Thoughts both serious and not

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Some good answers

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A. Rose Marie: No- wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!




THE NEWS

When you want something, talk into the right ear: "Next time you want something, direct your request to your target's right ear. In experiments performed at disco, a team of Italian researchers and their female accomplice tried just that approach. Her mission: to bum a smoke: "If she spoke into your right ear, you would be twice as likely to give her a cigarette than if she asked by your left ear," according to a new study that employed this methodology in the clubs of Pescara, Italy. "Of 88 clubbers who were approached on the right, 34 let the researcher bum a smoke, compared with 17 of 88 whom she approached on the left," reports Wired.com. The Daily Telegraph has a stab at explaining why: "Known as the 'right ear advantage', scientists believe it is because information received through the right ear is processed by the left hand side of the brain which is more logical and better at deciphering verbal information than the right side of the brain."


Survey: People hate to give up their phone: “Most Americans would rather give up alcohol for a week than give up their cell phone for the same time period, a survey conducted for Best Buy indicated. Nearly 60 percent of respondents said they’d rather abstain from drinking rather than put away their cell phones for a week, results released Tuesday of the survey by GFK Roper showed. Respondents also said they’d rather give up television for a week, 33.1 percent; survive on bread and water, 11.5 percent; even have their teeth drilled by a dentist, 14.5 percent, than do without their mobile phone.”


Turkish barman kills foolish German youth: "A [Berlin] barman has been jailed for three years and five months after tricking a teenager into downing at least 45 shots of tequila during a drinking bet that resulted in the 16-year-old's death. While the boy was knocking back tequila, the 28-year-old barman, identified as Aytac G, drank mainly water. The 16-year-old slipped into a coma and died four weeks later from alcohol poisoning. The court convicted the barman of manslaughter over the February 2007 incident in Berlin." [This tragedy has been much discussed and deplored in Germany and we read here that the barman did not mean to kill the boy, named as Lukas W., and deeply regrets it]


Snuggie sellers laugh all the way to the bank: "It's the daggy blanket with sleeves that makes you want to snigger. But Snuggie sellers are the ones laughing all the way to the bank. The Snuggie has sparked a global cult following, Facebook fan clubs and close to seven million sales since being unleashed in America late last year. Parodies of the product's cheesy TV ad - which suggests wearing the oversized smock as you drink, eat, use a laptop, knit, roast marshmallows over a camp fire and even cheer on your favourite team sport - are a YouTube hit. Satirists mocking the monkish image warn it resembles a ridiculous robe worn backwards, and will cripple your sex and social life. But as jokes fly thick and fast, sales have surpassed expectations. Comfy is apparently not so corny in the middle of a financial meltdown. The initial run sold out in the US, where brave souls even donned the Snuggie for Barack Obama's inaugural address in icy Washington DC in January. But most owners prefer to stay in the closet, or at least curled on the couch in the privacy of their home." [Advertising video at link]



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:15 PM

 


Wacko Jacko

It's probably a bit disrespectful so soon after his death but the Michael Jackson jokes are flying thick and fast all over the place. Below is a sampling

*Michael Jackson hasn’t been this stiff since Macully Culkin spent the night at Neverland Ranch.

*Because Jackson’s body was 95% plastic, he will be melted down and turned into legos, this way kids can play with him for a change.

*Reports that Michael Jackson has died of a heart attack in his home are untrue… He actually died having a stroke in the children’s ward.

*In the spirit of recycling, Michael Jackson will be melted down into plastic party cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.

*In accordance with Michael Jackson’s will, little boys’ pants shall be flown at half-mast today.

*Doctors are looking into claims that MJ’s death could have been caused by an allergic reaction from eating 12 year old nuts.

*I heard Michael Jackson died of food poisoning from eating a 5 year old wiener.

*Michael Jackson will always be with us… he is not biodegradable.

*Farrah Fawcett arrived at the Pearly Gates and God asked her what he could do for her having led such an honest life. Farrah asked God to simply make sure the children of the world were safe. Five minutes later, Michael Jackson died.

*MJ’s dying wish was to be melted down and turned into straws so he can still get sucked on by kids.

*It has been released that MJs last wish was that he wants to be melted down and made into a slide so kids can go down on him forever.

*In memory of MJ’s death, McDonald’s is coming out with the new “McJackson”. It’s 50 year old meat between 12 year old buns.

*Michael Jackson’s ashes are going to be put in an Etch A Sketch so kids can still twiddle his knob.

*Michael Jackson’s death has now been ruled a suicide. Apparently doctors told him that the only way he could get whiter is if he died.

*Only in America can someone be born a poor black kid, and die a rich white woman.

*Madonna sent her condolences to the Jackson family. Then asked how much they wanted for the kids.

*Breaking News: Casper the friendly ghost was molested in the early hours of this morning!

*Michael Jackson’s last words: “Take me to the Children’s Hospital!”

*What was Michael Jacksons last hit? The floor!

*Michael Jackson died of a heart attack. He really shouldn’t have looked at the man in the mirror.





Hold on to your lunch!

It's the latest addition to the Sears Tower in Chicago. It's called the Ledge, and it's intended to give visitors never-before-seen views of the city. It is not, however, for the faint of heart. The glass box, on the 103rd floor, juts out just over four feet from the building and it allows visitors to stare more than 1,300 feet straight below them.






THE NEWS

A real-life cock and bull story: "A horny bull born with two penises has become a tourist attraction in remote Zoborie, central Russia, where visitors are flocking to see him. And owner Jevgeny Trofimov has turned down offers from vets to remove one of the organs. "I think he should stay as nature made him - and I don't think the bull would be very happy either," he said."




Dog lives after 900kg horse squashes it: "They look like buddies, but it will take Berry the chihuahua a while to forgive Leroy the horse after he accidentally stomped on his head with the force of his 900kg body weight. Berry was nearly squashed flat when her pal, a 900kg (140-stone) Clydesdale, stepped backwards on to her head, reports the Metro newspaper. "There was just this little tiny bit of her nose sticking out. "I thought she was dead,'" said the animals' owner, 24-year-old Abbey Newton. A vet gave Berry 24 hours to live and suggested she be put down but instead Ms Newton took her home. By the morning, the happy dog had bounced back, said Ms Newton, adding: "She just got up and ate my other dog's breakfast." It's not the first time intrepid Berry has got into trouble. She has already had a bowel operation after eating a nappy and broke her tail leaping off a sofa. And she still darts obliviously between Leroy's hooves, said Ms Newton, from Geelong, near Melbourne. "She just seems to be spring-loaded," she added." [Love the horse. Not so sure about the dog]


NC: Dead man gets second jury duty summons: “The North Carolina family of a man who died in 1995 said the deceased has received his second post-mortem jury duty summons. Robin Lecin said a jury duty notice for her father, Irving Lecin, arrived Friday at her Greensboro home, which belonged to the patriarch before his death …. another of Lecin’s daughters, said she and her sister tried to have her father’s name purged from the jury rolls after he was summoned for duty two weeks after his death, but the attempt apparently was unsuccessful. ‘And they spelled his name wrong,’ Polinsky said of the latest summons. The sisters said they plan to visit the courthouse in person to make sure officials understand that their father is dead.”




Olympic swim star Flavia Zoccari in wardrobe malfunction: "It's the wardrobe malfunction to end all wardrobe malfunctions. Italian Olympic swimmer Flavia Zoccari was forced to sit out a championship race at the Mediterranean Games yesterday after her bathing costume burst open in a very unfortunate place. Flavia, 22, was wearing the controversial £318 top-of-the-line Jaked J01 swimsuit when disaster struck at the Games in Pescara, Italy."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:08 PM

 


A British fashion trendsetter?

