing Ltd housing association flats in Eastleigh. His body was found by police on 5 July, who said his death was not suspicious. Post-mortem tests showed he died of a "complete transection of the neck". An inquest was opened and adjourned at Winchester Coroner's Court on Friday. A spokesman for the coroner said: "As far as we know nobody else was involved.
"There's nothing suspicious about the death. It was in his flat on Bodmin Road. "The place is all due to be redeveloped. He was the last resident left there. He lived there alone." A Hampshire Constabulary spokeswoman confirmed his death was not suspicious."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 11:39 AM

 


Update:

Comments facility now added

Thanks be unto Haloscan
posted by bussorah at 11:30 AM

 


Templates, templates

Well, as you see, I am still using my "old" template for this blog. It is super simple and I have always liked the look it gives to the blog. I changed to a more "modern" template only because the archive links were not working properly. Blogger.com have however since issued new code for that and the archive listings are once again complete.

The only remaining issue is comments. They were enabled by my previous template but were very little used. So I think I will keep my template as-is and install a Holoscan comments facility whenever I get the time for it. Meanwhile, I also have a very under-utilized email address! Email me if you have any strong views about how the blog looks.
posted by bussorah at 12:57 AM

 


Sexy or silly?



It's a skinny model named Miranda Kerr






THE NEWS

Family forgets girl, 4, at airport: "A four-year-old girl was left behind at Israel's Ben Gurion international airport overnight as her mother, father and four siblings rushed to catch a flight to Paris, police said. "I saw a little girl in tears. She was looking for her parents," a policewoman said. "Luckily she was able to give me her name. I grabbed her and ran to the gates but it was too late," the plane had just taken off, she said. According to police, the girl's parents only realised she was missing when the pilot of the plane informed them just as the aircraft was taking off. The incident was a stark reminder of the early 90s US box office hit Home Alone in which a little boy was accidentally left alone as his family rushed to the airport and flew to Paris for a Christmas holiday. But unlike the movie, there was a happy ending for the little girl who was able to join her parents. She was flown to Paris on the next flight out accompanied by a flight attendant."




Raging bull causes mayhem in city traffic: "Stunned motorists were confronted with the sight of a 500kg bull charging straight at them yesterday when a show-bound bovine made a bid for freedom down one of Brisbane's busiest inner-city roads. The bull must have gotten stage fright at the thought of being led around at the city's EKKA parade and hoofed it while being unloaded from a cattle truck at the RNA showgrounds. The bull caused mayhem as he charged down Bowen Bridge Road - towards Brisbane's major hospital - with his handlers in hot pursuit. Country resident Kathleen Moffatt from Miles in the state's south west saw the bull escape and gave chase on foot. "I was just keeping up with it so we could contain it and know where it was," she said. "You've got to tell these city people that the next time someone is running up the street behind a bull to just stop and not get out of their car and try to wrangle it for us." One motorist almost ran over it while driving to work. "Most of the traffic stopped and there were cars and people following it trying to keep the traffic away," the driver said. It ended up outside a camping shop where it headbutted and smashed the store's glass frontage. Police closed a section of the street as a posse of 15 cowboys was called in to herd the bull on to a cattle truck."


Police arrest woman who left her wallet in stolen purse: "A Berea woman who left her wallet in a purse she allegedly tried to steal was arrested Thursday. Police say Kimberly Jo Kirby, 44, stole a purse and hid other merchandise inside it Thursday evening while she was in the JC Penney in Richmond Mall. When a store employee confronted Kirby outside the store, she dropped the purse and tried to punch the employee with keys in her fist, police say. She then sped away in a vehicle. The employee discovered that Kirby left her wallet, which included her identification, inside the purse, and turned over the items to police. Kirby later contacted JC Penney to see whether her wallet had been found. She then went to the Richmond Police Department to retrieve it after an employee told her it was turned over to them, police said. Kirby was arrested and charged with second degree robbery"


No nudity please, we're Italian: "Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian Prime Minister and media tycoon, is noted for his appreciation of the female form. Today however the Italian press accused him of Victorian prudery after a nude breast in a reproduction of a painting by Giambattista Tiepolo at Palazzo Chigi, the Prime Minister's residence, was covered up. Mr Berlusconi chose the painting, entitled "Truth Revealed by Time", as the backdrop for his press conferences at Palazzo Chigi after he took office for the third time in May. However the bosom of a generously proportioned female figure in the painting has mysteriously been draped in what appears to be a strategically placed gauze tunic.



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 2:20 PM

 


Cowgirl wisdom

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.

On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.

Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope". She slides her hands further down and gasps. "Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.

"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.

Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey? Am I hurting you?"

"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!"