It's actually less absurd than most of what one sees on Paris fashion catwalks



Story (such as it is) here. That is tape over her nipples, It's not part of the blouse.






This little piggy...







THE NEWS

Tourists slugged $1000 for simple meal: "A restaurant in Rome which presented a Japanese tourist with a bill for nearly 700 euros ($1000) after a meal with his fiancee has been closed down by the authorities, Il Messaggero daily reported. The young couple, who have not been named, were outraged by the 695 euro bill on June 19 which included two plates of pasta, a bottle of water, a bottle of wine and a fruit salad. The service charge alone was 115 euros ($200). Their protests however were brushed off by the manager of the restaurant, located close to the tourist hub of Piazza Navona. Il Messaggero said that the closure notice followed a raid by health inspectors and pricing investigators, ordered by the Italian capital's mayor, which found a series of breaches of hygiene and administrative regulations."


High-heeled wonder: "A woman has recorded what is believed to be the highest blood alcohol reading in Queensland this year, going more than eight times the legal limit. Police breathalysed the 43-year-old after she left the scene of a crash on Redland Bay Road at Capalaba on Brisbane's southside yesterday. Police said her damaged car was intercepted about 500m away and the driver recorded a positive roadside breath test. In a further breath analysis she allegedly recorded a reading of 0.413 but according to police was able to walk in a straight line, wearing high heels. However because of the high reading the woman was taken to hospital and will be interviewed at a later date." [She must have been heavily alcohol-habituated]


"Old Auntie" gets desperate: "A United Airlines flight attendant has been arrested for allegedly rubbing the hand of a teenager while making inappropriate comments during a fight from Los Angeles to Chicago. Jamie Daria Samia, 57, from California, was charged with misdemeanour battery and released on bond following the incident, a local police spokesperson said. The 16-year-old passenger’s father told police that Mr Samia rubbed his hand and made inappropriate comments throughout the four-hour flight, despite the passenger asking Mr Samia to stop and pulling his hand away, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. Mr Samia was arrested at O’Hare International Airport after the flight landed. “Our priority is the safety and security of all of our customers, and we are fully cooperating with law enforcement officials on the investigation,” United said. [An "old auntie" is an aging homosexual. Loss of looks is often disastrous for homosexuals. It's probably only anti-discrimination law that kept him in his job]


British woman finds lost cat on TV: "A WOMAN has been reunited with her missing cat after watching it wandering around the set of a live political talk show. British woman Jackie Ellery was sitting at home last Thursday night when a friend called and told her to watch a BBC program, the Daily Mail reports. Mrs Ellery was then shocked to see ginger tom Tango wandering around the set of talk show Question Time, which was filming at a school in her hometown of Cornwall. Tango soon stole the spotlight from the politicians and pundits on the panel, before a stage manager darted across the set and collected Ms Ellery's pet - who has since become a minor celebrity in Cornwall. "It's lovely," Mrs Ellery said. "He's a mischievous cat anyway and because we live so close to the school he's often in the school grounds. "I've even been asked for his paw-tograph." Tango and Mrs Ellery were reunited later that night."


Men agree thin, seductive women most attractive: "When it comes to the question of who's hot or not, research has found that beauty is skin deep for men and in the eye of the beholder for women. The study by psychologists from a North Carolina university has found that men are much more likely to come to a consensus when defining what they find attractive in the opposite sex. The study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, could mean it's not just money and security that lures many attractive young women to far less attractive older men. The study, perhaps not surprisingly, found men's view on the attractiveness of different women was defined by physical features, with women who looked thin and seductive getting the highest ratings. Men also were particularly attracted to women who appeared confident. Women showed a more diverse range of responses, with some rating particular men very attractive while other women found the same men not attractive at all. Although men don't have the same pressure to conform to a certain look, they do face greater competition given more men will be attracted to the same women. The study found our attitude to what we are looking for in a potential mate changed with age, as older people were more likely to find people attractive if they were smiling."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 8:03 PM

 


Some new proverbs

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your rear tomorrow.






THE NEWS

I kinda understand this guy: "A bride on her honeymoon has been left at the airport because her new husband thought she had spent too long in the toilet. The Saudi couple were preparing to fly home after an idyllic honeymoon in Malaysia. But after only a week of married life, the couple's romance came to a dramatic end after the bridegroom decided his wife simply spent too long in the bathroom at Kuala Lumpur International Airport. His solution was simple. Get on the plane without her. The woman in question, a teacher, had gone to use the facilities before boarding a flight back to Saudi Arabia. Quite how long she stayed in the toilet was unclear. What is certain is she emerged to discover her husband had vanished without trace. The woman, who had paid for the holiday, began a desperate search of the airport. According to newspaper the Saudi Gazette , she grew increasingly concerned that something terrible had happened to him. It eventually emerged that he had in fact boarded a plane. When he arrived at his destination, he calmly told relatives his new wife was still in Malaysia. His bride, however, was not so calm about his behaviour. She has demanded an immediate divorce".


Dog eats boy's passport, holiday ruined: "A US teenager using a classic excuse for evading schoolwork missed a class trip to Peru despite his tale being true: The dog ate his passport. Officials at Chicago's O'Hare airport told 17-year-old Jon Meier the chewed-on document was fine, but authorities in Miami rejected it and wouldn't let him board the southbound aircraft. His family's one-year-old golden retriever, Sunshine, chewed a corner of the document, obscuring some numbers. Meier couldn't get another passport in time to join the trip with his Spanish class from Eau Claire North High School. The 12-day trip ended on Monday. Meier says he can't blame anyone, not even Sunshine. “I love her too much,” he said.


Man allegedly demands sex to return lost dog: "Los Angeles County prosecutors allege that a convicted sex offender tried to extort a teenager by demanding cash or sex for the return of her lost dog. Deputy District Attorney Jan Perlstein says 27-year-old Alfredo Dempkey has been scheduled for arraignment on Tuesday afternoon on a count of attempted extortion. Prosecutors say the Lancaster resident found the dog on Friday and used information on its tags to contact the owner. A meeting was arranged at a fast-food restaurant, where Dempkey was arrested. The dog was returned to its owner. Prosecutors plan to ask that bail for Dempkey be set at $US170,000.


Prisoner jailed for stealing from jail: "Even the judge rated it as one of the dumbest crimes he'd ever heard. Western Michigan University student William K. Bradley was already serving time when he the opportunity for him to extend his sentence arose. In attempting to steal the computer from the Kalamazoo County jail where he was already imprisoned, the 25-year-old managed to add another six months to his sentence. Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr said it was “the dumbest crime I’ve heard today”. “It may be in the top half-dozen in my career,” he said. Bradley, who with the attempted theft from the jail has now racked up six felonies and four misdemeanours, pleaded with the judge for home arrest, but perhaps curtailed his chances a little with the admission to the judge: “I’m not the best criminal.”


Lots of Australians can't spell: "Sydneysiders and Melburnians have been left red-faced after a survey showed more than two-thirds of them have trouble spelling the word embarrass. The Galaxy survey asked 400 people aged over 16 years to spell eight commonly misspelled words. About 70 per cent could not spell ''accommodation'', one in two people spelled ''accessory'' wrong and a quarter had trouble with ''February''. Other tricky words included ''guarantee,'' ''opportunity,'' ''eighth'' and ''receipt''. The survey found women were better spellers than men. Only seven per cent of participants in Sydney and Melbourne received 100 per cent. The survey found people aged 25 to 34 have some homework to do, ranking among the worst spellers. Children's author Deborah Abela said spell check and text message abbreviations were harming people's spelling skills. "It can impact on how people perceive general intelligence and can even affect one's ability to get and keep a job,'' she said. Westpac commissioned the survey and sponsors the NSW Premier's Spelling Bee for primary school pupils which begins in July." [I must admit that I find it hard to remember that there are two "m"s in "accommodation". I did however rather admire a restaurant that used to list "omlets" on its menu board. Perfectly logical. I spoilt the fun however when I eventually told them that it was "omelette"]



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 11:33 AM

 


A bad day at the office

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won

Hi Marilyn:

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day? May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!! Pass this on to all your friends, just in case they're having a bad day!!!





A disused railway line?

One hopes so








THE NEWS

India: Hot chili grenades: “Indian scientists are to put one of the world’s hottest chilli powders into hand grenades. They say the devices will be used to control rioters and in counter-insurgency operations. Defence researchers say the idea is to replace explosives in small hand grenades with a certain variety of red chilli to immobilise people without killing them.”




A good advertisement for Frito chips?: "A prostitute was busted by police for having sex in public after she exchanged her services for a $30 case of Frito-Lay crisp chips. Lahoma Sue Smith, 36, has been found guilty of committing the act in her vehicle and was fined $1,142 by the local law enforcement, says Anorak News from Oklahoma. See her photo above. According to a police report, officers spotted the woman flashing her headlights in order to procure a "date". They then tailed Smith's car and found her with her blouse undone, while her male companion in the passenger seat pulled up his pants. The man told police that he was experiencing marital difficulties and knew that he could pick up a prostitute in the vicinity. Smith said that the gentleman told her that he was seeking company and did not have any currency, so she agreed to be paid with the case of crisps located in the back of his vehicle."




Boxing grandpa knocks thief out cold: "A would-be thief made the worst mistake of his career after breaking into the house of a retired Army boxer. Gregory McCalium, 23, fronted court yesterday with a black eye and a fat lip after he was busted - and subsequently bashed - by 71-year-old Frank Corti in Mr Corti’s house in Oxford, UK. Mr Corti said he was woken in the middle of the night by noises in his house and was confronted by the knife-wielding McCalium when he went to investigate. He said McCalium “took a slash” at him, but Mr Corti ducked and threw two big right hooks at the lout. And Mr Corti knows how to throw a right hook – he was famous for it as a featherweight in the Royal Engineers. The blows almost knocked McCalium out, allowing Mr Corti to perform a citizens’ arrest and wait for the police. McCalium’s lawyer told the court his client “looked like a car accident”. “Photos of the scene looked more like a murder scene,” he told the court. The judge wasn’t moved, saying McCalium “got what he deserved” before sentencing him to four-and-a-half years’ jail."


Italians happy to put faith in sorcerors: "Nearly 18 per cent of the Italian population - 11 million people - trusts self-styled sorcerers and healers, a consumer watchdog says. The group Telefono Antiplagio has found more than 16,000 cases of people being scammed by sorcerers and healers since 1994. There are 155,000 sorcerers and healers active in Italy. Every day, 33,000 people see sorcerers or astrologers in Italy, the group found in a study. The top reason for seeing a sorcerer is to soothe a broken heart (46 per cent), followed by health problems (25 per cent), violence (22 per cent) and trouble at work (seven per cent)".




What men want in a wife: "What makes an ideal wife? Brains, beauty or child-bearing hips? When Jane Austen wrote it was "a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife", she was writing, even then, with irony. Two centuries on, the very term "wife", let alone the idea that a man may be looking for one, seems almost quaint. With the W word comes connotations of aprons, obedience and gossip over the back fence, not to mention unflattering variants like fishwife, housewife and trouble'n'strife. But while the W word may seem archaic, marriage remains hugely popular. Most men still choose to marry, even though they do so later in life than previous generations. So what do they look for when they choose a wife? A best friend, a sexpot, a maternal figure or a trophy? Do their true desires bear any resemblance to what women think men want? The answers are as varied as men themselves.... Atgemis recalls some advice his uncle gave him: "You're walking through a forest looking for a straight stick, but you're going to come through the other side empty-handed because there is no such thing as a straight stick." And his mother recently urged him to get on with it, prodding him about marriage. She pointed to his hairline, then his waist, before telling him, "You're going off. Find a wife, quickly."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:12 PM

 


Some amusing history: The U.S. Post Office and Valentine's Day cards

"It can take people a while to grasp the implications of a new communications system. When Thomas Edison invented his improved telephone receiver in 1877, he thought it would become a medium for broadcasting concerts and plays to remote auditoriums. For twenty-five years after radio was developed at the end of the nineteenth century, people chiefly regarded it as a means of ship-to-shore communication.

"Then there's the US Postal System. For the first half century after its founding, its main function was to circulate newspapers to a national audience. Not that you couldn't send letters, too, but the rates were much higher than for periodicals. In 1840, sending a letter from Boston to Richmond cost 25 cents a sheet, at a time when the average laborer made 75 cents a day. Postal inspectors were always on the alert for people who sent each other newspapers at the cheaper rate and added coded personal messages by putting pin pricks in certain letters.

"That all changed in 1845, when Congress enacted the first in a series of laws that sharply reduced the cost of sending letters. The new rates led to a vast surge in personal correspondence and set up a communications revolution that the historian David Henkin has chronicled in a fascinating new book called The Postal Age.

"One dramatic effect of the cheaper postage was to allow Americans to keep in touch with one another in what was becoming the most mobile society on earth. But as Henkin recounts, the post was used for other purposes. Businesses made mass mailings of circulars, and swindlers sent out letters promoting get- rich-quick schemes. People sent each other portraits of themselves made with the recently invented daguerreotype process. They sent seeds and sprigs to distant friends and family eager for the smells of home. And, oh yes, they also sent valentines. "St. Valentine's Day was an ancient European holiday. Back in England, people drew lots to divine their future mates and exchanged love poems and intricately folded pieces of paper called 'puzzle purses,' the ancestors of the fortune-telling cootie-catchers that children still make today. But before the 1840s, puritan Americans almost completely disregarded the holiday, like the other saints' days of the Old World.

"The drop in postal rates set off what contemporaries described as 'Valentine mania.' By the late 1850s, Americans were buying 3 million ready-made valentines every year, paying anything from a penny to several hundred dollars for elaborate affairs adorned with gold rings or precious stones. People sent cards to numerous objects of their affection, often taking advantage of the possibilities for anonymity that the mail provided.

"That was alarming to moralists who complained that the postal system in general promoted promiscuity, illicit assignations, and the distribution of pornography - and actually, they weren't entirely wrong about any of that. But fully half of the valentine traffic consisted of comic or insulting cards that people sent anonymously to annoying neighbors or unpopular schoolmasters. By the time the craze tapered off a few decades later, people were sending each other cards for Christmas, Easter, and birthdays, as the greeting card became a fixture of American life."

(From Geoffrey Nunberg, "The Years of Talking Dangerously")





THE NEWS

Yuk! Michael Jackson autopsy: "Leaked details of Michael Jackson's autopsy reveal he had wasted away to a virtual skeleton, was almost bald and his body was riddled with needle marks. The results indicate 50-year-old Jackson was effectively anorexic, weighing just 50kg at the time he died, his stomach was empty except for a series of pills he had swallowed. Jackson was barely eating and was limiting himself to one meal a day, reported The Sun in London which obtained the autopsy findings. It is understood Jackson - who died at his rented Los Angeles mansion last Friday - was taking narcotic painkillers three times a day: The evidence of which was shown by numerous needle wounds on his body. Doctors also found surgery scars which they believe were the result of as many as 13 cosmetic operations in the past 20 years.