THE NEWS

Ohio landlord angered by street crime advertises 'Drugs & Sex For Sale 24/7' on his building : "One Cincinnati landlord is so exasperated by street crime outside his building that he's posted a large sign announcing "Drugs & Sex For Sale 24/7." John Wallen says most tenants have fled his apartment building because of drug-dealing and prostitution on the street. The large sign that he put up on Friday urges passers-by to call the City Council to help get the area cleaned up. Councilwoman Roxanne Qualls says Wallen has every right to be angry. She says police should be more aggressive about cracking down on the drugs sellers and prostitutes on Wallen's block and she promises to take the matter up with the police chief. Wallen says police come quickly every time he calls but criminals always come back once the police drive off."


Germany: Nudists told to cover up: "German nudists have been told to cover up on a beach after the removal of border fences with Poland. The view of nature lovers -- which has so upset Polish politicians on the Baltic coast that they're accusing the Germans of being 'perverts' -- only came to light because of new EU rules. But German holiday-makers say their neighbours are only getting an eyeful because they use binoculars. Polish councillor Edward Zajac from the Swinoujscie region on Poland's north west coastal border says the sight of naked Germans on the nearby beach is offensive and that 'undressing is a perversion.' ... The nude beach had been hidden for decades but became visible when Poland joined the EU's Schengen agreement on a borderless Europe last December and took down border fences that had blocked views onto the beach."


It's electric: 0-100 kmh in 3.9 seconds: "HOLLYWOOD stars anxious to prove their green credentials are paying more than $100,000 for a sexy electric sports car now rolling out in the US. The sleek Tesla Roadster, pictured, is modelled on the Lotus Elise, and goes from 0-100 kmh in 3.9 seconds. With a top speed of 200 kmh, the two-seater has a range of 370 kilometres between recharges of its lithium ion batteries. Actors George Clooney, Matt Damon and Jenny McCarthy, boxer George Foreman and singer Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas are among those on the year-long waiting list. A dozen Teslas are already on Californian roads. The company founded by PayPal billionaire Elon Musk, plans to produce 10,000 Tesla sedans next year at a plant in New Mexico."


Pay to play in Britain: "British athletes may already be driven to win a medal at the Beijing Olympics but now they could win a sports car as well. Competitors are being offered bonuses of up to $40,000, an Alfa Romeo car and even colour-coded champagne as an extra incentive to win medals. It is the first time that such rewards have been offered to members of Team GB at an Olympic Games. Among the disciplines to benefit are track and field, sailing and judo. However, the athletes will still be the poor relations of sport. The England Twenty20 cricket team have been promised $1,000,000 a man if they win one match in Antigua in November, while the England rugby team will share $5m if they win the World Cup."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:37 PM

 


A king is crowned

Tonga got a new king yesterday:









Story of the coronation is here. Tonga is an island nation in the Pacific.







THE NEWS

Missouri woman, 97, says her cat's yowling saved her from a house fire : "A 97-year-old woman says her cat's early morning yowling saved her from a house fire. Grace George, of Independence, said her cat Boo Boo's yowling from an open bedroom window early Wednesday woke her up from a sound sleep. "I got so aggravated," George said. "I didn't know why she was doing that." George picked up the black and gold brindle, a stray she had taken in about 15 years earlier, and felt her way through the dark house until she reached the kitchen. It was just 4 a.m., and she wanted more sleep. So she started to put the cat outside. Then she smelled smoke. "I knew I had to get out of the house," said George, seated Thursday on a sofa in her daughter's house, just down the block. George ran toward the street in the rain, and flagged down the third car she saw. "Thank God it was a lady," she said. "All I had on was bikini underwear and a tank top." Firefighters got Boo Boo out of the house safely and administered oxygen."


Banana and peach surprise on menu: "A pizza restaurant in China has confused customers by using banana and peach signs on the gents and ladies toilet doors. The fruity markings were spotted by officials in Zhengzhou city conducting research on the city's public signs who concluded that more than 60% are unclear. Researchers said that during the 10 minutes they spent outside the pizza restaurant toilets all 12 customers were confused and hesitated before going inside. "We were not sure which one stands for men. Does the banana represent a slim woman?" said a male customer. Other strange toilets signs were discovered, including ones that used pictures of a waterfall on the gents toilet door and rain on the ladies."


Romantic Rob's corny proposal: "Love was in the air when Sarah Garside's childhood sweetheart invited her for a fun flight in a plane. Moments after take-off she was greeted by the sight of Robert Szabo's marriage proposal - in the form of a massive crop pattern. A huge love heart in the cornfield below contained the words: "Sarah marry me." Sarah, 24, from Melton Mowbray, Leicestershire, burst into tears and said: "Yes." "It was the greatest day of my life. The most romantic thing anyone has ever done," she told the Daily Mirror. "My hand flew over my mouth, I couldn't believe it. I was in shock. When I caught my breath, I said yes. Ten seconds later Robert put the ring on my finger." Robert, who works as a Project Manager, came up with the unusual idea after seeing pictures of fields ploughed in different designs by his brother James, who works on computer software for farming technology."