The latest Aston Martin is a Toyota!: "The next car for super spy James Bond may not be able to outrun gun-wielding baddies or rocket down a winding mountain pass, but it will at least be able to park in tight city streets and use less fuel than some hybrid cars. The world's most famous spy may soon be driving a frugal hatchback based on a $20,000 Toyota in an unusual matchup between Bond's preferred brand, Aston Martin, and the world's largest car maker, Toyota. Toyota and Aston Martin have joined forces to create a baby car that is likely to become a reality “in the not too distant future”. Toyota announced it will provide Aston Martin with the underpinnings of its Toyota iQ small car - the smallest four-seater in the world - as the basis for a new luxury commuter car to be exclusively built for, and sold to, Aston Martin owners. The most affordable Aston Martin, the V8 Vantage, will set you back the best part of $300,000. The radically different pairing will produce the Cygnet - a three-door city hatchback that borrows traditional Aston Martin design cues but uses Toyota's driving package. The Cygnet will be tailored specifically to customer requirements at Aston Martin's global headquarters in Britain".




Monster croc in Australia's wild North: "A monster croc - believed to be about 4.5m [15 ft.] long - has reappeared at a popular Northern Territory reserve. The huge saltie was seen sunning himself on the road at the Fogg Dam Conservation Reserve - a birdwatchers' paradise - at lunchtime yesterday. It is believed to be the same crocodile spotted at the reserve in March. The croc shocked visitors and daytripping family groups by stepping out of the swamp at Fogg Dam and sunbaking on the walkway. Birdwatcher Darryel "Biggles" Binns, 58, was surprised when the crocodile suddenly appeared behind him at the reserve, 60km from Darwin. "I thought it was a cow lying on the path at first," he said. The crocodile has the same distinctive marks near its back leg as the one spotted by wine salesman Brian Hammond in March. At the time Mr Hammond described the saltie as "the ultimate killing machine". Parks and Wildlife officers set a trap for the croc after the initial sighting, but the croc was too big and could not be caught. The croc appears to have no fear of humans and is not afraid to venture out of the water and on to the road. The Territory Government declared a 50 kilometre croc-free zone around Darwin after 11-year-old Briony Goodsell was taken by a huge saltie in Lambells Lagoon in March."


Airport Bribery Prevention (Kathmandu, Nepal): "The government's anti-corruption watchdog has become aware of rampant bribery being committed at Kathmandu's Tribhuvan International Airport. Apparently, complaints have been lodged because travelers wanting preferential treatment during screenings and inspections can easily slip some cash to airport workers. To address the "irregularities" (Nepalese for bribery), the Commission for the Investigation of Abuse of Authority (CIAA) has ordered that all airport officials be given trousers with no pockets. Yeah, that'll work."




Blackberry stops skier's plunge down crevasse: "Its owners are quick to admit they can’t live without it, but it took a British skier to plunge 20m down a crevasse to prove that a Blackberry can actually save your life. David Fitzherbert, of West London, was making his own tracks down a glacier on Switzerland's Matterhorn when the snow beneath him gave way. He plunged 20m down a crevasse before it narrowed to the point where his Blackberry – stashed in his top pocket – caught on a ledge and held him fast. Beneath him, the crevasse dropped away another 200-odd metres. “After 70 feet it narrowed and I became stuck like a cork in a bottle between the walls,” Mr Fitzherbert told UK tabloid The Sun. Mr Fitzherbert said he suffered a broken jaw, lost several teeth and nearly had his nose ripped off in the descent. He was rescued after his guide called for help and was stuck so fast he had to be drilled out. He spent 10 days in a hospital in Bern, where he was treated for extreme hypothermia and concussion. Needless to say, his phone supplier Vodafone was happy to hear the news of their product’s life-saving capabilities, especially given the fact Mr Fitzherbert was still able to use his beloved Blackberry to call his wife and tell her about the accident."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 2:00 PM

 


Visual aids -- old style







THE NEWS

As many people suspected ....: "The mother of two of Michael Jackson's children has claimed Jackson is not actually their father. Debbie Rowe made headlines 13 years ago when Jackson announced she would be the mother of his first child, Prince, now 12. Now she has told the News of the World that she was artificially inseminated with sperm for both births from an anonymous donor. “It's just like I impregnate my mares for breeding. It was very technical,” she said. "Just like I stick the sperm up my horse, this is what they did to me. I was his thoroughbred." The couple married at the Sheraton Hotel in Sydney in November 1996 while Rowe was pregnant with Prince, but she said the two of them never once had sex during their time together. Paris was conceived in the same manner, but complications with the birth left Rowe unable to bear any more children. She said it was at that stage the Jackson ended their relationship and paid her $9 million over nine years in exchange for custody of the children. "I got paid for it, and I've moved on. I know I will never see my children again." The mother of Jackson’s third child, Prince II, has always remained a mystery."


Teen injured after falling asleep in dumpster: A teenager has escaped with broken ribs after falling asleep in a dumpster and waking up inside the crusher jaws of a garbage truck south of Melbourne. The 19-year-old was trapped inside the truck's mechanical compactor early on Friday but screams alerted the driver of the truck, Ambulance Victoria says. His friend, who was also asleep in the industrial-sized garbage bin when its contents was emptied into the truck about 1.30am, was not injured. Paramedics arrived at an address in Narre Warren North Road, in Melbourne's outer southeast, within minutes of receiving the call. Paramedic Andrew Winkler said the two men were asleep in the dumpster when it was emptied. "Both were thrown into the back of the garbage truck, and the 19 year-old became caught in the mechanical compactor," Mr Winkler said in a statement. "Thankfully the truck driver heard their screams, and checked the back of the truck. "He found the man trapped in the compactor and was able to free him." The man suffered pain around his ribs which may have been fractured, as well as cuts, bruising and swelling. "The men are incredibly lucky that the truck driver heard their screams for help over the sound of the garbage compactor," Mr Winkler said."


St Paul 'remains' are 2000 years old: "Carbon-dating on fragments of bone from a body found in a tomb in the Basilica of St Paul have confirmed Pope Benedict's belief that the remains are those of the Apostle Paul. "This seems to confirm the unanimous and undisputed tradition that these are the mortal remains on the Apostle Paul," the pontiff said on the eve of today's Feasts of St Peter and St Paul. Peter and Paul are revered by Christians as the greatest early missionaries. Christian tradition had it that St Paul was buried together with St Peter in a catacomb on the Via Appia, before being moved to the basilica erected in his honor. But it was not until a stone sarcophagus was discovered there in 2006 that Vatican archeologists could apply scientific research to the religious tradition. Pope Benedict gave details of the discovery, saying a tiny hole had been drilled in the sarcophaguus to permit inspection of the interior, revealing "traces of a precious linen cloth, purple in color, laminated with pure gold, and a blue colored textile with filaments of linen". "It also revealed the presence of grains of red incense and traces of protein and limestone," the Pope said. "There were also tiny fragments of bone, which, when subjected to Carbon 14 tests by experts, turned out to belong to someone who lived in the First or Second Century."


Girl in shackles escapes would-be-rapist: "A six-year-old girl allegedly kidnapped by a would-be-rapist in the US has managed to escape from his apartment despite being in leg shackles. Plymouth District Attorney Timothy Cruz said the girl was found on Saturday afternoon (local time) as police searched the apartment complex in Hanover, about 32km southeast of Boston, where she and the suspect live. The girl's mother had reported her missing about 1:30pm. When she was found the girl pointed police officers to an apartment where she was imprisoned, Mr Cruz said. Police arrested Justin Shine, 26, after a struggle. The girl was taken to a hospital, but authorities declined to comment on her injuries".


Wimbledon admits good-looking players get centre court gigs: "Good looks count for more than tennis ability when it comes to choosing which women play on Wimbledon's centre court. A succession of easy-on-the-eye unknowns have appeared in Wimbledon's prime arena this year while some of the top women's seeds have been relegated to lesser courts. The All England Club admitted that physical attractiveness is taken into consideration. Spokesman Johnny Perkins said: "Good looks are a factor." A BBC source said: "It's the Wimbledon play committee, not us who decides on the order of play. "But obviously it's advantageous to us if there are good-looking women players on Centre Court. "Our preference would always be a Brit or a babe as this always delivers high viewing figures."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:14 PM

 


The 25 best exam blunders......

We all have to fail sometimes. But there's something glorious about failing with style.

1) Classical Studies
Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin

2) Biology
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie

3) General Studies
Question: Jeff has been asked to collect data about the amount of television his friends watch. Think of an appropriate question he could ask them.
Answer: How much TV do you watch?

4) Classical Studies
Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death?
Answer: Suspicious ones

5) Biology
Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease
Answer: Early death

6) Geography
Question: What are the Pyramids?
Answer: The Pyramids are a large mountain range which splits France and Spain

7) Biology
Question: What is a plasmid?
Answer: A high definition television

8) English
Question: In Pride and Prejudice, at what moment does Elizabeth Bennet realise her true feelings for Mr Darcy?
Answer: When she sees him coming out of the lake.

9) Geography
Question: What do we call a person forced to leave their home perhaps by a natural disaster or war, without having another home to go to.
Answer: Homeless

10) Religious Studies
Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called?
Answer: Monotony

11) Biology
Question: In the Hawaiian Islands, there are around 500 different species of fruit fly. Give a reason for this
Answer: There are approximately 500 varieties of fruit

12) Physics
Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels
Answer: Fire

13) Geography
Question: Define the term "intensive farming".
Answer: It is when a farmer never has a day off.

14) Maths
Question: Change 7/8 to a decimal
Answer: 7.8

15) Geography
Question: What does the term "lava" mean?
Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar

16) General Studies
Question: Redundancy is often an unpleasant and unexpected event in someone's life. Give two examples of unexpected life events.
Answer: 1) death 2) Reincarnation

17) History
Question: What was introduced in the Children's Charter of 1908?
Answer: Children

18) Business Studies
Question: Explain the word "wholesaler".
Answer: Someone who sells you whole items - eg, a whole cake

19) Geography
Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria

20) Geography
Question:What artificial waterway runs between the Mediterranean and Red Seas?
Answer: The Sewage Canal

21) Geography
Question: Name one famous Greek landmark
Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse

22) Maths
Question: Expand 2 (x + y)
Answer: 2 ( x + y )
2 ( . x . + . y . )
2 ( .. x .. + .. y .. )

23) Business Studies
Question: Assess Fashion House pls's choice to locate its factory near Birmingham. Is Birmingham the right location for this type of business?
Answer: No. People from Birmingham aren't very fashionable.

24) History
Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.

25) History
Question: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?
Answer: Unusual names.

Originally here





THE NEWS

“Cigarettes, whisky, and wild, wild women”: “Tomoji Tanabe, a Japanese retired civil engineer, had died peacefully in his sleep overnight. He was 113 years’ and 274 days’ old and had more than 50 great-grandchildren. Having foregone alcohol and cigarettes all his life, Tanabe had became the world’s oldest man in January 2007. That mantle has now passed to Mr Allingham — the first time a British person has ever held such a title. … Mr Allingham is quieter these days, but no codger at heart. In contrast to Mr Tanabe’s asceticism, he attributes his longevity to ‘cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women.’ The Air Mechanic First Class is best known publicly for his war record, because of the many public engagements he has attended — up to 70 some years — including regular meetings with the Queen, politicians and soldiers returning from theatres of war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Yet he dislikes talking about conflict, saying only: ‘War’s stupid. Nobody wins.’”


What utter crap!: "A London art gallery has unveiled a $62,000 masterpiece - a supermarket receipt for $150 worth of groceries bought by the museum's own curator. The piece by artist Ceal Floyer whose previous works include a black bin bag filled with air and beer mats propping up wobbly tables. Floyer insists a fresh receipt - based on her original bill for items that are all coloured white - should be created every time it is exhibited. Tate curator Andrew Wilson - who did the shopping trip this time around - said the piece is like a ''domestic still-life painting with the supposed purity of Modernist monochrome abstract painting."


Another despicable British "jobsworth" (rigid and petty rule-follower): "A coach driver refused to let a woman get off his vehicle near her home - even though she was desperate to get to her dying mum's hospital bedside. Sheila Gibbs was forced to stay on the coach for an hour as it took her 30 miles away from home - and then she had to retrace the route to collect her car so she could race to the hospital. By the time she got back to her home, however, she had been told that her mother, Kathleen Bicknell, 88, had died from hypothermia. "On the coach I got a phone call telling me mother had collapsed and was being attended to by paramedics," said Mrs Gibbs. "The coach was passing through Salisbury so I asked the driver if he would let me off. But he refused and I had to go all the way to Bournemouth and then travel back to Salisbury afterwards." "He just said he was not allowed to stop en route and it was not worth his job to do it. He said it might cause problems and if everyone did the same thing where would he be? "I just found it totally lacking in any kind of compassion. It meant I had to travel for two extra hours."




Stolen snake found after eating a tagged animal: "A stolen two-metre carpet python has been recovered after authorities homed in on a tracking device attached to an endangered animal which the snake had devoured. The snake was taken from the Western Australian Department of Environment and Conservation's Woodvale Research Centre sometime between June 19 and 22. The python ate the woylie, which is a small mammal, in the wild at Narrogin, complete with transmitter, and was brought to the centre so the tracking device could be removed from the snake. Conservation department officers in a plane yesterday traced the signal to a house in Heathridge yesterday afternoon. The officers and WA Police recovered the animal. Joondalup Police have charged a 31-year-old Heathridge man with receiving stolen goods."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:24 PM

 


Indians often do well in Britain

Arun Nayar is married to Elizabeth Hurley (below)



(Arun is half-German and announces himself with a posh English accent. He is the eldest son of Vinod Nayar, a Bombay businessman, and Gunnar, his German mother who set up a lucrative textiles company in the city 30 years ago. After his parents' separation when he was young, Arun was brought up by his mother and was sent to the John Connon School in Bombay before embarking on a top-drawer British education. See here)




THE NEWS

Sweden: City votes to let women go topless: “The sports and recreation committee in Malmo, Sweden, has voted to allow women to go topless in the city’s swimming pools. The board struck down a motion that stated: ‘Women with two-piece swimsuits ought to wear a top piece,’ after controversy was sparked by members of the feminist Just Breasts/Bare Breasts network made visits to the city’s pools sans bikini tops.”


Vodka kills as many Russians as a war: "The terrible cost of Russia’s love affair with vodka was laid bare in a study published yesterday. It blamed alcohol addiction for more than half of all deaths among Russians in their prime years and said that the scale of the carnage was comparable to a war. The report, which appeared in The Lancet, said that three quarters of deaths among men and half of deaths among women aged 15-54 were attributable to alcohol abuse. The mortality rate in Russia in this age group was five times higher for men and three times higher for women than in Western Europe. Professor David Zaridze, who led the international research team, calculated that alcohol had killed three million Russians since Mikhail Gorbachev tried and failed to restrict sales in 1987. He added: “This loss is similar to that of a war.” The study analysed the deaths of almost 49,000 people between 1990 and 2001 in Tomsk, Barnaul and Biysk, three industrial cities in Siberia with typical mortality rates. It concluded that alcohol was the cause of 52 per cent of mortalities; 13 times greater than the worldwide average."