Britain's first new steam engine for 50 years puffs out of locomotive works: "The first new steam engine built in Britain for almost 50 years pulled slowly out of Darlington Locomotive Works yesterday to loud applause, a blizzard of camera flashes and a guaranteed future running the length of the national rail network. Tornado, a replica of the A1 Peppercorn Pacific class, has taken 18 years to build and cost almost $6 million. With sponsorship from some of Britain’s leading engineering companies, funds have come from steam enthusiasts across the country through deeds of covenant and a bonds issue. About 250 people made the journey to the shed where it was built to see the engine, belching steam and blowing its whistle, move for the first time under its own power. Numbered 60163, it has been built according to the blueprint for one of the last classes of engine built in this country, with up-to-date modifications and electronics to comply with today’s regulations for mainline running".



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 6:45 PM

 


Something crazy is going on

People using IE6 stopped being able to access this blog a few hours ago.

I have however reverted to the original template and that is working
posted by bussorah at 5:29 PM

 


Vicious dog

One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by.

Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.

Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied.

"I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died."

Dave then asked who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well."

"Can I borrow your dog?"

"Get in line." replied the man.





THE NEWS

'Let me die in prison, I like it here', says killer: "A double murderer wants to stay in jail for the rest of his life because he likes it there. Victorian Peter John Howard drugged, shot, beheaded and dismembered his own mother, and disposed of her body. A dozen years later, his crime undetected, he killed again, stabbing a neighbour up to 50 times because she was too friendly. Now 76, and serving at least 15 years for that crime, he finally confessed to his mother's murder. Pleading guilty yesterday, he told Supreme Court judge Betty King he had no remorse for either killing, saying he "never lost a night's sleep" over his mother's grisly end. And he felt safer in jail than in the outside world, where it was not safe for an old man living alone, and wanted never to be freed. "I have no relatives, no friends, no family," he told the judge. "I have some measure of security and comfort there (in jail), as I have company as well. I have settled on the idea quite definitely that I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life in the prison system. "I didn't feel safe in the community, to be honest with you . . . in many ways I feel a lot safer in prison than I would outside."


Pilgrim pesterer found dead in prison: "A 27-year-old French man has died in a jail cell after being arrested during the peak of the celebrations for World Youth Day. A spokesman for the New South Wales Department of Corrective Services said the man was found dead in a cell inside the Silverwater Remand Centre at 9.45am this morning, but would not make any further comment, The Daily Telegraph reported. A spokesman for the French Consulate told The Sydney Morning Herald that the man was not a World Youth Day pilgrim. The consular spokesman identified the man as Herve Youdem, 27, who had arrived to Australia on June 18 as a tourist. He did not want consular assistance after his arrest and appeared to have pyschiatric issues. Youdem had been arrested for offensive behaviour during an altercation with a pilgrim at the World Youth Day celebrations in Sydney last week, the spokesman said, and charged with wilful obscene exposure and resisting arrest."


Bandit bungles cafe holdup, leaves a tip: "It isn't often that a business actually makes money on a holdup. Then again, Friday's attempted armed robbery of a Metairie restaurant was far from normal. A man dressed as a woman in a wig and pink top tried to rob Joe's Cafe, 3616 N. Causeway Blvd., early Friday, according to a Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office incident report. Not only did the robber flee without getting any cash from the business, he actually left some of his own money behind. The suspect walked into the restaurant about 12:45 a.m. dressed in a pink jogging suit top and black pants while wearing a black wig with blonde streaks, the report said. He was carrying a brown purse and wearing sunglasses. An employee behind the counter, who is not being identified by The Times-Picayune, said Monday she could tell immediately that the robber was a man. The robber approached the counter and ordered two doughnuts. The robber opened his purse and handed the worker a $5 bill, the report said. As the employee opened the cash register, the robber pulled a handgun from the purse and mumbled something she couldn't understand, the report said. The employee started screaming for someone to call 911. "I guess I kind of panicked," she said. "I hit the floor." The robber fled without trying to take any money from the register. He got away, but he left behind the $5 as well as the doughnuts"


Town Government Shuts Down, Few Notice: "(Portage, Ohio) Mayor Richard Gill of the small community of Portage (pop. 426) was notified last Friday of a problem with the town's insurance coverage so he suspended all village operations. The local government effectively ceased to exist with no police patrols nor other town services. Crime scene tape sealed off the local public park. The insurance problem was ultimately resolved and the government began functioning again yesterday. Interestingly, it's reported that few people noticed the lack of government. Heh."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:10 PM