British city official threatens old lady over her missing cat: "A pensioner was threatened with a £75 fine for putting up posters of her missing cat. When Sarah Sear, 63, received a phone call in response she thought it would be to give her the news that her beloved Siamese Alfie had been found. Instead the caller said he was from the council and that he would send someone round to enforce the fine for flyposting if Mrs Sear did not take down the posters. The pensioner, from Worthing, West Sussex, was left so upset by the call that she has taken down most of the posters - reducing the chances of finding her cat. She said yesterday: 'He said to me, "My boss will not be happy if he sees the posters". 'I was absolutely flabbergasted. At first, I thought it was a joke. I was absolutely beside myself as he was making me feel as though I had done something really terrible.' The call from the Worthing Borough Council worker came after Mrs Sear had stuck about 20 posters on to nearby phone boxes, trees and lampposts following her cat's disappearance three weeks ago. She added: 'I cannot understand why there was absolutely no sympathy from the man that called. Should missing pet posters really be classed as flyposting?' [But publicity brings a backdown, as usual]


Survey proves men really do prefer food over sex: "It's official: the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. A new study asking Australians to rank which everyday experiences give them the most pleasure has quashed the long-standing assumption that men prefer sex over food. The survey, conducted by Magnum icecream, polled almost 10,000 people across the country, The Advertiser reports. Men rated taste sensations as their top pleasure trigger, with physical arousal (including sex) coming in fourth. Personal accomplishment was second, then the need to relax. The results were reached through a "pleasure quotient test'', which uses a scale to determine the frequency and intensity to which individuals are stimulated by certain triggers".



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:16 PM

 


So how's your day going?






THE NEWS

PA: Pedestrians to carry flags to cross street: “To cross the street in Lemoyne: look left, look right, look left again. Then, grab a flag and go. ‘Let me see if I understand this correctly,’ Bob’s Bagels employee Rose Williams said. ‘You’re supposed to take the flag, cross the street, [and deposit it in the opposite bin]?’ That’s exactly right. Inspired by a similar effort in Kirkland, Wash., the project’s two-fold goal is to make pedestrians more visible and to remind drivers that pedestrians have the right of way, Lemoyne councilman John Judson said.”




Topless women slow down work on building site: "Darwin's tradies [tradesmen] have returned fire in the great Watergape scandal, accusing topless European backpackers of deliberately playing up to grab their attention. The Northern Territory News last week revealed that the backpackers were distracting workers at the Darwin Waterfront development, slowing progress on the building site. The Waterfront's new safe swimming beach and recreational lagoon has become a favourite hangout for the scantily clad Europeans since it opened to the public in April. British backpacker Penelope Smith, 19, said more than a dozen workers stood around and perved on her while she was sunbaking topless. But the workers told the Northern Territory News it was the backpackers who are trying to grab their attention. "They ask for it," one tradie told the Northern Territory News. "They come and sit right in front of where the tradies are. "They do it topless too - how do they get away with that?"


Kids' 'nuclear reactor' clears streets: "Two six-year-old boys pretending to have built a mini nuclear power plant prompted German police and the fire brigade to clear their street, authorities said today. The schoolchildren in the western town of Oelde had built the nuclear reactor mock-up out of a computer casing and taped a "radioactivity warning'' they had printed out from the Internet on its side. "When the boys returned to their 'nuclear power plant' from a brief stop at home they were sent away again as the area and a wide radius around it had been cleared and blocked off,'' police said in a statement. Residents were ordered not to leave their homes and firefighters tested for a radioactive leak. The boys' parents thought the fire department was conducting a drill until they read about the operation online and what led to it. They reported to the police station and explained their six-year-olds had not managed to build an actual nuclear reactor."


British church blesses fathers with beer: "Bottles of beer will be given to fathers who attend church, in an alternative "blessing" for Father's Day. A senior bishop has backed the move, which is part of a Church of England initiative to put a Christian emphasis on the annual celebration of fatherhood. Concerns over the lack of men attending services year-round has led clergy to offer a range of incentives today, including free beer, bacon rolls and chocolate bars. It is the first time that the Church has attempted to treat Fathers' Day in the same way as Mothering Sunday, which has traditionally formed part of its calendar. The plan to distribute ale has upset groups working to tackle alchohol abuse, but the Rt Rev John Inge, the Bishop of Worcester, said that it could help churches to attract more men. He argued that the free beer was intended to be symbolic of "the generosity of God".


Live alligator found on train: "Norwegian customs officials carrying out a routine check were shocked to find a live alligator in luggage on board a train bound for Oslo. The 75cm caiman reptile, which is on the list of endangered species, was found during a routine baggage control yesterday on a train travelling from the Swedish city of Gothenburg to Oslo, Norwegian customs inspector Wenche Fredriksen said. "It was in a ventilation tube inside a bag,'' she said. The reptile's owner, a 22-year-old man, said he bought the "pet'' in Poland where he was a student and wanted to bring it home to Norway. The caiman was turned over to veterinary authorities who were to decide its fate."


And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 5:09 PM

 


Apparently the classifieds below actually ran at different times in a Minneapolis newspaper

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES: Mother, AKC German Shepherd.. Father, Super Dog..able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG: Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK: $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES: California grown - 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE: Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, ot married last month. Wife knows everything.




THE NEWS

Europe asks horse owners to pledge not to eat their animals: "Horse owners will have to sign a pledge not to eat their animals under new EU legislation, it has been reported. The rule, aimed at continental Europe, where two million horses are reportedly eaten every year, will still have to be signed in Britain. Anyone who refuses to sign up to the regulations could face prison or an unlimited fine. Nigel Farage, leader of UKIP, said: "I'd like to be a fly on the wall when the Queen and Princess Anne are asked to sign a form saying they're not going to eat their horses. "Measures to stop the trade in horse flesh may be a good thing. But any common sense in Brussels is drowned by the sheer weight of ludicrous suggestions." The new law has left British horse and stable owners perplexed. Kate Gillanders, of Kindross, Pertshire, told The Sun "We don't see our horses as cattle. The thought of them being eaten is utterly repulsive. Brussels is poking its nose in where it should not be. "The EU knows nothing about me and cares even less. This nonsense is somebody else's obsession." The new regulations come into force on July 1. Horses born after this date, and those born before June 30 who have not been issued a horse passport, will also have a microchip implanted." [A horse's passport, fer Chrissake!]


Legal eagle too grand to pay a bill if it is "peanuts": A Gold Coast small businessman has taken court action against a magistrate over a disputed $75 bill for a service call for a faulty dictating machine. Office equipment supplier Alf Mitmannsgruber became incensed when Southport magistrate Kerry Magee, who earns $262,590 a year, for 12 months failed to pay the bill. So he had her served with a minor debt claim by one of her own bailiffs at the Southport courthouse. Three weeks later, he received his money, plus legal costs. He said he made a service call to her Southport chambers, collecting the faulty dictating machine and leaving a spare one. But he found the machine needed a new circuit board and his $252 repair quote was rejected. He left an invoice for $75 for the service call, diagnosis and relief machine – but the bill remained unpaid more than 12 months later. Last month, Mr Mitmannsgruber received a cheque for the $75, plus $86.50 in costs. The cheque listed Ms Magee as an account holder, along with other barristers. Peter Morrow, of the Southport Barristers' Chambers, said Ms Magee was not personally responsible for the debt but the chambers had agreed to pay it to avoid litigation. "We're talking peanuts here. Mr Mitmannsgruber has got his money," Mr Morrow said."




Black woman strolls along British train line, bringing services to a halt: "These dramatic images capture the scene as a woman casually strolls on to main line rail tracks on her way home from shopping. She seemed oblivious to the potential dangers of walking along the line where high-speed trains regularly pass. Fortunately for the unidentified 38-year-old, the alarm was raised and services halted. The unnamed woman, who lives in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, is thought to have walked off the platform at Bristol Parkway Station just after 9am on Saturday. She then strolled for 650m along the track eastwards towards Winterbourne before a cross-country train driver picked her up at 9.20am. Train services in the area were halted between 9am and 9.30am, causing travel chaos for thousands of passengers. A British Transport Police spokesman has confirmed they are investigating the incident and revealed that the woman involved was not in a disturbed state. He said: 'Nine times out of ten when you find people on the tracks it is down to mental health issues but as far as we know this woman wasn't in a distressed state. 'After she was taken back to the platform by a train driver our officers escorted her on another train to her home in Cheltenham. 'We have now reported her to the Crown Prosecution Service for trespassing and the case is in the hands of the prosecutors.'


Moron act of the day: "A GROUP of larrikins discover why you should not light a firecracker that's wedged between your legs. Watch the video but don't try this at home. The YouTube video Firework Nutshot Fail shows a man perched between two cars with a firework attached to his crotch. His mate lights another firework under him and the inevitable happens. The man could be in the running for a Darwin Award". See the video here


China: Man digs 50ft hole to fish — in his kitchen: “Li Huiyan, of Chongqing, hired 30 villagers for six months to dig the hole in his kitchen, reports IC Media. He wanted to reach an underground river which he suspected was full of fish. The river had been over ground but had disappeared 30 years ago when the local authorities bombed part of a mountain to pave a road. Li explained: ‘The river used to have so many fish, and by simply putting a net there, hundreds of fish would be caught.’ After digging his pit down to the river, Li installed a fishing net across it and regularly hauls out fish, so far earning his family nearly £2,000.”




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 2:46 PM

 


Another oldie but goldie

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'

'G! o! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My! grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this re ligious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma





THE NEWS

Zimmer frame gang 'tortures adviser' who lost $4 million: "A group of wealthy pensioners has been accused of kidnapping and torturing a financial adviser who lost about $4 million of their savings. The pensioners, nicknamed the "Geritol Gang" by German police after an arthritis drug, face up to 15 years in jail if found guilty of subjecting German-American James Amburn to the alleged four-day ordeal. Two of them are said to have hit him with a Zimmer frame outside his home in Speyer, western Germany, before he was bound with duct tape, bundled into the boot of an Audi A8 and driven 300 miles (483 kilometres) to a home on the shores of a popular holiday lake in Bavaria. During his alleged confinement in an unheated cellar, Mr Amburn, 56, claims he was burned with cigarettes, beaten, had two ribs broken, was hit with a chair leg and chained up "like an animal".... "I was led into the cellar," recalled Mr Amburn, who also has a home in Florida. "I saw a folding bed and a WC reserved for me. They immediately went on about their money. I told them what I had told them before, that due to market conditions, unfortunately it was gone. "I was struck. Again and again they threatened to kill me. The fear of death was indescribable." He then told them that he could pay them back if he sold some securities in Switzerland and they agreed to let him send a fax to a bank there. He scribbled a plea for help on the bottom of the paper. "It was disguised as a policy," he said. "I wrote 'call. po-lice' and they didn't notice it."... In the meantime, an employee at the Swiss bank spotted the message and telephoned police in Germany. Armed commandos stormed the house in the early hours of Saturday morning."


Terrified passengers told to balance plane: "Passengers have revealed their horror at being told to sit at the back of a plane to balance it out. Terrified by the request, 71 tourists refused to board the Thomas Cook flight from Majorca, in the Mediterranean, to Newcastle, UK. According to the airline, a jammed hold door meant that bags could only be loaded at one end, making the plane nose-heavy and necessitating the balancing request. Adding to travellers' concern, in-coming passengers reportedly warned them not to board the plane as it was “the worst flight they had ever had”. Passenger Dave Charlton, from Northumberland, UK, said he was terrified by the look on the faces of the people getting off the plane and decided not to board it. “People were kissing on the ground and putting their hands together like they were praying,” Mr Charlton told the UK’s Daily Mail. “When people are getting off the plane saying, 'Don't get on' and we'd been told there was a fault with it, there was no way we would get on. It's just not worth the risk.” The plane returned to Newcastle, UK, with 115 [trusting] passengers onboard."


Tattooists 'required to stimulate genital area': "Two Melbourne tattooists who sexually assaulted girls while performing genital piercings have avoided immediate jail time. Dandenong tattooist Mark Andrew Ford, 50, told two girls aged 13 and 15 that his brother Gregory Alan Ford, 53, could carry out the genital piercings they wanted, the Victorian County Court was told. In order to perform the piercings, Gregory Ford was required to stimulate the genital area for several minutes, the court heard. Neither of men asked the girls how old they were. Both men pleaded guilty to two counts of sexual penetration of a child under 16. Sentencing the pair, Judge Wendy Wilmoth, said the sexual penetration of a child was a very serious offence. "In this unusual case, the penetration of each child was carried out at the child's request, and in pursuit of something which might be called a fashion or a fad," Judge Wilmoth said. "A child under 16 years is, of course, incapable in law of consenting to such a procedure." Judge Wilmoth noted the offences happened in 2001 and 2007 respectively and the Ford's business Tattoo City no longer performed intimate piercings, regardless of the age of the customer. She sentenced the men to two years and six months in prison, wholly suspended for three years."


US airlines 'have the worst food in the world': "It's official - US airlines have the worst food or any carrier in the entire world. American Airlines, United Airlines and U.S. Airways were voted the worst in a survey by SeatGuru.com. However, airlines such as Singapore and Air France were voting in having the best in-flight meals. Singapore Airlines, which flies its luxury mega-jumbo out of Sydney each day was voted the best food and most comfortable. The only stand-out US carrier was Continental, which was voted as having good in-flight fare and comfortable seats. United, American and US Airways also were cited for having the least comfortable economy-class seats and the rudest flight attendants."


Hawaiian fire station catches fire after lunch error: "Firefighters in Hawaii have been embarrassed to find their own station alight after one left his lunch cooking on the stove to help at a car crash. The unit near Waipahu was helping at a car crash were called back to the station when the kitchen caught fire, the Honolulu Advertiser reports. The fire caused about $30,000 in damage and the humbled firefighters say it shows no-one is immune to making mistakes that cause fires."




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 4:19 PM

 


Academic phrases - translated...

Sometimes we all need a little help understanding academic speak. So for those struggling to understand your professors, this may help, courtesy of The Student Affairs Blog. Let's start with:

1) "In my experience..." (Once.)

2) "In case after case..." (Twice.)

3) "In a series of cases..." (Thrice.)

Go on to...

"It is believed that..." (I think.)

Make it crystal clear with:

"It is generally believed..." (A couple of others think so, too.)

"Correct within an Order of Magnitude..." (Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.)

"It has long been known..." (I didn't look up the original reference.)

And my favourites:

"Three of the examples were chosen for detailed study..." (The other results didn't make sense.)

"Typical results are shown below..." (This one made the prettiest bar chart.)

"A highly significant area for exploratory study..." (A totally useless topic selected by my academic degree committee)

"Additional study will be required for a more complete understanding of this phenomenon..." (I didn't understand this, and probably never will.)

Originally here





THE NEWS

An important warning: "After signing up with a Hawaiian horse ranch for a mounted tour of a steep mountain trail, Dr Phelps' medical expertise was called into play when the tour guide's horse buckled and fell over and the young rider was catapulted from her mount. "She landed heavily on the side of her head," Dr Phelps told Confidential yesterday. "I saw the horse crumble and the guide fell badly. I was directly behind her and already making a mental checklist of her potential injuries before she had landed." Dr Phelps said the guide was distressed and complaining of head and neck pain. "She was also very confused. At the very least she had a bad concussion." Phelps administered first aid and immobilised the woman before calling 911 and requesting paramedics attend. The fire brigade was the first to arrive at the scene but Phelps refused to let them move the injured woman. "Too many paraplegics become paraplegics because they are not immobilised. Unqualified people shouldn't be permitted to touch them. The injuries sustained by people like (actor) Christopher Reeve could be avoided in a lot of cases," she said. When paramedics arrived, Phelps stepped aside and allowed the woman to be moved, on a spinal board. Phelps was informed that the guide spent a number of days in hospital before being discharged and has taken leave from her job".




Speedy garbage bin: "Newsbreaker David Jones said he was dumbfounded and had to get his camera out to take photos when he noticed the Holden Commodore towing a wheelie bin as it overtook his mate's vehicle on the Stuart Highway, south of Katherine on Wednesday. "We thought it was hilarious," he said. "It was an 80kmh zone and she just flew past us. But then the bin started to wobble and lost a tyre. "It was dragging along for ages and left marks all over the road. There were bits of rubbish flying everywhere. "She then obviously realised something was wrong and pulled over." "Who knows what she was doing, maybe it was a prank," he said. "But we had only passed a rubbish dump sign moments earlier so maybe she had just been to the dump."


CO: Woman faces eviction for Easter decorations: “An attorney for a 59-year-old woman says his client should not be forced to leave her apartment in Boulder County, Colo., because of Easter decorations. … Pineau said his client was informed by her landlord several days after Easter that her door decorations, which included Peep marshmallow candies and bunny stickers, needed to be removed. After Burdick refused, apartment managers posted a notice outlining a lease provision mandating residents keep their living areas clean and sanitary, the attorney said. ‘They’re calling her decorations garbage,’ Pineau alleged.”




Cruise liner weighing 122,000 tonnes squeezes along river with inches to spare: "A 37m-wide cruise ship to due enter service in Southampton has squeezed along a river in Germany with just inches to spare. The 2,850-guest Celebrity Equinox dwarfed the River Ems in Germany as it passed through the locks backwards. At its tightest point along the course, there were just four metres – not enough room to park a London black cab – between each side of the 317m-long, 37m-wide ship and the riverbank. It was en-route from shipbuilder Meyer Werft in Papenburg, Germany, to Eemshaven, Netherlands where it will undergo trials before arriving in Southampton for its launch. Celebrity Cruises plan to put the 122,000 tonnes liner into service from July 31.
Captain Apostolos Bouzakis had to wait until high tide, calm winds and the right tidal barriers before embarking on the tricky journey yesterday and said: "The conveyance is an interesting challenge for any captain. "The limited space available for navigation, the nature of sailing in reverse and the number of locks and bridges to traverse are all factors that cruise ship captains normally do not have to contend with."



And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 1:50 PM

 


Two advertisements from the 1930s









THE NEWS

Footballer flashes penis on television: "Football officials in Tasmania are investigating an incident where a player exposed himself during a live TV broadcast. The Mercury reports AFL Tasmania and Clarence Football club are investigating the incident involving Clarence reserves player Tim Orchard. Orchard was filmed exposing his penis in the background as senior player Ben Setchell was being interviewed live on ABC TV in the changerooms after Clarence's win over South Launceston at Bellerive Oval on Saturday. Orchard was fully clothed in his club jacket and pants at the time. An embarrassed and angry Clarence president Richard Mulligan said the player would front a sub-committee today. "We unreservedly apologise for any offence that may have been occasioned by the inappropriate action of the player concerned," Mr Mulligan said."




A magnificent flying machine: "Sweeping majestically through the sky 6,000 feet above the Cotswolds in Gloucestershire - this is the world's last flying Vulcan returning to its base at RAF Brize Norton in Oxfordshire after finishing its first public display since Mail on Sunday readers helped to save it from being grounded for ever. Many thought the day would never come. But when it howled over 60,000 awestruck spectators last Sunday, its pilot Martin Withers realised that he and his colleagues had achieved an unlikely dream. Manoeuvring the delta-wing bomber to an altitude of just 300ft for a spectacular and noisy 350mph flypast across RAF Cosford in Shropshire, he was thrilled that the record crowd at the air show could share his exhilaration. It was the first public display by the world’s last flying Vulcan since a campaign by this newspaper helped to save it from being grounded for ever. More than was £500,000 needed by the Vulcan To The Sky Trust to maintain the 50-year-old aircraft was raised in just five days after we highlighted its plight three months ago. But there was more nail-biting before the Manchester-built aircraft, Britain’s most potent nuclear deterrent during the Cold War, was declared airworthy by the Civil Aviation Authority. Earlier this month it was feared that rust was eating through its four Rolls-Royce Olympus turbojet engines. Engineers eventually gave them the all-clear."


"Flexitarians" sneak meat into diet: "Karen Fornito thinks meat tastes like blood and will only eat it if it's ''disguised'' as spaghetti bolognese or on a Hawaiian pizza. She takes the vegetarian option at weddings and foodie functions, but will have well-cooked chicken a couple of times a week and a slice of turkey at Christmas - she doesn't strictly abide by the vego rules - she's a flexitarian. "It all tastes like blood," she said of her distaste for the product. And, while she is happy to cook most meat for her family of six, she won't go near pork. "I can't stand the smell," she says. There is a theory common among flexitarians that fish and chicken don't count as meat. Some go for the veg-aquarian guide of consuming marine life only, others go by the "if it has a face, don't eat it" rule and some, like Fornito, will take meat in wolf's clothing. "The mince and ham are heavily processed and usually disguised in a sauce or in a pizza, so I don't really notice them, they just add flavour to the dish," she says."


Love at first sight a myth: "S0 you believe in love at first sight? Well forget it, says an expert who insists the myth of love at first sight is untrue. Psychiatrist and relationships expert Gordon Livingston says it's "mindless" to think you've found "the one" after making eye contact with that random guy on the train, or the girl who made your coffee and he said the myth is also to blame for many unhappy relationships and failed marriages. "It's impossible to make those kind of judgments until you really know someone," Livingston said from his home in Maryland, US. "There's certainly such thing as attraction at first sight, and in retrospect you (may) have been right that this was the person, but often those initial chemical surges betray us." He said society and advertising portray a certain look as being "beautiful", but this can mislead us and confuse our ability to make decisions about potential partners. "We're automatically drawn to (those deemed beautiful) on an almost instinctual basis but they may not have those inner qualities that make for satisfying marriage," he said. "This is why it's so important to know somebody. In his new book, How to Love, Livingston explains the key to a long-lasting loving relationship is finding a person who possesses most of what he calls the 10 "essential virtues" - kindness, optimism, courage, loyalty, tolerance, flexibility, beauty, humour, honesty and intelligence. He says a fulfilling relationship is achieved by picking the right partner in the first place, rather than learning to deal with differences".




And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go.


posted by bussorah at 2:35 PM